Master Gracie
Mouseketeer
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2004
- Messages
- 455
Ok, let me start here by asking a question of the men who may find themselves reading this chapter of my report. Is it just me, or does this happen to you guys as well. Why
oh why
is it never a quick and painless process when you have to make that "special" purchase?
I can take a shopping list a mile long and get in and out of the store in less than 10 minutes. It doesn't matter if I have to find rare Belgian river mussels at a K-Mart, 10 minutes or less. But no not when it is that "special" purchase. Take the following true story, not that all my stories aren't true we've had this discussion before, as proof. Today, on my way home, aside from bringing home dinner, I had to make a stop at the Southern Mecca. I am of course speaking of Wal-Mart, that paragon of low prices. We needed milk, deodorant, contact solution, and hair gel. I'm driving to the store, listening to the radio, happy as a clam. Why do people say that? How do you know that clams are happy? If I am not mistaken, the clam is a close relative of the oyster. Oysters, as we all recall, spend their time getting small grains of sand caught in their privates and remain irritated long enough to make a pearl. It's not in the top 100 career choices. But then, perhaps there is my answer. The clam is happy because it is not, in fact, an oyster and is spared the whole genital irritation. That would make me pretty happy. So, back to the story. I'm on my way to the store, happy as a clam, free from any potential pearls, and I get "the" call.
It is my wife, asking me whether or not I had left Wal-Mart yet. "Noooo ", I say knowing that something was about to be added to the list and fearing the worst. "Well, I need you to pick up some pads for me, or I'm going to be in trouble", which translates into "pick up some pads for me or you're going to be in trouble." Knowing that Scuba Steve would think less of me as a man, but having no real option, cause as the ol' saying goes, "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy", I agreed. I hope you guys will see that I had no choice. I would have rather said, "I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request", I love that movie, but I wanted a peaceful evening, so I said yes. Consider this my confession and I will agree to any penance Scuba Steve decides is fit.
Anyway, the call ends and now I am no longer happy. Give me the sand any day. I don't know what it is about the purchase that is such a big deal. I don't embarrass easily at all. I'm a big guy, so I'm not afraid of being made fun of, but when it comes time to make the purchase, it seems that everyone looks at you a little funny.
I arrive and the following are the highs and lows of the buying experience.
Pull into the parking lot and psych myself up for the quick in and out dash.
Power-walk in and get all the other items first. As any self respecting guy will tell you, when you are in a store to make the purchase, the "package" is NEVER the first one you pick up. It is the last, so as to minimize the time it is actually in your hand.
Take a deep breath and plunge into the feminine hygiene aisle.
Now I have been given specific instructions as to the brand, type, and size of the desired package, complete with necessary accoutrements. Heaven forbid I forget the "wings". Get to the correct space in the aisle.
No one has noticed yet that is good.
Brand, Always good.
Wings good.
Ultra thin ultra thin WHERE IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND RIGHT IS ULTRA THIN?!?!?!?
So now there is a dilemma. Move some of them around and see if ultra thin is hiding, or call and stand there for 5 minutes while my wife decides if another kind will do.
Move them about a bit, find ultra thin GOOD.
Hold the package surreptitiously and proceed to the exit.
Now, I have decided on a plan before I ever entered the store. I am going to use the self checkout, thus making sure that I am the only one actually there when the purchase is made.
Self checkout .good.
Placing self checkout on the opposite side of the Super Wal-Mart from the feminine hygiene aisle bad.
So I make the trek to the self checkout, which is still better than having to hand the package to a girl.
First item scanned is, of course, the package. Ok sigh deeply it is over. Ring up all the other items. Pull out the credit card to pay. Try to locate the swiping device. Hmm maybe it is behind this handmade sign that says "Cash Only." Uh-oh.
Quickly glance at the total. $32.
Get nervous and check wallet. $10.
Mentally assess my chances of making a break with my purchases and getting away before a plain clothesed cop catches me not good. Especially as I am sure that would make the news.
Local man caught fleeing the Wal-Mart with feminine hygiene products, film at 11.
Ok, so I go to the cashier whose job it is to make sure we actually pay whilst using the self checkout, tell her of my mistake, ask if I can cancel the purchase and move to another self checkout.
Sure, she replies .good.
I breathe another sigh of relief .until she decides to be helpful. I'll just ring those up here on my register for you, she says. You don't have to, I say desperately. It's really no bother, she says annoyingly. And then proceeds to pull the items from the bag and scan them one by one. Now I'm sure that it was just my imagination, but she seemed to get slower and slower as she neared the bottom of the bag and the package. All in all, she was very professional about it and I'm sure I didn't hear her snicker as she tried repeatedly to get the package to scan. It finally cooperated, I paid and fled the premises.
So guys is it me, or do you think that the universe is slanted against us when we have to make the purchase?
Now, you came here for a trip report, not a two and a half page thesis on the quirks of buying pads. So shall we begin?
Day 3
This would be Magic Kingdom day. Jennifer's favorite.
We begin this day the same as the last, up earlier than I would like, rouse my lovely wife, count my fingers 10 all here, whew breakfast of pop-tarts three choruses of "the bus is gonna leave us" by spiderman, and we're off.
Evidently breakfasting took us a little longer this day than the last cause when we got to the bus stop, the crowd was immense. I thought for a moment and suggested that maybe we could drive to the park. That idea was rejected cause the van still had the alluring fragrance of Puke by Chase.
So we decided to take the bus to MGM, then the bus to the TTC, and finally the Monorail to MK. Thus what would have been a 30 minute wait for a bus, ended up being an hour and 15 minute wait to actually get in the park. This was ok though, cause Kristie wanted to ride the Monorail and would not have gotten to otherwise. She thought it was an actual ride and not a mode of transportation. So her excitement level was pretty high, til we ride the monorail. That wasn't as fun a ride as I remember, she said.
We get to MK, get through security, and proceed to the area below the train station. You know, those little tunnels where you can grab a park map? We waited here while Bryan went to get a stroller. Now the boys were fairly excited today as this was the day they would see the most characters. They reasoned that this was where they actually lived. The other parks were just where they went to get out of the house. Who can argue with that?
They were telling us who all they would see that day.
Deston came up with Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Timon, Puumba, Pluto, and Donald.
Spiderman went with Hook it's that crime-fighting nature of his. Always keep an eye on the bad guy.
Chase came up with Goofy, Peter Pan, Simba, Aladdin, and my personal favorite Snow White and the Seven Drawers. That's right drawers. I'll have you know that I emitted only the slightest chuckle so as not to scar the child emotionally but I was dying inside. I guess when you're a princess, you have a lot of clothes and need the storage space.
Now as I said earlier, they were pretty excited and Chase was running around us being a hyper boy and we were trying to get him to calm down. He finally listened to us and decided to be calm. He walked over beside Louise, folded his arms behind him, leaned back against the plywood that was shielding the construction there from the guests, and promptly fell through.
Of all the sheets of plywood that were there, all joined together will nails, Chase finds the two that are loose. It's a gift. After we profusely apologize to the shocked workers that were now exposed to the world, we made our way to Main Street to meet Bryan with the stroller.
We decided the first order of business was Toon Town and headed that way quickly. I headed to grab fastpasses for Pooh (the ride, not the substance) while they went in and saw Mickey and then headed to the Judge's tent to see Donald, Goofy, and Pluto. By this time I could grab more FPs so I went to Peter Pan. They tell me that this particular incarnation of Goofy was much less scary than the other. The guy from ESPN would have been proud.
Next was the Tea Cups. You'll have to go with me on this one, as I have no visual aids, but one of the funniest things I have ever seen is a 5 year old and a 3 year old, trying to look at everything going by and not being able to sit up straight, much less see. The Tea Cups were loved by all.
We rode Pooh, Chase did well, and by then it was time to head to Peter Pan. Actually it was a little past time. Not sure of the exact numbers, but it was around 12:30 and our initial time was 12:05. We get in the fastpass line and it appears to be standing still. I find this a bit odd. Even on Peter Pan, I expect the end of the fastpass line to not be out the front of the ride. We stand there for a couple of minutes and I realize that the CM taking the fast pass tickets is not letting anyone through. Curious. Then he tells the people in the front of the line that they can get in in 10 more minutes. Ahh they are earlier than their fastpass time. I pass them and tell him our time was 12:05 and he lets us through. I tell you all that, to tell you this. As our crew was being allowed past, I heard the lady at the front of the line say, "If they weren't here for their time they just missed out. They should have to get another ticket." Excuse me. I am not, by any means, a rocket scientist, but I know enough to learn about a particular thing before commenting on it. We were well within our window, just not there at the initial time. You don't have to be there at the initial time that's why there is a second time. Isn't it funny how that works. She was lucky that we had children with us, or I may have been tempted to discuss with her the finer points of minding ones own business.
After the lovely flight over London, which we love incidentally the actual city been there twice and adore it, we headed toward Buzz as I had gotten FPs for this earlier while the rest of the family was waiting in line for Dumbo 45 minutes no joke, and I had a revelation.
I humbly apologize to all those in my past trips to WDW who have been pushing strollers, ran into me, and I had nasty thoughts about. All you people that think people pushing strollers are rude and thoughtless should try it sometime. People cut in front of me when there was no space there at all. Not saying that on previous trips I cut in front of people, just that I saw them basically pushing their way through and thought ill of them for it. Now I know that they had no choice. I am duly humbled.
We rode Buzz and I came out a Galactic Hero with the requisite 999,999 points. Due in no small part to the fact that the ride stopped for no less than 3 minutes. That's a lot of time to rack up points.
The universe saved, it was time for our Character lunch at Crystal Palace. Let me say, if you have never eaten here, you should. The food is plentiful, as is only proper at a buffet, but it is also very good. The prime rib was tender and flavorful, as was pretty much everything we had there. Very good. The kids loved the characters who all received a kiss on the nose from Spiderman. Not everyone can say that.
After leaving CP and catching the last couple of minutes of the 3:00 parade, we headed into Adventure land. I'm sure you all know about the totems the ones that spray water on unsuspecting passersby? Deston did not. He walked past looking at them and when he turned his head, promptly got sprayed in the back. Chase thought this was the funniest thing he had ever seen. Laughed loud and long. That is until, in his fit of mirth, he neglected to move and got sprayed in the crotch. Hilarity ensued. We took a spin on Aladdin's Carpets, hit Pirates (Chase did well), and made our way toward Haunted Mansion. Jennifer and I thought this was a mistake. Although Chase had been doing well, why tempt fate. Ultimately though, he made it through fine. I guess, with a couple of notable exceptions which I will note at the appropriate time, I will stop commenting on Chase and the rides he did well.
Carl, Louise, Chase, and Spiderman headed to watch the Country Bear Jamboree and me, Jennifer, Kristie, Bryan, and Deston headed to Big Thunder Mountain. We love this ride and hit it at least 3 times every trip. A quick trip through the briar patch with Brer Rabbit on Splash, and we headed to meet back up with the others.
The last thing we rode this day was Small World. Jennifer and I missed it in February when we came, so we were looking forward to seeing it after its renovation. As we were standing in line, Spiderman decided he wanted to ride this with me and his daddy. So off we went into the land of singing dolls, Spiderman in the middle and us on either end. Let me say this, if you get tired of Small World, ride it with a 3 year old for his first time. His eyes were as big as saucers. Every thing we passed, he pointed out. Look at that! Look at that! Look at that! in his best 3 year old voice. He was enthralled. Reminded me of the first time I rode with Jennifer, which was her first time since she was little. She pointed out everything too. It's times like these that make being the family Jungle Gym (or is it Jim?) worth while. If nothing else, seeing the look on Trent's face while riding Small World made this trip worth it.
I'll leave you with that before I get any more sentimental. Not to mention that nothing else happened but the bus ride back oh yeah, and we stepped on all the lights, so the world is safe for one more day.
I can take a shopping list a mile long and get in and out of the store in less than 10 minutes. It doesn't matter if I have to find rare Belgian river mussels at a K-Mart, 10 minutes or less. But no not when it is that "special" purchase. Take the following true story, not that all my stories aren't true we've had this discussion before, as proof. Today, on my way home, aside from bringing home dinner, I had to make a stop at the Southern Mecca. I am of course speaking of Wal-Mart, that paragon of low prices. We needed milk, deodorant, contact solution, and hair gel. I'm driving to the store, listening to the radio, happy as a clam. Why do people say that? How do you know that clams are happy? If I am not mistaken, the clam is a close relative of the oyster. Oysters, as we all recall, spend their time getting small grains of sand caught in their privates and remain irritated long enough to make a pearl. It's not in the top 100 career choices. But then, perhaps there is my answer. The clam is happy because it is not, in fact, an oyster and is spared the whole genital irritation. That would make me pretty happy. So, back to the story. I'm on my way to the store, happy as a clam, free from any potential pearls, and I get "the" call.
It is my wife, asking me whether or not I had left Wal-Mart yet. "Noooo ", I say knowing that something was about to be added to the list and fearing the worst. "Well, I need you to pick up some pads for me, or I'm going to be in trouble", which translates into "pick up some pads for me or you're going to be in trouble." Knowing that Scuba Steve would think less of me as a man, but having no real option, cause as the ol' saying goes, "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy", I agreed. I hope you guys will see that I had no choice. I would have rather said, "I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request", I love that movie, but I wanted a peaceful evening, so I said yes. Consider this my confession and I will agree to any penance Scuba Steve decides is fit.
Anyway, the call ends and now I am no longer happy. Give me the sand any day. I don't know what it is about the purchase that is such a big deal. I don't embarrass easily at all. I'm a big guy, so I'm not afraid of being made fun of, but when it comes time to make the purchase, it seems that everyone looks at you a little funny.
I arrive and the following are the highs and lows of the buying experience.
Pull into the parking lot and psych myself up for the quick in and out dash.
Power-walk in and get all the other items first. As any self respecting guy will tell you, when you are in a store to make the purchase, the "package" is NEVER the first one you pick up. It is the last, so as to minimize the time it is actually in your hand.
Take a deep breath and plunge into the feminine hygiene aisle.
Now I have been given specific instructions as to the brand, type, and size of the desired package, complete with necessary accoutrements. Heaven forbid I forget the "wings". Get to the correct space in the aisle.
No one has noticed yet that is good.
Brand, Always good.
Wings good.
Ultra thin ultra thin WHERE IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND RIGHT IS ULTRA THIN?!?!?!?
So now there is a dilemma. Move some of them around and see if ultra thin is hiding, or call and stand there for 5 minutes while my wife decides if another kind will do.
Move them about a bit, find ultra thin GOOD.
Hold the package surreptitiously and proceed to the exit.
Now, I have decided on a plan before I ever entered the store. I am going to use the self checkout, thus making sure that I am the only one actually there when the purchase is made.
Self checkout .good.
Placing self checkout on the opposite side of the Super Wal-Mart from the feminine hygiene aisle bad.
So I make the trek to the self checkout, which is still better than having to hand the package to a girl.
First item scanned is, of course, the package. Ok sigh deeply it is over. Ring up all the other items. Pull out the credit card to pay. Try to locate the swiping device. Hmm maybe it is behind this handmade sign that says "Cash Only." Uh-oh.
Quickly glance at the total. $32.
Get nervous and check wallet. $10.
Mentally assess my chances of making a break with my purchases and getting away before a plain clothesed cop catches me not good. Especially as I am sure that would make the news.
Local man caught fleeing the Wal-Mart with feminine hygiene products, film at 11.
Ok, so I go to the cashier whose job it is to make sure we actually pay whilst using the self checkout, tell her of my mistake, ask if I can cancel the purchase and move to another self checkout.
Sure, she replies .good.
I breathe another sigh of relief .until she decides to be helpful. I'll just ring those up here on my register for you, she says. You don't have to, I say desperately. It's really no bother, she says annoyingly. And then proceeds to pull the items from the bag and scan them one by one. Now I'm sure that it was just my imagination, but she seemed to get slower and slower as she neared the bottom of the bag and the package. All in all, she was very professional about it and I'm sure I didn't hear her snicker as she tried repeatedly to get the package to scan. It finally cooperated, I paid and fled the premises.
So guys is it me, or do you think that the universe is slanted against us when we have to make the purchase?
Now, you came here for a trip report, not a two and a half page thesis on the quirks of buying pads. So shall we begin?
Day 3
This would be Magic Kingdom day. Jennifer's favorite.
We begin this day the same as the last, up earlier than I would like, rouse my lovely wife, count my fingers 10 all here, whew breakfast of pop-tarts three choruses of "the bus is gonna leave us" by spiderman, and we're off.
Evidently breakfasting took us a little longer this day than the last cause when we got to the bus stop, the crowd was immense. I thought for a moment and suggested that maybe we could drive to the park. That idea was rejected cause the van still had the alluring fragrance of Puke by Chase.
So we decided to take the bus to MGM, then the bus to the TTC, and finally the Monorail to MK. Thus what would have been a 30 minute wait for a bus, ended up being an hour and 15 minute wait to actually get in the park. This was ok though, cause Kristie wanted to ride the Monorail and would not have gotten to otherwise. She thought it was an actual ride and not a mode of transportation. So her excitement level was pretty high, til we ride the monorail. That wasn't as fun a ride as I remember, she said.
We get to MK, get through security, and proceed to the area below the train station. You know, those little tunnels where you can grab a park map? We waited here while Bryan went to get a stroller. Now the boys were fairly excited today as this was the day they would see the most characters. They reasoned that this was where they actually lived. The other parks were just where they went to get out of the house. Who can argue with that?
They were telling us who all they would see that day.
Deston came up with Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Timon, Puumba, Pluto, and Donald.
Spiderman went with Hook it's that crime-fighting nature of his. Always keep an eye on the bad guy.
Chase came up with Goofy, Peter Pan, Simba, Aladdin, and my personal favorite Snow White and the Seven Drawers. That's right drawers. I'll have you know that I emitted only the slightest chuckle so as not to scar the child emotionally but I was dying inside. I guess when you're a princess, you have a lot of clothes and need the storage space.
Now as I said earlier, they were pretty excited and Chase was running around us being a hyper boy and we were trying to get him to calm down. He finally listened to us and decided to be calm. He walked over beside Louise, folded his arms behind him, leaned back against the plywood that was shielding the construction there from the guests, and promptly fell through.
Of all the sheets of plywood that were there, all joined together will nails, Chase finds the two that are loose. It's a gift. After we profusely apologize to the shocked workers that were now exposed to the world, we made our way to Main Street to meet Bryan with the stroller.
We decided the first order of business was Toon Town and headed that way quickly. I headed to grab fastpasses for Pooh (the ride, not the substance) while they went in and saw Mickey and then headed to the Judge's tent to see Donald, Goofy, and Pluto. By this time I could grab more FPs so I went to Peter Pan. They tell me that this particular incarnation of Goofy was much less scary than the other. The guy from ESPN would have been proud.
Next was the Tea Cups. You'll have to go with me on this one, as I have no visual aids, but one of the funniest things I have ever seen is a 5 year old and a 3 year old, trying to look at everything going by and not being able to sit up straight, much less see. The Tea Cups were loved by all.
We rode Pooh, Chase did well, and by then it was time to head to Peter Pan. Actually it was a little past time. Not sure of the exact numbers, but it was around 12:30 and our initial time was 12:05. We get in the fastpass line and it appears to be standing still. I find this a bit odd. Even on Peter Pan, I expect the end of the fastpass line to not be out the front of the ride. We stand there for a couple of minutes and I realize that the CM taking the fast pass tickets is not letting anyone through. Curious. Then he tells the people in the front of the line that they can get in in 10 more minutes. Ahh they are earlier than their fastpass time. I pass them and tell him our time was 12:05 and he lets us through. I tell you all that, to tell you this. As our crew was being allowed past, I heard the lady at the front of the line say, "If they weren't here for their time they just missed out. They should have to get another ticket." Excuse me. I am not, by any means, a rocket scientist, but I know enough to learn about a particular thing before commenting on it. We were well within our window, just not there at the initial time. You don't have to be there at the initial time that's why there is a second time. Isn't it funny how that works. She was lucky that we had children with us, or I may have been tempted to discuss with her the finer points of minding ones own business.
After the lovely flight over London, which we love incidentally the actual city been there twice and adore it, we headed toward Buzz as I had gotten FPs for this earlier while the rest of the family was waiting in line for Dumbo 45 minutes no joke, and I had a revelation.
I humbly apologize to all those in my past trips to WDW who have been pushing strollers, ran into me, and I had nasty thoughts about. All you people that think people pushing strollers are rude and thoughtless should try it sometime. People cut in front of me when there was no space there at all. Not saying that on previous trips I cut in front of people, just that I saw them basically pushing their way through and thought ill of them for it. Now I know that they had no choice. I am duly humbled.
We rode Buzz and I came out a Galactic Hero with the requisite 999,999 points. Due in no small part to the fact that the ride stopped for no less than 3 minutes. That's a lot of time to rack up points.
The universe saved, it was time for our Character lunch at Crystal Palace. Let me say, if you have never eaten here, you should. The food is plentiful, as is only proper at a buffet, but it is also very good. The prime rib was tender and flavorful, as was pretty much everything we had there. Very good. The kids loved the characters who all received a kiss on the nose from Spiderman. Not everyone can say that.
After leaving CP and catching the last couple of minutes of the 3:00 parade, we headed into Adventure land. I'm sure you all know about the totems the ones that spray water on unsuspecting passersby? Deston did not. He walked past looking at them and when he turned his head, promptly got sprayed in the back. Chase thought this was the funniest thing he had ever seen. Laughed loud and long. That is until, in his fit of mirth, he neglected to move and got sprayed in the crotch. Hilarity ensued. We took a spin on Aladdin's Carpets, hit Pirates (Chase did well), and made our way toward Haunted Mansion. Jennifer and I thought this was a mistake. Although Chase had been doing well, why tempt fate. Ultimately though, he made it through fine. I guess, with a couple of notable exceptions which I will note at the appropriate time, I will stop commenting on Chase and the rides he did well.
Carl, Louise, Chase, and Spiderman headed to watch the Country Bear Jamboree and me, Jennifer, Kristie, Bryan, and Deston headed to Big Thunder Mountain. We love this ride and hit it at least 3 times every trip. A quick trip through the briar patch with Brer Rabbit on Splash, and we headed to meet back up with the others.
The last thing we rode this day was Small World. Jennifer and I missed it in February when we came, so we were looking forward to seeing it after its renovation. As we were standing in line, Spiderman decided he wanted to ride this with me and his daddy. So off we went into the land of singing dolls, Spiderman in the middle and us on either end. Let me say this, if you get tired of Small World, ride it with a 3 year old for his first time. His eyes were as big as saucers. Every thing we passed, he pointed out. Look at that! Look at that! Look at that! in his best 3 year old voice. He was enthralled. Reminded me of the first time I rode with Jennifer, which was her first time since she was little. She pointed out everything too. It's times like these that make being the family Jungle Gym (or is it Jim?) worth while. If nothing else, seeing the look on Trent's face while riding Small World made this trip worth it.
I'll leave you with that before I get any more sentimental. Not to mention that nothing else happened but the bus ride back oh yeah, and we stepped on all the lights, so the world is safe for one more day.
I consider myself an emancipated man. Women operating the registers glance up and note that a fairly normal-looking guy was actually able to pick up a package of pads or tampons and not feel compelled to "over compensate" by also purchasing two cases of beer, a case of motor oil and a can of Turtle Wax. In the back of my mind I know, they want a guy just like me. 
That, or it's a residual effect from that brain removal process...
my wife. It was funny because he was very squeamish. He tried to scan them quickly but kept missing the barcode. 
