Maybe because I only have one girl but...

[threecrazykids]

Maybe I'm not understanding.

We have a neighbor who have sisters who are very close in age. Because the weather is really cruddy here today she invited the little girl (who is in her grade) over to play inside. The little girl called back and said that her mom said that if BOTH girls can't come play inside then neither of them could because it was mean to just invite 1 and not both. Each one of my boys also invited 1 neighborhood friend each and they do happen to be brothers but are not as close in age. However, I told them they could each invite 1 friend. If both of the sisters come in there just seems to be issues so I told her that if their mother says "both or none" then I'm sorry, but then neither could come.

Am I really in the wrong to do that? I know it's just one more child, no big deal...which isn't my point. I guess I just feel kind of put off in the sense that I'm sure if she's invited to stay over at a friends house of someone who is NOT a neighbor they surely don't make that rule of "both or neither".

Maybe I'm just not understanding because I only have 1 girl and not 2 that are just a year apart, but I really don't think this is right. Yet this little girl told my daughter that I was being really RUDE to not invite both, only one.

I feel bad now, but I really just wanted 1 friend per kid.

 

[hegsag]

Nope, you're not being rude! Three's a crowd - that's when the fighting starts ... two girls are great, four girls are great but three is a bad thing from my experience!

 

[Angelhalo]

Maybe I'm not understanding.

We have a neighbor who have sisters who are very close in age. Because the weather is really cruddy here today she invited the little girl (who is in her grade) over to play inside. The little girl called back and said that her mom said that if BOTH girls can't come play inside then neither of them could because it was mean to just invite 1 and not both. Each one of my boys also invited 1 neighborhood friend each and they do happen to be brothers but are not as close in age. However, I told them they could each invite 1 friend. If both of the sisters come in there just seems to be issues so I told her that if their mother says "both or none" then I'm sorry, but then neither could come.

Am I really in the wrong to do that? I know it's just one more child, no big deal...which isn't my point. I guess I just feel kind of put off in the sense that I'm sure if she's invited to stay over at a friends house of someone who is NOT a neighbor they surely don't make that rule of "both or neither".

Maybe I'm just not understanding because I only have 1 girl and not 2 that are just a year apart, but I really don't think this is right. Yet this little girl told my daughter that I was being really RUDE to not invite both, only one.

I feel bad now, but I really just wanted 1 friend per kid.

When we were little we had two sisters that lived behind us and I was never allowed to have just the girl over who was my age. They were only a couple of years apart so it wasn't a huge deal or anything. I got along with both of them ok but was really only interested in being friends with the girl who was closer to my age. But, their mother never let just one of them go anywhere it was always both or neither. The younger girl always felt sad and left out. She saw no reason why she couldn't be my friend too, so if I tried to invite the older girl without the younger one, I'd end up getting neither.

 

[Holly]

No. You weren't rude at all.


I have twins and we deal with only one or the other of them being invited places all the time. I don't expect other parents to know that I have twins and to invite them both to everything.

 

[1PrincessMomma1]

Generally we are a both or no one family but I would never tell someone that. I would just say sorry but the girls are playing together right now & if they say well both are invited then fine but otherwise I keep my mouth shut. My girls are BFF's so they prefer it that way anyway.

 

[mrsv98]

Nope, you're not being rude! Three's a crowd - that's when the fighting starts ... two girls are great, four girls are great but three is a bad thing from my experience!

ITA! Three girls is a very bad number and someone will be left out, then comes the drama and tears. I never understand the all or nothing demand, it seems like the mom was looking for some free childcare!

 

[marsha123]

your house ,your rules, i would only invite as many kids as i wanted to deal with.i do not like package deals . i would have said the sme thing.

 

[Phil'sFrontier]

I bet she does that for parties too. If one gets invited, the other one has to come...very annoying imho.
We had a kids christmas party here, our dd invited a boy from her class. His dad phones and asks if his younger brother can come too. My GF regretabley says OK, then he says, oh my 5y/o daughter would like too come too. No thanks we are not a daycare buddy...lol

 

[jrmasm]

Generally we are a both or no one family but I would never tell someone that. I would just say sorry but the girls are playing together right now & if they say well both are invited then fine but otherwise I keep my mouth shut. My girls are BFF's so they preferit that way anyway.

Why?

 

[threecrazykids]

ITA! Three girls is a very bad number and someone will be left out, then comes the drama and tears. I never understand the all or nothing demand, it seems like the mom was looking for some free childcare!

Nope, you're not being rude! Three's a crowd - that's when the fighting starts ... two girls are great, four girls are great but three is a bad thing from my experience!

This is exactly the issue...when both of them come then they all don't get along nearly as well when it's just one of them.

 

[JodyLynC]

Maybe I'm not understanding.

We have a neighbor who have sisters who are very close in age. Because the weather is really cruddy here today she invited the little girl (who is in her grade) over to play inside. The little girl called back and said that her mom said that if BOTH girls can't come play inside then neither of them could because it was mean to just invite 1 and not both. Each one of my boys also invited 1 neighborhood friend each and they do happen to be brothers but are not as close in age. However, I told them they could each invite 1 friend. If both of the sisters come in there just seems to be issues so I told her that if their mother says "both or none" then I'm sorry, but then neither could come.

Am I really in the wrong to do that? I know it's just one more child, no big deal...which isn't my point. I guess I just feel kind of put off in the sense that I'm sure if she's invited to stay over at a friends house of someone who is NOT a neighbor they surely don't make that rule of "both or neither".

Maybe I'm just not understanding because I only have 1 girl and not 2 that are just a year apart, but I really don't think this is right. Yet this little girl told my daughter that I was being really RUDE to not invite both, only one.

I feel bad now, but I really just wanted 1 friend per kid.

I have twin daughters who have different friends. Usually both get invited, but I am ok if only one is invited. They are okay with it, but only because I have explained to them that that's the way it is. They have different friends and may get different invitations.

 

[Piglets Mommy]

I agree that 3 girls can be a nightmare. BUT, I can kinda see the other Mom's point too....the girl who didn't get invited would probably be home, in tears, that she was left out. I would NEVER have told your DD it was rude to just invite one though, that is just RUDE, if you ask me!

 

[threecrazykids]

I agree that 3 girls can be a nightmare. BUT, I can kinda see the other Mom's point too....the girl who didn't get invited would probably be home, in tears, that she was left out. I would NEVER have told your DD it was rude to just invite one though, that is just RUDE, if you ask me!

And you've hit this exactly The mom doesn't want to probably deal with her not having someone there to play with. Which I do feel bad that the other sister would be left out, however if they all played together well I honestly wouldn't care if both came. The 2 sisters are the ones that don't get along when they come over not my daughter and either girl.

 

[JodyLynC]

Generally we are a both or no one family but I would never tell someone that. I would just say sorry but the girls are playing together right now & if they say well both are invited then fine but otherwise I keep my mouth shut. My girls are BFF's so they prefer it that way anyway.

My girls are BFFs, too, but like having their own friends outside of the family.

 

[disykat]

My sister and I are just one year apart and I don't get it. We each had our own friends and our own invitations - even in the neighborhood. We also had lots of joint invitations and joint friends. We always understood the difference.

Sure, there were times one of us was jealous of the other's invitations. That's just part of life. Pandering to it won't change it - it will just make it worse because you are legitimizing it IMO. It's sort of like saying "you should never ever get one drop less or more than your sister, and if you do, your job is to whine and carry on, because it's just not right!"

 

[MerMom60_94]

I agree that 3 girls can be a nightmare. BUT, I can kinda see the other Mom's point too....the girl who didn't get invited would probably be home, in tears, that she was left out. I would NEVER have told your DD it was rude to just invite one though, that is just RUDE, if you ask me!

I am thinking a lot of the child's reaction likely stems from the mother's reaction. The mother can tell her she is being left out or the mother can tell her "how wonderful, you and I get some one on one time. What would you like to do?"

OP, I don't think you are rude at all. It's a shame your neighbor is setting her daughters up to expect they will always be handled like a package deal going forward in life. She's setting them up for some disappointments.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Generally we are a both or no one family but I would never tell someone that. I would just say sorry but the girls are playing together right now & if they say well both are invited then fine but otherwise I keep my mouth shut. My girls are BFF's so they prefer it that way anyway.

That sounds odd! May I ask what the rational is? I do not get it.

Every child should be able to play with whomever and not have tag-a-longs. I would not make my children have the same friends.

 

[bookgirl]

I've got 10 1/2 year old twin nephews. All thier friends parent's know that they are NOT a package deal. Some do invite both, but honestly they are two completly different boys and thier friends reflect that, so they are not always interested in what the other twin is doing, besides they often don't get along amongst themselves and we would never subject a parent to that LOL. Sometimes it's a common friend and they take turns being invited over or they say why don't you come over here instead and then all three play together.

Heck even family members take turns going out with them. One week I'm eating sushi with D. and the next week I'm eating mexican with J. Sometimes they both are at dad's or aunts or grandparents and sometimes only one is there and the other stays home with mom. Much easier.

Neither one gets upset, just the opposite. Being the only twin at home or on an outing means they get one on one time with a friend or family and they love that.

 

[dogluva]

My oldest son had a friend who always had to have his brother with him. He was younger by about three years. My son hated it.

I vowed never to do this with my youngest two sons who are one year apart. Both my boys have their own friends and are always getting invited to other people's houses. I never would think of asking the other to go. It is nice for them to have their own friends and some time apart! They see enough of each other. I don't think it is fair to the kids either.

 

[Jennasis]

My mom used to force me to play with my younger sister, and bring her on "play-dates". I HATED it.