Master's degree...am I wrong to be put out?

[theycallmered]

When my husband received his PhD no one, other than my parents and his parents acknowledge his accomplishment. Neither his brother or my brothers did anything. The only announcement we sent out to extended family and friends was a postcard sent in conjunction to our move from MN to CA.

We felt a little put off when a few months later high school graduation announcements came rolling in for his cousins.

 

[LIDisneyFan]

I grew up in a family where HS, college graduations were 'announced' was considered in bad taste. The thought was....

If you are close to the person then you know. When you talk.email them they would prpobably say 'congratulation'

If you are not close to the person why would they care? Why would you?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I grew up in a family where HS, college graduations were 'announced' was considered in bad taste. The thought was....

If you are close to the person then you know. When you talk.email them they would prpobably say 'congratulation'

If you are not close to the person why would they care? Why would you?

Where I grew up you are expected to send out HS/college announcements, so the opposite of what you do.

However I adopted your philsophy when my dd graduated from HS. My mom was mad. She had to beg me to send pictures and annoucements to her brother and sister. I had no problem doing that of course. It is just weird how some people do things differently.

When my brother got his Masters in Chemistry, I said congrats when I saw him and that was it. He did not even go to the ceremony.

 

[MarkBarbieri]

When a relative graduates high school, I almost always send a gift or card. It's almost like a recognition of coming of age and they are at an age where that acknowledgement is important.

For college graduation, not so much. By that point, they are older and more mature. I assume that they don't need the constant praise and reinforcement that they did when they were younger.

For a post-graduate degree, I'd be inclined to send a e-mail congrats. It may have taken a lot of hard work, but I'm still not sure why I'd make a big deal out of it. We're talking about grown-ups now that are hitting milestones in their career. Should I expect huzzahs from my entire family when I get a promotion? when I get my first management position? When I retire? At some point in a person's life I think they need to generate their own internal sense of self worth and not rely on the praise of others. Perhaps that's an old fashion or curmudgeonly notion. It's the way I see things. It doesn't mean that I love my highly accomplished relatives any less. It just meanst that I don't see the need to a big show of praising them for things like post-graduate degrees.

If they win the Nobel prize, I'll be sure to write. And not just because that one comes with a big cash award.

 

[MarkBarbieri]

I should add that I have a friend that received his J.D. recently. Fortunately, he was able to keep it relatively hushed up, so no one thinkgs worse of him.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Not only would I not send out an announcement if I got a Master's, if I did, I wouldn't expect gifts or cards.

 

[We_Love_Disney]

Congratulations!​

You have accomplished something that makes you proud, as you should be. I am sorry that people did not, at the very least, acknowledge your announcement. I wish I could say I was surprised, but I am finding that in this age of instantaneous contact, people do not take the time to respond properly. Seems the more we can contact others the ruder we have all become. Just ask anyone that requested an RSVP lately.

I would have been on the telephone to my siblings! They had better congratulate me whether they mean it or not.

 

[arminnie]

My family celebrated high school graduations (which didn't always happen).

My brother graduated from high school within a week of my college graduation. I cannot tell you how many people came by with gifts for him and didn't even go to the effort to verbally acknowledge my graduation. I did not expect any gifts or even cards - but since I was the first family member ever to finish college I thought maybe someone would have said something. My brother and I would literally be standing side by side. I think this (college grad stuff) was so new to them that they didn't know what to do so they just ignored it.

I wasn't offended. I'd venture that most of these relatives actually liked me better than my brother.

Same thing with my MBA. Most of my relatives thought "business school" was where you go to learn typing and shorthand. They didn't really understand why I was doing that if I had a college degree. Dear sweet people though - they just had not had the hopportunity to access higher education.

 

[We_Love_Disney]

I'll never downplay the hardwork and accomplishment that an educational diploma or degree of a family member represents again. I don't care if they're getting their fourth doctorate.

Completely agree.

to those that would never or never did ;I don't understand what you are trying to accomplish by saying that. Do you want the OP to feel badly for making an announcement of her accomplishment or justify why the people she sent the announcements to are rude?

 

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

I wouldn't feel put off by non-responses or feel guilty about sending the announcments.

if I recieved an announcment in the mail I might take it as a sort-of just letting you know type of thing were no response was required, but then my family isn't big card senders.

I didn't even send out announcemnets when gaduated high school, I felt like those were done strictly as money grabs, or at least thats the way my classmates sounded.

my DW walks tommorow with her batchelors in accounting, she sent out announcments but only to her immidiate family because they wanted them as keepsakes and my wife was/is excited. she has always worked fulltime and took 2-4 classes a semester paying for it as she went along.

I'm excited not to be paying tuition any longer

 

[luvsJack]

No one is saying that it is easy, but who are the ones that should provide recognition? I am sure that you and your co-worker are working hard but it is for your benefit, not your relatives, friends and society as a whole.

I see sending announcements as nothing more than a gift or attention grab. Celebrate with your immediate family and let it go. Let's face it, your degree, my law degree, and your friend's doctorate aren't all that impressive to some and it is not incumbent on them to recognize personal achievements of others. It is great if some want to offer recognition, but I cannot hold it against those that do not.

So who is a high school graduation benefitting? Someone other than the graduate? But yet everyone seems to agree that its proper to recognize that graduation.

I didn't say that anyone should hold anything against anyone, I just think its sad that we don't take the time to recognize other's accomplishments. And my point was that it SHOULD be impressive to others.

I see an announcement as, just that, an announcement. You are letting me know that you crossed a milestone, accomplished something. I do not see it as a gift grab or attention seeking. I do see the thing being announced as something that DESERVES a congrats or flowers or a card or just a pat on the back.

 

[englishteacha]

Graduations are a big deal in our family, so I would be surprised if one went unnoticed. I will graduate with my Master's in Education this coming summer. I don't plan on marching, but a good friend is throwing me a party. I don't expect gifts, but I know family and friends will come and celebrate with us.

What really hurt me was when a person I thought was a best friend said that a Master's in Education wasn't a "real" degree. That was horribly hurtful.

 

[Minnie]

I earned an MBA - no graduation announcements were sent out and no congratulations were received outside my immediate family (who were awesome btw)

But that is to be expected IMO. So to answer your questions yes I do think it's wrong to feel "put out".

 

[Kimberly]

I earned an MBA - no graduation announcements were sent out and no congratulations were received outside my immediate family (who were awesome btw)

But that is to be expected IMO. So to answer your questions yes I do think it's wrong to feel "put out".

Same here... I told my parents about a year after I graduated. My mother just non-chalantly asked, and I told her I earned it a year prior. Even though it is a great achievement to earn a masters degree, I'm not going to advertise and gloat about it. Being humble is the best way to go about your education. Many people are put off by those who gloat about your degrees.

 

[torinsmom]

I just graduated from my Master's program yesterday, and I didn't send out announcements or anything. The people I have told in passing have congratulated me, but I certainly didn't expect a gift or even a card. I think I would think it was little weird if I got that kind of announcement in the mail, but that's just me.

 

[Mrs. Darcy]

When I finished my Masters I went back and forth with the idea of sending announcements. My parents are old school and believe in sending them and in gifting graduates that announce to them. This goes for Kindergarten graduations as well as college degrees. If there's a ceremony, they gift to say Bravo for all your hard work.

I ended up not sending announcements and now I wish I did. Many friends and family that I don't see or talk to regularly were surprised that I finished (I did it in 3 semesters) and expressed that they would have appreciated an announcement. I'm sure I would have gotten a call, card or email from them, and probably some gifts. I think in general, people like to be included in the happy events/accomplishments of others.

In your case, I would have felt the same way as you do.

Congratulations!

 

[donac]

Congratulation on your accomplishment.

Families can be hard. Two years ago dh and I celebrated our 30th wedding anniv. His family all sent cards even if they normally didn't. From my family no one acknowledged it except my twin sister (she gave us a night at Ak through her DVC membership. it had a great view). Not even my mother and I would have thought she would have done something.

YOu just never know with families. Don't be too hard on them. Just be proud of what you have accomplished.

 

[Magicbus]

Getting the degree is the easy part. Stop whining and find a job that utilizes it. Now that will be a real accomplishment.

 

[torinsmom]

I got an announcement in the mail for my ex's niece's KINDERGARTEN graduation. She lives almost full time in NY and I had met here once at the time. It was from her dad here in NC, but had her full NY address on the card. I guess that is where I was supposed to send a check or gift. I thought it was really tacky. Even for DS' MS graduation, only my mom, dad and sister were invited if they wanted to come.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I view that as a personal accomplishment, not something that I need to send something for.

Agreed. Getting your Masters is a goal that you worked for to benefit you in your own life. Congratulations on your promotion.

I think its kind of sad that we don't recognize the hard work a working, married with children adult puts into advancing their degree. Its not easy.

I am in school now and it is very time consuming and very hard work. You sacrifice a lot to be there. My co-worker will soon have her PhD. She started at this college as a secretary and no degree and then her husband died leaving her with 3 small children. She began slowly earning a degree and has slowly but surely continued with 2-3 classes every semester until she will now be exactly where she wanted to be. Not sure about anyone else, but when she earns that degree--I will buy her a gift, get her a card and have flowers sent! Her kids (1 grown, 1 in college, 1 in high school) are planning to send her on a cruise. Advanced degrees deserve recognition.

People don't seem to realize that everyone has stories about when they did something that was time-consuming and hard work. Many people are still working daily at something that's time consuming and hard work. Try getting sympathy by repeating this story about all the hard work that goes into getting a Masters to a construction worker, a mother or the guy who collects garbage on a daily basis. I'm sure they'll respond with their own stories about all their hard work that goes unappreciated, too.

Same here... I told my parents about a year after I graduated. My mother just non-chalantly asked, and I told her I earned it a year prior. Even though it is a great achievement to earn a masters degree, I'm not going to advertise and gloat about it. Being humble is the best way to go about your education. Many people are put off by those who gloat about your degrees.

Exactly. I have found that the smartest and most dependable people I've ever known or worked with are those whom I later found out had Doctorates, Masters or other forms of higher education. My test for intelligence has always been seeing the results of someone's actions, not their academia.

It's been my experience that those who feel the need to quote me their education (without my asking) are typically those whom I can't rely on to work effectively as a team member, do exceptional work on their own or even meet a simple deadline. However, I will say this: the more educated people ARE better equipped to create more intelligent reasons for why they couldn't perform.