Marrieds choosing not to have kids

[maddhatir]

Ah yes same problem with me. I'm an RRT that works NICU/PICU and always gets the " But you don't have kids". And my co-workers with kids thinks I should trade with them so they can be with there kids. Well I have traded over the years and bought there candy and other crap they sell for school but NO more. I just went agency and its the best thing Ive ever done! No more holidays unless I want them. And the next time they come to me with buying a candy bar for (insert whatever) I am going to say my horse needs a new halter can they give ME money for that? I don't think its being mean because I have been giving now for 30 years and have had enough. And yes I love children.

You know- one of my co-workers started doing this!

I work from home- but I go to my office once a week to pick up/drop off work etc. The past 2 times I have been there- She asked me if I want to buy things b/c her kid is selling them for soccer or whatever little sport she plays!

Of course, I feel bad, so I say OK- it has cost me over 30.00 bucks so far. Sure- I now have a cheesecake for Thanksgiving dessert But still!

I am going to have to start saying, no thank you- or else WHO knows what else I may end up with! I should tell her, well, the 15.00 bucks I would give you for that 100lb candy bar was going to go towards some real food at the grocery store!

I can buy my own food products thank you

 

[KirklandTutu]

My excuse is that I'm a teacher and only buy fundraising items from my students. Fortunatly, hardly any of my students ever hit me up. I do get upset if they don't try to sell my girl scout cookies, though, as I say no to every other girl scout that I see.

 

[maddhatir]

I do get upset if they don't try to sell my girl scout cookies, though, as I say no to every other girl scout that I see.

OMG! I breaks my heart when those little girls are at the cookie table and they all harmonize "Do you wanna buy some cookies?"

I feel SO bad- DH is a SOB- you know what he does- he tells them to ask me and he walks away b/c he feels too bad to say no!

I usually say- "Nooooo thank you sweetieeeee"

I don't think the stores should let them do that- it is a lot of pressure on me- I need to make an appt with my therapist after a visit to the grocery store!

 

[ChisJo]

Can I vent just for a second? I know most of ya'll will understand where I am coming from. I am working Christmas this year, okay I can live with that, I am a RN and it comes with the paycheck. But what has bothered me is the reasoning....we have a new manager, who is very "kid" oriented, and scheduled everyone with kids off Christmas, and those without to work. Her reasoning, we "don't have kids so we don't need the day off". WTH? When does my DH and dogs and mother not count as family?

As an RN in Alberta, Canada, our contract states that we work either Christmas or New Years, and then switch the next year....they cannot, according to our contract, schedule us just because we have or don't have children....and I think that's the best thing about our contract, because you know, I AM someones child, and they love to see their children at the holidays too!

 

[Rozzie]

As an RN in Alberta, Canada, our contract states that we work either Christmas or New Years, and then switch the next year....they cannot, according to our contract, schedule us just because we have or don't have children....and I think that's the best thing about our contract, because you know, I AM someones child, and they love to see their children at the holidays too!

We don't have a union. I do have a contract that states I must work 2 major holidays. Our choices are Thanksgiving, Christmas, NYE and New Years Day. I was off Christmas last year, as my old manager agreed for me to stay (I was trying to put in my notice and she was begging me to stay) I would work NYE and New Years Day. (which I was very happy with) Of course she leaves, and that agreement is out the window. Like I said earlier, I understand having to work Christmas, but it's so obvious, everyone who is off has kids, everyone working doesn't have kids. And her comments to boot. Grooooowwwwl. It's my last holiday season at this hospital, I was planning on trying to find something closer. I will mention it on my exit interview.....

I am just tired of people asking what "I do with my free time", don't I feel "empty without kids". I am also sick and tired thinking just because I didn't breed means I don't have a family.

 

[ChisJo]

I am just tired of people asking what "I do with my free time", don't I feel "empty without kids". I am also sick and tired thinking just because I didn't breed means I don't have a family.

Hey - I totally understand this....I work peds, and the amount of people who ask me why I don't have kids is unbelievable....like because I work in peds, it is mandatory that I have children. It's actually the reverse: the amount of RN's that I know that DON'T have/or want kids that work in peds is way higher (probably because we see the worst of the worst!).

Also, we don't have exit interviews....those sound like they would be a great tension reliever (or a great b***h fest)....but, most people here are leaving their positions due to understaffing and being overworked - but, this is the life of an RN - I'm sure its the same where you are!

 

[Rozzie]

Hey - I totally understand this....I work peds, and the amount of people who ask me why I don't have kids is unbelievable....like because I work in peds, it is mandatory that I have children. It's actually the reverse: the amount of RN's that I know that DON'T have/or want kids that work in peds is way higher (probably because we see the worst of the worst!).

Also, we don't have exit interviews....those sound like they would be a great tension reliever (or a great b***h fest)....but, most people here are leaving their positions due to understaffing and being overworked - but, this is the life of an RN - I'm sure its the same where you are!

Oh I can't imagine!! It is bad enough in Neuro people wondering why I am not having kids. Funny, both our parents have accepted it (they've had 10 years to adjust ), both are extended families have accepted it, but my coworkers can't let it go. It's like they will get a bonus gift if I decide to have one. I really don't understand the comments from patients too. I understand they are only making conversation, but the comments when I tell them, my lord, why are they so freakin' concerned with it?

Here ya' on the overworked and underpaid. I quit picking up extra some time ago, I was getting so bitter, plus with a hour commute and gas, it just was not worth it. We are losing bundles of nurses, techs, RTs, everything.

I feel better just being able to vent here. It's so nice to come to a place where I am not looked upon like I have 2 heads for choosing not to have kids.

 

[kennancat]

But what has bothered me is the reasoning....we have a new manager, who is very "kid" oriented, and scheduled everyone with kids off Christmas, and those without to work. Her reasoning, we "don't have kids so we don't need the day off".

Seriously, I'd pay a little visit to my HR representative if I were you. You don't have to do it to get her in trouble, go with the attitude of "I'm trying to bring this to your attention to protect you." She really could be opening herself up to trouble with that policy. Do you have anyone in your department that has older children already out of the house? Do they get Christmas off too, or do they not "count"?

 

[zima-cheryl]

Seriously, I'd pay a little visit to my HR representative if I were you. You don't have to do it to get her in trouble, go with the attitude of "I'm trying to bring this to your attention to protect you." She really could be opening herself up to trouble with that policy. Do you have anyone in your department that has older children already out of the house? Do they get Christmas off too, or do they not "count"?

I have to second what Kennancat & other are saying. This sounds illegal.

If your supervisor said everyone over age XX has to work, that is age discrimination, flat out. And this isn't very far from that.

Even if you can live w/it for one year, someone else may jump all over it & sue for lots of $$$. HR needs to know. W/how sue happy our society is it will only take another month or 2 before someone files suit.

 

[honugirl]

Ha ha ha ha about the Devils and Newark. I feel the same way. I was reading the Daily News online and they had a review of the stadium and the neighborhood. Holy crap, yeah, that review would make me want to go there. The neighborhood seems to be ok, but everything around it has closed up and oh, there's a heavy police presence there, so it's ok, you can feel safe. Yeah, ok. I felt safe at the Meadowlands, I'm not going to feel safe going into Newark, even with my man by my side. I'll go watch them play at the Garden before I'd go to Newark. It's sad really. In the same article they were pushing for the Nets to move out there. Why? Why would the Nets want to move to Newark? I just don't get it. My man doesn't even go into Newark and he lives like 2 minutes away... sigh. What's next, they're going to move the racetrack there too? Mmmm, horse poop!

I really wanted to go work for them after I got my degree, now it looks like I'm going to be going for jobs at Sexual Harrssmentville just across the river. I just hope by the time I get my degree in a few years Isiah Thomas is gone.

 

[JenniBugInPink]

do any of you CF couples ever do the character dinners? We were thinking of going to one when we go down there, and truly the only one he would consider is Chef Mickeys - do you think we're crazy?

I'm a hair away from 50, DH and I have no kids (and I'm pretty sure we're not going to at this late date!), but I would not have missed my time with everyone from Pooh Corner at Crystal Palace! And meeting Remy and Emile was the highlight of my trip. I waited in line with all the little bitty kids all by myself with my little autograph book in hand, and once I got up there Remy decided to really ham it up. He wouldn't let me go! The Photopass photographer really played it up and Emile got in the act and it was hilarious. Once Remy did let go and Emile started to hug me, Remy smacked him on the nose and they started to fight and the whole place was cracking up. It was the most fun I think I've ever had in my life - seriously! So always say YES to character opportunities!

PS - I'm also an RN and left working the floor at the hospital 14 years ago due to staffing issues. I always worked all the 'family' holidays because I didn't have kids. I wasn't married back then, and I'm an only child, so it just seemed like I should. I mean, it's not like there was anybody to spend the holidays with except Mom and Dad, and we just did them the day before or the next day. Now that I'm married, I wouldn't be so generous. I've been working in pharma research since I left the hospital all those years ago and love it. I've never regretted leaving.

 

[ChisJo]

PS - I'm also an RN and left working the floor at the hospital 14 years ago due to staffing issues. I always worked all the 'family' holidays because I didn't have kids. I wasn't married back then, and I'm an only child, so it just seemed like I should. I mean, it's not like there was anybody to spend the holidays with except Mom and Dad, and we just did them the day before or the next day. Now that I'm married, I wouldn't be so generous. I've been working in pharma research since I left the hospital all those years ago and love it. I've never regretted leaving.

For the last 6 months, I've been having a lot of regrets about being an RN, due to many reasons, but mostly the understaffing and the politics involved in nursing (and the fact that my body seems to shut down way more often than anybody else's that I know! Currently fighting another cold!). I want to leave so badly, but have no idea what I would do. I know I want to stay within the realm of nursing, just unsure of what (also, I love working in Peds!). I know there is so many options out there, it's now just exploring. I applied to go back to school to get my Occupational Health Nursing certificate - I think I would really like this type of career (Mon-Fri, work with a bunch of guys (again, think politics!) - but, the jobs aren't as easy to come by....oh well, we'll see what happens! Nice to see so many other nurses on the boards!

 

[Rozzie]

For the last 6 months, I've been having a lot of regrets about being an RN, due to many reasons, but mostly the understaffing and the politics involved in nursing (and the fact that my body seems to shut down way more often than anybody else's that I know! Currently fighting another cold!). I want to leave so badly, but have no idea what I would do. !

OMG! I could have written this. I regret all the time becoming a RN. But then I think it's just the floor that is killing me. I know there are other things I could do, but I actually like shift work, and I like my weekend contrat. (DH works every weekend) I just get so sick of the sue happy atmosphere, CYA on everything, and the patients demanding that the hospital turn into a resort hotel. I know we had 1 nurse quit after she gotten in trouble by forgetting a patients coffee---she was busy taking care of numerous critical labs. That kind of BS. Okay, I feel better. Sorry to vent, it is amazing that the burnout is everywhere.

For those that mentioned HR, I am going to look into that. I just hope maybe she made the comment in jest, and wasn't serious about it. (But my gut tells me it was not in jest, KWIM?) I would hate to think I was working for someone that discriminated against the kidless.

 

[honugirl]

It seems like everyone on here is a nurse of some kind, does this mean I have to change my career path to stay on this thread????

 

[danv3]

Rozzie, you should definitely mention it to HR. What your manager is doing isn't illegal (at least not under federal law or in most states) but it's certainly not a good practice for managing people.

 

[Hixski]

It seems like everyone on here is a nurse of some kind, does this mean I have to change my career path to stay on this thread????

I'm not a nurse. I work in IT. Of course that means 24/7 coverage. I don't have to work Christmas but I will be working Thanksgiving. I work Wed/Thurs/Fri - 12hr night shifts. Thanksgiving is ALWAYS on Thursday so I always have to work. At least it is triple time. I get triple time for the Friday after Thanksgiving too!!!

 

[ChisJo]

At least it is triple time. I get triple time for the Friday after Thanksgiving too!!!

Only Mandatory services in our city get triple time (police officers, firemen), but nurses are not considered mandatory....funny - what the heck would the hospitals do if there were no nurses??

 

[luvthemouse71]

For the last 6 months, I've been having a lot of regrets about being an RN, due to many reasons, but mostly the understaffing and the politics involved in nursing (and the fact that my body seems to shut down way more often than anybody else's that I know! Currently fighting another cold!). I want to leave so badly, but have no idea what I would do. I know I want to stay within the realm of nursing, just unsure of what (also, I love working in Peds!). I know there is so many options out there, it's now just exploring. I applied to go back to school to get my Occupational Health Nursing certificate - I think I would really like this type of career (Mon-Fri, work with a bunch of guys (again, think politics!) - but, the jobs aren't as easy to come by....oh well, we'll see what happens! Nice to see so many other nurses on the boards!

Come to the OR! No area of nursing is perfect but it does seem to be more of a level playing field as far as days off (and everyone, kids or no, has to take call). Depending on where you work, you usually only have to do one major and one minor holiday a year(and this is usually a call shift-meaning you carry a pager and only come in if they need you)and regular call for us is about once a month. As a rule, we don't do weekends, unless we are on call.
Also, unlike the floors, you actually get breaks and are expected to take them. Sometime in floor nursing, other nurses will get mad if you actually take your break, so the OR is good that way. My hospital is also union, so this keeps the nurse managers in check!

There are no nasty families to deal with either..at least not for extended periods. Some of the surgeons will act up now and then but usually, there's a great sense of comraderie in the OR. I love it.

 

[KirklandTutu]

psst...
There's another thread on the dining board about adults-only places.

 

[maddhatir]

psst...
There's another thread on the dining board about adults-only places.

OMG YOU! I did not know YOU were the one who started the thread- so I start reading it, scroll down to the pic and I think HEY! I KNOW that guy!!!!

You posted a pic of your DH over here and that is where I recognize him from! I quickly looked back up to see who posted it and it was you!

AW MAN! It's Friday thank goodness!