Marrieds choosing not to have kids

[kennancat]

How about this one?

It's labeled as "evil seagull", which I thought was fitting

 

[plgrn]

How about this one?

It's labeled as "evil seagull", which I thought was fitting

That's perfect. I like the way he pops in and out of the frame. Just like our all-knowing friends pop in and out of a thread!

 

[Hixski]

Oh, that troll is perfect!

I have this for the trolls. I borrowed it from someone on the CB. Those trolls better watch out. The married without children are a rough bunch.

 

[plgrn]

That is so sick. And SOOO fitting.

 

[maddhatir]

I have this for the trolls. I borrowed it from someone on the CB. Those trolls better watch out. The married without children are a rough bunch.

Thats some sick stuff!

 

[maddhatir]

Sorry OT-

But hey! Hixski-- did you just join our wench board???

 

[HockeyKat]

You guys are the best!!

-Kat

 

[Hixski]

Sorry OT-

But hey! Hixski-- did you just join our wench board???

Yes I did. But I am lurking right now. I don't know if I can be the wench some of you are. I can try though.......

 

[maddhatir]

Yes I did. But I am lurking right now. I don't know if I can be the wench some of you are. I can try though.......

You dont need to TRY to be a wench.......you just BEEEEE ......

Come on over and post- we love to get new wenches who admire the guys!

(OK, well, obsess over them!)

 

[kennancat]

All right, it's been 5 days. Time to bump the thread back up

Something I've been thinking about since last week. I'd posted a thread on the CB about my concern for a young cousin of mine who'd just gotten engaged to a man she hasn't been dating long. One thing that struck me about the responses is that several posted about how they had people who had objected to their marriages and they were still together with X years later with Y number of beautiful children. It started me thinking about the following question: does society judge children as the mark of a successful marriage? No one seemed to point out that they and their spouse had purchased a home, renewed their vows, gotten pets, traveled, or made any other choices that "proved" the success of their marriage other than having children. So, what is the sign of a good marriage (that can be measured/observed from the outside of the marriage)?

 

[Hixski]

All right, it's been 5 days. Time to bump the thread back up

Something I've been thinking about since last week. I'd posted a thread on the CB about my concern for a young cousin of mine who'd just gotten engaged to a man she hasn't been dating long. One thing that struck me about the responses is that several posted about how they had people who had objected to their marriages and they were still together with X years later with Y number of beautiful children. It started me thinking about the following question: does society judge children as the mark of a successful marriage? No one seemed to point out that they and their spouse had purchased a home, renewed their vows, gotten pets, traveled, or made any other choices that "proved" the success of their marriage other than having children. So, what is the sign of a good marriage (that can be measured/observed from the outside of the marriage)?

I read that thread too. You are right, the people with kids equated success with having children. I would say my marriage is successfull because he is my soul mate. We are best friends. We are very much alike in the things we like to do. Things of that nature. I'm sure everyone that doesn't have kids has something similar to say too. Some would be different but alot of the same.

Since you brought up other threads I would like to comment on some. Lately there have been quite of few about cheating spouses. Someone telling about their spouse they found was cheating. Asking for advice and some venting. The odd thing is most have said they are a SAHM and their husband just doesn't think he loves them anymore. I am sure some have not been but the ones I have read lately are. Just more food for thought.

 

[maddhatir]

I would think it depends on who you ask about a successful marriage- of course the people who have or want kids would respond- kids are a product of a successful marriage b/c that is all they know.

And those of us who dont have kids have more answers- such as being partners/equals etc.

I personally don't see many married people with children that I personally would say are equeals in the marriage- it usually seems the woman takes care of the kids- has all the aggrevation and the men go to work- come home and dont want to deal with the kids after a long day (can you blame them?)- that is his wife's job.

Of course- those who are married might not see it that way- but that is my perspective on the outside looking in....and I would say I pretty much hit the nail on the head.....and that may explain some of the infidelity. Some guys don't want to have to put up with the kids yelling and the wife complaining about the kids misbehaving as soon as he walks in the door- I think many of them miss their freedom.

And before I am flamed by some of the wackos trolling our thread-- I am not talking about ALL OF YOU! I am saying some of you.......

 

[kennancat]

The odd thing is most have said they are a SAHM and their husband just doesn't think he loves them anymore. I am sure some have not been but the ones I have read lately are. Just more food for thought.

Interesting observation - I hadn't thought about it but a lot of them to seem to be like that. I would guess that's because of one of two reasons. My first guess would be that the "work world" and the "home world" can be so different that it's easy to lose touch with each other. Also, I think some couples (not commenting on any of the specific threads, just general thoughts) can get into a competition over whose day is harder. Once that starts, you're not supporting each other any more because you're stressed out. All of that leads to growing apart, which makes the marriage affair-prone. My other theory is that these husbands are just jerks who realize that their wives are dependent on them and feel like they can do anything they want. I like my first theory better though

And by the way, I'll vote for staying home with the kids all day as the harder job. I know there's no way I could do it!

 

[kennancat]

And those of us who dont have kids have more answers- such as being partners/equals etc.

I would agree that this is very important to DH and me too. I would assume the same for most CF couples. It's even one of the key things that holds me back from wanting kids - how do you introduce kids to the relationship while maintaining that equal partnership?

Some guys don't want to have to put up with the kids yelling and the wife complaining about the kids misbehaving as soon as he walks in the door- I think many of them miss their freedom.

It's funny that you mention this - I've frequently heard DH talk about the other guys in his office (most of whom have SAHM wives) and how he can hear them on the phone getting beaten up by their wives because it's 5:03 PM and they haven't left work yet

 

[Mischa]

All right, it's been 5 days. Time to bump the thread back up

Something I've been thinking about since last week. ... It started me thinking about the following question: does society judge children as the mark of a successful marriage? No one seemed to point out that they and their spouse had purchased a home, renewed their vows, gotten pets, traveled, or made any other choices that "proved" the success of their marriage other than having children. So, what is the sign of a good marriage (that can be measured/observed from the outside of the marriage)?

Great question! I've thought that too, it seems society judges marriages as "good" based on how many children you have and if you don't have children (for whatever reason) they automatically assume that there is trouble in the marriage. I feel bad for these people who are that narrow-minded!

In my opinion, I think a good marriage is where two people love and care for each other, respect one another, supportive of one another, and compliment each other.

DH & I have been married for almost 16 years now, we had a short engagement (we met in September 1990 (in a bar no less) got engaged at Thanksgiving the same year and married in April 1991). We've been through ALOT in our 16 years of being together. We've seen friends who married the same year we did and are now divorced (some twice divorced) we maintain that we got married for the "right reasons", we married "for better or worse". We didn't get married expecting the other person to change; we married because we love each other and wanted (still do want) to be together - forever. Heck, our friends accuse us of still being on our honeymoon. We say "what's wrong with that?"

Yeah we don't have any kids (we wanted them, tried to have at least one but it didn't work); but kids don't make a marriage! We know we have one person we can count on, no matter what happens; we have each other.

I've got to tell you all a story that happened to me last summer. DH & I and my father (who is 84 and pain in the you know where) were at a wedding of a close family friend. Well, dad turns to me and yells at me (it was loud at the reception) to not tell everyone we have been married for over 15 years. I asked him why I shouldn't tell people that (since I am proud of that fact). And he said to me "because you have nothing to show for it! You have no children!" Now our whole table heard this because as I said the man yelled this out to me. So with every ounce of self control I could muster up, I said to him quietly "having kids does not make a marriage. I am proud of the fact that I have been married to someone who is loving, kind, and generous. And you better think twice before you say I have nothing; because if it weren't for him you would not be living with us!" Then I told him (with a smile) to go to helle. Now my father never loved my mom, always abused her (either physically or verbally) but because they adopted me he thinks he had a better marriage than I have now! That was one of the last straws and he is now living in an assisted living place on his own! and yes I danced when he was finally out of my house!

just my 2 cents!

 

[Hixski]

Great question! I've thought that too, it seems society judges marriages as "good" based on how many children you have and if you don't have children (for whatever reason) they automatically assume that there is trouble in the marriage. I feel bad for these people who are that narrow-minded!

In my opinion, I think a good marriage is where two people love and care for each other, respect one another, supportive of one another, and compliment each other.

DH & I have been married for almost 16 years now, we had a short engagement (we met in September 1990 (in a bar no less) got engaged at Thanksgiving the same year and married in April 1991). We've been through ALOT in our 16 years of being together. We've seen friends who married the same year we did and are now divorced (some twice divorced) we maintain that we got married for the "right reasons", we married "for better or worse". We didn't get married expecting the other person to change; we married because we love each other and wanted (still do want) to be together - forever. Heck, our friends accuse us of still being on our honeymoon. We say "what's wrong with that?"

Yeah we don't have any kids (we wanted them, tried to have at least one but it didn't work); but kids don't make a marriage! We know we have one person we can count on, no matter what happens; we have each other.

I've got to tell you all a story that happened to me last summer. DH & I and my father (who is 84 and pain in the you know where) were at a wedding of a close family friend. Well, dad turns to me and yells at me (it was loud at the reception) to not tell everyone we have been married for over 15 years. I asked him why I shouldn't tell people that (since I am proud of that fact). And he said to me "because you have nothing to show for it! You have no children!" Now our whole table heard this because as I said the man yelled this out to me. So with every ounce of self control I could muster up, I said to him quietly "having kids does not make a marriage. I am proud of the fact that I have been married to someone who is loving, kind, and generous. And you better think twice before you say I have nothing; because if it weren't for him you would not be living with us!" Then I told him (with a smile) to go to helle. Now my father never loved my mom, always abused her (either physically or verbally) but because they adopted me he thinks he had a better marriage than I have now! That was one of the last straws and he is now living in an assisted living place on his own! and yes I danced when he was finally out of my house!

just my 2 cents!

How sad that your father had to be like that. Unfortunately, I'm sure there were others there that thought he was right. DH and I have nothing to show either. We have been together almost 26 yrs and married for 21yrs. My, my, what a failure of a marriage we have. Most people think of DH and I (especially me) as free spirits. I would rather they think of me that way than a failure and selfish for not having children.

DH and I will be taking our failure of a marriage and going to Vegas on Sunday. I am sure we will have a blast in spite of not having children.

 

[contemp_mj]

You know everyone is dancing around the subject, to be honest, my wife (of 5 years, been together for 7) can’t stand kids, especially brats! If Disney would have a week with no kids, I would pay double.

I knew a long time ago that my life is just that, MINE! People say that’s selfish, no that’s a choice.


Oh yeah by the way, I’m glad my Dad didn’t think as I do!


Contemporary RULES!

MJ

 

[TKDisneylover]

DH and I will be taking our failure of a marriage and going to Vegas on Sunday. I am sure we will have a blast in spite of not having children.

I hope you and your DH have a wonderful trip!

 

[kennancat]

DH and I will be taking our failure of a marriage and going to Vegas on Sunday. I am sure we will have a blast in spite of not having children.

Do they even allow children in Vegas?

 

[kennancat]

Well, dad turns to me and yells at me (it was loud at the reception) to not tell everyone we have been married for over 15 years. I asked him why I shouldn't tell people that (since I am proud of that fact). And he said to me "because you have nothing to show for it! You have no children!" Now our whole table heard this because as I said the man yelled this out to me. So with every ounce of self control I could muster up, I said to him quietly "having kids does not make a marriage. I am proud of the fact that I have been married to someone who is loving, kind, and generous. And you better think twice before you say I have nothing; because if it weren't for him you would not be living with us!" Then I told him (with a smile) to go to helle. Now my father never loved my mom, always abused her (either physically or verbally) but because they adopted me he thinks he had a better marriage than I have now!

I'd be so tempted to give him the eyeroll and say something along the lines of "gee dad, after the great example of parenting you provided, I can't imagine why I don't want kids!". Some people just aren't happy unless they're making others miserable.