Marrieds choosing not to have kids

[Liisa]

Heading out tomorrow for Tampa. DH called me at work today and said "so, just how long a drive is it from Tampa to Orlando?" 20 minutes later, I had a rental car booked and directions from our Tampa hotel to the Magic Kingdom... I'm GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!!!! It's only for the day on Saturday, but heck... I'm excited!

Don't do anything too exciting - or get this thread closed while I'm gone!

 

[maddhatir]

Heading out tomorrow for Tampa. DH called me at work today and said "so, just how long a drive is it from Tampa to Orlando?" 20 minutes later, I had a rental car booked and directions from our Tampa hotel to the Magic Kingdom... I'm GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!!!! It's only for the day on Saturday, but heck... I'm excited!

Don't do anything too exciting - or get this thread closed while I'm gone!

Enjoy!!!!!

 

[kennancat]

Oh BTW... I am looking for a new, more permanent form of birth control. I am currently on Yasmin and have no problems with it, but I would like something I didn't have to refill often and take daily. My insurance covers birth control other than the pill 100%. Any suggestions? I would love to have my tubes tied but at 31, healthy, married, no doctor would do it.

Bringing this one back up again - I had my annual today with a new gyno (just switched) and she suggested the Mirena IUD as another possible method. She said it has a lot of the advantages of Depo (the lack of periods) without a lot of the side effects. I had not heard of it, but thought you might be interested.

 

[mzliza3]

Hahahah!!

I am actually rather lucky in this regard, as I chose a technical profession with almost no women in my department, at this job or any of the 8 I have had in the past 10 years (yeah, not exactly a STABLE profession!). Most of the men are from other countries and/or have SAHM as wives.

My boss does have kids but they are teenagers, and he is a workaholic anyhow, so the thought of leaving at 2PM is NOT acceptable in my department. I have actually never worked in a place where they put any emphasis on family time... I guess when you get into tech you know that the hours can be long/wonky.

Both my job and my husband's job penalize families way more than singles for health care. Employee only for me is free, and for him is $80/month... Family for my company is $200+, and same for him.

I do offer to take weekend time and holidays, since my DH is in retail and we can never take traditional vacations. Summer, Christmas, spring break is the LAST time I would want to take vacation anyhow... too many kids, too many people. I don't really like family holidays anymore... we wind up relegated to the kids table w/ siblings, cousins, and their babies, talking about diaper wipes and potty training.

Maybe I *am* bitter.

Oh BTW... I am looking for a new, more permanent form of birth control. I am currently on Yasmin and have no problems with it, but I would like something I didn't have to refill often and take daily. My insurance covers birth control other than the pill 100%. Any suggestions? I would love to have my tubes tied but at 31, healthy, married, no doctor would do it.

No doctor would do your ligation?! I'm a nurse practioner & to my knowledge (at least here in PA, might be different in NC), if that procedure is what the patient wants, then the doctor should at least refer you to a doctor who will do it. Heard nothing but good things about Essure. Just wondering, if the husband went to the doctor & requested a vasectomy, would he get the same treatment (i.e. be refused cos he didn't already have children)?

 

[HockeyKat]

I doubt they would refuse my husband, although I have heard that they would require me to sign a waiver (which I would do gladly!!).

I haven't checked in a few years, maybe now they would since I am over 30. Sure wouldn't in my 20s!

I will look into the IUD... I thought I was due for my annual in July and it turns out it is Nov, so I have a few more mos to think about it. Thanks for the tips!

 

[mzliza3]

Good luck! I never knew some laws could be so invasive... Your recent postings just gave me some wonderful ideas for the nursing ethics class I'll be teaching in the fall- thanks!

 

[ChisJo]

Bringing this one back up again - I had my annual today with a new gyno (just switched) and she suggested the Mirena IUD as another possible method. She said it has a lot of the advantages of Depo (the lack of periods) without a lot of the side effects. I had not heard of it, but thought you might be interested.

I'm on it- have been for about 3 months. Agree with the doctor about the advantages....I have zero problems with it. I have a problem with large amount of hormones entering the body, and the Mirena doesn't seem to affect me at all, since it's goal is to release a minimal amount of hormones, triggering that area alone. The only disadvantage I can think of is that before I had it inserted, my periods were only 2 days long (I know, tragedy) but very painful. Now, they are 7 days long, less painful and way lighter (almost more like a spotting for 7 days). Eventually, I hear they are supposed to get milder - trust me, if they don't, I may take it out....2 days to 7 days doesn't exactly make me happy. Oh - and they are still very irregular right now....more frequent then they used to be...

When I got it inserted, it was uncomfortable to say the least. I didn't really notice it that day, but the next day - ouch. I could feel it and it felt terrible!! I couldn't walk because of the uncomfortableness and I ended up having to call in sick to work because I was crying so much. The only thing that helped was a warm bath. But, I haven't had any problems since!!

You have to check the string placement every month....If the strings aren't there, there could be accidents. I am super paranoid about getting pregnant and have had them checked by my family physician every month since - but, you can apparently do it yourself. I personally cannot feel them and have had my BF check for them - it's not his favorite time of the month, but he knows if they aren't there, we may have little ones, and he would rather check then have that. Also, the strings are metal like, and sometimes, depending on the "position" we are in, he can feel them poke him, so I know they are there.

The cost is reasonable considering you only need to replace the unit every 5 years. I have medical insurance that covers 80% of prescriptions and I only paid $69 - The gyne that put it in was certified to do it (not all of them are, so be careful) and he did it for free. So, considering that I don't have to worry about pills, condoms, etc, I am happy with this choice. I was on the depo shot for a long time, and have learned a lesson. With this Mirena, I take calcium every day as it may eventually cease my menstruation (your periods help to absorb calcium and store it for later so you don't get osteoporosis, just a little FYI).

All in all, I recommend it - I haven't really read too much negative on it. I don't know if the search engine here is still down, but search on here and there are lots of threads about it if you are interested. Search google as well and look up the Mirena website - of course they are going to be biased on their product, but it is a very informative site.

 

[LoveStitch626]

Bringing this one back up again - I had my annual today with a new gyno (just switched) and she suggested the Mirena IUD as another possible method. She said it has a lot of the advantages of Depo (the lack of periods) without a lot of the side effects. I had not heard of it, but thought you might be interested.

I've been meaning to respond to your post for a little while now. I really wouldn't advise getting on Depo. That was the first form of BC I was ever on out of high school up until a couple years later. I never had a problem on it. Now.. about 10 years and a lot of weight later, I've had some weird problems with it. I got it in August of last year so I wouldn't get my period during our October trip. I spotted pretty much constantly (daily) up until about oh November or December and then everything just dried up (as it should've been months ago). Now.. it's nearly the end of June and I **just barely** got my period back. It's been a normal length period, but I was pretty miserable the first day. Knowing there are other alternatives out there that can have the same benefits of Depo (no period) I'd REALLY go with one of those over the shot. Just my 2 cents/personal experience there for you to think about.

 

[kennancat]

I've been meaning to respond to your post for a little while now. I really wouldn't advise getting on Depo.

I've actually already been on it for about 4 and a half years, but I'm ready to try something different. The whole calcium thing concerns me. The new gyno said she doesn't feel like I need another bone scan and since my last one was okay, I should regain any loss I've had over the last couple of years, which makes me feel better. As far as side effects go, I don't feel like I can say Depo makes me gain weight and makes me more depressed, but I can't say it doesn't do that, KWIM? I did get down to my goal weight on WW a couple of years ago, so I know I can lose the weight on it. However, if it is affecting my moods, then that makes it harder to stick to good habits (e.g. fewer baked goods and more treadmill time) I'm just ready to figure out what I'm like when I'm not on it.

 

[zima-cheryl]

I'm just ready to figure out what I'm like when I'm not on it.

That says it all!!

I've been on something (pill, depo) for almost 20 years. This is my first "normal" month after having the essure done and I have no idea what to expect.

I do know I am sooooo happy not to be pumping all those hormones & drugs into my body any more!

 

[TXTurtle]

Chrisjo - thanks for the personal testimonial about mirana. I'm going in next week to get it put in and I'm nervous about the whole having something inside me part but compared to the alternatives .... at least the hormone dose is low and I love the supposed lack of periods. I tend to go down hard for a full day despite pain meds so it would be wonderful to miss that part. Sigh. Am I the only woman who began wishing for menopause after my second period?

 

[HockeyKat]

TX, NO!! You certainly aren't.

I did a Pill-free month a few years back when I was trying to determine if it was causing a lack of libido. As it turns out, it wasn't, it was a lack of desire for my ex-fiance....

But anyhow, I immediately remembered another reason why I pump hormones into my body: Pain-free TOM. It had been long enough that I had almost forgotten what it was like to be curled into a fetal position wishing I would just die already.

I am not sure about Mirena. That whole string-checking thing kinda squicks me out, and the fact that they don't really know why it works is a bit frightening. Depo is totally out, I don't want to stop being relieved every month, and I am very afraid of its side effects.

 

[kennancat]

I do know I am sooooo happy not to be pumping all those hormones & drugs into my body any more!

I certainly wouldn't mind not having to take a regular pill, shot, etc., but I read something the other day that made me laugh. It was some message board (I think Yahoo answers in Australia) that came up as a result when I was searching for information about Mirena. The original post was asking for opinions on the product and somebody posted about "oh why do you want to fill your body with those chemicals, just use condoms". Uh yeah, hon. Can we review the failure rate of condoms again?

Updated - Found the quote here: http://au.messages.yahoo.com/health/womens_health/143/

I'm super biased, my body hates all chemicals - pills, implanon, strong pain killers etc.
I think the world we live in is so toxic already with pestisides and irradiated foods and addidtives, why deliberately take in more chemicals? Every drug has side effects - Hormone drugs just so many more!
The rates of infertility in the western (toxic) world are skyrocketting, and you only get one body. I know condoms really suck - but they are a relatively natural option.

 

[Liisa]

Thought you guys would enjoy this. On our flight back from Tampa, I was thumbing through the Skymall magazine and found this quote:

"A father keeps pictures of his children in his wallet where his money used to be."


Anyone got any good 4th of July plans? We're hosting a party the Sunday after for some friends. It stinks that the holiday falls right smack in the middle of the week!

 

[ChisJo]

Up in Canada, we celebrate our "independence day" on July 1....Every month, my DBF and me plan a special date-night, something more than just dinner and movie. We alternate months, and July just happens to fall in my month. We don't tell each other what we are planning, and we make an official date out of it....I am going to be picking him up (we live together) and taking him to our date. In our city, we have a historical park that will be hosting tons of events for Canada day, including an old car show, and you can have the chance to drive one. I know he will love that! Also, we are going to go and get an Antique photo done, among other things in the park....It is going to be so nice that day, and I am really excited. I hope he has a good time. For dinner, we are heading to the Mahogany room, the oldest bar in the city, and quite upscale too.....I'm sure he will very much enjoy himself there as well. Then, I booked a hotel room for the night that's located right in the park, so our window will be overlooking the "1905 street", room complete with a jacuzzi. I cannot wait....

 

[Hixski]

Our 4th plans are very boring. DH and I are both working. I am in IT so since we cover 24/7 and Wednesday is one of my days......I get to work. Don't feel sorry for me though. There won't be a darn thing going on. I will watch a movie or 2 on my laptop and get paid TRIPLE time for sitting on my **** for 12 hrs. I will also go hit the gym downstairs to break up the night. I will just take my money and use it for WDW and the cruise in September. I have a Sunday in July too that I am covering for a coworker. Sundays pay doubletime. I figure those 2 days alone will add a big chunk of change to my drinking budget for the trip.

 

[zima-cheryl]

Anyone got any good 4th of July plans? We're hosting a party the Sunday after for some friends. It stinks that the holiday falls right smack in the middle of the week!

I'm flying out to see my family for most of the week. They have enough planned to keep us busy for a month...don't know how they think it will all fit into one week. Plus I have 5 nieces & nephews, so will be spending some quality time w/the kids.

I think I'll need a vacation when I get back from my vacation!

 

[PrincessKitty1]

For the 4th of July, DH and I are spending 3 nights in St Augustine, culminating in watching fireworks over the Matanzas Bay on the 4th! We're SO looking forward to 3 days of the beach, great restaurants, and fun bars! We'll be at the bayfront Hilton, which is about a block south of where the fireworks will be shot off.

 

[fajaragirl]

Hi,
I have only just found this thread and have read some from the beginning.
I would like to share my experiences of choosing not to have kids.

I go married in 1979 at 30 years old.
I have never wanted kids as i had such an awful childhood myself i couldn't imagine why anyone would want to bring kids into the world. I made this decision when i was 3. I met a wonderful man who also didn't want children but for different reasons.
when i lived in Canada when was about 31 i found a doctor who allowed me to be sterilized remember this is 27 years ago. Very unusual to make choices like that then.
I too, had many people asking why i didnt have kids and most people thought i was selfish. But i knew i wasn't and that is what counted. i knew it was absolutely the right decision. and have never regretted it.
Many years of therapy later, which led to a divorce too, i felt so much better about myself and life but still never regretted having kids.
After my divorce i came to live in The Gambia from the UK and after 2 years of being here was "given" a Gambian child to bring up as my daughter.
It just happened and she has been with me now for 6 years and she is 8.
I never planned this and it was never on my agenda but you know it is one of the best things i have ever done.
i love her like my own and now at 58 is the right time to have kids for me anyway.
So i guess i am saying never rule it out you never know what is around the corner or what is in your life plan.
Thanks everyone for letting me share this and hope it hasn't spoilt the latter part of this thread.

 

[mzliza3]

You should be commended for doing such a wonderful thing! Parenthood isn't for everyone at certain points in their lives, or at any point. But adoption is a wonderful alternative if one has reached a certain age or have been sterilized.