Married - End of Disney?

[gjw007]

Married for 6 months and planning your own vacation.

Just my opinion, but that is a REALLY BAD IDEA.

Talk to her; compromise. Do not go by yourself.

At six months of marriage, going off by yourself is probably a bad idea. I understand also the difference in vacations. Maybe your wife can take a day or two off and join you there as an extended weekend.

 

[wdwjunkie2005]

Not really the best title to this thread, but anything longer wouldn't go.

I've been married for 6 months. I love my wife dearly, and we're very happy together. Before we got married, we went to Disney World twice together, and actually had our wedding and honeymoon down there. She likes Disney very much, but not as much as I do.

Anyways, as much as I love going there with her, I also thoroughly enjoy going by myself. If you've ever gone solo, you understand. Before we were married, I told her this was something that I simply didn't want to give up, and she said she understood. So, I'm planning on going in February by myself, and then we're going in July the 2 of us.

She's a bit upset about me going away for a week by myself, and I'm feeling guilty about it.

Question is, do you ever go by yourself if you're married and is it wrong?

I have not read the other replies, but want to say: I am married and am planning to go to THE WORLD solo. As a matter of fact, my DW (we've been together 8 years, and married one and a half and I planned this trip for myself when we'd been married about 8 months) thinks it's a good idea, and is looking forward to time to herself, just as I am looking forward to going solo. It's not wrong. It's good for couples to spend time apart. You don't always have to do everything together. Promise her you'll call her each night to tell her about your day, or send her a postcard with little messages only she'll understand each day you're gone. Maybe you can help her plan something just for her to do when you're away. You should go and have fun.

 

[stevered1]

It's good for couples to spend time apart. You don't always have to do everything together. Promise her you'll call her each night to tell her about your day, or send her a postcard with little messages only she'll understand each day you're gone. Maybe you can help her plan something just for her to do when you're away. You should go and have fun.

Totally agree with this, we arent born as a couple so why do we have to do EVERYTHING together, me and my wife have things we do apart and things we do together, and we are very strong as a couple and are probably more in love now after being married for 5 years. I think the main thing is to see how your wife feels about it...

 

[boomhauer]

At six months of marriage, going off by yourself is probably a bad idea. I understand also the difference in vacations. Maybe your wife can take a day or two off and join you there as an extended weekend.

I asked her about this. She doesn't like to fly alone.

I think I should clarify, my main thing here is, I love Disney World. Cretainly, I would have NO problems with her coming with me. But she comes up with excuse after excuse not to. She could certainly take an unpaid vacation. I told her I would pay for the entire trip. She says she simply can't take the time off from work.

I know I sound selfish. What can I say? No place in the world makes me happier than Disney World. I was going to move down there before I met my wife. We can't move now as my step-son needs to see his father every other weekend. I understand that. I think asking her to let me go (if she doesn't want to) really isn't the end of the world that she makes it out to be. I'm asking for 1 out of 52 weeks to be in the one place I love.

 

[DiznEeyore]

So she won't go with you, but is pitching a fit because you want to go alone? Nice.

Have you reminded her that you discussed this before the wedding? It's not fair of her to be changing her story now. That's a trust issue, IMO -- if you can't trust her to stay true to her word, that's a problem.

 

[mastrrob]

hows your couch? I know if i went alone, i would be spending a lot of time on mine...


GL

 

[kennancat]

So can't she take a week off of work without pay to go?

I can't imagine taking a solo vacation.

I don't know about your workplace, but mine would not react well if I asked for unpaid time off to go on a vacation. It would be different to take unpaid time if a family member were sick and I had no vacation. Asking for the time for a vacation would be seen as unprofessional where I work.

As for taking a solo vacation, I don't know that I'd do it myself, but I don't see anything wrong with it. I wouldn't say that there's anything wrong with people who would take a solo vacation any more than I would say there's something wrong with people who wouldn't take one. People are wired differently. I think that some couples get too concerned with what's "normal" for married couples instead of respecting their own uniqueness and creating a marriage that works for them.

And as I said in my earlier post, I think what's really important here is how boomhauer's DW is reacting to this. If she's being mature and open about her feelings, it's one thing, but it's quite another if she's not. Either way, the vacation really isn't the issue here - it's how they handle the conflict it's creating that counts.

 

[*Fantasia*]

I only read a few post...

I wanna be on your side. Can you take a long weekend vacation at WDW instead of the whole week? Maybe just go for 3 nights? Maybe that wouldn't be so bad. Then take another long weekend vacation at WDW after you and your wife takes one.

Your wife only has 2 weeks off. How about if she takes a long weekends off to be with you. Will it hurt you financially if she misses two days of work? And maybe do that again later in the year. A total of 4 days loss.. will that hurt you financially? If not.. then have your wife miss some days of work to be with you.

I say... it's give and take.. Give a little.. take a little. I know you are still newlywed.. but there must be some kind of compromising here.. whether it's new or been married for 30 years. Remind your wife that you are obsessed with Disney. You have passion for Disney. Tell your wife that Disney is part of your life. But make sure you assure her that she is the most important thing in your life.

(Oh I wish I could find someone like you.. who loves Disney as much as I do. Your wife is so lucky! )

 

[lynn71092]

I agree with the "Go For It's"
It was already discussed prior to your marriage and she agreed to it.
But since it's your first solo since you got married, I agree with Maine_Jennifer, why not just go for 3-4 days, then the next time go for the week or maybe 5 days. The first one will probably bother her and if it's only for 3 days maybe she'll be okay with it.

 

[boomhauer]

Your wife only has 2 weeks off. How about if she takes a long weekends off to be with you. Will it hurt you financially if she misses two days of work? And maybe do that again later in the year. A total of 4 days loss.. will that hurt you financially? If not.. then have your wife miss some days of work to be with you.

Well, the thing is, she uses her vacation times for our family vacations. So, she's got no other time off.

I've tried working it every way I can. Told her I'd like her to come for the whole time, told her come for just a few days, told her to do whatever she wants.

I just wanna be able to go to Disney. I work hard all year. I support my family, pay my bills, treat my wife as good as I can - All I want is a little time in Disney every year.

 

[boomhauer]

I agree with the "Go For It's"
It was already discussed prior to your marriage and she agreed to it.
But since it's your first solo since you got married, I agree with Maine_Jennifer, why not just go for 3-4 days, then the next time go for the week or maybe 5 days. The first one will probably bother her and if it's only for 3 days maybe she'll be okay with it.

Ooooooh....Guess I'm gonna anger some here now:

I've already gone once solo. We've lived together since August of 2004. We got married in May of 2005. I went solo in September of 2005.

So, yeah - I know I'm pushing it. I wanted her to go in February, but like I said, she won't do it. I like to go twice a year - Summer and winter. She said we could go next August, but I don't wanna wait an entire year to back. I HATE the winter, and the only thing that gets me through it is my annual February Disney trip.

 

[MrsNick]

Certainly no vacation (not even some place as awesome as Disney) is worth putting a marriage before..... but honestly, it's not like the OP and his wife didn't talk about this before they got married.

I seem to be in the minority here (and I should disclose that I'm not married yet), but I just don't understand what OP's wife is so upset about. If my spouse had some extra vacation time and enjoyed Disney that much, I wouldn't try to make him feel guilty about wanting to spend his vacation how he wanted to. I take trips with my GF's right now and BF doesn't tag along. I miss him while I'm away, and look forward to seeing him when I get back.

And come on, It's not like the OP wants to spend the week at the Bunny Ranch....

just my opinion

I agree with you

I am married, and frankly, I don't see what the big deal is. I was planning on taking a trip down with a friend, told DH about it, and realized that he wanted to be invited along, too. So now, my friend and I are both bringing our DH's!

But honestly, if DH or I wanted or needed to take a trip when the other couldn't go, it would not be a big deal. In fact, I think it's healthy (esp. with no kids involved) to not do every single thing together.

I may be the lone dissenter, but many have said that the OP shouldn't put a vacation before the marriage. While that is true, his DW shouldn't be putting this issue in front of the marriage, either. Especially if she agreed to his taking solo trips before they were married.

I wish you luck, since I do agree with the other posters that this will be tricky for you.

 

[boomhauer]

But honestly, if DH or I wanted or needed to take a trip when the other couldn't go, it would not be a big deal. In fact, I think it's healthy (esp. with no kids involved) to not do every single thing together.

I have to be fair and honest - There is a child involved - My stepson. He's 5. Now, I wanted to take him with me (or us) - I wanted us all to go in February but my wife didn't want to take him out of school. No way she'd ever go away without him (understandable.)

 

[joksten2000]

You've created a real monster, something that will probably never forgotten, I would never dream of vacationing without my other half, life is a journey to be shared. After 36 years my wife was happy to see me travel overnight for business. Vacations build memories.

 

[DiznEeyore]

boomhauer:

You still haven't said whether or not you've reminded her that she agreed to your solo trips prior to the marriage. Have you discussed that fact?

 

[boomhauer]

boomhauer:

You still haven't said whether or not you've reminded her that she agreed to your solo trips prior to the marriage. Have you discussed that fact?

Whenever I bring it up to her, she just says "I don't wanna talk about it. Just drop it."

Not much I can really do in terms of talking about it.

 

[DiznEeyore]

Whenever I bring it up to her, she just says "I don't wanna talk about it. Just drop it."

Not much I can really do in terms of talking about it.

Like I said before, nice.

I'm sorry, but that really sucks. She sounds completely unreasonable. Makes a promise, then breaks it, and won't even discuss it. I wonder what Dr. Phil would say about that?

 

[hmgolden]

My DH took a trip with a friend of his during our first year of marriage (not to WDW). I thought I would be ok with it, but once it was time for the trip, I was not. He still went, but it created some issuses for us that we have since worked through. I agree that vacations build memories, and I can't imagine going on vacation with DH (granted that might change with a few more married years under our belts). I think its great your DW is being honest with you about her feelings on your trip. I personally think you shouldn't go. You already had one solo trip this year, I wouldn't push it. Marriage is about compromise, perhaps you can agree on one solo trip a year rather than two. Then its on you to decide which time of year you want to go.

 

[BlondeAlligator]

My DH takes vacations without me, but they are usually fishing trips with his Dad and mine. Neither one of us has been on a vacation to WDW without the other, except for an all-girls family reunion I went on with my Mom and sisters. I would be really upset if he chose to go there & told me he just wanted the time to himself.

Whatever you love about Disney on your own, I respect. However, you are married now and you need to think of your wife's feelings. It's time to find things you love about Disney as a couple...for example...my DH and I love romantic dinners, midnight walks on the beaches in the moonlight, fireworks from our secret quiet Grand Floridian spot, racing each other in the water mice, "sleeping" in (wink wink), staying out late dancing at the Rock N' Roll Beach Club...there's too many things to mention here.

Keep the peace in your marraige...your single days are over and your single Disney trips should be as well.

 

[DiznEeyore]

Keep the peace in your marraige...your single days are over and your single Disney trips should be as well.

So it doesn't matter that she agreed to his taking solo trips before the ring was on??

I can't believe there are so few people who think that a spouse should honor an agreement made pre-marriage!