Married - End of Disney?

[boomhauer]

Not really the best title to this thread, but anything longer wouldn't go.

I've been married for 6 months. I love my wife dearly, and we're very happy together. Before we got married, we went to Disney World twice together, and actually had our wedding and honeymoon down there. She likes Disney very much, but not as much as I do.

Anyways, as much as I love going there with her, I also thoroughly enjoy going by myself. If you've ever gone solo, you understand. Before we were married, I told her this was something that I simply didn't want to give up, and she said she understood. So, I'm planning on going in February by myself, and then we're going in July the 2 of us.

She's a bit upset about me going away for a week by myself, and I'm feeling guilty about it.

Question is, do you ever go by yourself if you're married and is it wrong?

 

[NJBlackBerry]

Married for 6 months and planning your own vacation.

Just my opinion, but that is a REALLY BAD IDEA.

Talk to her; compromise. Do not go by yourself.

 

[boomhauer]

See, that's a whole other issue. I've worked for my company for 7 years and get 4 weeks of vacation a year. She only gets 2 weeks a year. I hate, hate, HATE just sitting around the house, not doing anything. She only takes 1 vacation, then takes single days off. So, I've got at least 2 weeks more vacation.

 

[alabamagirl]

I understand your point of view, but also try to understand hers. She is probably feeling a little abandoned (or will be) when you go to leave for Disney without her. She is thinking "What am I going to tell my friends/coworkers/parents when they ask where my husband is?" They are automatically going to think "Well they are having problems."

I am just trying to tell you how women think (being a woman myself and a newlywed).

That said my husband and I are planning on taking seperate vacations this summer. Me on a cruise with old friends. He on a beach trip to do some deep sea fishing with current friends. We have talked this over with one another and are both ok with this. That does not mean I don't have reservations about him going, especially since he is the only married one of the bunch, but I trust him.

We are also planning a trip to Disney together next Fall.

IMO, I think you should talk to your wife and explain why you want to go by yourself. Maybe after she sees how important it is to you then she will feel better about it. I know you talked about this before you got married, but what can I say? Women tend to change their mind. A LOT.

 

[boomhauer]

IMO, I think you should talk to your wife and explain why you want to go by yourself. Maybe after she sees how important it is to you then she will feel better about it. I know you talked about this before you got married, but what can I say? Women tend to change their mind. A LOT.

Thanks for the advice.

I've tried this route. Doesn't work. I don't know, I may just have to deal with not going. Obviously, my wife is more important to me than Disney World. I just figured, why can't I spend 51 weeks with my wife, and 1 week by myself at Disney?

 

[spot28]

I guess I just don't get it. To me the joy of having a spouse/partner is to share the joys (like Disney) and lighten the burdens. I can't imagine wanting to do something llike WDW without my DH, my rock.

Then again, if you plan to have kids someday, this might be a last hurrah to do this alone. Once you have little tikes, there won't be a free week in sight! I have a feeling if you went, you'd actually miss her and want her there.

Good luck.

 

[MdmMim]

My DH told me he didn't care how often I went to WDW--as long as he didn't have to go! This is when my solo trips started. However--we've been married a lot longer than 6 months! (31 years) I think you need to tread lightly on this one. JMHO

BTW--my DH finally did come around to really liking Disney and does visit a few times a year, so don't give up on your DW. (I take long solo trips--he flies down for a visit!)

 

[graygables]

My DH hates to travel. He likes WDW well enough, but not enough to go every year. I'm a SAHM of homeschooling kids so we can take all the vacation we want! That said, I didn't start travelling without DH until we had been married a few years. It was a sensitive time and I didn't feel that it was appropriate. My first trips were to visit family. If I had gone somewhere "fun" without him, he would NOT have been happy (you're on 'vacation' while I have to work type thing)

Last year, I did a solo to WDW and he kept the kids, but that was a gift to me from him (and I did it again this year). Also last year was my first non-family vacation when I took the kids to the Mall of America for a Disney friends meet. He was still a little "eh" about that. In Dec, I'm taking DDs to WDW/cruise and although he has said he didn't want to go ("tired of WDW") and he will NEVER go on a cruise, there is still resentment there. We've been married 10 years now, so we can manage a little resentment now and again, but I would never have done it in the early years.

I understand where you are coming from, but I think it's not a bad idea to hold off until you have a little more longevity in the relationship. Also, bear in mind that you having twice as much vacation may play into the jealousy equation.

 

[minkydog]

If your wife really does not want you to go, then don't go. Why would you ever consider brining this kind of turmoil into your marriage over something as simple as taking vacation?

If my DH had vacation and I didn't, I sure would'nt want to be left behind, slaving away while he whoops it up in sunny Orlando in February~instead, i would hope he would use the week to do some fun things for us at home. Perhaps some painting or other projects, take me out to lunch, plan a couples massage, fix dinner, do some romantic things we never have time for when we're both working. During the day you could take some short jaunts around your city. It's not WDW, but it's not likely to start WWIII either. And really, pleasing your wife should be a priority no matter how long you've been married.

 

[dndfrank]

I suggest waiting a few years, after a while your DW will relish the fact you will be out of the house for a week.

From
Happily married for almost 20 years

 

[pearlieq]

Honestly, I would feel awful if my DH did this. It would be one thing if she didn't want to go and had no interest, but because she can't go, it just seems a little mean to leave her behind. I would be pretty hurt if my DH did this to me.

I would prefer he use his vacation time to relax at home, pursue personal interests locally, or maybe visit some nearby family or friends. I would hope he'd want to hold out and vacation with me instead of going without me just because the opportunity came up. To me it's about thinking as a "we" rather than as "me" and "her".

Obviously this is between you and your wife and no one can answer this for you or pass judgement on your marriage from the outside. I really hope the two of you can work this out to your mutual satisfaction!

 

[boomhauer]

Honestly, I would feel awful if my DH did this. It would be one thing if she didn't want to go and had no interest, but because she can't go, it just seems a little mean to leave her behind. I would be pretty hurt if my DH did this to me.

I would prefer he use his vacation time to relax at home, pursue personal interests locally, or maybe visit some nearby family or friends. I would hope he'd want to hold out and vacation with me instead of going without me just because the opportunity came up. To me it's about thinking as a "we" rather than as "me" and "her".

Obviously this is between you and your wife and no one can answer this for you or pass judgement on your marriage from the outside. I really hope the two of you can work this out to your mutual satisfaction!

You know, I guess I never really thought of it like that. Makes me feel awfully selfish.

I don't know. My wife is awesome, and she's certainly not confined to the house, but she certainly doesn't like to be out like I do. These solo trips I take, I just look forward to so much. No place brings me the happiness that Disney World does, and being there by myself, I just feel like such a kid again. I love it. I can go on Space Mountain 10 times in a row if I want, eat burgers every day for lunch, have 2 ice cream sundaes a day.

I guess alot of it comes from living by myself for so many years. I got used to having time to myself when I wanted it. It's a tough habit to break.

 

[extraredstuff]

Certainly no vacation (not even some place as awesome as Disney) is worth putting a marriage before..... but honestly, it's not like the OP and his wife didn't talk about this before they got married.

I seem to be in the minority here (and I should disclose that I'm not married yet), but I just don't understand what OP's wife is so upset about. If my spouse had some extra vacation time and enjoyed Disney that much, I wouldn't try to make him feel guilty about wanting to spend his vacation how he wanted to. I take trips with my GF's right now and BF doesn't tag along. I miss him while I'm away, and look forward to seeing him when I get back.

And come on, It's not like the OP wants to spend the week at the Bunny Ranch....

just my opinion

 

[boomhauer]

And come on, It's not like the OP wants to spend the week at the Bunny Ranch....

just my opinion

It's funny you say that - That's pretty much how I described it to my wife. I actually said, it's not as if I'll be sitting on a beach, scoping out women, drinking daquiri's.

If we lived in Florida, I wouldn't have this issue. Unfortunately, the one place I love more than anywhere, and my one true obessions, happens to be 1,300 miles away from home. I WISH I loved Six Flafs which is only 30 minutes away as much, but I just don't.

 

[Soprano]

British perspective here, will use Americanism language

I wouldn't like to vivist WDW by myself, however....My wife mentioned her folks are planning to go to WDW in August with their teenage children. I am more than happy to let her go there with them without me!

My in-laws are great, but I don't want to spend my holidays with my mother-in-law who can be a little grumpy at times.

For example we'd all stay in a Villa, she would be tidying up after our 3&4 yo kids the whole time, when I just want them to play with their toys. Then moan at her husband (which irritates me as he's a great guy) about whatever, be a backseat driver... Ugh, no thanks! So I said, go ahead if you want without me.

Strangely enough, I mentioned the fact I may pop over to New York with a friend, just me and him, she's like "Oh no! That's not fair!" Ha! The big difference is my wife is a housewife, so understand why she would object!

The way I see it, you should go ahead! You Americans get such poor amount of time off (I get 6 weeks off a year excluding public holidays) so understand why your holidays are so important.

What does she expect you to do for those 2 extra weeks, sit at home and do housework all day??? You could be going to worse places, Vegas, or taking Spring Break and hitting the coast! Is the actual location the problem? Jealousy? Would she be okay if you decided to stay in a cabin in Canada?

 

[boomhauer]

The way I see it, you should go ahead! You Americans get such poor amount of time off (I get 6 weeks off a year excluding public holidays) so understand why your holidays are so important.

What does she expect you to do for those 2 extra weeks, sit at home and do housework all day??? You could be going to worse places, Vegas, or taking Spring Break and hitting the coast! Is the actual location the problem? Jealousy? Would she be okay if you decided to stay in a cabin in Canada?

Maybe I should be British - I couldn't agree more.

 

[QT Pooh]

I can certainly understand both your wife's and your perspectives. But I must say, it is important for both of you to have your own interests and enjoy them separately. You can enjoy them together, but your own private time is also necessary. Is there something underlying that you might not be thinking about? Are there things around the house that need to be done that are on your 'honey-do' list? Is money a concern? Is she not fully trusting of you? Ask her, just exactly what does she expect you to do with your extra vacation time?

I always take an extra one week vacation with the kids without my husband every year for that same reason. I have more vacation time. Do we miss each other? Yeah, like crazy (we've been married for 4 years but still act like newlyweds) Being apart makes you realize how much you do love being with that other person. Maybe she thinks you'll forget that because you're having 'too much fun' (if there is such a thing) at Disney?

Whatever it is, make sure you talk to her about it. In the end, it really doesn't matter what we all say - it's between you and her. Good luck!

 

[minkydog]

Whatever it is, make sure you talk to her about it. In the end, it really doesn't matter what we all say - it's between you and her. Good luck!

Had to make this point one more time. It is between you and her. I would not recommend doing something that you know makes your wife feel unhappy or less loved, no matter what her reasons are. I'm saying that from the perspective of a wife with 24+ years experience.

 

[spiceycat]

. Is there something underlying that you might not be thinking about? Are there things around the house that need to be done that are on your 'honey-do' list? Is money a concern? Is she not fully trusting of you? Ask her, just exactly what does she expect you to do with your extra vacation time?

Whatever it is, make sure you talk to her about it. In the end, it really doesn't matter what we all say - it's between you and her. Good luck!

stay at home and work around the house. You are taking her to WDW so just go with that trip.

she doesn't want separate trips at this time in her life.

if you don't have a 'honey-do' list - start one. there are always things to be done around the house - to make it better for both of you.

 

[maine_jennifer]

Not married, so I know I can't speak from experience. However, this is something the two of you have to work out and what we all say doesn't matter, so I'll respond anyway.

I LOVE my solo trips and totally understand. It's been 2 years since my last one and that was WAAY to long to wait. Is there any chance you could make it just a short trip of maybe 3 or 4 days while she's at work instead of a whole week? You'd get a bit of a solo Disney fix and you wouldn't be away as long. Plus she wouldn't have to spend her days off alone.

Just my $.02!