Mama bear angry

[mi*vida*loca]

I would tell my daughter to kick her right back. Then punch her directly in the face. My kid is no ones punching bag. If the school wants to reprimand my daughter for defending herself so be it. I will deal with that and my kid won’t be punished at home.

Back in my day (I’m 38) if mom called the school it just made it worse on the kid. That was school suicide. You’d be bullied even worse. The only way to deal with a bully is by defending yourself.

All this police talk is crazy. What a waste of resources.

 

[Cheburashka]

If she is getting away with it, many times the school's hands are tied by legal requirements related to a disability. Schools can not easily expel students who have disabilities

This is absolutely true, and the school also cannot even tell the OP if this child is classified as having a disability. I'm a teacher and have a kid in my class who behaves aggressively towards others at times, but I literally cannot discipline him (I have been directly ordered not to by administration, despite the fact that he has been aggressive toward a severely disabled child and very rude to multiple teachers, and when I say "discipline", I mean only losing a very short and simple privilege), because he is a (high-functioning) SPED student and his mother is litigious. The district isn't afraid of losing a court battle, which they could not lose because we do everything on our side appropriately & document everything, but the district just doesn't want the expense of paying a lawyer & going to mediation, so the top goal is to bend bend bend in order to keep the parent happy.

It could easily be a similar scenario with the bully in this thread. Disabled or not, they might have an enabling parent who threatens the school whenever she gets in trouble. School administrators & districts can be notoriously cowardly, unfortunately. The best solution to that as a parent is to fight fire with fire and threaten legal action yourself.

This kind of thing is one reason why I have my son in private school.

 

[MrsPete]

Take some deep breaths.....

I find that statement so insulting.

Do NOT confront a minor. It will only end badly for you.

Absolutely true, and it would make you the bully. I don't see any indication that you want that.

That it won't happen again under her watch, but it's happening in the hallway between classes so

Yes, kids don't do this stuff in class where the teacher can see -- they do it when the teacher's entering attendance in the computer, or when the class is walking to the busses and everyone's crowded into the hallway, or between the racks in the library. Bullies are smart and sneaky about it.

If she is bruised from these assaults (and yes, it is assault!) document them by taking photos - not of her butt if that's too much for her, but at least the shins.

Excellent idea.

I disagree - do BOTH. You want email as proof

Yes, email provides a trail.

Begin with the assumption that the school will handle this well. Give them a chance to do their job, but IF things don't go well, you'll have the emails as evidence you've initiated the process.

This is unpopular opinion on the DIS, but my daughter has full permission to defend herself. We’d accept any punishment at school for her “breaking the rules”, but she’ll never be punished at home for defending herself. I’ll be darned if my kid is a punching bag for someone else.

Not at all unpopular. If my kid had ever STARTED trouble like this, I'd have punished her severely -- and if she'd been the victim, I'd rather she go to an adult for help, IF the possibility exists. But IF circumstances warrant it, I would not punish her at home for defending herself.

Consider, too, that a suspension in middle school doesn't go on your permanent record. That changes in high school -- colleges and scholarship committees will eventually be able to see high school suspensions.

All this police talk is crazy. What a waste of resources.

Agree. Let the school do its job. Give them time to fix the problem. IF this were to continue, then it'd be time to bring in the police.

The school/teachers/principal were not aware of it happening. My DD never told them.

So you need to have a conversation about "telling". Help her understand that when it involves bullies, it's not "tattling". Talk to her about a couple ways she could report trouble. Roll play with her. Obviously she could walk up to a teacher, but since she didn't do that, I'm guessing she might be afraid. Suggest to her that she could write a note /hand it to a teacher; she could pre-write something generic and keep it in her back pocket: I am being bullied. Please help me. Any teacher would pull her aside and ask for details. Find out whether your school has an Online Bullying Form.

She didn't report it immediately, so give her the tools to manage things better. Hopefully she'll never need to do it again, but she'll feel stronger knowing you're on her side, and she'll be better prepared IF such a thing happens again.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

The school can’t tell you what the punishment is to the other child. What they can tell you is what they are goi g to do to keep your child safe.

 

[Snowflakey]

All this police talk is crazy. What a waste of resources.

I don't believe it is a waste at all. My youngest DD is in law enforcement and has gone to grade schools to handle this type of behavior. Just recently she was talking to the principal of one of the schools and he said since she was there talking to the "bully" the behavior hasn't happened again (It's been about 6 months). Prior to her talk the behavior was happening weekly.

 

[ronandannette]

This is absolutely true, and the school also cannot even tell the OP if this child is classified as having a disability. I'm a teacher and have a kid in my class who behaves aggressively towards others at times, but I literally cannot discipline him (I have been directly ordered not to by administration, despite the fact that he has been aggressive toward a severely disabled child and very rude to multiple teachers, and when I say "discipline", I mean only losing a very short and simple privilege), because he is a (high-functioning) SPED student and his mother is litigious. The district isn't afraid of losing a court battle, which they could not lose because we do everything on our side appropriately & document everything, but the district just doesn't want the expense of paying a lawyer & going to mediation, so the top goal is to bend bend bend in order to keep the parent happy.

It could easily be a similar scenario with the bully in this thread. Disabled or not, they might have an enabling parent who threatens the school whenever she gets in trouble. School administrators & districts can be notoriously cowardly, unfortunately. The best solution to that as a parent is to fight fire with fire and threaten legal action yourself.

This kind of thing is one reason why I have my son in private school.

This is shameful and my heart goes out to the kids he's victimizing. You'd be doing that child a kindness by advising his/her parents to remove their vulnerable child from your school.

 

[sam_gordon]

I don't believe it is a waste at all. My youngest DD is in law enforcement and has gone to grade schools to handle this type of behavior. Just recently she was talking to the principal of one of the schools and he said since she was there talking to the "bully" the behavior hasn't happened again (It's been about 6 months). Prior to her talk the behavior was happening weekly.

Disagree. Give the school a chance to handle the situation to start. If it continues, then a call to police may be warranted. Having it be the first response is extreme IMO. In your case, the behavior was repeated multiple times.

 

[Karin1984]

I don't believe it is a waste at all. My youngest DD is in law enforcement and has gone to grade schools to handle this type of behavior. Just recently she was talking to the principal of one of the schools and he said since she was there talking to the "bully" the behavior hasn't happened again (It's been about 6 months). Prior to her talk the behavior was happening weekly.

Also that could be interpreted differently. Did the bullying stop because he/she sees that bullying is wrong, or because he/she is scared that the police will arrest them and take them away from their families.

With the stories coming from the US about police officers arresting and handcuffing 6-year olds, the explanation on why they should tell the police isn't necessarily a positive one.

 

[mjkacmom]

This is shameful and my heart goes out to the kids he's victimizing. You'd be doing that child a kindness by advising his/her parents to remove their vulnerable child from your school.

I don’t believe teachers or administrators can do that.

 

[ronandannette]

I don’t believe teachers or administrators can do that.

What kind of crazy situation is this? Maybe a little brutal honesty like "I'm not allowed to protect your child and (s)he is in danger here". I don't know how one's conscience would allow anything else. What on earth are they saying to the parents of the victim when they bring concerns forward? Or do they even know? Is the severely disabled child able to communicate with them or are they unaware? Who in h-e-double hockey sticks is advocating for this child?

 

[mjkacmom]

What kind of crazy situation is this? Maybe a little brutal honesty like "I'm not allowed to protect your child and (s)he is in danger here". I don't know how one's conscience would allow anything else. What on earth are they saying to the parents of the victim when they bring concerns forward? Or do they even know? Is the severely disabled child able to communicate with them or are they unaware? Who in h-e-double hockey sticks is advocating for this child?

They need to be very careful what they do and do not say. We have teacher friends and one us the HS principal, they are instructed to protect the school district, that is the #1 priority. They really walk on glass.

 

[Cheburashka]

This is shameful and my heart goes out to the kids he's victimizing. You'd be doing that child a kindness by advising his/her parents to remove their vulnerable child from your school.

If I were to do that, I would also be removed in the form of losing my job. I do keep the boy away from the vulnerable child on my watch, however.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

So here's how it likely would go down in my area (at least back when I was in school). SRO officer would have been involved once notified. What happened would have been considered battery, due to the age they probably would have been referred to youth court...however, if 18 and older likely arrested.

It's a really hard place to be in but immediately notifying the school is/would have been important for the OP's daughter. These things are often best dealt with right when they happen. And with an individual who is known for being mean and a bully maybe even more so.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

If the school wants to reprimand my daughter for defending herself so be it. I will deal with that and my kid won’t be punished at home.

That would likely be disorderly conduct in my area (more likely that if defending oneself) but could be deemed battery. The school wouldn't reprimand the student, they would defer to the authorities and likely would be referred to youth court unless it was deemed battery in which case the age would likely determine the end result. Not saying your kid wouldn't have the right to defend herself but a reprimand is unlikely to be the response from schools in my area when it comes to these sorts of things well unless you include in addition to what I mentioned things like suspension, etc.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Just to touch on school handling things first then police, for some places that is one in the same. The school may be obligated to contact the proper authorities which may include an SRO or the police depending on the offense as laid out in school policies. I gather that from the comments it's that the OP would actually contact the police herself but in various places the school is notified and they have their proper policy to follow. As for waste of resources that might be more if the OP went directly to the police if not attempting to handle it with the school first but SRO and police departments themselves are not a waste of resources and may still be contacted depending on the situation.

 

[SandyinMonterey]

So my DD came home from school today telling me that a girl at school has started kicking her. Hard. In the bottom and the shins. I've already contacted the school but my blood is boiling right now! I DESPISE bullying! And I have angry mama bear syndrome bad! What else can I do so I don't march myself down to the school and confront this girl myself.

My daughter was being bullied in 6th grade. I emailed the teacher in the class it was happening mostly in and the appropriate grade class principle. I received a call the next day by 9 a.m. and I was at the school having a meeting by that afternoon. The principle interviewed me and my daughter, took notes and I was told that this child and parents will be asked to come to the school. My daughter and this bully were not in any more classes together for the next 2 years while in middle school. Schools says they have a zero tolerance against bullying....I made sure of it especially when it concerns my daughter.

 

[Travel60]

Maybe I missed something....I went back and reread....but I don't see where OP said offending child is differently abled.

I agree that middle school girls can be mean (my own daughter shed a few tears over being left out of cliques and activities), but hitting and kicking is more than mean. This is learned activity and possibly a cry for help. Depending on the reaction of the girl's parents, perhaps a social worker should be involved.

OP....what has school done?

 

[J'aime Paris]

I find that statement so insulting.

I was replying to what OP asked...
" What else can I do so I don't march myself down to the school and confront this girl myself."

Not sure what you find so insulting about that??

 

[MrsPete]

The school can’t tell you what the punishment is to the other child.

Yes, while it may be frustrating, you're not entitled to know how someone else's child is punished.

They need to be very careful what they do and do not say. We have teacher friends and one us the HS principal, they are instructed to protect the school district, that is the #1 priority. They really walk on glass.

Of course things vary from place to place, but that's not "a thing" where I teach. Yes, we're expected to put our best foot forward for our schools, but we don't value reputation above children.

I agree that middle school girls can be mean (my own daughter shed a few tears over being left out of cliques and activities), but hitting and kicking is more than mean.

Yes, hitting and kicking is not typical girl behavior (well, past day care age); girl-bullying tends towards cliques /flagrantly leaving another out of play, etc.

Not sure what you find so insulting about that??

I've always found that statement to be condescending. It implies that the speaker is out of control and needs to be spoken to like a child or an imbecile. Perhaps I shouldn't have said it here, but I find "just breathe" to be as grating as nails on a chalkboard.

 

[J'aime Paris]

I've always found that statement to be condescending. It implies that the speaker is out of control and needs to be spoken to like a child or an imbecile. Perhaps I shouldn't have said it here, but I find "just breathe" to be as grating as nails on a chalkboard.

Well, I find things like taking a few deep breaths quite helpful!
I can get my emotions in check.
I won't over react.
I can think more clearly.

Just because it doesn't work for you, does NOT make it invalid for others.

And OP didn't have her 'angry mama bear' in control!...she was quite upset, understandably so. She was ready to march down to the school to confront a minor!!