Maiden/Married name

[jwsqrdplus2]

Another person who just tacked on DH's last name. I am now Jessica Middle Maiden Last. I love the fact that I am *unique* in that manner. Unfortunately, society does not know how to deal with 2 middle names any more than they know how to deal with NO middle name.

As a side note, I had always thought that I would not take DH;s name if I was in the *wrong* place on my career to change my name. I was 26 and several years into my career when I got married. I finally realized that I had built my reputation as ME not as my maiden name, so changing my name was not a big deal professionally when it came down to it. And changing my name was a very difficult decision for me. But I finally decided by keeping both my middle and maiden names legally as my new middle names, I did what I wanted! I honored my parents for their choice of name, and I honored my husband by taking on his name (FAR more unpronoucable than my maiden name!). To me that is a win-win situation! But I will add, this is a personal decision between you and your spouse.

 

[Kallison]

I dropped my middle name and use my maiden name. Phoenitically it sounds like "honker", which is what my DH's college friends call me. No way was I gonna hyphenate that one! I didn't give my DD a middle name, her first name is two put together with a hyphen. I figure she can use our last name for her middle after she gets married. I don't think she will hyphenate a first AND last name. I have a friend who gave her son her maiden name as his first name - Carter. I like that. So did one of my co-workers - Jordan.

 

[Val]

I am a professor, and met my DH in graduate school (actually, we knew each other in high school but we each thought the other was a "science geek".....little did we know that years later we would find science geeks attractive!). I published under my maiden name in graduate school. When I got married I hyphenated so I am professional FirstName MiddleName MaidenName-DHname. That way my publications follow me (if you search, BOTH names come up), but my children's teachers know that I AM married to their father. Kids just have their dad's last name, as we both liked it better. Generally, outside of academics I am just Mrs. DHname rather than Dr. MaidenName-MarriedName. Generally, it works, although my dear MIL still calls us Dr. and Mrs. MarriedName just to irritate me (I worked JUST as hard for MY doctorate as DH!!!!!). In general, as long as my students don't call me mom and my kids teachers/parents/friends acknowledge that I am related to the kids and my DH I am happy!

 

[Nutsy]

My name is as it was before I was married with the exception of my surname...............I took my husbands name.

 

[disykat]

Okay weird question here for those who kept their maiden names. I'm a teacher and we go by the title of Miss, Ms. or Mrs. It seemed really odd to me that if I had kept by maiden name I would have changed from Miss maidenname to Mrs. maidenname (in the middle of the school year!).

If you go by a title, do you just go by Ms.? (I went by Miss because I WANTED people to know my marital status! Now I don't care so much, but still prefer Mrs.) Is it weird to be Mrs. Maidenname?

 

[eeyore74]

disykat - even with DH's name, I am Ms. I was Ms. before and am Ms. now. (Or Miss, I'm not picky.) Mrs. is actually the formal and was used for Mrs. HisFirstName HisLast Name. I won't go into my thoughts on that.

 

[zulaya]

My maiden name was Ziskovsky. Mispronounced, misspelled, the whole nine yards. Albright is a much easier last name and I moved from the back to the front of the alphabet!

 

[cuterlt]

I know it sounds silly, but I actually prefer Mrs. to Ms. It took me YEARS to find a DH, so I like being called Mrs. Even if it is Mrs. Married name Maiden Name..... lol.

 

[MICKEY88]

Originally posted by Laura
Many times women who have hyphenated the names just use one of the names for the children. My children will not have my hyphenated last name, but my husband's last name (he didn't change anything). If I have a daughter and do happen to give her my hyphenated name, it would be fine with me if she dropped it altogether and took her husband's name or if she hyphenated part of hers to his or kept hers. It's all about personal preference, really. Nobody's obligated to keep a hyphenated name going, in my opinion. But boy, do I like having the best of both worlds!

I understand this part,, but doesn't this defeat the whole idea of keeping the family name alive, unless you continue to use all names...

 

[helenabear]

Originally posted by Laura
In my BIL's culture the tradition is to hyphenate names. How does that work when they get married? I'll tell ya.

Mr. Joe A-B marries Miss Jane C-D. He's still Joe A-B, but she becomes Jane A-C. Kids are Sally A-C and Scott A-C.

Scott gets married to Linda E-F. His name's still Scott A-C but she's now Linda A-E. Confused yet? Well, Sally A-C marries Larry G-H. She becomes Sally G-A.

Basically, the husband's first half of the hyphenate combines with the wife's first half of the hyphenate when they marry so she doesn't become Mrs. A-B-C-D-E-F-G...etc.

LOL, Laura, you explained Luis' family's way quite well!!! But really you forgot that Luis' official name is actually four names long and that changes per whomever they marry. So really his name is Luis [middle names] F-M PG-MG (F=father M=mother's maiden name PG=paternal grandmother's maiden name MG=maternal granmother's maiden name). Now *that* gets confusing and wasn't something I was about to do to our children (think how it would sound). And here in the US, it is hard to get any formal documentation with that many names. So I made life easy and left out any hyphenations on my name and plan to keep it at one name for any kids we have

disykat, I also prefer to use Ms. with my married name. I started using Ms. in college when I got engaged (with my maiden name then) and really prefer the sound of it. Not that I want to hide that I am married, it just feels like it fits me better

 

[Gette88]

Originally posted by meeshi
Well, I'm traditional and dropped my maiden name and took my husband's last name. I don't even have a middle name

Me too. I don't have a middle name but dropped my maiden name and took DH's name. Never even thought about doing it differently.

 

[Poohnatic]

I'm Suzanne M. maiden name-married name.

My first marriage, I gladly took my husband's name, as unpronounceable as it was. Seven months later, I lost my dad, and regretted not having my maiden name as part of my name.

When I started dating current husband, he knew my dad, knew how much my dad meant to me (similar situation-he lost his dad a year before mine passed) and understood that I was going to hyphenate. He wasn't thrilled, but understood why I wanted to do so.

He's happy now that we have kids, because most of the time, I'm just called by my married name by the school and such. I will sometimes state my name as just my married name for ease of spelling (yes, both names have to be spelled out most of the time!).

At work, nearly everything gets signed with just my initials (SMRM), and my coworkers had to find a way to get my name when they nominated me for an award a few years back. NO ONE (except the other managers) knew my last name, LOL! The payroll system at work doesn't recognize hyphens, so it's not hyphenated on any work documentation. When travelling for work, it made checking in for my flight interesting! Five tries later, we found me on my flight!

Suzanne

 

[MAC3]

I dropped my maiden name (I couldn't wait to get rid of it, I hate my birth father. ) Even though I had it for 30 yrs & I knew I would be spelling my new name for the rest of my life.


Lisa

 

[CEDmom]

Not to be a smarty pants or anything but the Emily Post way is Jane Maiden Name Husband's Last Name and you would be referred to as Jane Husband's Last Name in casual settings or Mrs. Husband's First Name Husband's Last Name in a more formal setting.

I threw proper etiquette out the window and just keep my name as is .

 

[WDWAurora]

Thanks CEDMom!! My boyfriend has NEVER heard of dropping the middle/keeping the maiden for the middle....That was what I thought EVERYBODY did, aside from people who used more "modern" for lack of a better term things like hyphenating or just not changing. Thanks for the info, now I can prove to him that it's not just a southern thing!

 

[disykat]

I only kept my middle name because that's what I go by. It wouldn't have made sense to drop my middle name and I didn't want to drop my first name either. However using your maiden name as your legal middle name is definately the norm here (northwest) for those who take their husband's last name and was the norm for my mom 50 years ago (midwest). It surprises me that people haven't heard of doing it that way.

 

[swea_pea1]

I was a Ms. before I was married and am still a Ms. after.

If I heard Mrs. (last name) I'd turn around to look for my MIL!

 

[letfuller]

It was somewhat difficult for me to decide whether or not to keep my maiden name once I married. I thought I would hyphenate my name, but decided to take my DH name. I loved taking his name and would do it again. In regards to being the last in the line, my DB and his wife used her maiden name as the middle name of their daughter. I think that is neat. I guess I figured, I was going to commit to this man for the rest of my life and we were becoming a family.... And I guess I have to add my name to the list to the not knowing of dropping my middle name ... I wouldn't have anyway, as it was my grandmother' name.

 

[chager]

I dropped my maiden name and took my husbands last name. I had a friend that kept her maiden and hyphenated husbands name becuase she was mid thirties and most people knew her by her maiden name. The children just had dad's name.