Magpie
DIS Legend
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2007
- Messages
- 10,615
First, I try not to EVER give my kids a chance to lie. I don't ask leading questions like, "Honey, did you leave a mess all over the countertop?" when I already know perfectly well that my daughter was the last one in the kitchen.
Nope, I say, "Honey, you left a mess all over the countertop! Get in here and clean it up."
And if she says, "It wasn't me!" (A totally normal response, BTW!) Then I say, "You were the last one in the kitchen. If it was messy when you walked in, then you should have said something. You didn't, so it's your problem. Clean it up!"
Also, if there's no way for me to tell who made a mess or did something, I will sometimes say, "If someone 'fesses up right now, all you have to do is fix this and I won't say another word about it. If no one 'fesses up, you're both..." (Washing dishes for a week, whatever seems appropriate to the crime...)
There's also a standard rule in the house, which I'm careful to enforce (and remind the kids about regularly), that if someone confesses, they will get a much smaller and less painful consequence than if they lie about it and I find out later. Lying makes things worse. I don't hold it against them, though, if they panic, lie, and then retract their lie. A confession is still good, even if it's a little late. I've reduced punishments based on late confessions.
When their grandma watches her soaps I usually take a moment to point out to the kids how all the lies those foolish characters tell each other only makes things worse. Having examples like, "All she had to do was tell her husband that she lost the baby!" is both fun AND educational.
My kids are generally truthful. They're also bad liars, which is hilarious (oh... and kids HATE it when they try to lie to you and you laugh in their face!). Sometimes kids lie just because they really wish that what they're saying is the truth. They're not crazy or immoral - they just want you to believe in them and believe that they're good people, so they're going to stick to the best story they can, even when it's ridiculous. That's why I said above that you should never give them an opportunity to lie if you already know the truth - it's just mean to trap them like that!
Judge Judy says, "How do you know if a teenager is lying? They're moving their lips!"
My kids are going to lie. I won't always know when they're lying , either. So, I try to keep the lines of communication open. I talk to them. I listen to them without judgment. I spend time with them, and I encourage them to spend time with other adults in their lives. Hopefully if they ever get into real, serious trouble, they'll ask one of us for help.
Nope, I say, "Honey, you left a mess all over the countertop! Get in here and clean it up."
And if she says, "It wasn't me!" (A totally normal response, BTW!) Then I say, "You were the last one in the kitchen. If it was messy when you walked in, then you should have said something. You didn't, so it's your problem. Clean it up!"
Also, if there's no way for me to tell who made a mess or did something, I will sometimes say, "If someone 'fesses up right now, all you have to do is fix this and I won't say another word about it. If no one 'fesses up, you're both..." (Washing dishes for a week, whatever seems appropriate to the crime...)
There's also a standard rule in the house, which I'm careful to enforce (and remind the kids about regularly), that if someone confesses, they will get a much smaller and less painful consequence than if they lie about it and I find out later. Lying makes things worse. I don't hold it against them, though, if they panic, lie, and then retract their lie. A confession is still good, even if it's a little late. I've reduced punishments based on late confessions.
When their grandma watches her soaps I usually take a moment to point out to the kids how all the lies those foolish characters tell each other only makes things worse. Having examples like, "All she had to do was tell her husband that she lost the baby!" is both fun AND educational.
My kids are generally truthful. They're also bad liars, which is hilarious (oh... and kids HATE it when they try to lie to you and you laugh in their face!). Sometimes kids lie just because they really wish that what they're saying is the truth. They're not crazy or immoral - they just want you to believe in them and believe that they're good people, so they're going to stick to the best story they can, even when it's ridiculous. That's why I said above that you should never give them an opportunity to lie if you already know the truth - it's just mean to trap them like that!
Judge Judy says, "How do you know if a teenager is lying? They're moving their lips!"
My kids are going to lie. I won't always know when they're lying , either. So, I try to keep the lines of communication open. I talk to them. I listen to them without judgment. I spend time with them, and I encourage them to spend time with other adults in their lives. Hopefully if they ever get into real, serious trouble, they'll ask one of us for help.
If she was younger, I would take the time in the evening to point out that she's traded maybe 15 minutes of illicit computer time in the morning for several hours she could have had this evening. And wouldn't it have been better to have waited? I don't need to have that lecture with her now, though, because she's older and she knows it by heart. 
LOVE this idea!!!! I will have to try that and I will do it more than once! See how they like it is right!!! 
Can we get popcorn? 
Of course!!! Cotton Candy?? Yeah! How many rides can we ride? As many as you want!! YAY!!! 
