Lutheran Wedding Requirements?

[Eeyores Butterfly]

Does anybody know if the Lutheran Church has requirements for weddings? I know in the Catholic Church you have to take a 6 month class called Pre Cana and you have to be married in the church unless one parter is not Catholic and then you can get married elsewhere provided you get a dispensation of form from the Bishop. I also know that for the marriage to be valid in the church's eyes you have to agree to raise the children Catholic.

Does anybody know if Lutheran churches have similar requirements? I have tried Google and am not really finding any answers. I am not looking to debate the merits of the requirements (that would against the rules), just looking for information on weddings within the Lutheran Church.

 

[toledo13]

Does anybody know if the Lutheran Church has requirements for weddings? I know in the Catholic Church you have to take a 6 month class called Pre Cana and you have to be married in the church unless one parter is not Catholic and then you can get married elsewhere provided you get a dispensation of form from the Bishop. I also know that for the marriage to be valid in the church's eyes you have to agree to raise the children Catholic.

Does anybody know if Lutheran churches have similar requirements? I have tried Google and am not really finding any answers. I am not looking to debate the merits of the requirements (that would against the rules), just looking for information on weddings within the Lutheran Church.

We had to take a 'compatibility test', then talk it over with our pastor. That was it.

 

[cybrkitn]

DH and I are Lutheran (Lutheran Church Missouri Synod). Each pastor is different on how they conduct marriages.

For us, We had to take pre-cana where we met with other married couples of our church. We could choose to make our own vows or choose from a list of traditional vows (we chose the latter). We also decided to have communion at our wedding as well (it was open to everyone who had been instructed in communion regardless of denomination).

We have been married for 10 years this September.

 

[TaraPA]

I had a Lutheran wedding in 1993 & we had to meet with the pastor a few times to talk. DH is Catholic so I don't know if that was the reason for the classes or if it was the norm. We just discussed things like morality, goals, children etc. I found the whole thing very umcomfortable (at age 21 anyway!)

 

[MichelleinMaine]

There are actually two different types of Lutheran churches (Evangelical Lutheran Church in America and Missouri Synod). We were going to be married by one ELCA pastor and then moved, and were married in another ELCA church. Both required premarital counseling. I think the first one was going to be 8 sessions, just with him and us. We had I think 3 sessions with the pastor who did marry us. Two were general "things to think about" (like whether you had similar ideals on kids and money) and one was actually planning the service, vows, music, etc. (For what it's worth, we were not allowed to write our own vows, had to use the ones in the Lutheran Book of Worship.)

We were married 17 years ago. DH had been raised Lutheran. I was brought up Methodist, but joined the church shortly before we were married. You did not have to be a member or Lutheran to be married there, though it was less expensive for members of that congregation.

We didn't have to promise to raise our children in the Lutheran church. I don't remember anything more than, in counseling, the pastor saying that he hoped we'd raise any future children in a Christian environment.

 

[MichelleinMaine]

We just discussed things like morality, goals, children etc. I found the whole thing very umcomfortable (at age 21 anyway!)

I was 20 and while I felt a little awkward in our counseling, I thought very good points were brought up. He mostly talked about "things we should discuss", such as our ideas on children, money, etc. I was thankful he didn't make us discuss them in his presence. I think many people think about just "love compatibility", and not financial or family ones. It was helpful.

Morality... he told me I had better not show up at the wedding and say I was pregnant. Did I mention I thought this particular guy lacked some tact?

 

[cabanafrau]

I believe a large difference from the Catholic church requirements may stem from the fact that in the Catholic church marriage is a sacrament, while the Lutheran church does not recognize it as such. Requirements in Lutheran churches vary from congregation to congregation, sometimes from synod to synod.

Don't forget the Wisconsin Synod -- they won't take kindly to it. As for the PP who mentioned even non-LCMS members receiving communion at their LCMS wedding, that is something that definitely would depend on the pastor/congregation in LCMS and I believe Wisconsin Synod as well.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

Are there any requirements if you are not married in a Lutheran Church? The requirements I outlined for the Catholic Church are true whether or not your marriage takes place in a Catholic Church. If one member is Catholic those requirements must be met or you are considered to be in a state of grave sin. Is there anything simiilar in the Lutheran Church if the wedding takes place elsewhere?

 

[snoopyluvsdis]

Yes, you are going to have to talk to the pastor of the church where you would like to get married at. I am WELS member but married a Catholic in his church. We did a two day group marriage prep class and had one meeting with his priest.

Be aware that WELS is the strictist Lutheren church out there. My cousin and his fiance were living to together and wanted to get married. The pastor had them take an oath of celebitcy(sp?) before he would agree to marry them.

 

[cabanafrau]

Are there any requirements if you are not married in a Lutheran Church? The requirements I outlined for the Catholic Church are true whether or not your marriage takes place in a Catholic Church. If one member is Catholic those requirements must be met or you are considered to be in a state of grave sin. Is there anything simiilar in the Lutheran Church if the wedding takes place elsewhere?

Not in ELCA or LCMS churches, once again, possibly because marriage is not a sacrament in the Lutheran church. I can't speak to the Wisconsin Synod because I have never been a member of a congregation in that synod or been closely acquainted with a member of one.

 

[belle&sebastiansmom]

I also know that for the marriage to be valid in the church's eyes you have to agree to raise the children Catholic.

Jessi, you got me thinking (worrying)! Both DH and I were cradle Catholics, married in Catholic Church. Yes, a lot goes into the prep to get married Catholic, we even had to take a family planning course.

Anyway, about 9 months ago we converted to Methodism. One of the best spiritual decisions we've made for our family. I know our marriage is legal, but I wonder if we should get it re-blessed by our pastor?

By the way, when's the wedding?!!

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

We're not officially engaged yet, but if he stays in the area we are going to start Pre-Cana classes. (He doesn't want to propose until he has a job as he doesn't want me to think he is freeloading off of my salary). Anyway, Pre-Cana takes at least 6 months, so we are talking about starting that in the fall provided he gets a job in the area. I didn't know if there were similar requirements in the Lutheran Church that we should be looking into.

 

[TaraPA]

If one member is Catholic those requirements must be met or you are considered to be in a state of grave sin.

WOW DH has been living in sin for 16 years now! He's Catholic, I'm Lutheran & we married in the Lutheran church.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

WOW DH has been living in sin for 16 years now! He's Catholic, I'm Lutheran & we married in the Lutheran church.

It's okay to marry in another church as long as you get what is known as a dispensation of form from the bishop. If you do not, you can go through what is known as convalidation in which they make the marriage valid in the eyes of the church, but you must agree to be celibate until the convalidation is granted.

 

[golfgal]

Are there any requirements if you are not married in a Lutheran Church? The requirements I outlined for the Catholic Church are true whether or not your marriage takes place in a Catholic Church. If one member is Catholic those requirements must be met or you are considered to be in a state of grave sin. Is there anything simiilar in the Lutheran Church if the wedding takes place elsewhere?

I wouldn't say what you posted for the Catholic Church is "true". Around here you don't have to take a 6 month pre-cana class, here you take a 2 day weekend retreat. You also don't have to get married in the church, just by a priest, many priests won't marry people outside of the church but many will. Your individual church may require all of what you posted but the Catholic Church as a whole is not like that.

 

[scrapquilter]

We were married in the Lutheran Church (I was a member, DH was not) we just had to do a meeting with the pastor one time.

 

[allison443]

I wouldn't say what you posted for the Catholic Church is "true". Around here you don't have to take a 6 month pre-cana class, here you take a 2 day weekend retreat. You also don't have to get married in the church, just by a priest, many priests won't marry people outside of the church but many will. Your individual church may require all of what you posted but the Catholic Church as a whole is not like that.

I think the pre-cana classes must vary among dioceses...I have known many many Catholic couples who got married, no one went for classes for six months!!
Either they did "engagement encounter" (a weekend program like the marriage encounter program), or a day long pre cana class, or a class that met for three evening sessions. After the pre-cana there was a separate meeting with the priest who was performing the wedding.

Thinking about it, it seems odd that the pre cana requirements wouldn't be standardized across the whole American church

OP sorry I cannot help with your query! Best of luck with your planning.

 

[KiminChicago]

DH was raised Catholic, I was raised Missouri Synod Lutheran. We met when we were in our mid-thirties, and after some discussion, we decided we would get married in the Catholic Church that he and his parents attended. I was very fortunate that the deacon in my local Catholic Church was willing to conduct an individualized RCIA program for me so that I was able to make my First Communion and Confirmation before our wedding so we could have a full Mass.

When we met with the priest at my husband's church, he told us that he was going to waive the pre-Cana requirement because of our ages. He felt that given our more mature ages, we had probably already discussed a lot of the items that would be covered in the pre-Cana sessions anyway, and he thought that we might be uncomfortable with all of the younger people getting married.

My brother and his wife were married in the Lutheran Church and I don't think there were any specific requirements at all. They went back to DSIL's home town to get married, so neither one of them was a member of the church they were married in.