Lulu201's Back In Action Journal

[toystoryduo]

Congratulations Erin on your four week anniversary! I have learned so much from your posts and I want to thank you for sharing your insights with us.

Have a great Tuesday!

Tracy

 

[septbride2002]

Hope DD is feeling better!

~Amanda

 

[Strings]

Hi Erin,

I am sending you some for weigh in. Regardless of what the scale says, I think this program is working well for you. You seem more relaxed since you have started. Even though life gets crazy, you seem more centered. I hope you have found your answer.

I hope your daughter is feeling better.
Have a great one,
Beth

 

[lulu201]

Good morning! Today is September 30, 2004 Day #30 of my 30 Day Thin Within Program!

Today I've got a little teeny celebration going on inside of me! During the last 30 days I've come to a newer understanding of myself and have developed a stronger faith and positive attitude. Thank you, friends, for letting me share my journey here. Your encouragement has helped me to use this journal to sort my feelings out and to find a new way of living.

Geesh, that sounds dramatic, but that's really how I feel. The TW program has been comforting as well as challenging, and I feel that, overall, it's a way of life that speaks to me as a whole person. Listening to my body, listening to God's call--both have made me rely on Him much more. It's certainly not an easy program to explain, but I know that I can stay at a healthy weight if I stay focused on God.

It really is a matter, though, of staying "tuned in." It doesn't matter whether it's WW or Atkins or Thin Within--when I let the burdens of the outside world take away my center and my ability to take care of myself, I lose persective and GAIN! When I eat for reasons other than nourishment of my body, I gain. When I think that I can manage my weight loss and the stresses of my day all by myself, I gain. I need to rely on God's strength. I cannot manage this alone. My strength comes from Him, plain and simple.

It's not a loud and brave strength, though. It's quiet. It's deep inside in a place where I surrender and can be weak. I hand it over and it's no longer mine to bear by myself. His grace takes it over and his hand guides me through--when I look toward him.
Sometimes I don't look toward Him. Sometimes I just don't want to. It's the human condition! Still I know that I can grow in faith, I can grow in dependence, and as long as I seek to follow, He'll be there. I can learn to walk past the cravings of stress/compulsive eating; He will be beside me.

So the plan is to press on. I'm going to start at Day One again and continue to read the book daily. How long I'll do this, I can't really say, but for now that's what I'll do. I lost five pounds this month and kept it off. I'm happy about that. I hope to lose some more next month. I'm going to try to exercise regularly during October--30 minutes five times a week, with some long walks thrown in there. I'm going to seek to abstain from compulsive binge eating. I know that I made it through many more days than my siggie said (I lost count of it all); I'm happy about that, too.

So, it's a happy day. Now I have to go to work; I'll check back in on other peoples' journals when I can.

Erin

 

[DoeWDW]

Dear WISH-sis, thank you so much for the Bible verses in my journal. I'll be carrying them in my heart today.

Congratulations on 4 weeks of faith-centered healthy living! I don't care about the scale # - how are you FEELING? You seem to be calmer and more focused, better able to take the ups and downs called Life in stride while continuing to treat yourself in a healthy way and focus on your walk with God. It's been amazing to watch and I've appreciated all your sharing in your journal.

I'm sending you a smile , a wave and a warm for the day ahead.

PS OK maybe I care a LITTLE about the scale # - please post after weigh in! I'll be crossing my fingers for a "release" and singing that song......"please release me, let me go".

EDIT: Great minds think alike - we were posting at the same time!

:thewave: FIVE POUNDS RELEASED!!!! YAY!!! :thewave:

You go, girl!!!!!!

 

[toystoryduo]

Erin,
You are an amazing woman with amazing insight! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this book and journey over the past 30 days. I have learned so much and I'm sure that others have too.

Congratulations on 30 days complete and a 5 pound weight loss!

Have a great Thursday!

Tracy

 

[septbride2002]

Erin you sound so centered - it is amazing! And Yeah on the 5 lbs loss!

~Amanda

 

[Strings]

Hi Erin,

I know that you were nervous about this journal at the beginning of this program. This is an incredibly personal experience in a ery public forum. You are a brave and independent woman. Thank you for sharing this program with us daily. You have given us something to reflect on, and I know it has helped me, and others. Thank You!

That having been said, You Rock. Congrats on the 5 pound loss.

Have a great weekend,
Beth

 

[lulu201]

October 1, 2004 The journey continues. . .

What a difference a day makes. This morning I am BEAT! Yesterday was so long--I came home and fell asleep within an hour of stepping in the door. I woke back up after a brief doze during Survivor and I was up until almost midnight. I did not like the sound of the alarm going off at 5:25.

I've got to get a quick shower and then head to a meeting with a township parks and rec. coordinator about setting up our music program in her area. I don't know where I'm going, but I know it's out on the PA turnpike--not too far from the mall! Think I'll do a little shopping while I'm out. Anyone care to join me?

Thanks, Doreen, Beth, Tracy, and Amanda, for stopping by and sharing my little victory. You guys are such anchors for me; I value our friendships together so much. Oh, heck, I'm going to tear up if I don't get out of here.

Have a great day, everyone.
Erin

 

[DoeWDW]

I hope you find the energy you need to get through your busy day. I hate that feeling of dragging through everything as if you're walking through water instead of air - at least that's how I feel when I'm really tired!

I'd LOVE to go shopping with you, or at least a walk & chat through the mall! Can we get lunch at the Cheesecake Factory???

Sending happy smiles and good vibes for your day, WISH-sis!

 

[lulu201]

Had a decent meeting with the township person; she was nice. We're both interested--we'll just have to see where it goes.

OK, everyone, I just have to get this over with--I want to let you all know I'm not going to do the half marathon in January, and that's my final decision. Those of you who have followed my journals since last year know that this half marathon has been a symbol of my lifestyle change and something that I've really looked forward to--even though I've questioned my ability to do it many times. I've thought about this a great deal, and I know that it's not right for me (or financially for my family) in January, and the right (though not easy) thing to do is to withdraw. I'm still commited to leading a healthy lifestyle and I hope to achieve some exercise goals, but this one is too big for me right now with everything else that I have to do.

In some ways I feel very disappointed with myself, but in other ways, I feel like I've made a grown up decision that realizes my family's financial boundaries as well as my physical and emotional boundaries also. I can't do it all. Heck, I don't want to do it all. I just need to do what I can do. While I know that that's OK, I feel like I've let a lot of people that I care about down, and if you're reading this and nodding your head, I'm truly sorry.

There was a time in my life when I would've just figured that it was a lot easier to try to DO the half marathon than to disappoint others and not be able to save face (oh brother, wait 'til my in-laws get a chance to dish on this issue), but I have to face this music and just deal with the repercussions.

So, there you have it. Ugh.
Erin

 

[Strings]

Erin,

Erin, you have not dissappointed anyone. We are friends here, and I know you and the others were excited to walk together. That being said, I think that you are more apt to dissappoint us, if you go. Huh!?! If you put your family's finances at risk, it would be irresponsible for you to go. We would hate for you to be under estra stress as a result of going to the half marathon. We care about you, and they know that you are going to be there in spirit.

As for your ability to do the half marathon, I know you can. you and Doe did 10 miles at race pace. You could easily have done it. You don't need a symbol to know you are walking the healthy path. You know it, and we know it.

I can't go because of finances. I am going to jump on a treaddie and walk 13.2 miles the day of the race. Perhaps you could do the same. Call Doe on her cell during the race. Say a prayer for all the racers, especially our friends. There are many ways for you to participate without being there.

I know you are dissappointed, and I am sorry that you won't be able to join in the fun. One thing I do know is that I am proud of you for putting your family first. You are a smart and brave woman.


Beth

 

[DoeWDW]

What Beth said!!! I like that cell phone idea!!

Sent you a PM, dear Erin. You have not let anyone down. Please don't feel bad about this. Feel proud of yourself for all the miles you've walked and the people you've met and the great feelings you've had while working toward the goal of the Half. Letting go of the walk in January does not take away any of that good stuff!

I'm sure you've got lots of mixed emotions going on, but I do believe that, in the end, your feelings will turn out to be much more positive than negative.

You are still and always will be a WISH .

Love ya,

 

[lulu201]

Thank you, Beth and Doreen. I love you guys.

I have to go pick up DD from school.

Erin

 

[DoeWDW]

Knowing you as well as I do, I'm sure yesterday was stressful and filled with lots of mixed emotions. I hope that today finds you in a more peaceful place, feeling like a weight has been lifted.

Take good care of you today, Erin, for you are truly worth it!

I'd give you a hug if we were physically closer but for now this will have to suffice.

 

[toystoryduo]

Erin,

I second what Beth and Doreen have already said so well. You haven't disappointed us. Erin, you are our friend. You are a caring and wonderful person and as your friends, we want you to do what is best for you.

I love Beth's suggestion of walking at home the day of the race and talking with Doe on her cell! Maybe you can watch Disney movies (while on a treddie) or listen to Disney music if you will be walking elsewhere.

Erin, I pray that you will have a peaceful weekend this weekend. Sending lots of and love your way!

Take good care of you,

Tracy

 

[lulu201]

Hi, Tracy and Doreen. Thanks to you, and to Beth, too, for stopping by and helping me to feel better. I really appreciate it. Yesterday was tough, but today was no picnic either. Yesterday I felt bad because I felt like I bailed out on everyone. Today I cried for myself and for letting go of my dream of crossing the finish line in WDW; I cried because my daughter won't see me do something I never thought I could do. BUT, I still know this is the right decision and one that is responsible.
With the flood in July and a new piano that we bought for our studio, the cost of a WDW trip--even a short one--would just be too much for us at this time. I've just got to buck up and be a grown up.

Your words of kindness really touched me, WISH friends, and I know that I'll figure out a way of commemorating the half marathon. Maybe it'll be by cell phone, maybe it'll be on the treadie, maybe it'll be both--but I know I'll be there in spirit with everyone walking and running. And who knows? Maybe I'll even walk it myself some time!

So, the last couple of days have been tough. I was supposed to go to see my mom and to walk in the ADA walk, but I'm sick still PLUS it rained, so my mom refused to let DD and I drive the 4-5 hour drive to see her, walk, and spend the night. Another reason to cry today. ANYWAY, I slept until 7:30 and then sat around crocheting most of the day. It felt so good not to have an agenda--it left more time for crying!! Just kidding, really. Tomorrow my in-laws are supposed to be here in the afternoon for a family birthday party, so I'll get up early and do some cleaning and decorating then; at least I got some rest today.

I walked the dog, but didn't get on the treadie yet. Tomorrow I'll get out my WW audiocassettes and walk to those. My goal for this week is to walk 30-60 minutes on Sun., Mon., Tues., Wed., and Fri. I want to eat within my 0-5 range and stay binge free. I haven't been doing too well with my vitamins; I'll restock my little daily pill holder and try to take them daily next week.

Thank you, everyone, for showing me such friendship and for helping me through such a downer of a time. You are all so special to me.

,
Erin

 

[lulu201]

10/3/04 Just a quick check-in:

I'm going to hop on the treadie in just a minute and do my walk; I feel good about that!

Goals for today:

1. Devotional
2. Vitamins
3. Water
4. Exercise
5. Eat in a healthy way. Breakfast was a slice of French toast and coffee.

Off and running,
Erin

Morning update:

1. Still need to do
2.
3.
4. 40 treadie minutes felt good
5. Doin' OK

DD woke up this morning and proved to the world she is a 14 yr. old girl with a 14 yr. old attitude. Enough said.

 

[Strings]

Hi Erin,

I wanted to check on you. A quiet day to rest and relflect sounds like it was a good idea. I am sorry that you weren't able to see DM. I know you worry about her and treasure your time together. You need to take care of yourself though, and you are still ill. Mom knows best.

Erin, you have definately done the right thing, and I KNOW you friends will feel your support at the marathon. Erin, I need to say something about your daughter. Your daughter sounds like she has most of her head together. That is huge for a teenager, There are always problems between teen daughters and their mothers. I know that I caused my mother buckets of tears and worry. I was an insolent evil child that didn't appreciate how lucky I was. I few years on my own, and I realized just what an amazing woman my Mom is and how much she has done for me. She never walked a half marathon, but her daily life was like a marathon. She took time for raising us, had a clean house and fed us, went to school, and worked. I am so proud to be her daughter. You are that kind of Mom. You daughter is proud of you, she ust won't tell you for another 6 years.

Enjoy your Sunday, and don't let the inlaws get to you.
Beth

 

[lulu201]

Beth, thank you for sharing your mom/daughter story--I needed that today. Of course, now I need a tissue again, but that's OK.

Lots of love,
Erin