Looking for help on how to slow things down/conflict resolution

[piccolopat]

It might be nice if you can plan to do something special with your nieces and give the others some free adult time. Maybe use that as an opening to talk about the rest of the planned itinerary. If timing and funds permit, maybe look into the new Cirque de Soleil show in Disney Springs or the afternoon tea at the Grand Floridian.

 

[ElenaRN]

We've gone to Disney with large groups of family and friends. Hubby is always the planner. Usually our guests enjoy the fact that he has planned everything. He takes the time to find out what is a priority for them etc since most of the time it may be their first or only time there.
That being said there are always differences in who wants to ride the thrill rides, water rides, who doesn't want to wait for the parades etc.
We have no problem with people separating for periods of time, though sometimes ADRs make a schedule a bit less flexible. So that may be something to discuss.
I like the PP suggestion of offering to take the kids off your brother and SIL hands for a few hours so they can have some time.
Segway (sp ?) that into "I may skips some rides every once in a while to just get a snack and people watch."

Conflict is bound to happen when you are with family for extended amts of time and everyone's vacation style is different. Just remember everyone wants to enjoy vacation so don't try to avoid arguing.

 

[ktlm]

We are doers, and DH's family are sitters. We learned after our first trip with them (Non-Disney) that it doesn't work for us to slow down to their pace because we were miserable. We felt like we were missing out on all the things to do in the area, and like we were spending a ridiculous amount of time just sitting at the hotel. After that first trip- we told them it was better if we didn't all try to stay together all the time. We told them we will meet you for meals and some things/events--- but other than that we are going to go at our pace and we would love to have you with us when you want to be, but we don't want you to feel like you have to keep up either. It doesn't bother us if you stick with us for a while and then go rest or decide you want to do something else.

Every trip with them since then, including WDW, has been great. No issues at all. At WDW, his parents would meet us for all ADRs. Other than that as they are morning people they would stick with us most of the morning and then after lunch typically go back to the resort to relax and swim and come back to the parks at night for a while and leave long before we did. Just going in knowing that the plan is that outside of ADRs and maybe LLs everyone can split up and do what they want can eliminate a lot of conflict.

 

[_19disnA]

I think some don't also realize that everyone has their own idea of what they like to do and what sort of pace they want to maintain on vacation. Some are the go-go-go types while others are more leisurely in their approach. With a place like Disney that involves a LOT of walking, some people may be younger and/or more physically fit then others. If you aren't used to walking MILES day after day it can be quite taxing trying to keep up with those who can go all day long at the parks. Some of that is also about being considerate of the abilities of others you are traveling with. Just because YOU are able to walk x miles every day at Disney doesn't mean everyone else you are traveling with can.

 

[Anna131517]

Start by acknowledging that both of your vacation styles are equally valid. The best way not to make everyone frustrated in big group trips is to split up. Look at his plans as optional. Have set times when you can all meet up. For example, you can all plan to go to a specific place for lunch at a specific time. Or let them head to the park early then let them know when you’re there and you can join them for one or two rides then split off again. If you don’t try to slow him down and he doesn’t try to speed you up, you should both have a good vacation.

 

[elphie101]

I was the planner for a trip in Sept-Oct 2021 (over the 50th itself) with (DH, myself, and our then 18 month old in his first trip), my parents, DH's parents and my brother and his girlfriend. My in-laws are DVC/AP, my parents/brother far from newbies but hadn't been in 5+ years. I made it perfectly clear that I was under no uncertain terms trying to plan a step by step itinerary for 8 adults plus the toddler, and made it a point of planning at least one focal point a day we would all rally together for (a dining reservation, a character event, etc.) There was still drama, there always will be, especially with these dynamics.

I agree with what everyone said that you absolutely have to discuss this stuff well in advance, what the expectations are, and do not expect to move as a pack for the whole trip - I think it takes a very particular dynamic to make that work and again, not without a TON of communication beforehand.

 

[Shellyred8]

One additional tip I would throw out is to keep an eye on your nieces. You might notice them getting tired of what their adults are doing and they might enjoy taking a break with you.
On our most recent trip to WDW we went with some friends (3 adults and one child - 9yo). On our HS day, the adults were all about Galaxy's Edge, as they were huge Star Wars fans. The child was ok for a little while, but I could tell she was starting to get bored with it, so I made the recommendation to step next door into Toy Story land for a bit and she perked right up.

 

[TheSouthernBelle]

Ok! Would love some suggestions from folks who have taken multi-generational/multi-family trips.
I am tagging along with my brother and his family on an upcoming trip to WDW in September. 6 park days, staying onsite at Fort Wilderness. My brother + his wife + their two kids, my brother's in-laws, and me.

I am the solo adult, as my husband isn't a park guy. I'm very excited to tag along with my brother and co. Brother is working with a travel agent and taking care of all the big planning (ticket, park reservations, accommodations, restaurant reservations, etc). This is new for me, as I'm usually the planner for trips.

My brother is the kind of guy who needs to get his "money's worth" by riding all the rides from open to close. He has a big/intense personality and we occasionally clash. I really want to avoid causing conflict on this trip, and have decided to try and just relax and go with the flow. Let go of the need for control and enjoy the environment and experience.

Folks who have a similar family/group dynamic, how have you handled conflict resolution when some people are getting a bit intense and part of the group isnt into it? Would love any thoughts or suggestions for how to tackle this, or how you have handled things in the past.

I'm with CaptainAmerica on this. As someone who is always the planner, I tell everyone that they're welcome to do what they wish and if they don't feel comfortable, don't like, don't care to do, don't want to spend the money, whatever....it's entirely their call. It's never taken offensively or negatively. I never make any of our extended family, or my own family, do anything we plan. Everyone is adult and chooses their own way. I never expect everyone to keep our pace, have the same food tastes, interests, etc. and anyone who is that controlling, I'd probably not go on vacation with them. We've done a number of trips with extended family and friends and have never had issues. And I will add, I can understand the dynamic with your brother. I love my sister, but I'd probably murder her or she'd murder me since we're totally different on how we travel and what we enjoy doing.

If your brother wants to do it all, it's entirely up to you to join in or do something else for those attractions. I would let him know from the beginning of the trip that you may opt out or choose other things to do. If he's not okay with your choices, then that's on him and not much you can do to fix that behavior.

 

[tinkerjo]

Most of our trips are multi-generational. We totally do our own things. We usually are all in the same park for the day and at some point may meet up and ride something all together ( it’s a small world. My mom rode it at the worlds fair in NYC and we all ride it as a family) but we all have different ways we do Disney. My family is rope drop to 3-4 pm and done. One brother and SIL are commando rope drop to close, and other brother is sleep in, move at a snails pace and stay out late. Mom and dad are getting older and need the coolness of the morning and lots of breaks. We do try and meet up for at least one meal or parade and catch up on everyone’s day. This has worked out very well for us. We probably would have killed each other if we all tried to stay together

 

[katyjeka]

We've had some very successful trips with my brother in law and mother in law. I spent a lot of time planning(which I love) for the trips. I love them both but they can be tough at times. Example, my mil would walk around staying she could see the same things at Idlewild, a small amusement park by us. I learned to ignore her comments and when things got really tough I'd buy everyone a dole whip. It would keep her quiet for awhile!!! Seriously, extended family trips are awesome. Learning to get along is a great life lesson. I treasure the memories we've made and will probably be taking them again. Have a great trip!

 

[pjacobi]

Remember the Golden Rule: He who has the gold makes the rules!


-Paul

 

[tinkerjo]

We've had some very successful trips with my brother in law and mother in law. I spent a lot of time planning(which I love) for the trips. I love them both but they can be tough at times. Example, my mil would walk around staying she could see the same things at Idlewild, a small amusement park by us. I learned to ignore her comments and when things got really tough I'd buy everyone a dole whip. It would keep her quiet for awhile!!! Seriously, extended family trips are awesome. Learning to get along is a great life lesson. I treasure the memories we've made and will probably be taking them again. Have a great trip!

Ha, I’m taking my grandkids to Idlewild ( only a 2 hr drive) this summer!! Never been there so I am glad I can see the same things I see at WDW lol.

 

[katyjeka]

Ha, I’m taking my grandkids to Idlewild ( only a 2 hr drive) this summer!! Never been there so I am glad I can see the same things I see at WDW lol.

We are 10 minutes from it. We also like Delgrosso in Tipton but it's quite a drive. Have fun with the grandkids!!