Long vent..... Advice needed.... please.

[Fishbone†]

I'll try to make this short and condensed.... you'll need to fill in whenever necessary.

I spent my entire (secretary's) day getting yelled and grumbled at by the warehouse staff because my buyer doesn't do his work in a timely fashion, and I'm constantly working behind schedule as a result. The schedule is the same every week, but somehow he's always "working" on the information long after I should have it done and turned in.
In my quest to make my Wednesdays better than what they are, I brainstormed ways I could fix this issue. My boss, while I respect and like him immensely, doesn't seem to want to deal with it.... he verbally recognizes there is a problem, but seems uninterested or unable to correct it. Going to him was not an option.... often that gets me in trouble (I have yet to figure out why). Living with the problem doesn't seem fair to neither me nor the warehouse (who is frustrated). So, I thought, I'll just go talk to him (the buyer) myself..... ask him how we can work to meet the deadlines sooner so I don't spend all day getting screamed at. I thought that if I recognized (falsely) that he is busy and often out on business (or so he says), that he would be more open to "helping" me. Can I just say he's the biggest - well I can't say it here...................jerk I have ever met. Arrogant, egotistical, lazy, lying -------- I can't even look at him without wanting to spit. He wouldn't even let me talk.... he said I'm making a big deal out of nothing. When I tried to explain my dilemma he just talked over me..... "HEIDI, THIS IS NOT A PROBLEM" "HEIDI - HEIDI - HEIDI"..... I couldn't talk over him. I was so absolutely completely and utterly frustrated. It is a big deal.......... *sigh*

He has no respect for anyone.... he calls me his assistant (I AM NOT) and his boss is "a guy I work with". This is the attitude he carries.... everyone below him is announced that way..... everyone above him is announced to be "on his level". I wouldn't care, but that he treats people that way. ARGH!!

I am sincerely asking anyone for any advice on how to make this better. I will do anything it takes to be able to communicate and resolve my issues. I absolutely LOVE my job (I have no idea why), but seriously, I can't work with him like this any longer!!!

 

[Kissimmee JP]

Sounds like you need to find out exactly how much they value you as an employee. Talk w/your boss, or if he's disinterested, go over his head to his boss. If you go high enough, it will get straightened out.

I have no idea how old you are, but my attitude is that "I was looking for a job when I found this one." Warehouse secretary jobs are not hard to come by. Most people need a job, but that doesn't give someone the right to scream at you all day.

Hope that helped.

Edit ~ working in the legal field, you may want to bring up the fact that this guy is creating a "hostile work environment" for you. Employers usually hate to think that they could be sued for not controlling their employees.

 

[LucyStorm]

Heidi, could you talk to your boss about it? Could you document your concerns with specific examples? Could you keep a log of when things were given to him so that you can demonstrate that the problem is not you? Is this guy your boss? If so, who is his boss? If he's not going to listen, get your documentation together with the specific examples, and go over his head. I wouldn't normally recommend that, but it sounds as though you have tried to solve this problem with him. I would document today's conversation as well.

((((hugs))))

 

[Fishbone†]

I'm 31 (almost), and I'm not a warehouse secretary, I'm the Marketing Assistant. I have a very good job, and while I could probably get a better one with my skills, I do believe they value me alot (I like to think so anyway). I do think that if I "played the game" they'd attempt to fix it...... I just don't like doing that. I'm not very strong verbally.... I'm a great writer though, and have often found resolution in writing what I needed, but I don't want to be a whiney baby...... which sometimes I think I come across as in my poor attempt to communicate. The dynamics here are a bit strange.... I'm sure all places have their strengths and weaknesses, but if Tamie were here, I think she'd tell you too that this is a bit like being a part of a disfunctional family. I want to fix it, but because I'm an only girl with three brothers, I know only how to "tattle" really well. I don't want to do that, I want to maturally and effectively correct my issue.

 

[Kissimmee JP]

Sorry...I don't know where I got the idea you were a warehouse secretary. I guess it was the reference that this guy thinks you're his secretary.

Unfortunately, unless you go complain to his boss or his bosses' boss, it probably won't get resolved. You may come off as whiny, but I think I could live with being labeled as a tad whiny a whole lot better than I could with being yelled at day in and day out.

Of course, I'm looking at this from my perspective - a 34 year old male who works with attorneys all day long...I know all about the ego thing. I've found that as long as I stand up for myself when I need to, things usually work out.

I have little tolerance for people with the "I'm better than you" mentality. I probably would have had a nice, long talk with this guy long before now. Then if that didn't work, me, him and his boss (and maybe his bosses' boss) would have a pow wow. You just have to look them squarely in the eye and tell them how you feel.

And, I'm telling you, 99 times out of 100, when the words "hostile work environment" get dropped in a meeting like that, steps are taken to correct the situation.

 

[doxdogy]

Is there a warehouse manager? Next time something is late, tell them to call the buyer and ask him why the work isn't completed. Push the responsibility over to him. Make him liable for the problem. That is the best advice that I can offer to you right now.

 

[Pugdog007]

Originally posted by LucyStorm
Heidi, could you talk to your boss about it? Could you document your concerns with specific examples? Could you keep a log of when things were given to him so that you can demonstrate that the problem is not you? Is this guy your boss? If so, who is his boss? If he's not going to listen, get your documentation together with the specific examples, and go over his head. I wouldn't normally recommend that, but it sounds as though you have tried to solve this problem with him. I would document today's conversation as well.

((((hugs))))

Heidi: This is good advice. You need specific examples AND some suggestions of how the situation could be improved, and then you need to discuss it with your boss. Please, please do not go over his head without having a serious discussion with him and giving him the opportunity to rectify it. If you have documentation with you, citing examples AND some recommended solutions (maybe a Production Schedule?) he WILL listen to you if he's a boss worth having.

I DO NOT recommend throwing out any "legalize" or "HR hot buttons" like hostile work environment. TRUST ME. If you do this, or immediately jump protocol, you will will be labeled a troublemaker as long as you work there.

 

[debster812]

Hey Heidi--

First off, I send you a cyber hug (so as not to intrude )

Secondly, check out This Thread to put a smile on your face.

Thirdly, I might have all kinds of sage and wonderful advice to PM to you, if your MAILBOX WAS NOT FULL!!!!

Fourth, I can so relate what you are going through, I have been where you are, and I think following chain of command in this situation is KEY.

Debbie

 

[disykat]

Is there any way you can tell anyone that complains ... " _____ assured me that this is not my problem and wants everyone to call him directly at _______"?

TeeHee - I bet it would feel good!

 

[tkyes]

*sigh*

There is no easy answer to this. The managers in this building worship this man (I work with fishbone, incase any of you are thoroughly confused), they think he walks on water.

He comes and goes whenever he pleases and constantly makes mistakes.

Heidi is working on a strict deadline - our mail goes out to our sales reps on Wednesdays. Heidi has to make changes to our mailers, updating them weekly with time sensitive information. The lady in the mail room gets upset that Heidi gives things to her late, but Heidi is simply waiting for information from the above mentioned audio buyer.

He is so layed back that it's frustrating - he doesn't appreciate the fact that his reluctance to do stuff has a trickle down affect and throws everyone off schedule.

I told Heidi yesterday that she should do what doxdogy said and just say "Go talk to Bob, he's the one holding things up."

It seriously doesn't help that Heidi's boss won't put his foot down. I create sellsheets for our sales reps to use to sell product, my stuff isn't nearly as time sensitive as Heidi's. When "bob" doesn't give me information, after I have asked him for it, I just don't do the sellsheet until I receive the information from him. That way if my boss comes to me and asks if the sellsheet has gone out, I can say, I'm waiting on Bob. If Heidi tries that our boss says "it's your job to get that information from him, I want you to babysit him and stay on top of him to get the information you need." Easier said than done when "Bob" won't do his job.

Sometimes what works for me with Bob is sitting in his office and not moving until I get what I need, that's assuming he even shows up for work.

tamie

 

[Kissimmee JP]

Originally posted by Pugdog007
Heidi: This is good advice. You need specific examples AND some suggestions of how the situation could be improved, and then you need to discuss it with your boss. Please, please do not go over his head without having a serious discussion with him and giving him the opportunity to rectify it. If you have documentation with you, citing examples AND some recommended solutions (maybe a Production Schedule?) he WILL listen to you if he's a boss worth having.

I DO NOT recommend throwing out any "legalize" or "HR hot buttons" like hostile work environment. TRUST ME. If you do this, or immediately jump protocol, you will will be labeled a troublemaker as long as you work there.

Yes, always having a written record is the best thing you can do. However, pugdog, she already said that her boss (or his boss) is disinterested in rectifying the situation. In that case, you need to go as high as necessary to fix it. I'd much rather be labeled a troublemaker than a doormat - but either way, you're labeled, so take your pick. But, like I've already stated, I have very little tolerance for that type of behavior to begin with. I would have nipped it in the bud immediately. It wouldn't have gotten to this point.

 

[FOJMO]

Do you have email? If I were you, I'd email this person who is driving you crazy, summarize the problem, suggest some ways that the process could be streamlined, and above all, COPY HIS BOSS ON THE EMAIL and all appropriate personnel.

I've found that the most effective way to get somebody to do something is to copy their boss on the email and they will know it and his boss will know it and maybe something will get done!
Be aware that you may receive some guff from him if you do this, but then you can say that you already tried approaching him first, but didn't get anywhere, so....

Good luck!

 

[Fishbone†]

The bigger problem here (for me at least) is the attitude... the "I am high and mighty.... walk on water..... treat you like crap..... you have nothing of importance to say" attitude. And that won't ever change...... you can't change someone's attitude or outlook, and unfortunately, as Tamie pointed out to me this morning, they think he walks on water, so as long as "they" treat him that way, he will continue to act that way. I think I have to take the chance and see how important I am to them..... because if I'm not, than I'll move on..... and if I am, then things may get better..... if I don't do anything at all, I'll go insane and have to leave anyway (for a nuthouse). So, the worst that can happen is I find something better.

Now, how to approach it.

Thanks everyone. Oh, and Kissimmee, I'm a she.... and I'm VERY interested to here how you would teach someone to treat you differently. How would you handle this...... previous to it getting this far? I really want to know how I may be able to teach him how to treat me..... that might be a start. Anybody who knows any good techniques are welcome to chime in here.

P.S. It is now 10:41, and he just walked in the door..... had a meeting at 10:00 (for which he was responsible for several things), and didn't even bother to call his boss..... rather contacted an assistant who isn't even in our department (marketing) at all. Why is this okay??? *sigh*

 

[Kissimmee JP]

Originally posted by Fishbone†
Thanks everyone. Oh, and Kissimmee, I'm a she.... and I'm VERY interested to here how you would teach someone to treat you differently. How would you handle this...... previous to it getting this far? I really want to know how I may be able to teach him how to treat me..... that might be a start. Anybody who knows any good techniques are welcome to chime in here.

I knew you were a she. I meant if your boss and/or his boss weren't interested in rectifying the situation.

As for teaching someone how to treat you differently, that's a total other ball of yarn. I am a strong-willed person (not to the point of stubbornness, but I'm far from a doormat), so it's different for me. Don't get me wrong, I am the easiest person in the world to get along with, but I'm not afraid to stand up for myself.

I would just try to get him alone and say "ok, here's the deal - you screaming at me every single day just isn't going to work. We can handle this one of two ways: either you and I can sit down and figure it out ourselves, or we can get our bosses involved. It's up to you." I'd also make sure that you tell him that if he is condescending to you in any way, shape or form during this meeting that it's over and the higher-ups will get involved at this point.

I've dealt with the exact type of person that you are dealing with, and it's never easy. You just have to let him know that you (a) don't appreciate it; and (b) aren't going to put up with it.

Good luck!!!

 

[Fishbone†]

Oh I'm sorry - sometimes my nick is confusing. And, we have the same boss..... we both (as well as Tamie) work for the VP of Marketing.

Thank you for your advice.... I might just try that out (at least in some form). I, while fairly stubborn, am not a strong-willed person by nature, but have definitely become more balanced in the last 5 years.

 

[Kissimmee JP]

I really hope it works out for you. Let me know how it goes. You can either pm me or hit my email - jpatanjo@yahoo.com

TTFN