CruiseBoundnKY
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Oct 8, 2006
- Messages
- 639
I'm really sorry to dump on you guys, but I don't know where else to turn.
A little about me - 34 y/o mom of 2, works PT on my feet the whole shift, goat farmer so I am outside working 2 - 4 hours a day, married 14 years, recent hysterectomy but far enough out that I can do anything. I think that about sums it up.
So if you will turn with me to your dictionaries to the Y's and look up yo-yo dieter you will see my pretty face with my chipmunk like cheeks. I've had those all my life.
More seriously, I am so sick of off/on with the weight!!! I'm 34 and I'm scared of dying. I currently tip the scales at 230 and I'm 5' 4". I've tried weight loss drugs (phentermine/wellbutrin), weight loss surgery (lap-band), dietitians, personal trainers (in home and at a High $$$ gym), Wii fit, in home equipment, starvation and many others I just can't think of at the moment.
I sit and watch Biggest Loser season after season hoping that someone will "inspire" me to start my own journey. I rack my brain looking for "THE REASON" why I cannot succeed. All to no avail.
Pre-hysterectomey (end of August) I had all but 1cc backed out of my band which meant I could eat like I did pre-op. I was at 205 at that very moment. Had the surgery first of Sept. with every intention of having the saline put back in as soon as the doctor gave me a thumbs up, BUT then I had insurance coverage issues, then we went to Disney for a week, then Christmas and finally last week they put 1 cc back in which is not what I had before but better than nothing. I have "very little" restriction now, but better than before. I will have to argue with insurance to pay for another fill in a couple weeks, but will cross that bridge when I get to it.
My problem is or should I say problems are:
I'm ADDICTED to Mountain Dew like no other.
I LOVE fast food.
I HATE to cook, well not really I don't know how to cook well.
I don't like most fruit and when it comes to veggies I'll eat tiny slivers of carrots and lettuce.
My other problem is one that is something of a mental block that for some reason I never finish what I start when it comes to some things in life. In particular weigh loss. I ALWAYS hang at the 200 mark and when I get in the 180's I turn around and go back. WTH is up with that?
You know they say you are what you eat and I'm a chicken from my head to my feet. I lost my sister to cancer when I was pregnant with my first. I will NEVER forget what that did to me, my family and her family. I do not want to put my family through that.
I'm now to the point that love making is uncomforable. Like I can't breathe uncomfortable. Sorry if that was TMI, but I'm hoping to ramble until some of this sinks into my think skull. I have 2 pairs of jeans that somewhat fit. I am always in a hurry to get home so I can change into sweats or unbutton them. I'm just all in all uncomfortable in my own skin. What have I done???
I know that most of you have way better things to do than read this post, but I needed to put it out there for me to see.
You know, I would love to run. There's nothing that I would love to do more when I succeed one day than to run a Disney marathon with my family cheering me on and second to do the 3 day walk in my sisters memory.
Typing this has tears running down my face. I know how much hurt I have inside. Every time someone has ever thought I was pregnant when I wasn't, all the scars I have from having an obese childhood, all the times in college I gave myself away just to feel loved. It's horrid to think what I've put myself through and what I'm putting my body through.
Ok...now what??? Where do I start? What do I try this time? How do I make this time different? I feel like such an idiot.
It's 7:55 and I think I'm going to start by shutting down the kitchen for the night. No cookies or cereal while I watch the biggest loser. I am going to grab a bottle of water and dig out the wii fit board. I think I will try to do some steps during the show. No, I will do some steps during the show.
Oh, I forgot to ask. Does anyone know of a good cheap pedometer?
Thanks for letting me put this out there. I'll keep you posted.
~WannaBeDifferent
A little about me - 34 y/o mom of 2, works PT on my feet the whole shift, goat farmer so I am outside working 2 - 4 hours a day, married 14 years, recent hysterectomy but far enough out that I can do anything. I think that about sums it up.
So if you will turn with me to your dictionaries to the Y's and look up yo-yo dieter you will see my pretty face with my chipmunk like cheeks. I've had those all my life.
More seriously, I am so sick of off/on with the weight!!! I'm 34 and I'm scared of dying. I currently tip the scales at 230 and I'm 5' 4". I've tried weight loss drugs (phentermine/wellbutrin), weight loss surgery (lap-band), dietitians, personal trainers (in home and at a High $$$ gym), Wii fit, in home equipment, starvation and many others I just can't think of at the moment.
I sit and watch Biggest Loser season after season hoping that someone will "inspire" me to start my own journey. I rack my brain looking for "THE REASON" why I cannot succeed. All to no avail.
Pre-hysterectomey (end of August) I had all but 1cc backed out of my band which meant I could eat like I did pre-op. I was at 205 at that very moment. Had the surgery first of Sept. with every intention of having the saline put back in as soon as the doctor gave me a thumbs up, BUT then I had insurance coverage issues, then we went to Disney for a week, then Christmas and finally last week they put 1 cc back in which is not what I had before but better than nothing. I have "very little" restriction now, but better than before. I will have to argue with insurance to pay for another fill in a couple weeks, but will cross that bridge when I get to it.
My problem is or should I say problems are:
I'm ADDICTED to Mountain Dew like no other.
I LOVE fast food.
I HATE to cook, well not really I don't know how to cook well.
I don't like most fruit and when it comes to veggies I'll eat tiny slivers of carrots and lettuce.
My other problem is one that is something of a mental block that for some reason I never finish what I start when it comes to some things in life. In particular weigh loss. I ALWAYS hang at the 200 mark and when I get in the 180's I turn around and go back. WTH is up with that?
You know they say you are what you eat and I'm a chicken from my head to my feet. I lost my sister to cancer when I was pregnant with my first. I will NEVER forget what that did to me, my family and her family. I do not want to put my family through that.
I'm now to the point that love making is uncomforable. Like I can't breathe uncomfortable. Sorry if that was TMI, but I'm hoping to ramble until some of this sinks into my think skull. I have 2 pairs of jeans that somewhat fit. I am always in a hurry to get home so I can change into sweats or unbutton them. I'm just all in all uncomfortable in my own skin. What have I done???
I know that most of you have way better things to do than read this post, but I needed to put it out there for me to see.
You know, I would love to run. There's nothing that I would love to do more when I succeed one day than to run a Disney marathon with my family cheering me on and second to do the 3 day walk in my sisters memory.
Typing this has tears running down my face. I know how much hurt I have inside. Every time someone has ever thought I was pregnant when I wasn't, all the scars I have from having an obese childhood, all the times in college I gave myself away just to feel loved. It's horrid to think what I've put myself through and what I'm putting my body through.
Ok...now what??? Where do I start? What do I try this time? How do I make this time different? I feel like such an idiot.
It's 7:55 and I think I'm going to start by shutting down the kitchen for the night. No cookies or cereal while I watch the biggest loser. I am going to grab a bottle of water and dig out the wii fit board. I think I will try to do some steps during the show. No, I will do some steps during the show.
Oh, I forgot to ask. Does anyone know of a good cheap pedometer?
Thanks for letting me put this out there. I'll keep you posted.
~WannaBeDifferent