Living w/person who is bi-polar/deprs

[Philagoofy]

For those of you who live with someone who suffers from depression and/or bi-polar, how do you not let it bring you down? How do you keep going knowing that this is the way it's going to be the rest of your life?

How do you stay positive & upbeat?

 

[safetymom]

Be sure you are taking time for yourself. Is this person in treatment?

Posting here will help you cope also.

 

[dee47]

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of making sure the person with bi-polar gets treated and stay on his or her med(s). In our family, the change was stunning, and that person has been stable for over 4 years now. Admittedly, we're dealing with BPD Type II (the milder kind), but the meds were heaven-sent, and we got our loved one back when they took effect. Constant monitoring by a psychiatrist helps. I have talked to that person's psychiatrist as well on some of the med check visits, bringing up concerns and questions. That helps a lot, too.

And you can always come here for

 

[BigMama]

Stay Strong And Learn To Have Lots Of Patience Dont Forget About Yourself

 

[onesadduck]

Wish I could help more, but this is all I have:
- I second dee47's coment. Professional help is very important. Especially for bi-polar disorder.
- Don't take it personally when they get mad or blow up at you. I know it's difficult, but they are not trying to hurt you.
- Be patient.
- Make sure they know they can tell you anything. Tell them to come to you if they feel any side-effect of medications or changes in mood that could indicate that something is wrong.

HUGS Hang in there.

 

[brighteyes]

I just saw this and had to reply. I am now 39 yrs old and my mother is bipolar. I lived with her until I was sixteen and at that time I just always thought she was moody, angry, and depressed. Although her good times were good!

Since I have been 16 she has lived in another province from me, and it was always the same negativity, arguing, etc. It was always very difficult. But I still loved her. Over the last 20 yrs or so it has been clear to me that there was just more to this than unhappiness as she has steadily declined. On my last trip about 8 years ago, things were VERY bad and I realized just how ill she is.

Whenever I go to see her which is only about every 5 or so years, we always end up arguing and I always end up hurt and sometimes I cannot speak to her for months afterwards. It is very hard not to take what they say personally. I know my mother loves me but her outbursts really do hit home and if the downs are frequent it can be difficult. However, I still love my mother no matter what, just sometimes I have to keep my distance from her to keep my sanity. On this last trip I had a breakdown myself when I came back just dealing with all the stress of seeing her in such bad shape. My mother is also very paranoid and suffers from dillusions as well, so sometimes I am the ONLY one she will talk to because I am far removed from everyone that she suffers from paranoi about, and sometimes I am the one she takes it out on. So I just try to listen and gently suggest that maybe she needs to see her dr again.

My mother is not the best at taking her meds right and not always the best at keeping her psych appointments. IF I know she is really going downhill I will try to talk her into admitting herself to the hospital or will call her psychiatrist to let him know.

It sounds like though this is not possible for you to keep your distance, so I would just suggest trying to make sure meds are followed and appointments are kept, and also suggest a support group. Family approaches to therapy can also be helpful if you are family.

The good news, after almost 20 yrs of not being very stable at all, and declining, my mother is now in a support home and on new meds and I have my old mother again! I can have a normal conversation with her and she follows it and is of clear mind. THAT has not happened again. So never give up hope. My mother got involved with some questionable people and there was worry that she was on drugs and homeless. She was NOT on drugs, THANK GOD, but did find her way back to her doctor and the difference is AMAZING.

So no matter how bad things may seem, there is always hope. I don't know how long this gift of having my mother back will last but I am grateful for it.

I do know though how hard it is though to live with someone like this and sometimes I have learned that I cannot make her better I can only be there to support her and try to tell her when she is hurtful that I understand her pain but that I still love her but she cannot treat me so unkind. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

My prayers are with you and seek support. Good luck to you and bless you because it can be a difficult journey when things are not good but when they are it is a gift.

Stephanie

 

[LuvOrlando]

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[Bluesdad]

As soon as we started my wife on meds and seeing a Psychiatrist she changed. She has run out of meds once and man it was like night and day. As soon as she was back on them she was managable. Even with the meds she needs help. She has trouble remembering and I had to make a chore list for her to follow or she gets overwhelmed. She used to stay up till 4 and 5 am baking until the doc put her on a mood stabilizer. It is very important to make sure the have a therapist and meds. This is what really helped. It's a lot of work to make them into a somewhat normal person but it can be done. Yes I have to walk away some times when we argue because I know she isn't herself and not meaning what she says. She takes things person a lot and I think that is the nature of the illness. They don't hear things the same way and what you say ends up getting twisted in their minds to mean an insult on them. JUst know that meds and therapy WORK!I love my wife and will do whatever it takes to help her feel better.

 

[Mischa]

My DH was diagnosed almost 6 years ago after he tried to commit suicide. He had been suicidal & depressed over 30 years ago, but back then after some therapy they told him "you're cured" and he had been doing really well (no meds AND no therapy, until 6 years ago that is).

Had I really known what was going on with him sooner - I would have gotten him to get help. But he hid it from me. His mom had passed away and he had taken it really hard. When other things started to happen (too long to go into) he just couldn't take it anymore.

In one aspect of this all happening...it has made us and our marriage much stronger. We are in-tune to one another more so than before. He has a great therapist and is on meds and we ensure that he takes his meds regularly. And we talk - keep the lines of communication open!

If you are not in therapy - get some for yourself. I never thought I would go to a therapist - but it does help to talk to someone (other than friends & family). Personally I don't talk to my friends/family about this because they don't understand bipolar/depression. I didn't either until I did some research.

For me it is sometimes hard to be up beat (I sometimes can feel what DH is feeling even if I'm not in the room with him). Very close relationship we have! But even so...I try to stay up beat. I do crafts, read uplifting books, think about Disney...basically do something you enjoy! And of course I set aside a day to get my nails done. That is my "me" time.

DH has come a long way since six years ago. We've had ups & downs, but by keeping the lines of communication open (and DH's attitude has changed) - we hopefully will never go down that same road.

Good luck!! my thoughts are with you!

 

[jann1033]

you need to know it's not you, it's the illness...daughter has clinical depression and it hurts when she seems to hate us all but it's the illness, when she is better she isn't like that. that is what i remember and think how it must be for her feeling so terrible. i had a bout with depression last summer and was shocked at how off my thinking was...a terrible terrible disease. imo try to learn all you can, it helps you view mental illness as an illness not an attitude.

 

[Melanie98]

There are support groups all over. They are helpful for people who suffer from the disorder and those who have a loved one with the disorder.

Check out:
www.dbsa.org

You'll find a listing for the support groups there. Believe me, it makes a huge difference!

 

[Corryn]

I grew up in a home where my sister was bi-polar and my grandmother was schizophrenic. My grandfather put a lock on my bedroom door for while I was sleeping. My mother was.....whatever, and my dad had his own apartment where he lived with a girlfriend. Every day was a new adventure. I was extremely depressed during those years. It wasn't until I was married and out of the house that I felt good, although I loved my Grampa and I missed him when I moved - he was my world.
One thing about it, though, we joked around during the good times. When Gramma stopped taking her meds (for whatever crazy reason) we would ask her silly questions about stupid stuff and her answers were hysterical. No Flames - until you have lived with it, you have no idea what I'm talking about, and that is the way we as a family dealt with it.
But her laugh.....when she was off her meds, her laugh was very chilling - like something you'd hear in a horror movie. I'll never forget it..
We were pretty open about what was going on, although when DSis tried to kill herself three times we didn't discuss it after the fact because it was just too painful. It was an extremely tumultous time in all our lives.
I could write a book.
How did I deal with it? Well, I realized at a very young age that life is what You make of it. I never followed the crowd, I didn't have time.

I had a poster with a bunch of penguins on my wall growing up and they were all in their 'tuxes', except for one who was in a Hawaiian shirt with a spotlight over him, and it said, I Gotta Be Me! Well, that was my mantra. Even though some thought I was a little off -that's what anyone who is themselves is labled as in high school, isn't that right?
But I did what I wanted to do and I was not letting peer pressure get me down. I had a good time because I didn't have to fear anyone criticizing what I did because for the most part I didn't care. Of course, my two best friends were pretty striaight laced, but I mixed it up for them and we all had a good time.

How to deal with the bad times? Well, like I said, Grampa bought me a lock for my bedroom door. I spent a lot of time locked up in my bedroom. I was very quiet and I tried to stay out of the fray, although I've recently learned that I was purposefully pushing their buttons! I didn't realize it back then, but looking back, I see what I did While Gramma/Sister were getting crazy and screaming, etc. I would quietly give my two cents and back off. Honestly, I didn't think they heard me

They didn't have support groups for me back in the '80's. In fact, it wasn't even called BiPolar back then; Dsis was a teen, and it was thought that young teens couldn't get BiPolar - now we know different.

My support group was my Grampa. All you need is one person to talk to and it changes everything. I don't have Grampa around to talk to anymore(although he can still hear me and I feel the stress of not having him there to support me.
But the most important rule in life is to Enjoy Life and realize what you DO have and learn to appreciate all the little special moments, like a beautiful sunset or a special moment with that loved one - their good days. And like another poster said, take care of yourself!

 

[Clifton]

Make sure he/she doesn't become the monster that killed and mutilated his 26 yo g/f, kids and family dog few weeks ago up in New Port Richey area. If your from the Pinellas county area you'll know what I'm talking about.