Little girl on DS's ice hockey team and locker room question

[transparant]

My youngest son plays ice hockey. He is 7. There is a little girl on his team also. She comes into the locker room already dressed in her uniform. Her parents dress her at home and all she needs is to have her skates put on. I'm sure they don't want her getting changed and unchanged in front of all the boys.

But the thing is...my son doesn't want her in there. He doesn't want to get changed in front of her. Last week she was sitting on the bench right next to him while he was trying to get unchanged and into his uniform - he was very uncomfortable. I can't blame him. Why would her parents dress her at home for a game because they don't want her to feel uncomfortable - but allow her to be in there and watch all the boys get changed and unchanged? I think thats pretty inconsiderate and I want to email the coach about it - am I being unreasonable?

 

[paigevz]

No.

 

[chamonix]

I don't think it matters whether or not your son "doesn't want her" in there, it's that it's simply inappropriate for mixed genders to be changing in front of each other by that age. (and that's how I would approach folks about it)

Talk to the coach and ask if there are other ways to accommodate everyone when there's a girl on the team. I do think she may need to come into the "team" locker room at some point for pep talk time, after game talk time, whatever--I think that is appropriate--but until everyone is dressed, isn't there another locker room or bathroom or hallway where she can do her thing until it's "team" time? Sounds like the coach needs to get creative and more attentive to team time vs. naked changing time. lol

 

[Jennasis]

WHAT?? Why in the world is the girl allowed in the boys locker room? Forget the coach, I'd go straight to her parents when they drop her off and tell them it's unacceptable. Or you could have management at the rink step in. Ridiculous.

 

[Beth76]

What?!?! This is a designated men/boys locker room right? She has no business being in there. Especially since she's already dressed. She can put her skates on anywhere.

 

[Magpie]

My youngest son plays ice hockey. He is 7. There is a little girl on his team also. She comes into the locker room already dressed in her uniform. Her parents dress her at home and all she needs is to have her skates put on. I'm sure they don't want her getting changed and unchanged in front of all the boys.

But the thing is...my son doesn't want her in there. He doesn't want to get changed in front of her. Last week she was sitting on the bench right next to him while he was trying to get unchanged and into his uniform - he was very uncomfortable. I can't blame him. Why would her parents dress her at home for a game because they don't want her to feel uncomfortable - but allow her to be in there and watch all the boys get changed and unchanged? I think thats pretty inconsiderate and I want to email the coach about it - am I being unreasonable?

She probably doesn't know where else to go! Poor little girl... I'd talk to the coach. I'm sure he can work something out so that the boys can change in private.

 

[JR6ooo4]

You, of course, do not want her to feel left out of team bonding. But the current situation is not acceptable.

Mikeeee

If your son feels uncomfortable think of what a lawyer will feel? $$$$$

 

[Tinijocaro]

My dd 9 changes at home cause it's easier. Most of the boys on her team are already dressed when they arrive-too crowded to get dressed there. Can your son get dressed at home?

 

[JunieJay]

I'd be going straight to the coach and if he/she was not responsive I'd go right up the ladder until I found someone who was. I cannot believe this girl's parents are allowing her to go into a boy's locker room. Are you sure they are aware of her doing it? Maybe they are dropping her off thinking she is going straight on the ice and the poor kid doesn't know to do that? How embarrassing both for the girl and for the boys. Geesh.

 

[FayeW]

My son has two girls on his hockey team this year, and they have a separate area to change. He is 11, and at the Peewee level girls and boys are not allowed in the same dressing room until everyone is dressed. Then the girls can come in so the coach can speak to the whole team.

This is the first year for the split dressing rooms. Mothers are not allowed in, either, at this level. When he had a girl on his team previously, they all dressed together.

Now, very few children actually strip down to their skivvies. My son wears underwarmour, which he puts on before he leaves the house and then either puts on some of the rest of his gear, or his street clothes. Before he started wearing underarmour, he wore pyjamas under his equipment, as most of his teammates did/do as they keep their arms and legs warm, and are comfortable. Very rarely did I ever see anybody get completely undressed.

If your son is uncomfortable, I suggest he get dressed in whatever he wears under his uniform before he goes to the arena. Alternatively, he could step into the bathroom stall area if he needs to strip down. That is what my son does on the odd occasion he doesn't have his underarmour on already. He is modest, even with just he other boys.

 

[FayeW]

What?!?! This is a designated men/boys locker room right? She has no business being in there. Especially since she's already dressed. She can put her skates on anywhere.

Actually, it is probably just designated as a locker room, not necessarily gender specific. If that is the case, the locker room is for the team, the whole team, not just the boys. She has every right to be there.

Now that the OP knows the boys and girl(s) will be changing in the same area she can have her son get partially dressed at home if he is uncomfortable.

 

[transparant]

I'd be going straight to the coach and if he/she was not responsive I'd go right up the ladder until I found someone who was. I cannot believe this girl's parents are allowing her to go into a boy's locker room. Are you sure they are aware of her doing it? Maybe they are dropping her off thinking she is going straight on the ice and the poor kid doesn't know to do that? How embarrassing both for the girl and for the boys. Geesh.

The parents are well aware of it. The kids still need help putting their skates on and tying them tight at this age. Sometimes her dad is in there with her. The girl seems totaly oblivious to the boys....and actually most of the boys seem oblivious about her being in there...but some of the boys arent' to thrilled about it.

 

[Sharon G]

I've been involved in youth hockey for 11 years now. I don't think I will ever thaw out!
Here in Maine where my son skates, girls are allowed to be in the locker room with the boys until Pee Wee level, which is around 11 or 12. The locker room is not designated as a male locker room. The kids at this age also are not taking showers at the rink. Most rinks do not have a designated locker room for girls. I agree with one of the other posters who said most boys do not strip down when changing. Parents, both male and female are also in the locker rooms as some of the kids need help tying skates or putting on goalie equipment.
If the OPs son is uncomfortable, he should come to the rink with long underwear or windpants or pj bottoms on under his socks. I'm on the board of directors and no one has ever complained about this.

 

[JunieJay]

Actually, it is probably just designated as a locker room, not necessarily gender specific. If that is the case, the locker room is for the team, the whole team, not just the boys. She has every right to be there.

Now that the OP knows the boys and girl(s) will be changing in the same area she can have her son get partially dressed at home if he is uncomfortable.

Really? My kids play sports and their locker rooms are gender specific. I agree if the locker room is for the whole team and not gender specific, then she does have a right to be there. I just can't imagine that being the case though. I mean, if girls and boys don't share bathrooms at that age, why on earth should they share locker rooms? Unless as someone upthread said, they aren't really using it to get dressed in. My kids have always used the locker room to get dressed and showered, and used separate locker rooms from the girls on their team.

 

[JunieJay]

I've been involved in youth hockey for 11 years now. I don't think I will ever thaw out!
Here in Maine where my son skates, girls are allowed to be in the locker room with the boys until Pee Wee level, which is around 11 or 12. The locker room is not designated as a male locker room. The kids at this age also are not taking showers at the rink. Most rinks do not have a designated locker room for girls. I agree with one of the other posters who said most boys do not strip down when changing. Parents, both male and female are also in the locker rooms as some of the kids need help tying skates or putting on goalie equipment.
If the OPs son is uncomfortable, he should come to the rink with long underwear or windpants or pj bottoms on under his socks. I'm on the board of directors and no one has ever complained about this.

Ahhh, well color me wrong. My kids were never involved in ice hockey..they used locker rooms for football and swimming, perhaps that is why I haven't encountered these unisex locker rooms. I guess I don't really see the point of a locker room if you don't get changed there, but since that seems to be the case I guess transparent's son will just have to get comfortable with it or not use it.

 

[transparant]

A lot of the boys on our team do get undressed down to underwear. I guess I'll just be sending him with pj's under his clothes.

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

Wait a minute . . . are you allowed in there as a mother? If that's the case, then what would be the difference if the girl was there too. Also, a question that came up in the thread is: Is it actually a men's locker room or is the gender not specified?

 

[transparant]

Wait a minute . . . are you allowed in there as a mother? If that's the case, then what would be the difference if the girl was there too. Also, a question that came up in the thread is: Is it actually a men's locker room or is the gender not specified?

Yep. I can go in as his mother, same as the dads can. I guess the difference to me is - I'm his mother, not a peer of the opposite sex. Most of the mom's are the one's in there helping the kids get dressed. But, like I said...I'll just send him with long underwear or pj's under his clothes. The hockey rooms aren't gender specific - but that isn't surprising as we don't have a girls or womans ice hockey league. We do however have rooms that ARE gender specific for the figure skaters of that age.

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

Well then if parents of either gender are allowed to go in, then I really don't see the big deal with the little girl being there. It sounds like it's more a place to get ready for the game (i.e. put on skates, uniforms over clothes, meet with the coach, etc.) then a place to completely undress and shower.

 

[jrmasm]

Yep. I can go in as his mother, same as the dads can. I guess the difference to me is - I'm his mother, not a peer of the opposite sex. Most of the mom's are the one's in there helping the kids get dressed. But, like I said...I'll just send him with long underwear or pj's under his clothes. The hockey rooms aren't gender specific - but that isn't surprising as we don't have a girls or womans ice hockey league. We do however have rooms that ARE gender specific for the figure skaters of that age.

This is where you lose your arguement. You are not everyone's mother. Your presence might make some of the other boys uncomfortable.

If mothers are allowed then the it is clearly not a boy's locker room and the little girl on the team has every right to be there.