Lisa's Journal (Life on the "Beach" - Part 2 all the way to goal!)

[DoeWDW]

OK, Lisa, like Marcia said - the scale number doesn't matter - but your hints on Sunday are driving me crazy!! Hope your encounter with the scale was a good one!!

 

[ZerasPride]

January 23, 2004 (Sunday) Day 56 on the Beach

I don't mean to be a tease with my weight loss, well yes I do! . I lost 2 pounds this week! Yea me! It may not be staggering amounts each week but if I can keep a two pound loss up each week, I'll be at my goal weight in a little over a year. I have lost a total of 27 pounds in two months and I am just one pound from my first mini goal of 10% body weight lost, which would be 28 pounds. I am very happy and very excited with my progress so far.

Okay, I did it. I wore a miniskirt yesterday. I couldn't help it. It was calling to me from the back of my closet. I did modestly wear a pair of tights under it so you didn't really see too much leg but thank you FIRM work outs! My legs are finally starting to look like a woman's legs and not like tree stumps! DH was floored and asked me where I got "that outfit". I told him the back of my closet. He said I looked nice and the skirt wasn't too short or tight on me. Thank goodness, I wasn't trying to look ridiculous or anything, I just wanted to know if I could get away with it and I could! The skirt is a size 24 but looks and fits like it's really a 16 or 18. I was only able to wear it once or twice before when I first bought it a couple of years ago and I was taking diet pills like a fiend. After one or two times, I couldn't even get it up all the way and forget about zipping it up. When I wore it yesterday, it was so loose that I could actually pull it off without unzipping it! Yea me! Did I mention how much I love South Beach?

I was a little nervous about adding rice back to my diet. Anything white and fluffy I associate with my former way of eating but on SBD it's okay to have long grain converted rice and I made some to go with our beef stroganoff for dinner. It was absolutely delicious! I can't believe it's legal for us to eat this stuff but I'm not complaining. DH and DS scarfed their dinner down as fast as they could. I even ate a bit too much myself. But I did stick with the 1/2 cup of rice that we are allowed and I was stuffed. I was afraid 1/2 cup of rice wouldn't be enough for DH but he said he was stuffed too. I guess our tummies had forgotten how filling rice can be.

For dessert I experimented with a recipe on the back of the Nestle unsweetened cocoa box. I used I can't believe it's not butter instead of regular butter, splenda instead of sugar and natural peanut butter instead of regular pb. They are a "no bake" treat and they were very good. They tasted like a cross between a chocolate granola bar, fudge brownie and Reese's peanut butter cup. Yummy! I had 1 piece and just a little 1% milk.

Menu:
B: 1/2 bowl of whole wheat flakes with 1% milk, 3 small sausage patties and 2 scrambled eggs (I was hungry)
S: 7 whole almonds
L: 1 hot dog on whole wheat bread and some popcorn
D: beef stroganoff on rice with 1 chocolate/peanut butter treat for dessert


Exercise/Water Gauge:
I did my FIRM ab sculpt video today. This makes 2 months straight that I have been exercising. I do take occasional rest days (usually on Saturday) but I have pretty much consistently kept up with my execise schedule since I started SBD and really feel it when I skip a day. Just wanted to mention this milestone. Okay, water was a 5.0. Pretty good for a weekend.

That's a wrap for Sunday!

Beth - thanks for stopping by! Yes, it is very nice to hear from other people that they can tell you are making progress. I remember reading in the SBD book that those who are most successful on the program are the ones who don't allow themselves to get bored with the food they eat, so I try to experiment with different recipes or take old favorites and make them SBD friendly. I would say most of the time my family winds up with new favorites - like that crustless pizza.

A - I'm glad you liked the virtual model. I thought it was a good way to actually see what you will look like at different weights. I wasn't even sure how much I wanted to weigh because I have never been skinny. It wasn't until I saw my model that I realized I would look good at 140-145 so that is the range I am shooting for. As far as the almonds are concerned, I looked at the calories. We are allowed 15 on SBD but that would be about 400 calories. No way I am eating 400 calories worth of nuts. Ice cream or some other treat but not nuts! I do love the almonds but not 400 calories worth (lol)! You are so sweet to think of me. I wonder how you are doing frequently too. Please know that we can be successful on this journey together. Take care of yourself.

marsh - I kept telling myself before I stepped on the scale that no matter if it reported a loss or not, I wasn't going to let it discourage me. I am trying to truly feel that way. Thanks for stopping by and for your support!

Doe - thanks for checking on me. I am happy that I reported a loss this week. It wasn't spectacular but that's okay. Any loss is a move in the right direction. I hope things are going well for you - take care!

 

[septbride2002]

Dang Girl! Get down with your bad self! That is amazing to lose 2 lbs a week that is consistent and a good way to lose weight! and way to go on the Mini Skirt! I bet you were walking on cloud nine in that outfit all day. Way to go!

I have been considering getting The Firm tapes but I don't think I would actually do it enough to be consistent. My walk away the pounds tapes are about as much as I can handle. I hear those tapes are tough so good for you on sticking to your schedule for 2 months!

~Amanda

 

[Strings]

Lisa Congrats on those 2 pounds. You are just melting away. That 10% goal will be yours on Sunday. I bet you looked great in that mini-skirt. I know you said you weren't buying any new clothes until spring. Have you considered having a few of your favorite things altered. I took my favorite skirt to a tailor. He's charging me $10 to take it in.(I'm also having him shorten it a little) Just a thought.
Beth

 

[Castillo Mom]

I've been sitting here for the past five minutes trying to figure out how to type a construction worker whistle. So here's a virtual whistle at ya', phew, phew!!! That's as close as I could get but you've got the idea, right? Congratulations on that mini skirt! I bet your husband said more than you're telling. I'm very happy for you Lisa.

That chocolate peanut butter recipe sounds yummy. You've become quite the gourmet chef, haven't you? Can you come over to my house and cook for me?

I saw those Firm tapes at Costco this weekend but I ended up getting Pilates. Hopefully hubby fixed that remote so I can try the routine out tomorrow.

Have a good night!

 

[marsh0013]

congrats lisa, that is so great! you must have felt like a movie star in that skirt! woo woo! enjoy it baby, you've earned it

 

[ZerasPride]

January 24, 2004 (Monday) Day 57 on the Beach

I have been fighting negative feelings most of the day. It got really bad in the evening. I feel like the more successful I am on this journey, the more doomed for failure I will be. I sat down and thought it out completely before bed. Sometimes I ignore negative feelings and then I secretly sabatoge myself by overeating so I'm trying not to make that mistake this time. I feel like I might disappoint people. My husband, my family, people at work and myself. It probably sounds silly but it is the way I am feeling. My job is to find out WHY I feel this way. I read an article that said you don't have an emotion without having a thought first. I realized I was thinking about the compliments my sisters were giving me over the weekend. It scared me. It's scary to think about reaching my goal.

I don't like when I try to sabatoge my efforts and I am fighting doing so now. I feel like the past two nights I have been eating a little more than I should and I couldn't figure out why. I now know it's the Negative Nelly inside me. She is screaming at me that this time won't be any different from any other time I have tried to lose weight. She is saying that even though people have complimented me, they are really talking about me behind my back about how fat I truly am so why even try. She says other negative stuff too. I want to acknowledge her voice and tell her that she is not as mad at me as she thinks she is. She is just scared at the change. I never thought I would lose weight this fast. I mean I haven't dropped 50 pounds overnight but it is still pretty fast for me and to have people notice can be frightening. I have at least 1-3 people stop me everyday to ask me what I am doing to lose weight. It was flattering at first but that Negative Nelly inside is saying to me that I am a hypocrite trying to give other people weight advice when I am big as a cow.

I know TOM is roaring up the tracks and my emotions can be a rollercoaster so I am fighting Nelly. I am trying to get her to see that it's okay to be nervous about the changes. It's okay to be embarassed at the attention. She will get used to it and eventuallywhen I reach my goal and the initial hoopla dies down, things will be normal. I will be smaller and there will be some other changes but the basic person I am will still be there.

I know this probably made no sense to any of my WISH buds that follow my journal but I really need to get these feelings down in my journal. I hope I didn't rain on anyone's parade. I know my posts are usually upbeat but these feelings were powerful and I needed to acknowledge them. This is actually Tuesday, even though I am writing about Monday, and I feel much much better today. But I know it's important for me to look myself in the mirror and not blink. I will not be moved! Not this time. I will take this weight off, I will not cheat myself, I will be that attractive woman I saw on the virtual model site! It will happen this time because I am tired of keeping success from myself!

Rant off.

Menu:
B: 1/2 bowl of whole wheat flakes with 1% milk and 3 slices of bacon
S: 7 whole almonds
L: chef salad with lf ranch dressing
S: 6 oz. 60 calorie strawberry yogurt
D: crustless pizza with either one of the fudge peanut butter no bakes

Exercise/Water Gauge:
I did my FIRM cardio video for 30 minutes. Water was very good today - a 6.5.

That's a wrap for Monday.

Amanda - thanks so much for stopping by! I have to make it over to your journal and see what's going on with you. I am happy with the 2 pounds per week. And about those FIRM tapes, I know what you mean. They really kick butt. I can't get through the whole 55 minute cardo tape, but I'm working my way up to it. Thanks again for stopping by. Be talking to you soon!

Beth - I never really gave much thought to have my clothes altered. What a good idea! Thanks so much. I can't really afford to buy new stuff now so this may just fit the bill. I appreciate your advice and support. Take care!

Lisa - I hope everything is going well with you! Yes, DH was more than happy to see me in that skirt. I was trying to keep his comments rated G but you can see right through me! It did feel good to wear it again. I can't wait to get out of the larger sized clothes and into some "normal" sized stuff. I think I'll cry the first time I can walk into a regular clothing store and buy something off a rack that's not a size 18 or larger.

marcia - Thanks for the compliment and for stopping by to check up on me! As always, I appreciate your encouragement.

 

[lulu201]

Hi, Lisa.

Lisa, I'm speechless after reading your honest account of all your feelings. I'm speechless because I have felt so many of those things before and I can empathize with a lot of what you said.

This losing weight business is so intense, so powerful, so loaded with emotion, and for most of us-- so loaded with history. All of our attempts, past and current, are brought to the table. You're wise and brave to take a cold hard look at all that you're feeling and try to understand it all.

Success can be frightening, Lisa, especially when it's fast. In it we see our true God-given power. It challenges us and the way we think about ourselves. Are we really successful?? Are we truly capable?? Are we deserving?? Will this just result in another failed attempt?? And one of my personal favorites: What about all the other times I thought "this time is for good" and I didn't keep it off???? Well, first of all, Lisa, I have to challenge you to re-think what you call "your failures." What if you look at your "history" as all that has happened in the past that has prepared you for this moment in time--this moment when you can lose the weight and be a happier, whole person? Wouldn't those previous attempts only be real failures if you had stopped trying all together forever? Didn't you learn things in all those tries that have made this particular weight loss journey successful? I doubt that you'd have your current victories is you hadn't had the struggle before.

And let's talk about struggle.

Lisa, on this particular 57 day journey, you've yet to experience failure! You've been cheat free and perfect, and that's to be applauded! I have to mention this, though: while it's wonderful, there seems to me to be a dark side to it. The dark side is the fear--the fear of "what if I'm not perfect What happens then?" Maybe you don't have this, but I know in the past, I have. The feeling that comes when I'm not sure I can maintain this healthy living EVERY DAY forever and ever--and what if I go off the wagon and the weight starts to creep up and that horrible out of control feeling comes and I gain the weight back and everyone looks at me and nods behind my back (because they knew I couldn't keep it off and secretly I knew it too), and. . .(this is where you can insert your own particular fear). Have you ever had these fears? Well, if you have, let me share with you what I've learned these last few months on the WISH.

We all screw up. We fail. Sometimes (gasp!) we even gain some pounds back, but what will make this time different, Lisa, what will keep you safe through this journey, is the WISH. As long as you keep coming to us, we will ALL hold you up. If you are off the path of healthy living for an hour, for a day, for a week, for a YEAR--we will be here. You are never alone. We will help you to always find yourself, to find your strength, and to get back on track if you lose your way. All you have to do is show up here!

This may sound radical, but maybe you might consider de-sabotaging yourself. Maybe have you and DH take a day off. (I told you it was radical ) Eat whatever you feel like, skip exercising, and then watch yourself get back on the program again. It could be that Nelly is nervous because she knows that being 100% perfect isn't what you have to be to be successful at this lifestyle change. Maybe she wants you to know that you're so strong you can be flexible if you need to be. How does that sound to you? I'm not encouraging you to go OFF plan, Lisa. It's just another something to think about. Sometimes when we give ourselves permission, we suddenly don't feel the compulsion to cheat. Weird, huh?

One last thing, I have to comment on, too. Aren't compliments tricky? On the surface, it's very nice--OK, it's more than nice, it's TERRIFIC--to have people notice. But, it's scary, too, I sometimes think. There are days I don't want to have people notice. I don't want their judgements, their observations--I want to be on this road by myself, dealing with my body on my own! I guess it's because I know that when people notice my losses, they are most certainly noticing my gains--but those comments are unspoken. Those many times that I've wondered what people were thinking when I've gained 25 pounds BACK. . .it's painful to remember.

Now, Lisa, I know that you didn't ask for my thoughts on this. I hope that as a WISHfriend of mine, you'll sort through and see if any of it makes sense to you. If some of it does, you'll keep that and put it someplace safe within. The rest, you'll blow away, knowing that I was just trying to provide a different perspective or two.

, girlfriend. Like you said, you ARE going to be the same person, smaller--that's for sure , but that same basic girl. Only this time you'll know how strong and wise you really are.

Take care, Lisa.
Erin

 

[Castillo Mom]

Wow, such deep thoughts this evening. I want to reply now but that would mean I'd only be able to write a sentence or two and I don't want to have to rush through this. Erin, very wise words indeed!

Lisa, I came over to your journal to answer your question about the wraps at Subway. I've tried both and they're equally good.

I'm going to come back to your journal tonight at home so I can comment on what you wrote if that's ok. Talk to you later.

 

[Strings]

Lisa,

I'm not really good with words. Erin did such a great job. I think you are a brave woman. You are making positive changes in your life. Sure, there's a demon in all of us that sabotages us at times. You have acknowledged the presence of Nelly. You've even opened a dialogue with her. Granted, it's tough to reason with a Nelly, but you will defeat her. The thing that will truly sabotage you would be to be in denial of your feelings. You noticed you are eating more. Ok. What did you do? Did you continue blindly. No. You looked at what was going on in your life, what you are feeling. You are doing something about it. That is what makes this time different.

I want to tell you something I told A. This is YOUR journal. You don't have to be upbeat and cheerful for us. If you are down, write it. This journal is about you. Your sucesses, your feelings, your days, and even your failures. If people don't care enough about you to want to read about your bad days, SCREW THEM. Make this journal whatever you need it to be.

We all need support. I will be here through your journey. I will try to give you any support you need.

Beth

 

[septbride2002]

Lisa,
I have the same fears and I am having to face them tonight. I just now came back to your journal and read Erin's response. Erin if you are reading this - you made me tear up girl! Because I felt like you were talking to me as well.

I'm not as good with words as Erin but I do know how you feel. If you ever want to talk just PM me. Big to you my friend. Hopefully both of us will feel better tomorrow.

~Amanda

 

[Jedi Q Bano]

Edit: As you can see, I'm having problems with our computer so that's why you're seeing a diffent name, but it's me, Castillo Mom! I mistakenly posted under my husband's user name.

Lisa, I'm back. Had a tough time getting online, there' some new virus out there and many of the ISPs are having problems.

Anyway, I just wanted to comment a little on what you said. You've put into words a lot of what I've been feeling but haven't been able to verbalize to anyone. Talk about fears. We all have them. This journey isn't all a bed of roses, let me tell you. Yeah, the weight loss is great. Yes, the compliments are wonderful. I think I mentioned this once before, I've come to the conclusion that our psyche must catch up with our slimmer bodies. Sure the weight is coming off, and for some, very quickly. How do we get the mind and body to become in sync all at once?

I don't know about you, but I've been struggling with my weight my entire life in some form or another. I'm 37 years old. That's 37 years of being on auto pilot when it comes to eating. So am I supposed to all of a sudden have a different brain just because my body is trimmer? Does that mean that all of a sudden 37 years of bad eating habits are now foreign to me? Yes, I do stay on plan 95% of the time, but what I really want to do some days, really feel like I NEED to do is scarf down a big baked potato, some rice and a hunk of chocolate cake washed down with a tall glass of milk. That's what I've done for all these years, and what I was doing in early August before I started this journey. Let's say I have a big fight with hubby. I just want to drown my sorrows by taking in about 500 carbs at one sitting. But you see, I try to do what you do. Think before I act. Analyze the feelings and emotions. Deal with the pain by letting myself feel it instead of anesthetize them with food. It's the hardest thing I've had to do in my life. Getting the weight off is the easy part Lisa, dealing with all that comes with it is another matter.

For instance, the compliments. Again, it's a great boost to one's ego. But as you mentioned, you know people are watching. Watching us succeed, and watching us fall. What if we gain it all back? I've been there, done that and it's very painful. But as Erin said before, the failure would be not to try again.

I think Erin made an excellent point, hit the nail right on the head. What if our past failures weren't really failures, just part of getting to where we want and eventually will be? Erin, you're brilliant! And how about this? Do you ever downplay your weight loss to others? I have many times, not to my WISH buddies, but to my friends here at home, especially the ones that are on a plan but may not be losing at the same rate. Case in point. Today I ran into one of my coworkers upstairs in the Bistro and I know she saw me but went the other way. Later on she said she'd decided to have something high carb for lunch and didn't want me to see what she'd gotten. Why do we gauge or success or failure by what others do (or don't) do? And remember that friend I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that had some negative things to say about me in her email to another friend? She said I'd gain all of my weight back. She rarely ever talks to me anymore. Do you know anyone that has distanced themselves from you since you started Lisa? It's a sad situation. Is my poundage (is that a real word) the sum of who I am? No way!

Yes Lisa, most of us here are struggling. There are days where I wish I could just warp speed to my goal and feel that everything would be perfect then. But I think think this is something that we just have to go through because it'll make our success that much sweeter. We must face our fears and you're doing just that.

Don't ever worry about what others may think about what you write in your journal. I mean, is everything supposed to be hunky dory 24/7? I truly appreciate your bearing your soul the way you did. You opened up a dialogue that confirmed what I, and from what I see, others have been going through as well. Rest easy my dear WISH buddy, you're not alone!

 

[A1A1]

Wow. This is jam packed with emotions and thoughts that many of us here on WISH have probably experienced to some degree so we all can relate.

I feel that I am driven and powered by guilt. As CastilloMom said, she has had people avoid her, "unfriend" her, and so have I but for different reasons. I lost friends when I gained weight. All of this guilt is such a burden. What I have to learn, and maybe others too, is to let other people have their issues without letting them affect me (us). Maybe we are the sensitive feelers, the wounded healers of the world, so we have carried ours and everybody elses emotions and problems in the form of extra weight.

Let's learn to lighten the load all the way around. Let's just try to evolve into the person we are to become in the end without the added weight of not only our mixed up emotions, but everone else's too.

My Mother suffered a very serious illness when she was young. She read a book called "The Power of Positive Thinking" in which she learned to use practical tools and tricks to change her mindset. For example, when a bad or negative thought came to her mind about her illness, she would say two words out loud, "click, click" and then consciously change her train of thought. She would have to do that many times throughout the day. Maybe this is something we could work on when the negativity and guilt start creeping up on us. "Click, click" and a reversal of negative thought to something wonderful and positive. It may sound simplistic, but it might work.

That being said, I do think it's extremely important to change the mind as the body changes. Perhaps that is why profound weight loss is slow. It takes time for our mind to catch up to the body. Journaling is the best thing I have done in a long time. I plan to conitnue this healing process through journaling. Also, I am determined to stop my all-or-nothing thinking. That just sets me up for failure. I am not sure if that is how you think as well, Lisa. It is a really bad habit, I have come to believe. Even after you reach your weight loss goal, there may be lots more work to do on the inside. There will be for most of us, I imagine. Like you said, it has been many years of being and acting like one person. We are learning to act like another person. A very wise person in my life said to me once, "Everyone has the right to change." We don't have to stay the same to suit others' expectations of us. We have the right to grow as people and to change as a result of our spiritual and emotional growth. You and I have that right. We are choosing to exercise it.

Keep in mind that you are doing this for yourself-----not for anyone else. Remember that. It's about you. So often, we put the needs and wants of others.....our children, spouses, co-workers, strangers......above our own. We stuff our feelings and fill our own needs with unneeded food. It's about you. My journey is about me. Doe said I was like a butterfly coming out of a cacoon, I think. You are too. You are evolving. No one, nothing is perfect. Give yourself a break, and don't expect perfection. Expect to do the best you can for yourself at that particular moment.

You have every right to give advice to others on this weight loss journey, because you have been there. You have been to the place so many of us have been. We share a common bond. We have gone a similar path. You have made changes in your life that may or may not be successful for other people who also want to make changes. You are a beautiful soul. You have a beautiful body that was a gift. You are just now learning to love it even more. Re-read the list you made of the things that have changed for you. Pick out one thing to look at in the mirror that you really like about yourself right now. Maybe it is your smile, maybe it is your left earlobe. I don't know.......but find things to love about yourself.

Be kind to yourself. Love yourself more than you ever have. I am using "you" but I am writing this for myself, too. I learn more about myself every time I post to others.

We genuinely care about you, Lisa, and we will be kind and gentle and loving about the you that you are becoming on this journey of enlightenment.

I hope you have a wonderful, peaceful, and self-loving day........not a perfect day..........but a great day.

 

[DoeWDW]

Lisa, there are so many profound thoughts and feelings here. The biggest thing I noticed is the friendship, the support, the empathy that we are all sharing. Can you feel all of us around you, walking with you even during the scarey and difficult parts of your journey? You are not alone. We are here with you and we will all share the hard times as well as the celebrations. The thoughts and feelings you wrote about have allowed each of us to examine and explore our own fears and feelings. Thank you for your honesty and courage in telling it like it really is for you at this moment in time.

Here's another , Lisa. I share many of your feelings and fears. It's okay to be afraid, to be uncomfortable for a time. I've heard that if we're comfortable, then we're not learning anything. The worst thing we can do is let the fear paralyze us. We have to move forward in spite of the fear, in spite of the little voices in our heads. We don't have to move forward alone - thanks to all of our WISH-friends. I could not have gotten this far on the journey without all of my WISH-friends.

On we go, Lisa. Some days we may not go boldly, but on we go. Just remember, we always go together. :happy1:

 

[ZerasPride]

I am speechless. The outpouring in my behalf is just so heartwarming that I don't know how to express my appreciation to you all.

Sunday and Monday were very low days for me. Tuesday I felt better and last night I realized I needed to talk to my Mom. She has always been a guiding light in my life and I've been so preoccupied with this whole weight loss process that I haven't had a real conversation with her in a few weeks. Shame on me. She (and your wise words of wisdom) really helped me to get to the root of the problem. I realized that I forgot the most basic tenet of this woe for me. TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME. When I did that I was successful AND fearless. The minute I started thinking about the next day, week, month and year, I got panicky. I realize I have to go back to that simple mindset.

I'm not striving for a perfect weight loss record or even a perfect or "cheat free" day. I am striving to live by my plan for that particular day. I don't look at my woe as something to take a break from. I feel lousy when I eat processed sugar and flour. Peroid. But there are lots of goodies and treats I can have and still be on plan. That's one major reason this is a program I can follow for life. I can have treats, etc. when I want them - and I do. I don't feel deprived from this woe in any way. I was feeling panicky about the longevity of the journey and the possibility of failure. I no longer have to worry about that. Why? Because I'm focused on today, Wednesday, January 28, 2004. I don't have to worry about any other day in the future or any day from my past. Just today. Sounds simple but it has worked for me and I've gotten away from that. I feel a sense of peace and relief coming back to that mind set.

Secondly, I lost focus of what A was saying. This is about ME. No one else. This is MY weight problem and MY weight loss journey. The fact that I have my WISH buds on this road by my side is wonderful. The fact that my family is on the side lines cheering me on and others in my life are doing the same is great. But this is for and about ME, ME, ME. It feels so good to just say it. I don't have to be worried (not unnecessarily) about what people are thinking or saying to my face or behind my back. I'm not doing this for anybody else.

Erin - you made some really good points and I thank you for your honest and open support. I really do appreciate it. I read your post last night and "chewed" over the things you said. Your concern for me came threw loud and clear. Thanks so much!

Beth - you are a sweetie for being here for me in my hour of need. You help me to see that I don't always need to write about the good stuff in my journal. That is okay to write the negative or bad stuff too. Thanks so much for the encouragement. I hope I can be there for you as you have been for me!

Amanda - Well, it's a new day for both of us. I hope you are feeling better today. Thanks for stopping by to check on me. This journey is filled with ups and downs but it is so nice to know we all understand or at least empathize with each other and support one another. Thank you for being here for me and please know that I am here for you too!

As for you Jedi - Lisa, thanks so much for finding a way to post to my journal despite your computer problems! Having your support means so much to me! I have noticed that some of my more heavy friends are avoiding me. It does make me a bit sad. Honestly, Lisa, I am not striving to be perfect. I just want this weight off! I am serious this time. I am willing to do what I need to do to make it happen. Like, I think it was you that mentioned, I down play my loss in front of people. I would never make someone feel bad because they chose to cheat or "treat" themselves to food. I have learned that I can't treat myself to food. A manicure, a massage, flowers, a movie, those are treats for me. Not food. Not anymore. But it does hurts to a certain extent to see people distancing themselves from me. Thanks for understanding where I am coming from.

A - thanks for your wise words of advice. I appreciate the story you shared about your mother and the positive thinking technique. I'll remember to click click when I start to have negative thoughts that persist. Your presence on these boards is such a treasure. Thank you for being here for me.

 

[ZerasPride]

January 27, 2004 (Tuesday) Day 58 on the Beach

Well, today's a new day. I hope when I weigh in on Sunday I will be down 1 pound because then I will be at my first 10% goal. I was hoping to reach that goal on February 1 and it looks like I just might make it. I am trying not to put dates on my goals though. Just general expectations of when I would like to have them accomplished. I know setting firm dates in mind, can lead to disappointment if you don't reach your goal by that arbitrary date. So the next 10% (25 pounds) goal will be reached, when it is reached but it would be nice if it could be before my trip to Disney in June. It would be so nice to fit comfortably in an airplane seat.

Menu for today:
B: whole wheat flakes with 1% milk and 3 slices of bacon
S: 7 whole almonds
L: chef salad with lf ranch dressing
S: a Dannon light and fit 60 calorie yogurt (peach)
D: fried chicken brest (in canola oil), 1/2 cup of long grain converted rice and broccoli with lf cheese sauce - no dessert because I couldn't finish dinner - that rice is filling!

Exercise/Water Gauge:

I have been doing my FIRM cardio sculpt video in the mornings even on mornings I am scheduled to ride my exercise bike but today was a regular FIRM cardio day. I could have done more than my usual 30 minutes if I would have known in advance my son's school were closed and I didn't have to drop him off. Oh well. I still got in my 30 minutes. Water was a 6.0. Very good.

That's a wrap for Tuesday.

Doe - Thanks so much for your heartwarming words of encouagement! I feel much better today and I know it's partly from the support I have received on this board from my WISH friends in my "hour" of need. I read something yesterday that I thought summed it up pretty well with how I was feeling. The quote was: FEEL THE FEAR AND GO FOR IT ANYWAY. I love that! This is a scary journey. I do feel the anxiety sometimes - but like you said, we go forward together, despite the fear. Thanks again for being YOU!

 

[marsh0013]

hey lisa, i'm glad you're feeling better this morning. here's a of support. i hope you have a wonderful day!

 

[LAinSEA]

Look at everything I missed! I bet you're to that 10% goal already!

You've written before about "why this time is different". Is it your plan, that you and your DH are doing this together, the stars aligned? I think it's your positive attitude! Success begets success!

The plan helps also - when you eat the right foods for your body you don't want or need the "empty calories". It's easier to stay on track if you can kick the cravings or learn to indulge them in a safe, healthy way.

Doubts, fears - change is not easy. It's so exciting to see the results of your hard work but you may find that not everyone around you is thrilled with your progress. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for changing.

Thanks for being such so positive and inspiring and human.

-Laurie

 

[Castillo Mom]

Hey you! Glad to see you're feeling better Lisa. I was thinking about you today and wondering how you were doing and it looks like you've bounced back pretty well. I'm really sleepy so I'm keeping it short. Nighty night...

 

[A1A1]

Have a super day, Lisa. Can't wait to read about your Sunday weigh-in. Keep keepin' on. You are doing so well. Best wishes to dh, as well.