Letter to Principal. What would you say?

[shmoogrrrl]

My daughter is going to a new school next year for 3rd grade because she got into the GT program and in our county they have GT Centers that are located in certain schools as opposed to each elementary school having their own GT classes. Lucky for us, the new school happens to be only 3 miles from our house.

Here is the problem. When we went to the orientation, we discovered that a boy from our church also got into the program and will be attending the same school. I hate to be mean to a child, but this kid is the most hyper active (I'm not kidding, he already is on drugs that don't appear to work), obnoxious and downright mean kids that I have ever met. He has some serious issues and my daughter just can't handle him. He has been removed from a lot of the church activities because of behavior issues, but before that happened, she would literally come home from church crying because of him. Now, lucky us, he is going to be in her school. I thought she was going to have a panic attack when we saw his family at orientation.

The Principal told us at orientation that we could write her a letter if we wanted to request that our child be with a certain friend in class next year, so I intend to write to her requesting that my daughter NOT be in the same class as this boy. My problem is how to word the request without putting him down too much, KWIM? What I'd like to say is 'This kid has serious issues and is a great big tool and I don't want him around my kid,' but I also don't really want to be that whining parent who puts other people's kids down, so wording is important. I know what this boy is like, but I think that he deserves the chance to go to the school and make his own impression, good or bad. I just want to try to keep him and my daughter apart if possible (there are three third grade GT classes, so it shouldn't be too hard).

I wrote a brief letter explaining that they knew each other outside of school and were not very compatible. I then suggested that although I know that the nature of the GT Center program means that they will sometimes have to be together, I thought it would be beneficial for both of them if they were not in the same base class. I didn't suggest anything about the boy other than our kids just didn't seem to mesh well. Is there any real reason to say anything more than that? If I should, how in the world do I word it without sounding like I am trying to keep my super special little snowflake away from the big bad crazy kid?

 

[golfgal]

Since she gave you permission to request not being placed with another child I would simply say, "Suzie would prefer not to be in class with Johnny" and leave it at that. If this boy acts the same in school as he does in church the teachers will figure it out pretty quickly. There is also a good chance that this child doesn't act like this at all in school and you won't have anything to worry about.

 

[Tink888]

"Dear Principal,

I am writing to request that my child and so-and-so be in separate base classes if at all possible. They know each other outside of school and are not compatible. Please feel free to contact me if necessary. Thank you".

That is all you need to say. The other child and his issues are none of your business. If he is as bad as you say, he will show that to the teachers and administration all on his own and they will deal with it accordingly.

I understand your concerns as far as your DD having to be around him in other areas outside of the base class and for that I would just focus on talking with your daughter and developing strategies that she can use herself to handle those situations should they arise. Frankly, school, the workplace and life in general is full of people that are difficult and cause us stress. You can't always separate yourself from them and learning how to deal with them is a life lesson she will use again and again.

 

[Silent1CB]

State the request. She didn't say you had to give a reason.

 

[mickeyboat]

Be respectful. Be brief. Do not go into detail about the kid's behavior. It's worth a shot.

If your daughter does get placed in the same class as this child, don't automatically storm into the principal's office demanding a change. This kind of classroom environment might be just what this child needs. The teacher may be wonderful at curtailing his disruptive behavior.

And don't forget, this child might not be the only one at the school with these kinds of behavioral issues. Sooner or later your child will be in class with someone who is distracting, etc. Your DD will be forced to deal with it sooner or later.

In my daughters' class there are several really disruptive children. I cringe when I hear the stories of what they do, how difficult they are, how terrible their behavior is. But each of my daughters has at least one of them in their class next year. I do my best to teach them how to handle things on their own, and when they can't do that, when to go to the teacher for help.

Good luck!

 

[kwelch10377]

I don't think you need to say anything more than you did. As much has this kid may have serious behavior issues, I'm not sure it would be appropriate for you to tell the school about them. Who knows he may not act like that at the school and then it wouldn't make you look very good.

I will say that if they are going to the same school you daughter will have to deal with him in some manner whether it be school activities or having him in her class somewhere down the line. This may be a great opportunity to teach your daughter some ways on how to deal with him and that this may not be the last person like this that she will have to deal with in life and that we sometimes have to figure out a way to deal with people like that.

 

[Liberty Belle]

It really makes me sad what you said about the boy, but I'm going to bite my tongue and say:

I think the letter should say, "DD has had conflicts with "boy" several times at church and (whatever). Please do not put them in the same class."

 

[shmoogrrrl]

Thanks for your input everyone.

I understand that I shouldn't be telling the school about his behavior. That was kind of my point, although it may not come across very clearly. No matter what my opinion is, I am trying to word the letter so it doesn't come across as me telling them about his behavior. I think that he has every right to go into the program without anyone attempting to skew their opinions of him. That is why I was concerned with how to word the letter.

I am also aware that there could be other kids that are difficult for my daughter to deal with. I am sure that my daughter might be considered difficult by other kids/parents as well. The difference is that this boy tends to go after my daughter in a very real physical and verbal way that I believe is just not appropriate for school. I am sure that it would be dealt with if it happened in school, but putting them in different classes seems like the best idea to try to avoid the issue altogether for both of their sakes.

I guess short and sweet is the best way to go. That way I can make my request without sounding like I am trying to trash this kids reputation before school starts, which is NOT my intention. I'll just put that if she has further questions, she can contact me, but I'm betting she won't bother, which is just fine with me.

 

[RitaZ.]

"Dear Principal,

I am writing to request that my child and so-and-so be in separate base classes if at all possible. They know each other outside of school and are not compatible. Please feel free to contact me if necessary. Thank you".

That is all you need to say. The other child and his issues are none of your business. If he is as bad as you say, he will show that to the teachers and administration all on his own and they will deal with it accordingly.

I understand your concerns as far as your DD having to be around him in other areas outside of the base class and for that I would just focus on talking with your daughter and developing strategies that she can use herself to handle those situations should they arise. Frankly, school, the workplace and life in general is full of people that are difficult and cause us stress. You can't always separate yourself from them and learning how to deal with them is a life lesson she will use again and again.

In the letter, you should NOT go into any details about the boy. The focus of your letter should be your daughter's needs, not anything about the boy and his problems.

 

[mhsjax]

First off, I would simply tell the principle that you do not wish for your child to be in the same class due to personality conflicts.

Second, I strongly disagree about kids having to learn to deal with a child like this, at her age. Why should a child who is in school to get an education have to deal with a child who is causes problems. If this child know the OP's dd than he could possible single her out, I have seen that happen and then she is disrupted and has a hard time learning what is being taught. I am sorry but she shouldn't have to deal with that, her main job is to go to school and to learn. I am not talking about kids who may cause a few problems and maybe they just don't get along with very well. There are kids out there, who are just too much to deal with, and they should be the ones having to make adjustments, not the other kids.

 

[princessmom29]

Well, I feel sorry for that poor boy! Asknig thar he not be in your daughter's class is fine, but I would not go into specifics. If he has physically harmed your daughter at some point, and he does happen to end up in the same class it may become necessary to inform the teacher IF he acts out toward her at school. I woudl withhold judgment until you see how he acts in a school environment. The kid deserves a chance.

 

[CF'er]

I would politely ask that they be put into different classes as to minimize their contact. End of story. If you try to put reasons it will look bad on you.

 

[krcit]

Well, I feel sorry for that poor boy! Asknig thar he not be in your daughter's class is fine, but I would not go into specifics. If he has physically harmed your daughter at some point, and he does happen to end up in the same class it may become necessary to inform the teacher IF he acts out toward her at school. I woudl withhold judgment until you see how he acts in a school environment. The kid deserves a chance.

Op's dd deserves a chance to go to a new school and not be worried about a kid who has bothered her before. OP specifically said she didn't want to go into details about anything but was wondering if the letter she wrote was enough. It should be fine. I have asked for my ds not to be placed with a certain boy. I never went into details and the school has always honored my requests.

 

[mousey]

I agree with the posters who said make it short and sweet! Believe me, the school is already aware of this kids behavior. I'm sure he has a file a mile thick with observations, conferences, etc......Good Luck!

 

[shmoogrrrl]

Well, I feel sorry for that poor boy! Asknig thar he not be in your daughter's class is fine, but I would not go into specifics. If he has physically harmed your daughter at some point, and he does happen to end up in the same class it may become necessary to inform the teacher IF he acts out toward her at school. I woudl withhold judgment until you see how he acts in a school environment. The kid deserves a chance.

Believe me, there are a lot of reasons to feel sorry for the boy. He and my daughter have been in children's activities since they were in preschool, and I have seen the way that he has developed over the years. I don't want to get into all the issues, but he doesn't have the greatest home life and his Mother is completely in denial about any issues on his part. She prefers to blame every one around him. It really is sad.

That is the main reason that I just wanted to figure out how to make the request without having to go into details. They will be in a GT program, so this kid is obviously smart so maybe this will be good for him. I'm just hoping to avoid the added stress on my daughter (who is already a bit nervous about the whole new school thing) if I can.

 

[mnrose]

I hate to break it to you, but I think you will find some very interesting personalities and behavior issues in a magnet school for gifted and talented children. While it is certainly true that many GT kids "play school" very well, it is also true that their are many who do not...and are known to be quite disruptive, particularly in a normal school environment. My children attend a special school for GT and woo boy are there some disruptive kids. I've told mine over and over they must learn to deal. There were disruptive kids in their normal school too. There always will be.

I think it's fine to ask for separate classroom placement...just wanted to make sure that you knew what you were getting into with a GT program. It is certainly no guarantee of nice, non-disruptive kids. There are plenty of wildly gifted kids with behavior issues...indeed, for the highly gifted, it is almost the norm. This is called asynchronous development...they might be intellectually very advanced, but socially immature (common combination). So, expect this type of issue to come up again and again.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I like Liberty Belle's wording (about conflict) best:

"My child and XXXX have a history of conflict between them. For both of their sake's (as well as the teacher and fellow students) I feel it would be best if they are in separate classes and I respectfully request this.

Thank You"

The above wording does not indicate that it is either the boy's fault or your daughter's. I think it is important that you do not say anything that indicates that the boy causes issues for your daughter. No blame should be placed on either child at all in the letter.

I also a agree with a PP that you will find many very different personalities in a gifted magnet school. Kids in that top 1 or 2 % have very differently wired brains. Many are very intense and emotional. A good program will work on social issues unique to this group as much as on academics but you should expect to run into many kids who have a hard time as well as many who are good at fitting in.

 

[clutter]

While I agree with everyone posting here that the dd will have to learn to deal with different personalities, I totally agree with the OP wanting to not deal with THIS personality any more. They've tried, failed, and maybe now should wait a few years until they try again.

 

[NHdisneylover]

While I agree with everyone posting here that the dd will have to learn to deal with different personalities, I totally agree with the OP wanting to not deal with THIS personality any more. They've tried, failed, and maybe now should wait a few years until they try again.

Oh I agree. She (OP) just needs to be very careful wording the request so taht it does not point any fingers.