Letter to my Cats

[Melora]

I am certain this must have been posted before, but I thought it was so funny, I figured I would post it again....

Dear CATS:

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two or more CATs in the way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your plate and food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Look at videos of cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular stretched out to the fullest extent possible.

It is also not necessary to sleep on my chest, between my legs, or on both sides of my legs then get in a territorial fight. I know biting my toes and clawing my ankles will maximize space used, but do not think I will sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort.

My purse, my furniture and my ankles are not there for a source of your amusement.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.

I have been using bathrooms for years; feline attendance is not mandatory.

In addtion, shower curtains are not supposed to hang in shreds. No mouse, fish, or bug is going to come bursting out of the toilet when it flushes, therefore it is not necessary to hang your head over the edge in anticipation of said event.

The proper order is - kiss me, THEN go lick the other cat's butt. Not the other way around.

I cannot stress this enough.

It would be such a simple change for you.

Thank you

 

[JKanownik]

OMG! You have just described my cats to a T! Do you mind if I use this letter for my cats too?

 

[emmagata]

Only a cat lover would appreciate that.

Thanks for the laugh.

 

[flaps]

LOL!

Ah, but if the feline consented to these changes, she wouldn't very well be a cat, would she?

 

[ThreeCircles]

Yes, thank you Melora for a great laugh!

Living with five cats, or Kits as they're known in our household, is not an easy task but one that makes life that much more enjoyable!

 

[ZacinIndy]

That was great! Thanks!

 

[catsrule]

cute

Of course, Simba would look at me with that handsome face and I would just say 'nevermind', do whatever you want. It works every time.

 

[Lachesis00]

hehehehehee as I read this Max (the brute) is playing footsies with me... he is laying on the covered heater sticking his paws under my desk LOL

 

[VampHeartless]

Wow..thank you for the first time I have laughed out loud to myself in a long time!!

 

[MariettaC]

Sounds like you've met Max and Pete.

 

[liznboys]

LOL!! That was too cute!

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

 

[helenabear]

I loved that!!!

 

[GailT]

I think they clone cats, mine is just like that and all the others, they are brainwashed at birth

 

[goofy4tink]

It may be too late for my two older cats (7 and 3) but maybe the new kitten (7wks) could learn from it?? Sure does fit the others to a 't' tho. Man, what we do for our cats.

 

[cynsaun]

Clearly you wrote this about Jinx and Sassy!

Thanks, that was just the laugh I needed this morning!