Let the wedding drama begin.. What to do when people invite themselves????

[Mydisneywedding]

Hi ladies,

So I recently started planning my Escape wedding and in the middle of all the excitement there is ... DRAMA.... (BTW a little info about me... I HATE DRAMA)

So my sister bumped into a family friend recently & told her I was getting married in Disney. This friend is like family, like another sister but she has a little bad habit of disappearing out of our lives from time to time... She will literally hang out with us for 6 months straight but then vanishes for 3 months which really annoys me...

Well, my sister tells her and she gets SUPER insulted that I have not told her about this wedding... keep in mind I literally started planning it June 2. My sister tried to tell her that it's a very small wedding and my guest list is limited but she doesn't want to hear it. So to see if I could repair the damage I email her and apologize for not telling her sooner and I tried to explain that a Disney Escape wedding allows only 18 guest so not to offend anyone we decided immediate family only... WHY DID I SAY THAT... it just made it worse.

So the outcome, I get an email today saying that DISNEY IS A PUBLIC PLACE AND ANYONE COULD GO, SO INVITED OR NOT SHE WILL BE THERE ON MY WEDDING DAY. I am in shock that people are actually like that. I really care about her, she is a great friend but I just can't invite her, plus God only knows if she will even be around in 6 months, like I said she tends to disappear.

How do I tell her that I just can't invite her to the ceremony... this is not like a regular church that is opened to the public... please help, I feel horrible but I don't know how to say it without hurting her feeling...

 

[MsEsty]

Without know exactly where you are getting married, the places really aren't public like the park itself.

I faced somewhat of a similliar situation with my FMIL invited the FFIL's mother/sister. I told them as they were not on the original guest list, they would be responsible for all costs, down to the meals, flowers, favors...everything. So far they said they will pay, we'll see.

Unfortunately, you just need to be strict that you are on a very set number of guests and anything above that number will cost you money and if she wants to attend, she must PREPAY the $1000 dollars NOW (yes it is only $500 to go over, but make it much more with a short deadline.) On a personal level, you can try to reason with her and say that threatening to show up uninvited won't make the day or experience any better but you would like to have dinner with her sometime.

 

[BecBennett]

I agree, if she doesn't know specifically where the events are being held you should be ok, WDW is a big place.

That's really pathetic of her to act like that.

My mum has been telling her cousins about the wedding, and naturally they've all hinted that they'd love to come too... These people are really considered distant relatives to me, and I wouldn't know them if I bumped into them on the street, and they wouldn't know me either, let alone DF mum has compromised though, and said that if they really do want to come, and are able to make the trip, then she would foot their bill - as in meals, flowers, favours etc.

I don't know why though, she's just making an already expensive trip, way more expensive for herself

 

[ColeV]

I think if she's the type to disappear randomly, she'll probably stop caring in a month or so. I personally think that if she's a true "family" member, she'd be happy for you getting married. Not think of it like a private party she's being excluded from because you don't like her. You did the right thing, now she'll either have to recover or disappear like usual. The chances of her putting forward the effort to find and appear at your venue are slim to none. And you have a whole cast of people ready to defend you and the peace of your day (all prepared with radios and such).

 

[neener3]

Ugh...I had this happen to me AT ANOTHER WEDDING last weekend. DF's great aunt accosted me at the reception and informed me I was rude for not inviting her, and that she was coming. Point blank.

I didn't handle it very well...

I pretty much just said no. And walked away, after she kept trying to argue the point.

It's your wedding. At an escape wedding, there's only so much room (frankly, I wouldn't want it any other way.). In the end, you won't regret sticking to your guns, especially since this person is in and out. Disney is a big place! Most people say to me "Oh, I wish I had done what I wanted, but I listed to ..." (insert mother, sister, friends, etc.)

Good luck! I've gotten angry emails too. Just trust that you're going to be happy in the end.

 

[erin.w]

Do you do the same thing for people that want to invite friends, other family members, etc. even if you aren't planning an escape wedding? I'm having problems with that, and it's not that we "can't" have more people it's just that we only have a budget for so many.

Anyone that wants to invite other people want to "pay" for the extra people, but that's not totally my point, what is the best way to say no?

 

[sambycat]

for a very small fee - or perhaps the favor in return - i can be pursuaded to not only stalk but to...persuade unruly uninvited "this is a public place and i pay taxes" type people to move along....

this isn't the wedding your looking for..... move along.... heh

 

[Mydisneywedding]

THANK YOU LADIES....

I feel so much better hearing that I am not the only one who deals with this.

I wanted a Disney wedding for 2 reasons... 1) I LOVE DISNEY and 2) They offer a package that has a guest limit. I didn't want the 200 people event, it's not me...

It amazes me what weddings do to people. As soon as you say the word WEDDING everything changes..(people and prices etc...)

For now I plan on not emailing her back and respond to her comment. I am too busy gathering ideas and shopping. I am going to enjoy this time cause it is MY DAY... and when she does contact me again (in maybe 3 months), I'll be honest with her and just tell her she could go to Disney but she can't attend the event.

Thanks again!!!

 

[Racey]

I wouldnt worry - disney is a very big place and as long as you tell anyone who is going not to give her details of where its all going to happen she wont be there. If she does ask your family they can just say its all goign to be a surprise when they get there

id get ready to fall out with her though!!

 

[CNPHILLY]

We were very proprietary about our wedding, and made no apologies for it. Why be nervous that someone you don't want to come may crash? Tell her she isn't coming, if she does go to WDW it will be a complete waste of her time, and that's that. I would recommend NOT making any excuses for it...that's just the way it is.

Our ceremony at the Wedding Pavilion started at 5:30pm. We instructed our wedding planner that the doors are to remain shut and if anyone showed up late, tough luck (who needs the distraction of people walking in late when there was no good reason they couldn't get there on time?). Sure enough, one couple (friends of my wife's parents) showed up late and had to wait outside until the end of the ceremony. Our attitude was that this is our special day, it is going to be the way we like it, and we don't care what anyone else thinks. In the end, it worked out great, and I am sure yours will too!

 

[Mama Mouse]

I think I'd ignore her. I don't know where you are exactly but I wonder what the odds are that she would really pay all that expense and just show up at Disney. I have to wonder if she just sees it as a free trip to Disney that you would pay for for her.

I'd either ignore or say something like "Oh, you'll love Disney! Maybe we can meet up a few days after the wedding for dinner at..." Probably wouldn't go over too well but gets the point across.

 

[Sadie22]

We were very proprietary about our wedding, and made no apologies for it. Why be nervous that someone you don't want to come may crash? Tell her she isn't coming, if she does go to WDW it will be a complete waste of her time, and that's that. I would recommend NOT making any excuses for it...that's just the way it is.

Our ceremony at the Wedding Pavilion started at 5:30pm. We instructed our wedding planner that the doors are to remain shut and if anyone showed up late, tough luck (who needs the distraction of people walking in late when there was no good reason they couldn't get there on time?). Sure enough, one couple (friends of my wife's parents) showed up late and had to wait outside until the end of the ceremony. Our attitude was that this is our special day, it is going to be the way we like it, and we don't care what anyone else thinks. In the end, it worked out great, and I am sure yours will too!

The OP wants to let someone know before the wedding that the guest list is limited. Your situation was different, I think. How did this affect the relationship with these invited guests?

 

[CNPHILLY]

The OP wants to let someone know before the wedding that the guest list is limited. Your situation was different, I think. How did this affect the relationship with these invited guests?

My situation was definitely different. I was just demonstrating the control we had over our wedding, and that we made no apologies for it. It didn't affect our relationships in the slightest...the people knew they shouldn't have been late. Frankly, even if they would have had a problem with being shut out of the ceremony, we wouldn't have cared. It's our day, not theirs.

I do understand not wanting to hurt someone's feelings, but this is one of the most important days of your life. It's a day that is for you and your partner, and it's okay to do whatever you like or invite or not invite whomever you want (or in this case are able to). I think OP has exactly the right approach.