Lesli's Live Long and Strong WISH Journal

[Mykelogan]

Hi Lesli!

Sorry to hear there needed to be a fishy funeral!!

and as for your rant, I am sooo with you! I see us "lose" so many students at the mid year point because they did not want to be here in the first place, so they coast through a semester and either leave by choice, by academic dismissal or by my office requiring them to leave for disciplinary reasons. I think that there are many 18 yo who are mature enough for college but I think parents-teachers-etc do need more info on how best to look out for those students who might not be ready. I think one of the hard things is we as a culture tend to see it as you go right away or you don't go, so I see many parents that tell me how they are happy their student is in school right away because if not they would never have gone. If given a real choice and the support needed, I am not sure that would be true of the students that need that extra year or two working some where and developing themselves. I loved my time in college and got sooo much out of it (obviously or I would not be working at colleges for ten years! LOL) but I know if I was back there now with my current knowledge, I would have done so much more academically than I did and I was valedictorian of my high school class. It is just amazing to me what a little time can do to help students find their path.

Anywho, before this becomes my own rant I will say have a great night and bid you farewell for now! heheh!
Mike

 

[Cruise04]

Hi Lesli - sorry to hear you are having such an emotional time. I know I'm going to be a mess when the time comes. Heck, I can't even let her go off to her second of year of high school without me taking her and giving up getting a ride with the carpool - but she wants me to take her on her first day of school. I have got to stop this next year - 3 more years and she's in college. Granted she says she's going to NIU first and then hopefully U of I for vet school it's still going to be hard. I think the hard part is actually letting go of the fact that they are indeed growing up.

I work in the counseling center at NIU and let me tell you - the amount of parents that call the first 2-3 weeks asking how to handle their kids being gone - note what I just said, not that their kids want to come home (although we do get a lot of those calls) - increases every year. We get more and more parents calling asking how we can help THEM, not how we can help their kids. I think you've done good with your dd. It sounds like you have raised her to be independent. My favorite phone call I've taken in the 8 years I've worked there was when the mom called the week before Move-In day and asked me how she can go about scheduling someone from our office to wake her child up and make sure the child takes the morning medications that they need. I wanted to so laugh on the phone but I couldn't. I had to be serious and let her know that we can't and don't do that. But as I was saying this I was thinking - your kid is at least 18 you need to let them find out what it's like to live on their own and grow up and they will survive.

So Lesli - she will survive, as much as we don't want to believe that they will, and you will too. Cry as much as you need to, know that we are here for you (and I'm glad we are). And you know, it's okay to let her know that you are sad about her leaving. I think it would be a good idea to spend a night together before she leaves - just the two of you. Go see a movie, go to dinner, have a really good conversation. Ask her if there is anything she's worried about or wants to talk about before she leaves. You may be surprised - in private she may be having just as hard a time as you are but doesn't want to let you know it.



Keep on
Chris

 

[daisy_77]

Hi, Lesli! I just joined the WISH journals board and have been reading through some of my fellow WISHers journals. I just stopped by to say, keep up the good work and things will get better!

 

[pearlieq]

Good morning! I hope you are doing well and that yesterday was great!

I'll check in on you later!

 

[Lesli54]

Yeah! Down .5 lbs. Not much, but after last week, I am taking what I can get. And that was after eating junk last night, so I am surprized I lost anything.

Another productive day, but still didn't get to finish the kiddies room. Also, I barely touched the GS stuff. I got derailed by the college finances, that DH wanted to revisit again. FINALLY, I think we have come to an agreement on how to handle them. I hate that there are no clear cut answers, but we want to expand our corporation (may or may not be in grocery) in the next few years and how we deal with the big expense of college really ways heavy on our options and ability to take on a large business expense. Some days, I could go mad thinking in so much detail so far in advance.

AM snack was cheese. Lunch was late and on plan w/ celery added. The PM snack was some leftover tuna salad and crackers. I thought that I would get the smoothie before leaving home if I didn't have time for supper and make it through the meeting ok. NOT. I got behind, due to the college thing, and barely had time to get some documents copied before I had to leave. My Regional Director always has food at the meeting and not usually good for you. I shouldn't have gone hungry and I knew that. She had mini bags of pretzels and I ate about 2/3 of one. Then I had a bowl of M&M's sitting in front of me and I ate way too many of those. I am not even fond of plain M&M's. Next time, I will move the bowl. Then I ate 3 bite size Milky Way's. Thankfully, they were not in front of me. I was so ashamed of myself. I knew better. Aside from not eating supper before I left, the meeting was very boring at times as she was trying to get people caught up on things they missed last week at the kick off.

After coming home, I stayed up too late watching Michael J. Fox's movie "For Love or Money" (never seen it before and I love watching him, wasn't his best movie, I didn't like the other actors/actresses). My tummy started growling so I ate about 1 oz of turkey, just to stave off hunger until I went to bed.

I have to go in with a better plan at these GS meetings.

Breakfast: 1 egg omelet w/cheese, 1 slice 7 grain toast, grapes
AM snack: yogurt
Lunch: salad w/ grilled chicken
PM snack: smoothie
Supper: ?

Goals for day:
1. Pack of stuff for the thrift shop
2. GS loose ends
3. WDW report (one day, I will get this done)
4. Bookwork
5. Plan my exercise regimen (didn't the other day when I wasn't feeling well)

As far as being a "Pro" with raising the kids, running the financial end of our business, and the non-profit activities. HA! Boy do I have you fooled. I think that most would think that I always have things under control, but not really. I cannot say that I have put forth a false portrayal intentionally to the outside world. It's just that most people don't see me rush to get things done at the last minute. If, I am caught up on everything, I can maintain it well and do great. However, I have let some things get so far behind (product of being overweight, depressed, no energy, you know the drill) that it is all I can do right now to keep things going. In fact, I would fire myself for getting so far behind in the bookwork, but alas, I cannot. For awhile I hid it from DH, but now I know he knows and I know it bothers him, it bothers me too. DH helps with the kids alot, more than most fathers. He makes alot of quick fix suppers (some of the weigth problem), gives them baths, takes them places, etc. so that I am not doing it all and many times, I feel that I am not doing my share, not that I don't spend time doing things with the family, I do. The bad thing is that I was NEVER this way before. I was always organized and on top of things (much easier that way). So it aggrevates me. It makes me realize how much I let myself go, not just in terms of weight, but in other areas of my life, because I let the emotions of being overweight get in the way and I avoided alot of things so that I could drown myself in food and not think about what I have done to myself. This is why I am trying to get back to the real me, the one who is screaming for the organization, the one who is screaming to know what is going on as it happens, the one who is screaming to do things right away and get them out of the way, the one who is screaming to care for her family more. This is why I am on such a kick to get things caught up, so that I can be me again. I guess you would say that I am facing my weakness and dealing with it. I will not let this weight be a crutch for me again, I will not let it get the best of me and I will not let myself sabatoge what my DH and I are working so hard build.

Wow! That was the first time that I have admitted all that to anyone. I know now that I can do this and I can get back to being me again.

Everyone have a great day!

 

[rcyannacci]

Wow- you've done a really good job expressing the wholistic benefits of weight-loss...when I first began my program, I wondered if I was crazy trying to write a dissertation and lose weight at the same time, two massive projects. But, more and more, I'm wondering "Why didn't I do this sooner, during my course work?" Being organized and on top of your eating and exercise has such a ripple effect! I really believe that it has helped me be more productive with my writing and teaching, as well as being a more affectionate wife. I just wish I had known this sooner!

Don't worry too much about the GS meeting. It's going to happen, but everytime it does, we'll be that much more prepared for the next time. It's amazing really, when you think about it, how much our social obligations sabatoge us from healthy eating! Professional obligations too. We are really surrounded by bad food options.

Good luck getting caught up on the bookwork...it will happen, so don't be too hard on yourself. Just set a realistic schedule and you're 1/2 way there.

 

[Lesli54]

Christin - I have often thought recently, why I didn't just jump on the band wagon with losing weight and getting my life back together sooner as well. It really isn't as hard and as impossible as I was making it out to be in my head. Not that it is "easy", there are challenges, but it gets easier all the time. I was going to wait to lose weight as well. Something that I would do after I get things caught up. It never worked. I am just amazed at how important losing the weight really is. It goes hand in hand with so much else in our lives.

The hardest part really is the amount of time it takes to change things around, but since I know that, I keep telling myself "just a little here and there and I will get all things back in order with my life".

It is too bad that as we medicate ourselves with food for whatever reason, we forget how good it really felt to be smaller and to be ourselves. I guess we didn't know how much our weight impacted our lives and how much that losing it would make things better, because we didn't want to know. Personally, the person in my head was not at all in line with the person in the mirror, so if you don't look in the mirror often then it is easier to fool yourself.

I am just glad that I found this board and people who understand all too well what I am feeling. It sure does make the process easier.

 

[kardiebelle]

Hi Lesli I just wanted to let you know that we are on the same boat but on different sides. My children are small and now DD4 is starting all day kindergarten. Next year DS is going. But is is starting to hit me now. She is getting bigger and she has a personality. I have many of the same fears that you have. I am very scared for her. We went supply shopping for her the other day and ran in to 3 different people that we knew all of them rubbing it in that she is already starting school. People make the comment that its a great thing to get rid of the kids but I see it as a growing thing. I (YOU) am not sending her to get rid of them we are letting them expand their horizons. Yours is off to college my in kindergarden. I know mine will be coming home everynight but yours is starting to live her own life. In 13 more years I will be here crying my eyes out to you because she is leaving the house.

I think that we should meet in the middle of the boat and give each other a huge hug.

Sorry to use your board to talk about myself.

 

[pearlieq]

Wow--I've never quite heard it put that way before. You've given me a lot to think about.

It seems silly to say it, but I've never really given too much thought to how being overweight affected my life and decisions, beyond the obvious. I guess having been fat all of my life it was the only way of life I knew, but hearing it expressed that way crystalized how I view certain things both in my life and the lives of other big people I know. I'm only recently coming to dim awareness of how pervasive an effect overeating and overweight has on my life.

Anyway, thanks for sharing your journey. I learn a lot from you!

 

[Mykelogan]

Hi Lesli,

Once again I am floored by your insight. Thank you so much for sharing all of those thoughts, I know I will carry many of them with me on this journey. I can't wait until you are "you" again!!! You are on your way!!!

Have a great Thursday!!
Mike

 

[pearlieq]

Good morning!

I hope yesterday was a great one and that you're having a happy morning!

 

[Lesli54]

Pearlieq - I never gave much thought about how my being overweight was affecting everything around me either, so it doesn't seem silly. I mean there have been a few times when I thought that I was just getting lazier, but then I pushed it aside. In truth, I was getting more lax in some areas of my life. I don't think that it matters if we grew up as the bean pole on the block or the chubby kid on the block. I know that all of us here understand what it means to be smaller than they are now. So if you really look back, you can see how different you felt then as compared to now when you weigh more. It sounds so simple in words, but in reality it takes time and a lot of thought, lots of willingness to analyze yourself. But like we have been saying, this is a lifestyle change.

Mike - Insight? Glad that I can provide some, especially since I have been terrible about getting to other journals lately. Actually the book helps alot. Some things are brought up in the reading and you go "oh, never thought of that". Other things are "light bulb" moments that occur because I am learning to really listen to myself better (also taught by the book). The journaling has helped alot since I feel free to express my thoughts and know that they are not judged, but surprised at how many times they are understood. It really makes you realize that we are not in this alone like we once thought.

Kardiebelle - I have 4 children. The youngest will go to preschool next year, so I have a long ways to go yet. I will however, be there in 13 yrs for you. It's not easy, but it is about allowing change to happen.

 

[Lesli54]

On to yesterday.

Did lots of bookwork and a little GS, but not as much as I would have liked. Registered DD15 & DD7 for school, what a mess. Helped the kids go through some old clothes. I spent quite a bit of time contemplating some things. The "what do I really want in life, career, extra activities" type of thinking. I don't have all the answers yet, but I do want to back off some things as they come to an end soon.

AM snack was cheese, out of yogurt. Lunch was late since I was registering kids for school, and I substituted the grilled chicken on my salad for turkey. The PM snack was on plan and adding the vanilla to the smoothie helped. (Time for a Penzey's order ). Supper was taco dip/salad. I didn't do too bad and kept the chips to a bare minimum. Then the family made popcorn last night and I ate some. Oh well.

DH is happy to see the scale down so quickly. Sure, he cuts back and drops like that. He is amazed at how well he is sleeping and how much more energy he has now. Didn't I tell him? Oh well, I just hope he keeps it up.

Breakfast: cream of wheat, 2 slices ham
AM snack: yogurt
Lunch: salad w/tuna or taco salad
PM snack: smoothie or some fruit
Supper: ?

Goals for day:
1. Get done the things I didn't yesterday

Feeling a little groggy lately. I am not getting to bed early enough anymore.

Good news! I have DD18 for a few more days. Dining services moved back their trainings and move in day. Now she moves in on the 17th. I don't think the camping trip will happen now, just the way the work schedule is, but we will probably go down in Oct. She has talked to her roommate a few times and so far they seem to be hitting it off. Lots of things in common. Hopefully that is a good sign.

Gotta get going.

Everyone have a great day!

 

[rcyannacci]

That popcorn at night is a killer, isn't it! If it's there, it's really hard to refuse. At least it's better than chips...

Good news on your DD...I'm sure she appreciates the added time with family and friends. And camping in Oct. sounds like a great plan...its that a parent's weekend? I used to love seeing my folks on parents weekend. I could always count on a good meal or two

Congrats to your DH...I'm trying to convince mine to start some sort of exercise schedule because he seems really unfocused lately.

Have a great day!!!

 

[Zela]

Hey Lesli,
Sorry I haven't been by your journal in a while . I have been exceedingly busy these past few weeks. From what I have caught up on it looks like your are doing an exceptional job balancing all your stressful situations and your eating habits. Good Job! And I hope you can make those few extra days with your daughter fun!

 

[Mykelogan]

Hi Lesli!!

Just wanted to come by and say hi! Glad your DD18 is getting along well with her roommate so far, that is great! Don't forget to buy me something from Penzey's! hahahaha!

Have a great night!
Mike

 

[Lesli54]

I honestly cannot remember everything I did yesterday. It was busy, mostly filled with bookwork. Making progress in some areas. A friend stopped by with her new baby and when I held him, I thought I would feel like I wanted more, but I didn't. It's funny, a few years ago DH and I really considered adopting once one of the kids got out of the house, but I think we have enough. If it ever came up again, I would only adopt a boy so that DS would have someone to play with, but he would have to be close in age, no more babies. Kind of sad in a way to realize that you are at that point in your life where you just want to enjoy everyone else's babies.

AM snack was 2 crackers and a piece of cheese. Lunch was taco salad w/ some chips. I wasn't hungry for a snack so I didn't get one. But then later, I grabbed a very very sm handful of trail mix. Supper was a little late due to an athletics meeting we had to attend. Waste of time! I am so tired of the focus of school being sports. "We want 100% participation in sports, it helps the students do better in school, blah, blah, blah". DD15 is in cheerleading that should be enough, I know it is enough running for us and she still has time for family and friends. No, she should do more according to the school and their sports push. Yeah right. She doesn't want to and I don't want her to or her grades would suffer. Yet they continue to cut back on the music program to the point that it is almost non-existant. Last I checked, music helped alot with doing better in school especially math...........but it doesn't bring the money that sports does. They even have a Visa that you can get now where a percent of your purhcases goes back to the sports boosters. It just irks me. No wonder other nations are passing us up academically and technologically. Enough of the rant. Supper was a tuna roll up, a few fritos, and a Tbsp of PB. Not great, but I didn't know what I wanted.

I am getting really tired of counting calories on Fitday. It takes so much time and I am begginning to worry if I am establishing a habit of always knowing my caloric intake instead of focusing on healthy eating. I know I am not eating in balance, I know that I am lacking in dairy and not getting all the fruits and veggies, but the calories are good, I tell myself. That is not what I want though. So, I have to rethink this over the weekend and come up with something that I can stick to that will be on the healthy eating focus. I think after that, the calories will follow.

I am also tired of the fact that the scale isn't moving, but then neither am I right now. I am tired of the fact that I can't seem to find time to exercise. More like I am not making the time. On Tues, I am going to go to a Curves that is closer to home (fairly new) and get signed up. I enjoyed going before and even though I hate the cost of gas (the drive is 20 min one way, out of town), DH did mention that if it was for my health then it is worth it and he is right. I had more energy when I went and always seemed to get so much done in a day, it was unreal. Over the next couple of weeks, I need to focus on getting to bed early (did last night) so that I can be up early and get my at home exercise in (if not going to Curves). It really seems like the best time.

Breakfast: 1 egg omelet w/onion & cheese, 2 slices ham, 1/2 slice 7 grain toast w/jelly
I don't know what the rest of the day will bring for food, since I have to re-evaluate that area. We are back in the rut of quick and easy fix, boring meals. I hate it. I want to enjoy good quality meals again that has so much flavor you are very satisfied and not tempted for junk.

Goals for day:
1. GS paperwork
2. Pack off things to thrift store
3. Work on some college finances some more
4. Finish the kids room (still put off)

We will see how I feel for getting more done than that. I have a dentist appt today and I don't know how I will feel afterwards.

Better get going. By the way what is up with the dogs? ug: aw: ? It is getting really weird around here.

Everyone have a great day.

 

[rcyannacci]

That's great they opened a Curves closer to your home...not having to worry about a long drive will help. I really love my Curves- the people are really friendly and I still feel like I get a great workout (I know some people say they move beyond the point that it's helpful, but I've been going regularly for 7 months and am still seeing great results).

Amen to the arts funding! You're singing a song I know my heart...unfortunately schools aren't listening. Before I moved to TX for my PhD program, I worked for an arts organization run by the state of PA. As a rostered artist, I traveled around to different schools, teaching creative drama and storytelling to both kids and teachers, as a way to implements arts into the classroom. It was a fantastic program, backed by a number of studies that showed how the arts produced better, more critically aware students. Last I heard, it was struggling for $ too. When I was at my DC conference, I heard the head of the National Endowment for the Arts speak...he told a story about how John Phillips Souza highschool wanted to celebrate the anniversary of their namesake, but because of funding issues, they had cut their orchestra, band, and choir. They ended up bringing all of the students into the gym and playing them a record...isn't that sad? Anyway, I could rant about this for days, obviously.

Easing off Fitday might be a good strategy, especially when you think of your long-term lifestyle goals. See how a different, more balanced approach works for you, then you can always go back to Fitday if you miss it.

Happy Friday, and hope you have a great weekend!

 

[pearlieq]

I don't know what's up with all of the dog stuff either? Odd... aw:

The sports push does sound aggravating! Cheerleading sounds like more than enough--at least around here it's usually pretty intense and goes almost all year. Call me crazy, but I thought the main focus of high school was academics and preparing for college and/or a future career? Soccer's great and all, but it certainly doesn't seem more important than english, math, and science. Plus, not everyone is inclined to team sports. Why should a kid who prefers karate or jogging be forced to join the basketball team. I can see your frustration.

I can also see where you're coming from about Fitday. It really became a chore for me, especially because I ate combination foods and it's a pain to try to find an equivalent to record or try to break it down by ingredient. As Christin pointed out, it doesn't have to be a permanent decision. If you find yourself slipping, just start up again!

I think you're right about needing more fruits and veggies. Can you incorportate them into your snacks--say maybe your regular cheese and a handful of baby carrots? The smoothies are great for that too!

I'm glad to hear they opened a Curves closer to you! At least around here they have month-to-month plans where you can try it out for a little while to see if it's right for you before comitting to anything.

Hope you have a great day today!

 

[Mykelogan]

Hi Lesli!!

Hope you had a great day!
As for the rant on sports, I am with you!! I know that sports are important and beneficial, but I feel that a student in a band, or on student government contribute at least as much (and sometimes more) to a school. It gets just as bad on the collegiate level when athletes expect (and at many schools are given) extra privileges. In our department I have argued many times (and succeeded) to ensure that when athletes are allowed back early, etc that we allow the same for theatre students, student government folks, etc.
Ok.. I will end my rant now! haha!

Take care of yourself and have a great weekend!
Mike