leaving a teen at home

[deedeetoo]

Well here's my personal experience. When I was a teenager, the parents of one of my friends (probably 17 at the time) went on vacation and left him in charge of the house. His Grandma was nearby but did not live in the same house. Everyday he stopped by to visit her and assure her all was well.

In the meantime, back at the house, it was PARTY!!!! Numerous people slept over every night. Lots of alcohol, lots of things going on that you probably don't want to hear about. The day before his parents returned, we all pitched in and gave the house a thorough cleaning, including changing all the sheets and shampooing the carpet. When his parents got home they were so proud of how responsible he was while they were gone.

Only you know your child, but its something to think about, especially if she's been rebelling lately.

 

[jennifer293]

Well here's my personal experience. When I was a teenager, the parents of one of my friends (probably 17 at the time) went on vacation and left him in charge of the house. His Grandma was nearby but did not live in the same house. Everyday he stopped by to visit her and assure her all was well.

In the meantime, back at the house, it was PARTY!!!! Numerous people slept over every night. Lots of alcohol, lots of things going on that you probably don't want to hear about. The day before his parents returned, we all pitched in and gave the house a thorough cleaning, including changing all the sheets and shampooing the carpet. When his parents got home they were so proud of how responsible he was while they were gone.

Only you know your child, but its something to think about, especially if she's been rebelling lately.

That brings back fond memories of my teenage years... My parents used to leave my sister and I (we were 17 and 19) at the time and I mean as soon as they called us to let us know they got where they were going Ok we had people over the WHOLE weekend..Including the boy who is now my DH..hahaha Lord when I think of all the mistakes we made back in the day that could have been SOOOOO BAD for us at that age I just cringe.. .SO I WILL NOT be leaving my kids at home alone....hahaha Their mom and dad were bad kids and I am afraid it might have been transmitted in their genes at conception...

 

[karla63]

We have a DD16 and DS10 and this past March, we left the DD home when we went to Vegas for the Nascar race (6 days). This is a couples trip(with 2 other couples) so the kids just stay home. The DS goes over to a friends house and our DD stayed at the house. She is in sports at school and also drives. Had the neighbors and grandma and some(behind the scene) friends who would check up on her. We talked to her several times a day and she actually took the initiative and did some extra chores around the house while we were gone. At this time, I would never leave both kids at home(too much sibling rivalry going on),but I am fine leaving her home. It just will depend on the kids and how much you can trust them.

 

[jakoky]

well, i have 3 kids, my oldest is also 15(actually turning 16 in 15 days-YIKES!!!)...now, so far we have been very lucky with her, she is a really great kid....btw, she would be very happy if i gave her 10 a week allowance, she only gets 15 every two weeks BUT she has a part-time job, which, i think has really helped her get the money concept....she is a spender, i dont know what she would do without working....i think if you are having any trouble with your daughter, trying to get her do have to make some of her own money would be good...as for leaving her home, that is truly a personal decison..my 15 yr old would never go for that, she loves disneyland....and i could never do that, i would have too much guilt, but that is me, i feel guilty over anything...i wish you luck in your decision, i know 15 year olds can be a "handful", some days the attitude is hard to take...my daughter just brought her report card home and was actually very upset, she had 3 B's but a C- in math...now i get to go to talk to her teacher who she HATES!!! Fun, my daughter has a "little bit of a big mouth", she speaks her mind....i can only imagine the teacher and I's conversation....good luck
sharon

WDW-Dec 04-first disney experience for my DH, DD, DS, DD and first time at WDW for us all
DL-MAY 06-first time at DL for DH and kids , and my 9th(but the first 8 were all by the time i was about 13) so it was all new to me
Planning our trip for this fall-me and youngest dd want DL and DH and older two kids want mexico....mexico may win, but my youngest has decided that just me and her could do disneyland (haha, that would go over well)
PLANNING GRAD TRIP FOR MY DD IN MAY 2009-I CANT WAIT(WHOLE FAMILY WILL GO, ALONG WITH OUR NIECE-HER BEST FRIEND AND WILL GET THEM THEIR OWN ROOM).....

 

[sl_underwood]

I am not sure leaving her at home will help. It sounds like she is acting up in order to get your attention. Try to give her positive attention, maybe a girls night but I truly think her bad behavior might be a cry for help that leaving her with grandma would be ignoring.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

I dont think she's going to give grams a hard time. She will have a curfew at which time to be home for the night, where she'll call us from. Her issues are more related to bickering about going to all of her classes and arguing w her father who will be with me
my mom (who's no push-over) will be there, along with grams

Another question are you giving her what she wants so you have a better time? I really feel she needs to go on a family vacation. If a child is responsible enough and has a job...maybe they need to stay home but as you stated she is not even responsible for getting herself to all her classes.
You also said that it has been tough on her with you working part time weekends, maybe you need some family time....I think leaving her home is asking for big trouble.
Why does she need $25 dollars a week? What does she do with it?

 

[may06orbust]

I remember taking a family vacation when DD19 was 14 or 15. It was a long road trip and she was a super pain in the butt! She was rude, whiny and very difficult. But you know what, now we as a family laugh about it and even DD admits she was a pain! Her being so difficult is one of our family memories. She is even planning to join us on another long road trip this summer.

What I'm trying to say is yes, she's a pain--and yes, you would like a break from her, but I would try to convince your DD and yourself that she should join you. It may be exactly what she and your family needs.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I just don't understand why a 15 year old gets to decide where she is going or not going. I am not trying to be rude, but it sounds like she needs a bit more attention than she is getting. I am not even thinking about her having parties and stuff, that is irrelevant. She's already insisting on more allowance and staying home from a family vacation. I don't get this. I was a bratty 15 year old but there was no way I would even have had a choice whether or not I was going on a family vacation. It seems like she just makes demands and you are giving in. This is going to snowball eventually. I would not let her stay home nor would I tolerate her being rude to any of us while on vacation. I wish you the best as it is hard being a parent.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

I remember taking a family vacation when DD19 was 14 or 15. It was a long road trip and she was a super pain in the butt! She was rude, whiny and very difficult. But you know what, now we as a family laugh about it and even DD admits she was a pain! Her being so difficult is one of our family memories. She is even planning to join us on another long road trip this summer.

What I'm trying to say is yes, she's a pain--and yes, you would like a break from her, but I would try to convince your DD and yourself that she should join you. It may be exactly what she and your family needs.

Beautifully said May......

 

[graygables]

I just don't understand why a 15 year old gets to decide where she is going or not going. I am not trying to be rude, but it sounds like she needs a bit more attention than she is getting. I am not even thinking about her having parties and stuff, that is irrelevant. She's already insisting on more allowance and staying home from a family vacation. I don't get this. I was a bratty 15 year old but there was no way I would even have had a choice whether or not I was going on a family vacation. It seems like she just makes demands and you are giving in. This is going to snowball eventually. I would not let her stay home nor would I tolerate her being rude to any of us while on vacation. I wish you the best as it is hard being a parent.

My oldest 2 are 21 and 18. BTDT. Until they are legal adults and fully supporting themselves, my kids don't tell me where they are going or not going. I'm the adult, *I* tell them. Granted, we had a relationship where we worked together on decision-making, but something like this...no way would they be staying home. T-R-O-U-B-L-E. Stop taking her cr#^, set her on the straight and narrow, and have a family vacation. And forget the "allowance", she's old enough to work for her money. I fined my DDs for backtalk and bad behavior and they had jobs. Youngest had a job at Build a Bear when she was 15yo. Her paycheck went into a joint account and I wrote out checks to myself for her mouth/attitude. BTW, they are both fairly normal, gainfully employed at Walt Disney World, and happy when I come to visit, so I guess I did OK.

 

[mabenoab]

Parenting. The toughest job you'll ever love. I just want to agree with those who have said that the trip together as a family could be exactly what is needed at this time. Perhaps time away, in a relaxed environment could provide some bonding time for your dh & your daughter? If nothing else insisting that she go with you would reaffirm that you are all a family, in good times an in bad, and that families work things out together. Vacation might be easier without her there, but then again, if she's not there, you won't have the opportunity to improve things, either.

Will you really be able to relax and enjoy yourself knowing that she's home with Grams instead of there with you?

 

[dogluva]

I too was wondering about the allowance thing. I don't give my kids money, they earn it themselves. Isn't your daughter old enough to babysit? My daughter is working as a cashier at a supermarket. She is 14. Maybe she needs less time on her hands. Just a thought.

 

[flipflop]

I think I am confused. Is this a "family" vacation - meaning in this instance that you are taking other children and only leaving the teen home? Or is this a you and hubby having time alone and bonding as a married couple vacation? I also didn't get the impression that you allowed your 15 yr old daughter to decide whether she was coming - but rather, that you had a discussion with her about the trip (I presumed you had already decided before you spoke to her).

You are entitled to take a married couple trip sans kids to bond and get a break. However, I am not really sure that is what is happening so much as you were thinking about planning a family trip and that trip got derailed by your DDs behavior. You aren't leaving DD alone - correct me if I am wrong, but Grandma is staying WITH her? If Grandma is staying with her, then the parties, etc are not an issue. My mom left me home a lot when she travelled on business and I was a teen and I was a straight A student, didn't cut class, didn't do drugs and had "good kid" type friends who my mom knew - and I still had, what I would call "contained" parties in our house. But that doesn't seem to be a problem here b/c Grandma will physically be in the house. I think that really only leaves what your DD "needs", which is of course different from what she says and how she acts b/c she is, afterall a teenager. I agree with the posters that suggested that DD might need special alone time with you in a different environment. She may be lonely or having a tough time with friends at school, going through a phase of feeling like she doesn't fit in or that you don't understand her (did any of our parents understand us when we were that age? LOL). A family vacation may help. I think special alone time with Grandma can also be a very good thing in a different instance - I have many found memories of staying with my grandparents as a kid and talking and being allowed to stay up late to watch a special show, etc. I am just not sure that this is the time for that.

Best of luck with your decision.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I think I am confused. Is this a "family" vacation - meaning in this instance that you are taking other children and only leaving the teen home? Or is this a you and hubby having time alone and bonding as a married couple vacation? I also didn't get the impression that you allowed your 15 yr old daughter to decide whether she was coming - but rather, that you had a discussion with her about the trip (I presumed you had already decided before you spoke to her).

I too had this same impression, but figured I must have misunderstood after reading most of the responses.

 

[The Sweetness]

I too was wondering about the allowance thing. I don't give my kids money, they earn it themselves. Isn't your daughter old enough to babysit? My daughter is working as a cashier at a supermarket. She is 14. Maybe she needs less time on her hands. Just a thought.

With me working weekends, (fri-sun) helping my DH w her baby sister *is* her PT job (her FT job is school, ofcourse) Unless she changes her mind, I think I will stick w our decision to leave her at home w her 2 grands.

I really appreciate all of your advice and good luck wishes. When I am back from my trip, I'll be sure to report how things went while I was gone, and how things are going at home, JIC any of you are finding yourselves in the same leaky boat

BTW, for what it's worth, dd didnt demand the extra allowance, I feel we owe her, as she spends much time on the weekends helping her dad and I w her sis. She spends $15 a week (about) on food / drinks at school, usually, and last weekend, she went to her fave shop at the mall, and bought herself a cute tote bag (I treated for the matching wallet) and a t-shirt for her friends b/day. She was quite proud of herself for saving her $$$, and really seemed to appreciate tyhe chance to do a little shopping

As far as the decision for her to not go on the trip goes, it really was a mutual decision btw me and her. I had mentioned this to her father (when she was nowhere near close enough to hear, as I didnt want to hurt her feelings) that I thought we could use a break from each other. A little *vacation*. She brought up the subject herself the same day, and I agreed. I really feel that she does need a little alone time (not by herself, but w/ out her father, who loves her, but can be a pain in the *you know where* at times, as much as we do love each other. Also, I think a week and a half without a 2y old under her feet will be heaven for her DH and I could also do w/out the 24 hour PMS syndrome for a few days

I could be wrong about these things, and I will be sure to report back

 

[java]

I am only asking this because of the age difference and the situation. Are you a step-parent(Now I apologize for asking that because I have a big age difference and I hate when people ask "oh second marriage? " And I reply with the big NO. But I ask because of the way you refer to "her" father.
Anyway only you know what will work for your family. You have to do what is best for everyone. And you seem to know what that is.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

With me working weekends, (fri-sun) helping my DH w her baby sister *is* her PT job (her FT job is school, ofcourse) Unless she changes her mind, I think I will stick w our decision to leave her at home w her 2 grands.

Sounds to me like she is a good kid at heart that is just going through what most teen girls go through.

BTW, for what it's worth, dd didnt demand the extra allowance, I feel we owe her, as she spends much time on the weekends helping her dad and I w her sis. She spends $15 a week (about) on food / drinks at school, usually, and last weekend, she went to her fave shop at the mall, and bought herself a cute tote bag (I treated for the matching wallet) and a t-shirt for her friends b/day. She was quite proud of herself for saving her $$$, and really seemed to appreciate tyhe chance to do a little shopping

We give our kids $25 each per week and they DO earn it. We have 2 businesses and the kids are constantly helping out with jobs here and there. My theory is that they will have the rest of their lives to be working out there in the real world, but I want to keep my kids out of that for a little while longer. Everyone has their own way of parenting and I don't think there's really a right or wrong way...just a difference in opinions and styles.

As far as the decision for her to not go on the trip goes, it really was a mutual decision btw me and her. I had mentioned this to her father (when she was nowhere near close enough to hear, as I didnt want to hurt her feelings) that I thought we could use a break from each other. A little *vacation*. She brought up the subject herself the same day, and I agreed. I really feel that she does need a little alone time (not by herself, but w/ out her father, who loves her, but can be a pain in the *you know where* at times, as much as we do love each other. Also, I think a week and a half without a 2y old under her feet will be heaven for her DH and I could also do w/out the 24 hour PMS syndrome for a few days I could be wrong about these things, and I will be sure to report back

Glad to hear that it was a mutual decision. As long as she is staying with her grandparents I'm sure you'll be ok all the way around. I hope that you have a WONDERFUL vacation!

 

[The Sweetness]

I am only asking this because of the age difference and the situation. Are you a step-parent(Now I apologize for asking that because I have a big age difference and I hate when people ask "oh second marriage? " And I reply with the big NO. But I ask because of the way you refer to "her" father.
Anyway only you know what will work for your family. You have to do what is best for everyone. And you seem to know what that is.

I am not a step parent. I met my girls' dad when I was 18, and we love each other very much. Being married for 15y though, I know that he has his ways of being a pain at times, as do I. He is a wonderful father and husband. Me and our girls love him very much. Its just that she and DH butt heads from time to time, esp now, w her being more active in taking care of dd2. They need a break from each other, just as dd needs one from dd2.

Dont feel bad about asking, when ppl see that I have a 15 y old and a 2 as well, its a common mistake

 

[dogluva]

Dont feel bad about asking, when ppl see that I have a 15 y old and a 2 as well, its a common mistake [/COLOR][/QUOTE]

I have six kids, 18 to four years old. People assume all the time that I have them with at least two different fathers. I don't get mad, it is the time we live in-rare to haves six kids with one husband (or father).

 

[Hope73]

Some bahaviors are not acceptable and it sound like you are having some form you daughter. I would deal wiht those. How about taking money away even time she talk back to you. Don't feel bad if you have to work she needs to deal wiht it.

If she want to stay at home let her as long as she is being watched.