leaving a teen at home

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

I too was wondering about the allowance thing. I don't give my kids money, they earn it themselves. Isn't your daughter old enough to babysit? My daughter is working as a cashier at a supermarket. She is 14. Maybe she needs less time on her hands. Just a thought.

I would never leave my kids with a teen that cuts classes and obviously runs the home she lives in......no way!

 

[Tinker74]

When I read the OP my first thought was ...this is a 15 yr old crying out for attention. She was an only for a long time and for the past two yrs she has probably felt a little pushed out as the focus was on her baby sister.
Perhaps she feels that you don't want her to come on the vacation as you would rather just take the 2 yr old...This would make her feel awful I assume and JMO but taking her to DW and spending lots of one on one time with her ...enjoying yourselves and having fun reconnecting is just what you all need.
By mutually agreeing that she can't go to DW you are probably just reconfirming to her that she isn't wanted any more now the baby has come along..

 

[sl_underwood]

Well said Tinker. I know OP needs a vacation (I have a teen and a toddler myself) My teen and her dad butt heads as well, I think its common during the teen years, but Disney World is one of the best places for family bonding!

 

[DVCLiz]

I've really only skipped through this thread, but it always seems in cases like this that there are lots of posters recommending a Disney trip as great family bonding time. And I know it can be, if all the family members are usually happy to spend time together anyway, and are excited about the vacation. But it doesn't seem like this is the case. I think the OP has some reasonable points, and I think it probably is best for them to have some time apart. Especially now that the OP has said it was a mutual decision.

Driving under the entrance to WDW doesn't guarantee that the family dynamics will suddenly be overcome just because a little pixie dust has been sprinkled around. I've read a bunch of threads over the last few years about trips that were ruined by the behavior of one of the children, whether they were teens or toddlers.

And not every family has a dad who is warm and fuzzy, either.

 

[tea4sanity]

We just got back from WDW yesterday. We left our 17yo DS home(18 in June). He stayed at the house to watch the pets, to go to school & to work. He had to check in with FIL 2x a day and various other people stopped by unannounced during the 10 days. He had friends over 2 nights for movies/video games while my brother was here. He is on a robotics team at school and was just on a trip where he lost 3 days of school. If he would have come with us he would have only been in school for 5 days for the month of April. He had to make the choice between family vacation and team function.

I can honestly say it was good and bad not having him around. Good, there was less fighting with the siblings dd18, ds13, dd5, more room in the car LOL. Bad, family pictures felt strange. We really did miss him although I did talk to him more times on the phone a day while we were gone then in person at home. (Its amazing how his battery never died & he was never without signal LOL)

If you think she will be fine at home then do it. There is no reason to stress over it,

 

[RachaelRol]

Mee too.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

We just got back from WDW yesterday. We left our 17yo DS home(18 in June). He stayed at the house to watch the pets, to go to school & to work. He had to check in with FIL 2x a day and various other people stopped by unannounced during the 10 days. He had friends over 2 nights for movies/video games while my brother was here. He is on a robotics team at school and was just on a trip where he lost 3 days of school. If he would have come with us he would have only been in school for 5 days for the month of April. He had to make the choice between family vacation and team function.

I can honestly say it was good and bad not having him around. Good, there was less fighting with the siblings dd18, ds13, dd5, more room in the car LOL. Bad, family pictures felt strange. We really did miss him although I did talk to him more times on the phone a day while we were gone then in person at home. (Its amazing how his battery never died & he was never without signal LOL)

If you think she will be fine at home then do it. There is no reason to stress over it,

17/18 is a big difference from 15 IMO.

 

[auntie]

She's 15. You're not leaving her alone..she's staying with Grandma right? Many kids go through this..they get to a point where they don't want to vacation with you. Frankly, when it first happened to us..(my older son was 17 at the time)..I was hurt. Can't help but take it personally. Girls..start earlier. My daughter was probably about 15 when she started. Luckily for her, she had a brother seven years older who was watching her! Only it really is natural for kids to push away a bit at this age. So we went with the younger two..and believe me you will come back with a better perspective on the situation, and so will she. She will know you respected her enough to value her feelings. I'm not saying let a 15 year old go wild..and party. I saying it's okay for her to stay with Grandma for a time while you are away. Believe me she will be better for grandma than she would be for you... dragging her along on a vacation she doesn't want to be on. A moody teenage girl can suck the life out of even Disney. I bet she might even want to go on the next trip. I am assuming you have a cell phone and I would make sure she has one also. Making it possible for you to be checking in with her..and not just grandma to know where she is and what she's up to. Sort of long distance espionage! Go..let her stay. She'll be fine.
I will tell you I've gone through this three times..my youngest is now 15 going on 16. He has a 19 year old sister and a 26 year old brother. Each one of them has spent time not wanting to vacation with mom and dad. Each one of them..came back around. My own mom told me this, when my oldest didn't want to vacation for a annual Thanksgiving trip in NH. She saw my hurt..and reminded me of some vacations I didn't want to go on..and said.."Don't worry...they come back around". Of course mom was right..and they all have. We have a Disney trip scheduled for May ..and even my older guy is coming. Our 16 year old doesn't like to camp with us..yet the 26 year old ..we can't shake the guy! Never thought I'd say that! It hurts for a bit..but they do come back around...and it's nicer because they really WANT to be with you. It makes all the difference.

 

[The Sweetness]

Just back late friday night. DD15 was just fine w/ her grandmas (though she did get tired of spending so much time w her~ begging us to hurry up and get home on friday ) She called every night from the house phone like she was supposed to, and even called every day just to talk to her baby sis. She missed us, and is glad we're back

 

[Microcell]

Glad it all turned out well, especially because I was in the "she should go with you" camp.

About her cutting class... She should be really happy she does not have me for a mom, because if she had me, she would die of embarrassment! I am just mentally unstable enough to physically take my kid to class and sit in to be sure they stay! Hopefully for thier sake I will avoid this because my kids are well aware I have no problem at all doing this.

 

[Magic2000]

Glad you had a great trip! Glad your oldest daughter had a nice time too! I have a big age gap between my older 2 and the youngest one. We have been taking a second trip in early Dec (once we even went in Oct for MNSSHP), and the older two have been home. One was in college and/or working, the other in high school (and now college) and didn't want to miss a week of school.

We still took the younger one and had a great time. It is different not being there with the whole family, but still good. In a few weeks, it will be me, my (youngest) DD and my mom at Disney for two weeks!! DH didn't want to go and really wanted to do some house painting, yard work, etc. But he was OK with me taking DD - so we're off!!! He'll probably be coming with us in November though! So, it works out great for us! Me & DD get to go twice again this year!
Yeah for us!!!

Again, glad it all worked out for you!!!!

 

[auntie]

Just back late friday night. DD15 was just fine w/ her grandmas (though she did get tired of spending so much time w her~ begging us to hurry up and get home on friday ) She called every night from the house phone like she was supposed to, and even called every day just to talk to her baby sis. She missed us, and is glad we're back

I'm so glad that everthing worked out well for you. Good idea having her call from the house phone...must have given you peace of mind knowing for sure she was home with Grandma when she called to check in. Boy..she missed you! Sounds like it was win/win for all involved. Perhaps she'll want to come next time, and if not..you won't be so worried..since you've had a good outcome this time. Hope you and the rest of the family enjoyed your trip!

 

[The Sweetness]

She's already made it clear that she wants to join us next time. And as for the class cutting, I am putting her back into private school where she won't have an easy time escaping

 

[CampbellScot]

Everyone goes or no one goes. How is this making your DD feel? She needs your attention more now then ever and what are doing leaving for a vacation without her?

as usual your judgmental comments are totally unnecessary. You have no clue what the particulars are about this situation.

To the OP-I think every teen is different. It would be unfortunate to take your daughter with you and have her ruin everyone else's vacation with a bad attitude. If she is staying with her grandmother and grandmother feels up to it, then I think it may be a welcome break for everyone.

My mom left my 15 almost 16 year old sister home for five days once...she had work and school...I wasn't too far away and our neighbors promised to keep an eye on her. She told some of her friends and before she knew it, every kid within a 50 mile radius was at the house. She called me hysterical. People were drinking, things had been broken...it was insane. When I arrived our big burly next door neighbor was kicking everyone out...except for the kids who had been drinking. He made them call their parents! Needless to say my little sister was never left home again. She played very innocent, but I'm pretty sure she precipitated a lot of it and it got out of her control.

I hope you have a great time on your vacation. I hope that your daughter will soon grown out of this phase!!!!

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

I have to say, I wouldn't leave my teenage daughter alone either (sorry) I know thats not what you wanted to hear. But it sounds like your daughter needs you, if she is 15 years old and all upset b/c you are going back to work PART TIME?? Why would that give you the green light to go away on vacation w/out her? I just don't think that she is old enough to make the decision on weather or not to skp the family vacation at 15.

 

[The Sweetness]

Everything went well, while we were away. I think we did need a bit of a break from each other. As for my P/T job, she knows I will leave it if thats what she wants. Most of my earnings from it go towards her anyway, and I think thats why shes glad I am working, even though it gives her added responsibility on the weekends

 

[pigletliz]

Glad it all turned out well, especially because I was in the "she should go with you" camp.

About her cutting class... She should be really happy she does not have me for a mom, because if she had me, she would die of embarrassment! I am just mentally unstable enough to physically take my kid to class and sit in to be sure they stay! Hopefully for thier sake I will avoid this because my kids are well aware I have no problem at all doing this.

I totally did this! My son, who was in the honor program since elementary school, decided that one particular teacher was a loon and stopped going to her class the last month of his senior year. Needless to say I made the threat, so I had to follow through. I worked the graveyard shift and woke up early to sit in his class for about 5 days The teacher thought it was great, but his classmates had no idea why I was there. I ended up helping conduct mock job interviews with the students. He ended up with a "B" in the class. Now he is married, in the military, with two kids

To the OP: Glad to hear that vacation worked out

 

[auntie]

I have to say, I wouldn't leave my teenage daughter alone either (sorry) I know thats not what you wanted to hear. But it sounds like your daughter needs you, if she is 15 years old and all upset b/c you are going back to work PART TIME?? Why would that give you the green light to go away on vacation w/out her? I just don't think that she is old enough to make the decision on weather or not to skp the family vacation at 15.

She didn't leave her alone..she left her with her GRANDMA! I think that's a far cry from leaving a 15 year alone. I think the young lady is 15...and she is experiencing some teenage drama. Not to make light of it..or minimize in ANY way..but lets keep it in persspective. She isn't a runaway pregnant teenager. It's change...and she is changing. She's not a child..but she's not an adult. Her hormones are all over the place. She has influences she had never had before. Needs to learn how to deal with that. Yes...she's going to make mistakes..and that's what her parents are there for. She's got a mom with a part time job..and a two year old sibling. This is part of life..not a tragedy. She will learn to cope, with the skills that her family provides. You can't protect them from things like that. She will be a better adult for having had to deal with them. She's a kid who didn't want to go on vacation with her parents. It happens...and from the sounds of it...everything went well, and a little seperation did everyone some good. Her daughter felt as if she wasn't a little kid..with a "my way or the highway" type mom. Her mom gave some serious thought to her daughters perspective...even though it likely hurt her feelings knowing her child didn't want to vacation with them. A little distance seemed to make her daughters heart grow fonder. It isn't an entirely bad thing for a teen to be spending some time with a grandparent either. Probably did the whole family good. Kids do reach an age where they don't want to be with their parents. In fact, if you are doing a a good job..and the right thing..it's almost natural. As much as it kills you to know they are cutting the apron strings...gradually. I think it's good that her daughter knows that mom and dad respected her feelings..and didn't drag a moody teen who didn't want to go along with them. It sucks the life out of the vacation for all involved. Sounds as if the next family trip...she might decide to go along. The OP knows her child best..and from the results of things..sounds like she made the right choice for her family. Better to start giving them some input into their own lives at 15..then just leaving them on their own when they are 18..and you don't have a whole lot to say about it. THAT is trouble. Introducing them to some choices and freedom a bit at a time is a good way for them to realize the consequences of their decisions. It was a week away...not an eternity..and she was with her Grandma. Not left alone to party in a house with underage friends...I think there is a huge difference. The OP has nothing to feel guilty about.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

I think it is selfish to leave a 15 year old who is filled with drama and dump her on her Grandmother. I think Grandparents have a tendency to have forgotten the difficult times teenagers can pose. The OP made it very clear that her daughter is having issues and not allowing her to stay home would be a good way to see that you always don't get what you want & the world does not revolve around her.
As for other posters saying she could ruin their vacation etc. nobody said teenagers were easy and if the OP is allowing her to ruin the fun with the rest of the family there is a much deeper control war going on here.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

She didn't leave her alone..she left her with her GRANDMA! I think that's a far cry from leaving a 15 year alone. I think the young lady is 15...and she is experiencing some teenage drama. Not to make light of it..or minimize in ANY way..but lets keep it in persspective. She isn't a runaway pregnant teenager. It's change...and she is changing. She's not a child..but she's not an adult. Her hormones are all over the place. She has influences she had never had before. Needs to learn how to deal with that. Yes...she's going to make mistakes..and that's what her parents are there for. She's got a mom with a part time job..and a two year old sibling. This is part of life..not a tragedy. She will learn to cope, with the skills that her family provides. You can't protect them from things like that. She will be a better adult for having had to deal with them. She's a kid who didn't want to go on vacation with her parents. It happens...and from the sounds of it...everything went well, and a little seperation did everyone some good. Her daughter felt as if she wasn't a little kid..with a "my way or the highway" type mom. Her mom gave some serious thought to her daughters perspective...even though it likely hurt her feelings knowing her child didn't want to vacation with them. A little distance seemed to make her daughters heart grow fonder. It isn't an entirely bad thing for a teen to be spending some time with a grandparent either. Probably did the whole family good. Kids do reach an age where they don't want to be with their parents. In fact, if you are doing a a good job..and the right thing..it's almost natural. As much as it kills you to know they are cutting the apron strings...gradually. I think it's good that her daughter knows that mom and dad respected her feelings..and didn't drag a moody teen who didn't want to go along with them. It sucks the life out of the vacation for all involved. Sounds as if the next family trip...she might decide to go along. The OP knows her child best..and from the results of things..sounds like she made the right choice for her family. Better to start giving them some input into their own lives at 15..then just leaving them on their own when they are 18..and you don't have a whole lot to say about it. THAT is trouble. Introducing them to some choices and freedom a bit at a time is a good way for them to realize the consequences of their decisions. It was a week away...not an eternity..and she was with her Grandma. Not left alone to party in a house with underage friends...I think there is a huge difference. The OP has nothing to feel guilty about.

I MISS SPOKE. I know she was going to be with granny, it just came out wrong. I still think what I originally wrote. Sorry.

How old is the grandmother anyway? I just see this as TROUBLE!
Giving them input on their lives is great, i agree with you there. BUT NOT AT 15 should they be deciding weather or not they are opting out of family vacations to stay with the elderly relative and could get into only god knows what trouble.
*How long since you were a teenager??*
My sister who just recently graduated from HS, was left alone with "grandma" for a week around the same age, and ended up swindling grandma into beliving that she was staying at a friends house, then the friends parents into thinking she was at my parents house with grandma, and then before anyone knew it, they were having an underage drinking party in my parents house with older boys and so forth. I don't feel that my sister and I were raised wrong, or that my parents were bad parents. And it sure wasn't my grandmothers fault. BUT, that said....She was going through the sames behavior that hte OP described and although normal, i think to get a good handle on your child's behavior at that age, you do need to allow them to have choices, BUT not give them free reign, and if that means cancelling a vacation or dragging the unwilling DD along even though "she has decided" not to go. I think that is what OP should do. SHE IS ONLY 15!!! COme on here people.
Sorry, just My opinion.
OH..and BTW..it dosen't kill me or anyone that feels the way i do..to cut the apron strings, that is a natural part of life. BUT it does kill me to know that at 15, these kids are being allowed to make whatever decisions they please no matter what it does to the family unit and their parents. This is a vacation that i am sure her parents worked hard to afford and planned for. This CHILD is being rude, disrespectful and she should be spoken to about her behavior and disciplined. Not harshly..but I don't think it would hurt to put a few things in prespective instead of "going their seperate ways for a week" and hoping things calm down..b/c they won't. I bet anything this girl will skip out on vacation then somehow turn things around a few weeks/months later to blame the parents for not taking her.

Hey...OP asked opinions. Sorry "auntie".