Leashes for kids??? Is it wrong??

[freckles and boo]

Oh, here we go again.

My kids aren't normal. I won't get into why, but let's just say it's a good thing I had the emergency brake set on my minivan when my then 4 year old figured out how to work the key fob lock, which key went into the ignition, and how to turn the ignition ON and put the car in neutral, then crawl under the seat to press the gas. Holy freakin' mother of frijoles.

So, let's not go into the whole, 'you're lucky your kid is normal' argument, shall we?

Because NOBODY's kids are NORMAL!

Every parent has their challenges with their kids.

I simply disagree with the way those parents who choose to use leashes parent their kids, for reasons stated in my original post.

I guess I shouldn't assume your kids are normal or that you are lucky. All I am saying is that some children, including my younger daughter, can't learn normally because they CAN'T PROCESS LANGUAGE NORMALLY! As a result, the usual parenting tactics don't work. I can't say "Stop!" or "Look out!" or "Put down that machete!" and expect that it will mean the same thing that it means to our slightly older daughter. It would be like I was yelling at you in a foreign language. Threatening to leave the park doesn't work, nor would terrorizing her by letting her think she is lost at Disney World. That is cruel IMO for any child. Every parent does have challenges, and if one of the tools parents choose to use is a harness, that is their perogative.

BTW, before I was a parent, I used to quite strongly share your opinion about the topic. I now understand why it is an acceptable idea for some families and some children, even "normal" ones.

 

[dawnedwards]

Unless you are planning to use the "leashes" all the time I think that you are teaching your child that he/she does not need to hold your hand which might become even more of a problem when you don't use the leash.

Just my two cents

 

[o2bacelt]

I honestly don't understand the need for people to attack other people's parenting ideas just because they don't do the same thing.

If you don't want to use a harness for your child, don't, I understand that the OP asked for opinions, but what's so hard about saying those don't work for my family? Why does it have to be, I'm going to roll my eyes at you or you aren't a good parent because you decide to use one?

I'm not abusing my DD by using a harness, she's little and very very fast and a lot lower to the ground than I am and can better navigate a crowd of people. She's also not 4, she's 2 and while she talks a lot for her age, I don't expect her to hold up well under pressure if she gets lost.

Do what works for your family. If what we do doesn't work for you, that's fine, everyone is just different, I'm certainly not going to bash your parenting choices unless you are obviously beating your child to a pulp in the middle of the street. I would hope you would extend the same courtesy to me.

Differences are a great thing. I've learned a lot from people I thought I would never agree with but I've come to learn that sometimes what seems unconventional/different sometimes work out better for me. But everyone's milage will vary as with just about everything else in life.

 

[lyzziesmom]

I think the main thing to remember here is that all children are different; what works for one may not work for another.

Another thing that has not been taken into account here is the physical abilities of the parents to chase after these fast little runners. I, for example, am a single parent with two children, one who is a heck of a speedy little bugger, and I have arthritis all through my back and a bum arm. You would not know it to look at me, as I can walk pretty much ok with the aid of pain meds, but I can not tolerate bending down and picking up a 30+ pound bundle of energy every 10 seconds, which is approximately how often she likes to run away.

For those parents who don't need a leash (and I used to be one), congratulations! You have well-behaved, safe children! For those who do choose to use a leash, congratulations! You have curious, energetic, safe children! In any case, the key word here is safe, no matter how one chooses to go about it.

 

[fakereadhed]

I'm almost certain they were developmentally normal children. Most autistic children have at least some degree of speech impairment and both of these kids seemed completely normal in every way.

Just want to clarify as a mom of a very normal appearing kid on the Autistic Spectrum...it isn't always apparent.

 

[fakereadhed]

You can use them.

But if I see you, I'm going to roll my eyes at you. So will a lot of other people.

As usual, I have an unpopular opinion, but for every one here going, yahoo, now you don't have to worry, you've removed all risk from your child's world, there's somebody out there thinking "yeah, not trying very hard, are we?"

I have two very willful daughters 18 months apart, and it took constant vigilance and constant work with them to teach them when it was ok to wander around, and when it wasn't.

Including deliberately letting them 'get lost' (they didn't know where I was, I knew where they were).

How else are they supposed to learn boundaries?

Leashes are such a passive form of parenting, it just doesn't teach them anything.

My kids saw other kids on leashes at Disney and asked me, "why are they walking their kids, Mommy?" And I shrugged and said "because the kids can't mind their parents."

From their perspective it was one heck of a reinforcement of my wishes, because neither one wanted, at 3 and 4, to have all choice removed from them.

I'm rolling my eyes now, too.
Come spend a week using your "techniques" on my ds...
Don't assume I haven't taught him boundaries and won't continue to do so when he has a harness on.

 

[spoiltrotten12]

we are using a harness for our DD who will be 2. She is a runner and I would rather get bad looks and nasty comments than lose my dd. But that is my 2 cents

I totally agree. We will be using a harness when we are in WDW on DD2 when she isn't in her stroller.

 

[Disneyrsh]

I don`t necessarily think that it's "wrong" if you use them properly because it`s not my place to tell other people how to raise their children. I would have to say I would do the same thing that Disneyrsh does:


On multiple occassions i've seen the parents literally drag their kids(most not older than 2) on the ground with these things in WDW . It breaks my heart to see this. I realize not all of you do this, but i've seen this far too many times .

I realized, after sleeping on it, that I really agree here; it's not the fact of the leashes; it's how I've seen people USE them that really makes me sad. We spend a lot of time in Disney (3-4 times a year, probably not a whole lot, on the grand scale of things, but enough to be familiar with it) and every time I've seen a kid on a leash, the parent attached to the other end wasn't paying nearly as much attention to the kid if the kid was free.

Talking on their cellphones while their kid sat in one of the flowerbeds at EPCOT, *eating* the flowers while being totally ignored by both parents.

That's my freshest "leash" memory from May, along with two kids who were nearly teenagers with BIG leashes on them being walked by their grandparents. That one got a bunch of freaked out looks, and not just from me.

My mom has memories of being on a leash, and believe me, they're not good ones...

 

[wrldpossibility]

Why does this keep coming up? It's not my personal preference, but it's also not abuse, so why do we care who does and doesn't use one?

Personally, I'll NEVER use a harness/leash, and I have three active little boys. I agree with others that it doesn't teach them the proper way to act in crowded areas, and I've seen kids hurt more than not with the on. That said, I don't think they're any more a form of "lazy" parenting than putting your child in a stroller, which many of us couldn't live without at Disney and elsewhere.

Now what I DO wonder about is when I see the leashes on older children (I DO understand there are sometimes developmental reasons for them). When they are on kids older than 2, and there's no medical reason for it, I feel it's just announcing to the world, "I've given up teaching my child to behave". I'd be embarrassed, even if (maybe especially if) it was necessary at that age. Of course, I'd never comment or stare, because you never can tell when it is medically needed. Under 2, you gotta do what you gotta do...they'll often not be able to obey. I understand.

Basically, no leashes for my kids, but if you feel you must, you must!

 

[msilverstone1]

My daughter is 19 months old. Do you think she would even care if I threatened to leave the park if she didn't listen? No way. You can't reason with a child that young or bargain with them. I have used a harness at Disney, and I will continue to do so when i visit Disney until she is old enough to understand. It doesn't make me a bad parent. Just because they are old enough to walk doesn't make them old enough to be able to listen. You can roll your eyes all you want. At least my baby is safe.

 

[kaysmommie]

I'm thinking about getting one for my DD when we go in Sept. I'd rather get a few looks from strangers than risk losing my DD. With all the crowds, it is so easy to get seperated. They have "leashes" at Wamart (I think) that are like a back pack that has a stuffed animal on the back. I've heard that it's best to get the ones that go oner the chest area than the wrist ones because sometimes the child's arm can get pulled and injured if the leash is pulled back quickly (in an emergency).

We are going in September too! You won't get looks from me because I bought one from walmart (Elmo one) just in case DS insist on walking and won't hold my hand. He is very stubborn and I might really need to use it to keep him safe. I have no problem with this. It's better than losing a toddler at the parks, which can happen in about 1 second.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Early in my career, I worked in the ER at Children's Hospital. One of the earliest and most tragically memorable things I witnessed there was a little boy about 2yrs old who had dashed into the street while his mother was strapping her baby into the carseat. I don't know how it happened, other than the fact that he "got away". He got hit by a car. I won't go into the horror of what that boy looked like, but he died right there in front of us. I can still hear the screams of his distraught family in the waiting room. That was long before I had children, but it was then and there that I decided that whatever it took to keep my future children safe, that's what I'd do.

Accidents happen. I think it's unfortunate that some feel that people who use leashes are lazy and don't teach their children to behave properly. Maybe they have experiences in their lives like the one above - I know that was the case for me. Regardless, I think parents know their children better than anyone else, and if it's their gut sense that their child needs a leash for safety, then more power to them.

 

[kkevcamsmom]

My reasons for not personally liking the harness/leash is because I have seen adults trip over them and the kids falling and getting hurt. That being said I have seen adults fall over strollers too.

I do have to say I liked the harness that NotUrsula gave the link too. I didn't like the plastic wrist ones from the 1980's.

I hate to see parents treat the kids mean on the harnesses though, I have seen the same things posted here before. Makes me want to scream at them "If your child is too tired to walk, rent a stroller don't drag them!"

Whether you put your kids in a stroller or on the harness please just watch out for the 'grown' up kids that get overexcited too and may not be watching for your child.

 

[huggiebear23]

I think I am sorry I started this thread.

I didnt mean to start any parenting debates.

I am not looking to keep my child on a harness all the time. When she walks without holding my hand she is right next to me. I just think that the harness is a good alternative. I am more scared of someone taking her.

Thanks again for all the comments.

 

[kaysmommie]

I think I am sorry I started this thread.

I didnt mean to start any parenting debates.

I am not looking to keep my child on a harness all the time. When she walks without holding my hand she is right next to me. I just think that the harness is a good alternative. I am more scared of someone taking her.

Thanks again for all the comments.

I agree 100%
Pea-n-me, That is just heart breaking!

 

[pperfectmom]

I don`t necessarily think that it's "wrong" if you use them properly because it`s not my place to tell other people how to raise their children. I would have to say I would do the same thing that Disneyrsh does:


On multiple occassions i've seen the parents literally drag their kids(most not older than 2) on the ground with these things in WDW . It breaks my heart to see this. I realize not all of you do this, but i've seen this far too many times .

Does it break your heart when you see an ornery 3 year old(like my DD) suddenly go limp and fall to the ground while Momma is trying to get her to stand by pulling on her arm? I really don't want to go through that ordeal 20 times a day at WDW and believe me, the eyes would be rolling. Would I use a harness on a regular day? Never. Will I at WDW? Yes!!!!I will still be paying close attention and when not in a crowded area we will most likely take it off but I am not willing to lose sight of my two most precious assets for a second.

 

[all4fun]

Unless you are planning to use the "leashes" all the time I think that you are teaching your child that he/she does not need to hold your hand which might become even more of a problem when you don't use the leash.

Just my two cents

I think this is a really big misconception. Maybe it's just me, but just because he has the harness on doesn't mean that I'm ignoring him. I'm usually trying to get him to hold my hand. Sometimes he just refuses. Funny, without the harness, he'll pull with all his might if he wants to get away and it just becomes a power struggle between parent and child. When he has the harness on he stays by my side and doesn't fight us (well, 99% of the time anyway). It makes the entire time more enjoyable for all of us. And we do tend to only use the harness at WDW. I've used it at a couple of other places around home, but not much at all. He has recently started wanting to hold our hands in public places, ie. when getting out of the car in parking lots. So he still has learned to do things as he should. If anything, I think the harness helped him learn his boundary since it was something visible. He has only just learned what "stop" means, after all.

Just because some of you might have seen a few people misusing this tool, doesn't mean everyone does. I would bet everyone posting on this thread that is "pro-harness/leash/reins" is not that type of parent. Most of us just have our kids safety and well-being in mind. That doesn't make us "lazy".

Jm2c.

 

[sameyeyam]

DD (now 14!) was a runner when she was little. So we bought a leash, but she refused to wear it and would just pull on the velcro strap until it came off.

However, we came up with a good idea, put the velcro strap on Mom or Dad and let her walk us on the leash. She loved it and took us for walks all the time at the mall. We always explained what a huge responsibility it was for her to not let us go, we might get lost. She took it so seriously and never once let go of the leash.

 

[fcrouch]

used it that age for our daughter and was just fine with it (would be tempting to use it now, age 6! but she'll be good about hand holding in a big crowd as she'll be a bit overwhelmed and a bit scard I believe)

 

[letsgoagainsoon]

We used one occasionally last year at Disney. I don't use one at home, but Disney is a different story. I didn't hear or see anyone making any comments, and if they did, I really don't care.