Learning To Like The Wealthy

[snarlingcoyote]

Hmmmm..............I cant imagine someone in Metairie-very solidly middle class-having a second home on the North Shore??? Most peopel on the North shore LIVE there-they've left metairie for greener pastures.

You definitely sound jealous

We don't live on the North Shore. . .don't know where you got that idea. North Shore isn't the very, very start of the hills and it certainly isn't awash in old plantation houses and I've never heard of it described as a quirky small town.

And I think it was Metarie. . .I don't go into NOLA except to do the WWII museum - if I want old houses and such, I fly to Boston where I can crash with friends. If I want museums, same answer. Anyway, woman in question had an 18th-19th century house that didn't flood in Katrina. Where would that be? (I do a lot of nodding of my head, smiling and looking interested when people talk about NOLA where I live now. . .I'm from another part of the state!)

 

[Planogirl]

I'm wondering what town you're talking about. St Francisville?

It's good that you're thinking about this.

 

[disfan07]

My family has the spread of income from the middle-class to the wealthy but new money.
We are middle class. We are not living pay check to pay check but we do have to save to go on vacations and to get the "extras" we want.
My grandparents are very wealthy. My grandpa was an accountant and had wealthy clients. They live in a gated retirement community, they travel to europe every august, they take cruises every year. But my grandpa worked hard for their money and he worked until he was like 70 (hes 83). But they donate to charities, they organize cancer walks, they help out family (including my parents)
My aunt and uncle are extremely extremely wealthy. My cousin goes to private school with celebrities kids, they live in gated community where the houses start in the multi-millions. My uncle could have retired in his 30s if he wanted to. He doesnt have to work, he chooses to work.
I have many other wealthy relatives on my moms side but none of it is old money. Its all new money. But teh people in my family are some of the nicest most generous people you could ever meet.

Now, my dads side of the family...well.
No one in that family is wealthy. Only a couple are middle class. Most would be considered lower-middle class at the most and they are some of teh most close-minded, judgemental people ive ever met.

One of my favorite families i ever babysat for was also one of teh richest. Multi million dollar house, movie theater in the basement, etc. They were the nicest people and the kids were so sweet and well behaved.

I agree with a PP....You're not predjudice....its jealousy...plain and simple. Believe me, there are times i get a twinge of jealousy when it comes to some of my family members adn some families that i babysit for but it passes. Yes, we dont have a pool, and we cant just go buy whatever we want all the time, but we're better off than a lot of people.

Most of the time, if someone is a jerk, they would be like that with or without money.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I think you sound jealous. Not prejudice. I don't care how much money someone has. If they are a nice person then that is all that matters. It sounds like you are the snob and not them. I worked for many wonderful truly wealthy people when I was younger. Some were nice, some were crazy. The same goes for the less wealthy.
From your post it sounds like you are jealous and are making these comments because you want to put them in their place so to speak. Why are you so concerned with how much money anyone has? Do you befriend people based on their W2s?
OP- I think you need to look at yourself and truly see why you are so bitter about people having more money than you. Be happy with who you are, what you have accomplished, and what you aspire to be. Money doesn't make the person.

 

[BelleWDW]

We don't live on the North Shore. . .don't know where you got that idea. North Shore isn't the very, very start of the hills and it certainly isn't awash in old plantation houses and I've never heard of it described as a quirky small town.

Anyway, woman in question had an 18th-19th century house that didn't flood in Katrina. Where would that be? !)

I cant think of any Plantation homes that are near hills in LA. St Francisville has lovely homes-but nothing I'd call "uber-rich"???
The vast majority of Plantation homes in LA are between NO and Baton Rouge on the River and that is not hilly???



Oh please-there's lots of areas in NO that didnt flood.

Except for "Old Metairie" circa 1920-nothing in Metairie is 18th century

Really........do tell us where you speak of
Uber riche...rolling hills....awash in Plantation Homes.......quirky Town....in Louisiana.......i'm dying of curiosity

 

[NMAmy]

Some DF's have told me that this lady deserved it for saying she was from a town she actually has her second home in. (I understand, kinda'. She wanted street cred for living in an historic place.) Others thought it was LOL funny.

Your friends sound ridiculous. It doesn't matter if it's her first home or her thirtieth home. From what you said, she told you where she was living at the time. There's no reason for her to have to tell you, "Well, I live part of the year in New Orleans and part in whatever the name of the town is."

We have a cottage near Lake Michigan in an area that many wealthy Chicagoans have adopted for their summer homes. My grandfather bought 3 acres of land after WWII for $150. It's worth a lot now due to the influx of other summer home owners. Because we've been going there so long, we have many local friends--the majority of whom are grateful to the summer people and their taxes and the purchases they make within the local community.

And what kind of "street cred" does one get for living in an historical area?

 

[MagicalMom]

Your friends sound ridiculous. It doesn't matter if it's her first home or her thirtieth home. From what you said, she told you where she was living at the time. There's no reason for her to have to tell you, "Well, I live part of the year in New Orleans and part in whatever the name of the town is."

I agree. It's none of your business how many homes she has and she should not have to explain it to you when she has just met you. How sad for your friends to get such a kick out of it.

 

[4Seasons]

I think you sound jealous. Not prejudice. I don't care how much money someone has. If they are a nice person then that is all that matters.
OP- I think you need to look at yourself and truly see why you are so bitter about people having more money than you. Be happy with who you are, what you have accomplished, and what you aspire to be. Money doesn't make the person.

I have to say I honestly agree with this. I like people based on WHO they are, not what they have. We have friends of all socio-economic classes, some of whom truly have nothing (materially) and barely (and I mean BARELY) get by, and some who in reality never have to work another day in their life if those chose not to. All of them are valued equally in our eyes.

I congratulate you for recognizing you have an issue with these people, whatever that issue may be. That's the first step in fixing the problem.
Hopefully you'll come to terms with these issues and move past them.
We all walk different paths in life, with greatly different outcomes. Whether people come by their *fortune* by birth, inheritance, hard work or sheer luck shouldn't influence how you feel about them as a person. When all is said and done we are all people trying to make the most out of our lives. Live yours to the fullest and enjoy what YOU make of it.

 

[Imzadi]

A very wise teacher I once had has a motto: "That which you criticise, you cannot have." Empowerment coach, Tony Robblins, that I work with also says, "You will not consciously (and unconsciously) become that which you despise."

If you hate wealth and the walthy, you will never have money or wealth. You will never move towards becoming that which you hate or despise.

I see this mentality on a LOT of frugal/budget boards. I read them for tips and to find great sales. But, and undercurrent mentality is one of hating and disapproving people who actually have money. Well, how are people going to get out of their own money problems when they hate the people who don't have them?

There is always an inherent disapproval of people who actually have money. Like, it's okay to struggle, strive to save. It's even noble to scrimp, save, work toward having money, like they're not taking food out of starving babies mouths. But when people actually mention they have some money, those people get shot down.

OP, it's great you are aware and consciously wanting to work on your prejudices. When you get thenm handled, you may find the quality and money issues of your life change dramatically. there are various money exercises, wealth /empowerment mentality seminars and trainings that really help wipe out old scarcity conditioning and belief patterns, because that's all it is, and replace them with positive and empowering thoughts & beliefs about money, what money can actually do for people, ways it can be used for good, to help people, etc.

I have an arsenol list of positive, wealthy, powerful people who have done great things on this planet. Having money was one of the tools to actually help them do it. My list grows all the time as I hear about new people and exdeavors or accomplishments. I don't focus on the negative people who do bad things with money, (like Bernie Madoff,) as there are also many positive people out there, too. Like Warren Buffett, who donated Billions to charity a few years ago to Bill & Melinda Gate's foundation. (Two other billionaires.)

 

[finz2left]

I have to agree, you sound jealous. And, to be honest, I find myself feeling the same way sometimes. My husband and I are both academics, which means a lot of education and very little money .

We live in a Southern College Town, filled with old money -- and I mean filled. My son's best friend has a 2300 sq. foot PLAYHOUSE. When Max came to our 2100 sq. foot home, he asked where the rest of the house was. When I told him that was it, he said okay and know what? He went on playing with DS. And, you know what? Over the past 5 years, he keeps coming back. He begs to come hang out at our home. His mom (from timber money) and dad (from publishing money) hang out on our 12x10 concrete patio with BBQ as much as we hang out by their double-layered pool with water falls and jacuzzis.

At first it was hard for me not to judge - but to be honest - it was because I was afraid that WE were being judged. I also have come to appreciate all that those families do for my town -- they pay for hospitals, for libraries, and my son's Catholic school gym. They support the arts, and they provide opportunities for others that we wouldn't have without them. In return, I offer my friendship and realize that my own insecurities are mine. And quite frankly, if they choose to judge me, that would be their choice -- but I certainly won't deny myself or my children wonderful friendships or new relationships out of my own fears.

That isn't to say sometimes those fears don't rear their ugly heads -- then, I just need to reality check myself. I love my family, my job, and my choices... sure I'd love money too -- but it certainly wouldn't make me a better person.

Hugs and good luck!

 

[TGEmpress]

My first job right out of my college and grad school was as a fundraiser for the American Red Cross. I made next to nothing (barely paying my student loans) and yet was regularly at society functions with the historical last names in my home town. These were the sort of women who not only kept their married last name when they got divorced, they sometimes continued being reffered to as Mrs. His first name his last name.

I was a first generation college graduate in my family, single mother, the nine yards of typical middle class existence. To me this was a scary and off-putting world. Two things changed it for me:

1) I decided early on who was funny and who wasn't the funny became immensely more tolerable because wit is wit, no matter the $$$ and lineage.

2) I took the others and sorted them into two categories: a) the married into the line and b) the old line itself
For the married into the old line - some of them weren't so far off from being as insecure as I was, they became the ones that I counted on most. as for b) I considered them a wonderful social experiment... they observed me and I observed them observing me.

- Only a few truly awkward moments - being asked by a 2B "where do the working girls shop" I had to pause and remember that she did not mean a hooker; but an actual working women, such a strange concept it was to her. And second, when another 2B had her windshield replaced in close proximity in time to mine - we were chatting about it and she talking about her insurance paying for hers. I was puzzled as my windshield fell well under the deductible. It was after some awkward questions we discovered that hers was on a Jag and sensed rain - hence the much higher price tag.

-I guess what I am trying to say is that while your feelings may now not be rosy, you need to give it time and get to know some of their quirks. You'll find interesting thing inside. Will it make you less sore that you didn't grow up in it? I don't know - I decided long ago, based on that experience, that while I could be a self made money person or maybe marry in, I didn't want to end up in the inherited line. I learned too much from my own experiences that I wouldn't have with their sort of money.

 

[ilovebassets]

I work at several different hospitals, from the county hospital with lots of illegal immigrants, teenage mothers, prisoners, and >90% uninsured, to the university hospital where the patients wouldn't dream of going anywhere else because their old money families have their names plastered all over the campus since their money practically built it.

Warning: major generalization coming up here...

On the whole, it's been my experience that the less wealthy tend to be far more judgmental of the wealthy than the wealthy of the less wealthy.