Learned my lesson about human nature today! vent

[msmayor]

Hmmmm well i hate to say this , but it seems you didn't read my post that you quoted, I know this because the last line of it was talking about how i don't do it anymore. It fell on my plate because I would believe people when they would wine and complain about having no time, and plus I was the newbie. I have never asked who used to do it before me. I assume my bosses wife who used to work here until they had thr baby. I'm not sure if i should be upset with myself or not. I dont' think I did anything "wrong".

You certainly didn't do anything wrong, and its certainly a good thing for you that you no longer coordinate things.

Nothing like this 'falls' on your plate though, unless someone specifically asked you to do it. Just because people whine and complain that they have no time doesn't mean the one who doesn't whine and complain has to take over.

My only point was that all it should have taken was one time...and one time only that folks didn't pay up right away. Then, if someone queried you on the "next" event your response could have been "Gee, I'm sorry, but the last time I organized an event like this I had to spend a lot of my own money up front because others (no need to name names) didn't contribute beforehand. I just don't have the wiggle room in my own budget to lay money out up front like that." You can't be taken advantage of if you don't allow it.

Continuing to organize these things when you were not being paid back, and then compounding things by purchasing a coffee maker and expecting these folks to contribute for the supplies only allowed them to CONTINUE to take advantage of you.

 

[Robinrs]

I work in a small office, also. I asked about the coffee situation when I got there and one of the employees said that she brought in a coffeemaker and no one helped her with it so she "pulled the plug" on it.

Fast forward, we move into a new office downstairs. The coffee maker resurfaces in the brand new kitchenette area. No one, I repeat, NO ONE wanted to deal with it. Personally, driving thru McDonalds for $1.10 was easier than maintaining a coffee machine for a bunch of "uninterested" co-workers.

 

[Mickey527]

I definately think the single coffee maker would be a great idea. I saw a single Keruig maker today in Kohls, and with the sale and the 15% off it would be a great Christmas present for you alone.
I had something of the opposite where I used to work. I am a tea drinker, never drink coffee. I just don't like the taste.
I also don't drink plain water, I make up a big 32 oz reuseable bottle of my own tap water with a packet of crystal light and drink that all day.
The people I worked with had a coffee group and also had the big bubbler of water delivered to the office. They wanted me to contribute $10 a week to the coffee/water fund. I told them that I would be glad to give $5 a week to the water fund for my tea and make my bottle there but they said no, they wanted $10 or nothing. I opted out and was called a cheapskate to my face. And they watched and made comments to make sure I never touched their water, even though I never would or did.
I just continued to bring in my own tea bag and splenda and my bottle of water from home.

 

[NotUrsula]

It's been my experience that these types of scenarios are especially common with tech-type departments, and it is almost always someone in a clerical or accounting-type position who gets taken advantage of when it happens. Honestly, what you may be dealing with is a bunch of people who don't have much in the way of perception of social cues and customs, or who know about them but just don't attach much value to them. People like that really don't think of where the coffee comes from, they just take it for granted that if it is in a common area it is there for the taking, and they take it until it isn't there anymore or until they are told that they cannot have it.

People like this never plan group gifts, because they tend not to think of coworkers as actual friends who are close enough to them to be in a gift-giving relationship. If they contribute, it isn't because they want to, but because they feel like they have been coerced into it. They hate people who put out a candy jar and then LATER ask for contributions for the candy, because in their minds, if you didn't mean to give it away, why wouldn't you keep it in the drawer? (And they really don't mind if you do keep your candy in the drawer and don't share.)

You assumed that they would "get" your intentions without telling them in so many words what they were. At no time did they ask you to buy a coffeemaker, did they? It appeared to them that you had given what they saw as a gift (the coffee). When it was revealed that it was not in fact a gift, but a "club", they declined to join. Looks straightforward to me.

 

[runwad]

It's been my experience that these types of scenarios are especially common with tech-type departments, and it is almost always someone in a clerical or accounting-type position who gets taken advantage of when it happens. Honestly, what you may be dealing with is a bunch of people who don't have much in the way of perception of social cues and customs, or who know about them but just don't attach much value to them. People like that really don't think of where the coffee comes from, they just take it for granted that if it is in a common area it is there for the taking, and they take it until it isn't there anymore or until they are told that they cannot have it.

People like this never plan group gifts, because they tend not to think of coworkers as actual friends who are close enough to them to be in a gift-giving relationship. If they contribute, it isn't because they want to, but because they feel like they have been coerced into it. They hate people who put out a candy jar and then LATER ask for contributions for the candy, because in their minds, if you didn't mean to give it away, why wouldn't you keep it in the drawer? (And they really don't mind if you do keep your candy in the drawer and don't share.)

You assumed that they would "get" your intentions without telling them in so many words what they were. At no time did they ask you to buy a coffeemaker, did they? It appeared to them that you had given what they saw as a gift (the coffee). When it was revealed that it was not in fact a gift, but a "club", they declined to join. Looks straightforward to me.

You totally hit the nail on the head!! I have a friend that is the only female in an office full of men. She brings in candy and then gets ticked that they eat it all and never replenish the dish nor contribute $$ to it. I told her to just stop. They have no clue you don't want to just give it away!

 

[Kay1]

You totally hit the nail on the head!! I have a friend that is the only female in an office full of men. She brings in candy and then gets ticked that they eat it all and never replenish the dish nor contribute $$ to it. I told her to just stop. They have no clue you don't want to just give it away!

I so agree. If I put candy on my desk, it would be because I wanted to share with others. I would never berate anyone for daring to take a piece.

As far as the coffee goes, if you want to set up a community coffee pot, you need to get the coffee drinkers on board and decide on details in advance.

 

[marcyinPA]

THere is saving, and then there is mooching!!

YUP!! Agreed 100%

 

[bumbershoot]

Who was organizing and 'fronting' money for these things before you got there? What caused this to end up on your plate?

That was what I was wondering.

It fell on my plate because I would believe people when they would wine and complain about having no time, and plus I was the newbie. I have never asked who used to do it before me.

Those are important things to know, though. You've assumed something that might not be at all the case. There might have been *no one* doing it. There might have been no interest.

When I worked at an office, I seriously HATED all the gimmemoney nonsense. Showers, blah blah, omg if you're friends, have a party at home, invite the others that you feel are friends, leave it out of the office. I don't think I gave money once. So I was never on a card, no one ever thanked me, and I was FINE with it, b/c I just had no interest in being part of the constant "gimme money for whatever" stuff.

If no one was doing it before out of disinterest or b/c it had failed, those were important things to know, before bringing the stuff in. And if you didn't have a sign up letting people know that this was not out of the goodness of your heart...

Honestly, what you may be dealing with is a bunch of people who don't have much in the way of perception of social cues and customs, or who know about them but just don't attach much value to them. People like that really don't think of where the coffee comes from, they just take it for granted that if it is in a common area it is there for the taking, and they take it until it isn't there anymore or until they are told that they cannot have it.

People like this never plan group gifts, because they tend not to think of coworkers as actual friends who are close enough to them to be in a gift-giving relationship. If they contribute, it isn't because they want to, but because they feel like they have been coerced into it. They hate people who put out a candy jar and then LATER ask for contributions for the candy, because in their minds, if you didn't mean to give it away, why wouldn't you keep it in the drawer? (And they really don't mind if you do keep your candy in the drawer and don't share.)

You assumed that they would "get" your intentions without telling them in so many words what they were. At no time did they ask you to buy a coffeemaker, did they? It appeared to them that you had given what they saw as a gift (the coffee). When it was revealed that it was not in fact a gift, but a "club", they declined to join. Looks straightforward to me.

I agree, though I really don't much like the first sentence in what I quoted. And honestly, in the tech type areas here in my area...those things are provided by the company! Anywhere from free sodas and snacks and fully stocked espresso machines where hubby contracted last summer (m'soft) to cheapie 20 oz sodas and 25 cent snacks (previous job he held) to just coffee machines with everything there, down to filters (amazon, other job)...there's no need for people to bring in coffee and coffee makers.

But yeah, I think I get social queues, and am actually very hesitant to just take something unless explicitly offered, but I have NO IDEA why someone would put candy in an open container on their desk, and somehow expect that people would intuitively understand that compensation was needed.

 

[disykat]

I would be the first one to be disinterested in all the things you mentioned. I also get annoyed when people tell me I'm giving a group gift and I owe them $xx. I'm not sure why that makes me so horrible.

No one was interested in coffee and made it pretty clear they weren't interested in going in on it. So stop providing it. Just because they drink it when you put it out for the taking doesn't mean they are counting on it.

If they asked you to do these things and said they'd reimburse you I'd see your point, but your post sounds more like you've been sort of forcing this issue.

 

[gillenkl]

I would buy myself a nice Black & Decker one-cup coffeemaker, all of the supplies that you need for your coffee, and keep it on your desk..

There's always "takers" in every bunch..

LOVE this idea!

 

[Amy5000]

It's been my experience that these types of scenarios are especially common with tech-type departments, and it is almost always someone in a clerical or accounting-type position who gets taken advantage of when it happens. Honestly, what you may be dealing with is a bunch of people who don't have much in the way of perception of social cues and customs, or who know about them but just don't attach much value to them. People like that really don't think of where the coffee comes from, they just take it for granted that if it is in a common area it is there for the taking, and they take it until it isn't there anymore or until they are told that they cannot have it.

People like this never plan group gifts, because they tend not to think of coworkers as actual friends who are close enough to them to be in a gift-giving relationship. If they contribute, it isn't because they want to, but because they feel like they have been coerced into it. They hate people who put out a candy jar and then LATER ask for contributions for the candy, because in their minds, if you didn't mean to give it away, why wouldn't you keep it in the drawer? (And they really don't mind if you do keep your candy in the drawer and don't share.)

You assumed that they would "get" your intentions without telling them in so many words what they were. At no time did they ask you to buy a coffeemaker, did they? It appeared to them that you had given what they saw as a gift (the coffee). When it was revealed that it was not in fact a gift, but a "club", they declined to join. Looks straightforward to me.

NotUrsula, I also think you made some excellent points. I will say that I think I do pick up social cues and sometimes it just takes awhile. I worked at big city law firms and no one had a candy dish. When I moved to a small city, one of the secretaries always had a candy dish at her desk. (I hated it b/c it was too much of a temptation...my problem...I know). Anyway, I helped myself to plenty of candy before I realized that some people (ok...I saw one other person) either brought in candy or contributed in another way. Was I clueless....maybe. I certainly didn't hang around her desk and watch what people where doing. The first time I saw someone (other than that secretary) contribute I figured it out. I brought in some candy but I was also much more reluctant to take the candy. Our office did have a lot of office provided snacks, so it wasn't really necessary. If I wanted to be buying candy all the time I would (and, unfortunately, did).

I'll also say that the whole "I'll put out a candy dish and all who take should contribute" mentality doesn't totally fit with my preferred working environment. (I may have no clue b/c I've worked at law firms that always provide at least coffee, milk and water). I have made some very close friends at work, but I didn't cement those friendships buy contributing to a group gift. There were even more co-workers who I cared for very much and liked and appreciated but would not be close friends. I would be happy to wish them a happy B-day or congrats on their wedding and I would sincerely mean it. I would and did find it annoying to be constantly asked to contribute to showers, "going away gifts," etc. Yeah, I'm probably cheap. In fairness to myself, I have infrequently purchased individual gifts for staff that was very special to me.

As for the person who's hubby stocks healthy snacks with friends. I would feel differently if I was asked to contribute and it was optional.

OP, I'm sorry you got the brunt of this. But it does sound like the office isn't on board with what you are doing. There are probably some moochers, or some who are just annoyed as all hell at having to contribute to another group gift.

Amy

 

[Amy5000]

I would and did find it annoying to be constantly asked to contribute to showers, "going away gifts," etc.

I just wanted to add that it was also annoying b/c often I would be asked to contribute for people (1) didn't like, or (2) pissed me off, or (3) barely knew. I didn't mind so much for people I cared about or worked closely with, but that didn't seem to play much into the politics of office gift giving.

Amy

 

[hipchickie]

I would be the first one to be disinterested in all the things you mentioned. I also get annoyed when people tell me I'm giving a group gift and I owe them $xx. I'm not sure why that makes me so horrible.

No one was interested in coffee and made it pretty clear they weren't interested in going in on it. So stop providing it. Just because they drink it when you put it out for the taking doesn't mean they are counting on it.

If they asked you to do these things and said they'd reimburse you I'd see your point, but your post sounds more like you've been sort of forcing this issue.

bingo

 

[kaytieeldr]

So you're mad at this woman for being frugal enough to save 20% for a DP on a home and by doing so she had decided to start making coffee at home instaed of contributing $2 to your coffee supplies?

Well, no, that's not how I read the OP's experience. It appears that everybody (or mostly everyone) is purchasing coffee from convenience stores, etc. When the OP attempted to save everyone a lot of money by initially supplying a coffeemaker she brought from home to share with everyone, no problem. Her coworkers were willing to participate. Then, when she asked everyone to pitch in the equivalent of about one cup of coffee, to restock all the supplies, they declined and told her to bring the coffeemaker home.

If I'm reading it right, these people now continue to spend a couple of dollars a day - instead of a month or something - on purchased coffee. They're also really difficult to obtain reimbursement from.

The OP has learned, we hope

 

[C.Ann]

Well, no, that's not how I read the OP's experience. It appears that everybody (or mostly everyone) is purchasing coffee from convenience stores, etc. When the OP attempted to save everyone a lot of money by initially supplying a coffeemaker she brought from home to share with everyone, no problem. Her coworkers were willing to participate. Then, when she asked everyone to pitch in the equivalent of about one cup of coffee, to restock all the supplies, they declined and told her to bring the coffeemaker home.

If I'm reading it right, these people now continue to spend a couple of dollars a day - instead of a month or something - on purchased coffee. They're also really difficult to obtain reimbursement from.

The OP has learned, we hope

That's exactly how I read it - and I DO hope she buys that ONE-CUP coffeemaker..

 

[rockundergirl]

It's been my experience that these types of scenarios are especially common with tech-type departments, and it is almost always someone in a clerical or accounting-type position who gets taken advantage of when it happens. Honestly, what you may be dealing with is a bunch of people who don't have much in the way of perception of social cues and customs, or who know about them but just don't attach much value to them. People like that really don't think of where the coffee comes from, they just take it for granted that if it is in a common area it is there for the taking, and they take it until it isn't there anymore or until they are told that they cannot have it.

lol Im actually the tech in this situ, they are admins / billing. The way I see if they should def feel that way about the coffee maker.. that was a gift! But just like how if someone put thr lunch in the fridge I would not take it, why was my cream used? i wouldn't drink from someone elses bottle of soda that happened to be on the table.. why would people un-interested in having office coffee, drink from my pot when i brewed it. I totally see your point about it being a common area.. but its not like that in my small office.. you can't just take from a stick of butter. or use someones condiments or whatever..

People like this never plan group gifts, because they tend not to think of coworkers as actual friends who are close enough to them to be in a gift-giving relationship. If they contribute, it isn't because they want to, but because they feel like they have been coerced into it. They hate people who put out a candy jar and then LATER ask for contributions for the candy, because in their minds, if you didn't mean to give it away, why wouldn't you keep it in the drawer? (And they really don't mind if you do keep your candy in the drawer and don't share.)

I see a candy jar on a desk , much diff from a bottle of cream in a fridge

You assumed that they would "get" your intentions without telling them in so many words what they were. At no time did they ask you to buy a coffeemaker, did they? It appeared to them that you had given what they saw as a gift (the coffee). When it was revealed that it was not in fact a gift, but a "club", they declined to join. Looks straightforward to me.

I have never heard of someone supplying endless resourced for a food product as a gift...

That was what I was wondering.



Those are important things to know, though. You've assumed something that might not be at all the case. There might have been *no one* doing it. There might have been no interest.

When I worked at an office, I seriously HATED all the gimmemoney nonsense. Showers, blah blah, omg if you're friends, have a party at home, invite the others that you feel are friends, leave it out of the office. I don't think I gave money once. So I was never on a card, no one ever thanked me, and I was FINE with it, b/c I just had no interest in being part of the constant "gimme money for whatever" stuff.

If no one was doing it before out of disinterest or b/c it had failed, those were important things to know, before bringing the stuff in. And if you didn't have a sign up letting people know that this was not out of the goodness of your heart...

I'm not sure I understand,.. so you think that my co-workers thought that since I wanted to have coffee at work. and made pots of it, and needed cream and splenda with it. so it was kept thr that I was then going to supply them with those condiments forever, and instead I should have put a sign on the coffee maker?



I agree, though I really don't much like the first sentence in what I quoted. And honestly, in the tech type areas here in my area...those things are provided by the company! Anywhere from free sodas and snacks and fully stocked espresso machines where hubby contracted last summer (m'soft) to cheapie 20 oz sodas and 25 cent snacks (previous job he held) to just coffee machines with everything there, down to filters (amazon, other job)...there's no need for people to bring in coffee and coffee makers.

But yeah, I think I get social queues, and am actually very hesitant to just take something unless explicitly offered, but I have NO IDEA why someone would put candy in an open container on their desk, and somehow expect that people would intuitively understand that compensation was needed.

I would be the first one to be disinterested in all the things you mentioned. I also get annoyed when people tell me I'm giving a group gift and I owe them $xx. I'm not sure why that makes me so horrible.

The person in question willingly sat down with us and decided on the gift , in fact if i remember correctly she was in the room before me..

No one was interested in coffee and made it pretty clear they weren't interested in going in on it. So stop providing it. Just because they drink it when you put it out for the taking doesn't mean they are counting on it.

If they asked you to do these things and said they'd reimburse you I'd see your point, but your post sounds more like you've been sort of forcing this issue.

NotUrsula, I also think you made some excellent points. I will say that I think I do pick up social cues and sometimes it just takes awhile. I worked at big city law firms and no one had a candy dish. When I moved to a small city, one of the secretaries always had a candy dish at her desk. (I hated it b/c it was too much of a temptation...my problem...I know). Anyway, I helped myself to plenty of candy before I realized that some people (ok...I saw one other person) either brought in candy or contributed in another way. Was I clueless....maybe. I certainly didn't hang around her desk and watch what people where doing. The first time I saw someone (other than that secretary) contribute I figured it out. I brought in some candy but I was also much more reluctant to take the candy. Our office did have a lot of office provided snacks, so it wasn't really necessary. If I wanted to be buying candy all the time I would (and, unfortunately, did).

I'll also say that the whole "I'll put out a candy dish and all who take should contribute" mentality doesn't totally fit with my preferred working environment. (I may have no clue b/c I've worked at law firms that always provide at least coffee, milk and water). I have made some very close friends at work, but I didn't cement those friendships buy contributing to a group gift. There were even more co-workers who I cared for very much and liked and appreciated but would not be close friends. I would be happy to wish them a happy B-day or congrats on their wedding and I would sincerely mean it. I would and did find it annoying to be constantly asked to contribute to showers, "going away gifts," etc. Yeah, I'm probably cheap. In fairness to myself, I have infrequently purchased individual gifts for staff that was very special to me.

As for the person who's hubby stocks healthy snacks with friends. I would feel differently if I was asked to contribute and it was optional.

OP, I'm sorry you got the brunt of this. But it does sound like the office isn't on board with what you are doing. There are probably some moochers, or some who are just annoyed as all hell at having to contribute to another group gift.

lol no worries , anything i post on this board comes with a bit a judgement.. keeps me real
Amy

I want to say in general I was 100% asked if I wanted to get in on the "meetings" to decide on the gifts/party stuff.. we all decided together.. and for what seemed like practical reasons at the time I went to "pick it up" Everyone knew the exact cost per person before i left for the store.. and the exact Item I was buying.. so it was not forced on anyone,, if anything I was pressured to go pick the crap up! In addition I think i was raised differently , even the idea of "owing" somebody money or "using" other peoples things offends me.. I would never ever let a debt of my own go unpaid. or take advantage of someone trying to do good for me.. I guess Im just different.

I'm going to get a coffee maker and put it on my desk, like i would treat small children, it will have a sign on it saying "don't touch" I guess i will have to use non-dairy creamer ( yuck lol) since i can't keep my cream in the fridge since that is me implying it is my gift to the office. In addition I'm going to start helping myself to other peoples drinks and snacks they leave in the break room.. I had no idea those wer in-fact gifts for me to enjoy

 

[Amy5000]

I have never heard of someone supplying endless resourced for a food product as a gift...



I want to say in general I was 100% asked if I wanted to get in on the "meetings" to decide on the gifts/party stuff.. we all decided together.. and for what seemed like practical reasons at the time I went to "pick it up" Everyone knew the exact cost per person before i left for the store.. and the exact Item I was buying.. so it was not forced on anyone,, if anything I was pressured to go pick the crap up! In addition I think i was raised differently , even the idea of "owing" somebody money or "using" other peoples things offends me.. I would never ever let a debt of my own go unpaid. or take advantage of someone trying to do good for me.. I guess Im just different.

I'm going to get a coffee maker and put it on my desk, like i would treat small children, it will have a sign on it saying "don't touch" I guess i will have to use non-dairy creamer ( yuck lol) since i can't keep my cream in the fridge since that is me implying it is my gift to the office. In addition I'm going to start helping myself to other peoples drinks and snacks they leave in the break room.. I had no idea those wer in-fact gifts for me to enjoy

Hey Rockundergirl: I totally get it that we were coming up with senarios that didn't actually fit your situation. Sorry it didn't work out with your co-workers. Have you tried putting your name on your milk or cream. When people see milk or cream in the fridge they often think it's up for grabs. If you label it with your name its makes it more clear that your not sharing. (Of course, there's always someone who thinks, I'll just take a little...)

Have a good weekend. Amy

 

[HLDisney]

I'm going to get a coffee maker and put it on my desk, like i would treat small children, it will have a sign on it saying "don't touch" I guess i will have to use non-dairy creamer ( yuck lol) since i can't keep my cream in the fridge since that is me implying it is my gift to the office. In addition I'm going to start helping myself to other peoples drinks and snacks they leave in the break room.. I had no idea those wer in-fact gifts for me to enjoy

FWIW, in our office, if you bring in milk or cream and put it in the fridge, not with the intention of sharing, you keep it bagged (as in a plastic grocery bag, tied loosely at the top) or put your name on it and it should be safe. Our office provides the non-dairy creamer, sugar, etc but not milk/cream. If you just put a container of milk in the fridge, then yes, there's a good chance someone else will use it but if it's covered up or labeled in some way, then it's not touched.

Helen

 

[snowbunny]

I guess i will have to use non-dairy creamer ( yuck lol) since i can't keep my cream in the fridge since that is me implying it is my gift to the office.

This was a constant problem at my office (not a tech office, sorry people are just moochers whether they are techies or not). It wasn't that anyone thought someone's cream in the fridge was a gift or lack of understanding of social cues -- they just wanted it and helped themselves to it.

There was a company-provided microwave in the kitchenette (disgusting, no one would clean it). I even recall once in a while someone's Lean Cuisine or similar disappearing from the freezer!

 

[LovableGluttons]

Sorry OP, I've been in the same position. I think some people are givers while some are takers.

Intentional selfish? Maybe they just don't know any better.

I've found that there also ends up being this certain level of expectation once you start being generous. People accustomed to hand outs also tend to show some resentment when the giving stops.


Trying to find that balance between generosity and being taking advantage of IS difficult.


(((hugs)))