Lage age gap between siblings? Contemplating having 2nd child

[frostedpink]

Does anyone here have 2 children several years apart, like 7+ years?

I’m surprising myself by even having these thoughts, but I’m actually thinking of having a second child. My daughter is now 7 years old so they would be very far apart in age.

I’m not 100% sure what is stirring up these feelings. She is an only child and is getting to the age where she doesn’t quite need me as much anymore. We stopped at one due to some chronic respiratory problems that she had as a baby/toddler/young child. We went through several hospital stays, lots of specialists, CT scans, etc. The works. It was traumatizing because we couldn’t figure out what was wrong or what might happen. Knock on wood, after several years we have things more under control.

So now what is stopping me? Mostly the huge age gap. And the fact that I’m scared of what could go wrong. After having been through the medical ringer, I feel like I know too much about what could go wrong. Uggh! And I can’t imagine having a newborn again, but I know now that that time does pass quickly.

On the other hand, I feel a void in my life and in my heart. I feel restless. I’m still child-bearing age so maybe it’s just hormones. We have 3 neighbors who all had an only child for several years and now have a second (anywhere from 7-11 years apart). I always thought they were nuts but here I am now, contemplating the same thing!!!

Do any of you have a large age gap? Did your children bond over time despite the age difference? Would you do it all over again?

I'm not sure if my restless feelings are a good reason to move forward with this. But what is a good reason??

 

[Shanna-like-Banana]

Our first and second are 6 years and 1 week apart, but it wasn't due to lack of trying.
Combined between Endometriosis, basic training, AIT, deployments, months of field time, moving 4 times, and oh that one month incubation period of us not being able to sleep in the same bed.

Our 2&3rd are 17 months apart

 

[3Gsandme]

Oldest dd is 6.5 years older than middle dd. It's just a different set of challenges. If I were to do it all over I'd have all the girls close together but we didn't. Managing high school
And kindergarten can be a challenge and they don't share interests at all. More than worth the struggle and those issues aren't anything that is impossible to overcome.

 

[wilkeliza]

My fiance is 20 years apart from his siblings and then one of his nephews is 8 or 9 years apart from the older niece and nephew. My nephew is definitely bonded with his older siblings. The big differences usually come up much later in life. Especially when your oldest will be in High School and the little will be in elementary school. It isn't necessarily bad but just a 17 year old hanging out with a 10 year old isn't going to happen as much. Of course it depends on how you foster the relationships as well as my fiance said he loved that his sisters would take him on trips to Disney with no parents since they were so much older and he bonded with them that way.

 

[pocomom]

Not quite the same thing but my three kids are all 4 years apart and my oldest and youngest have a really special relationship with each other. We always joke that she is second mommy. She is turning 15 and he is turning 7, and he will tell you she is his best friend. They might not be in the same stages, but that also means a lot less of the competition type stuff between them. It can be really great.

 

[lorimay]

I was 9 when my sister was born.

 

[Turn the Page]

DH and I are contemplating having a child. His DD is 6 1/2 and mine is 10 1/2 so the kids will be very far apart. It wasn't how I planned it when I was younger but life happened and it just didn't work out like I thought it would. Our options now are to have a child together farther apart from the others than we had planned or not have a child together at all. My biggest worry right now is if we wait too long and end up thinking the kids are pretty well self-sufficient, do we really want to start all over again but we aren't there yet.

We are hoping to get the go ahead to try this spring but I have health issues that may make that ill advised, we will have to wait and see.

 

[disney4us2002]

If you feel like something is missing and you want another child, have one. My brothers are 6 and 8 yrs older than me and we rarely see each other or speak. Every family is different of course, but it's likely both of your children will be more like onlies than sharing siblings things. Does your daughter express a desire for a sibling? You know her personality so you know how accepting or loving she is likely to be a new sibling. My brothers always acted resentful/jealous of me and treated me like I was a pest. Maybe an older sister would have been a different experience.

 

[Colleen27]

We have two that are fairly close together (now 18 & 15) and "the baby" who is 8. We didn't plan it this way - we started trying for the youngest as soon as the middle child potty trained, but life had other plans and by the time she came along she was quite the little surprise.

I definitely see pros and cons to the age gap. On the one hand, the older kids are much closer with the youngest than I thought they'd be. I worried they'd have so little in common that they wouldn't really interact much but as it turns out the older kids love playing with the little one. I think they like having the excuse to do "baby" things that they'd probably feel pressured to act too old/cool for without her, and they're both very patient and compassionate toward younger kids in general, even moreso than their peers who babysit, which I think comes from living with a "little kid". And DD8 is a very flexible child, mostly because she's been given no choice - she was born into a crazy household full of sports and noise and travels, so she learned right from the start to go with the flow. But it can be a challenge to keep things "PG" around here for her now that we've got 2 teens (plus a temporary 15yo 'roommate' and a constant in and out of friends coming over) in the house. And sometimes the kids are just on such different levels that it is hard to find common ground - when the older kids wanted, as pre-teens, to explore Washington DC and the little one was rapidly bored by some of the museums, when the big kids want to go horseback riding or whitewater rafting and the youngest isn't old/big enough to participate - so we end up doing more "divide and conquer" than I'd envisioned for our family time and travels. As a whole, though, it has worked out better than I expected.

 

[jerseygal]

Two sons 8 1/4 years apart, we feel very LUCKY, they are very close, have always shared many of the same sports interests. The age gap was not "by design", miscarriage in between and our eldest also had very challenging respiratory health issues . SO THANKFUL that we are blessed to have our two sons. Our eldest son has always been a fabulous mentor, friend, and role model to his brother. Don't let the age "gap" deter or scare you if you want another child. I always comment that there is no "ideal" age gap, whatever works for each individual family and the main issue for us was to foster a close sibling relationship. We feel very fortunate in our conviction that if God forbid something happened tragically to DH and I at the same time, our eldest would always "look after" and help his brother. BEST OF LUCK with your decisions!

 

[Govols1997]

I'm 15 years, 14 years and 3 years younger than my sibs. Different (but great) relationships with all of them. Love it that way.

We regret not having more children. If I could now, I would.

 

[powellrj]

Our oldest is 8 years older than his brother and 13 years older than his sister. The oldest and the youngest have always gotten along really well. In fact, DD is best friends with his wife. They have traveled together and are really close.

I'll admit it was hard when they were growing up, but I think it was the 3 child thing more than the age difference.

 

[usnuzuloose]

I have a sister who is 10 years older than I am. We never knew about each other until I was about 8, we have never been close as we never lived together. So as of now we don't even have a relationship. I would love to, but it is on her behalf that she does not and I have no idea why. I don't hold ill feelings against her. I just have a hard time understanding. I don't see a reason for you to not have another child just because she would have a younger sibling. Only you and your husband know if it is for you to decide that.

 

[morgan98]

My brother is 8 years younger than I am and we get along great! I am 46, he is 38. I remember the day he was born like it was yesterday, and how excited I was. I definitely wanted a brother, not a sister. When he was young, my friends treated him so well. For example, we would take him trick or treating, or get him ice cream cones at Dairy Queen, etc. He was always around. Yes, once I left for college and started my after school "life" it was a little harder to stay in touch (pre-cell phones) but we still saw each other often. Even now, I live in Atlanta and he lives in Chicago (where we grew up) and we text multiple times daily, FaceTime on the weekends, etc.

He always comes to me when he needs advice, etc. and it is nice to have someone to talk to about our parents.

I am sure it sounds corny, but I always tell everyone, my brother has always been a bright spot in my life. Of course there are times he ticks me off, etc. but I still consider him to be one of my best friends too.

My husband is one of five and is really only close to one of his siblings. I guess my point is, I am not sure the age difference between siblings is necessarily a deciding factor in how well they will get along.

 

[mjkacmom]

DH is 7 and 10 years younger than his sisters, and they've always had a great relationship. Their mom died when he was starting high school, so they also helped raise him through the teen years. My fiend had a sister 10 years younger, and they were so close - even shared a room (my friend insisted). She used to have her little sister visit for weekends at college. They are still very close.

I had my 5 in under 7 years, but that makes the youngest and oldest 6 1/2 years apart. My oldest is 20, I blinked and that happened. I can't imagine if she had been my only, it was too short.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

I'm 15 years younger than my brother. There are challenges with a big age gap, and challenges with siblings close in age. Just like there are challenges for an only child and challenges to having a sibling.

 

[Kellykins1218]

My son was 11 when I had our second son. The third came 22 months later. I had a Senior, a Kindergartner, and a Preschooler all in one year.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Does anyone here have 2 children several years apart, like 7+ years?

I’m surprising myself by even having these thoughts, but I’m actually thinking of having a second child. My daughter is now 7 years old so they would be very far apart in age.

I’m not 100% sure what is stirring up these feelings. She is an only child and is getting to the age where she doesn’t quite need me as much anymore. We stopped at one due to some chronic respiratory problems that she had as a baby/toddler/young child. We went through several hospital stays, lots of specialists, CT scans, etc. The works. It was traumatizing because we couldn’t figure out what was wrong or what might happen. Knock on wood, after several years we have things more under control.

So now what is stopping me? Mostly the huge age gap. And the fact that I’m scared of what could go wrong. After having been through the medical ringer, I feel like I know too much about what could go wrong. Uggh! And I can’t imagine having a newborn again, but I know now that that time does pass quickly.

On the other hand, I feel a void in my life and in my heart. I feel restless. I’m still child-bearing age so maybe it’s just hormones. We have 3 neighbors who all had an only child for several years and now have a second (anywhere from 7-11 years apart). I always thought they were nuts but here I am now, contemplating the same thing!!!

Do any of you have a large age gap? Did your children bond over time despite the age difference? Would you do it all over again?

I'm not sure if my restless feelings are a good reason to move forward with this. But what is a good reason??

Mine are 5yrs apart and they are both like "only children". They are 25 and 20.

The only opinion that matters is you and your SO. You do not "need" a reason.

I am the oldest of 4. My sibs are 4,5, & 6yrs younger.

 

[dotfurio]

My kids are 7 years apart. I think it would've been better if they were a few years closer. It can be difficult finding family activities both kids enjoy. But that's not enough for me to regret having another. I do wish I could go back and make the transition easier for my oldest. We did good at first at involving her, but as the baby got older and needed more attention I think we relied on my oldest's ability to be independent too much. She needed more of our attention, especially after being an only child for so long.

The bonus of them being so far apart is my older daughter can babysit my younger one. Another bonus is we have a few years gap between expensive teenagers and college tuition.

As far as how they get along, sometimes they do and sometimes they don't, and I think that'd be true no matter how close in age siblings are.

 

[Tuffcookie]

I had 2 sons, 18 years apart! . (same dad) I had oldest DS then I had a series of miscarriages before youngest DS came along.

TC