?kids stealing and allowances??Long

[Spinning]

Our DD is 7 at this point we haven't given her an allowance but do give her money when we go out or if she is going some where and might need money. She also has money to get treats at the pool. I never grew up with an allowance but always seemed to have spending money.
Anyway, On several occassions DD has taken money from us. Not a lot but....she has taken many quarters and golden dollars from our 2 state quater books and also from the change jar. I know she isn't a harden criminal and initially I thought she just didnt' get it. So we have explained it is wrong and if she needs or wants money she has to come to us. Then another time she took $25 from our dresser. Granted I don't think she realized the amount she took.....figured it was few dollars laying around....We have punished her before, made her clean the play room and her room.
Anyway DH and I were talking and wondered if we gave her a set allowance this would deter her? She would know each week she would get a certain amount. Granted I don't plan to start it today but maybe next week.

 

[zurgswife]

What does she do with the money? I would think that you be accompanying her just about anywhere she would be spending and stolen cash.....I would just not allow her to purchase anything if she trys.

I would also start giving her an allowance. On the stipulation that if any more money goes missing her allowance and spending privilages will be ended.....

 

[mrsv98]

*Disclaimer - I am not making any judgements about you as a parent/s, you obviously care about your child to ask for help. I simply speak from years of experience working with young children*


Generally, when young children steal, even after some sort of remediation, there is an underlying pathology. Think about your home life and see if you can pinpoint any changes to your routine. Something that is insignificant to you can be huge to a child. Young children steal to make up for somehting they feel is lacking. They think, "Oh I can't have/do/go to xxx so I will take this instead." Are you and your DH fighting? Are you paying attention to another child for whatever reason? Has your childcare arrangement changed? These are just examples that can set a child off.

In terms of putting a halt to the stealing, there are a few things you can do. 1) Put everything away. Don't let her have access to any money, take the temptation away. She may very well start stealing something else, so keep an eye on her. If she does start stealing other things, you can be pretty sure it doesn't have anything to do with money. 2) Spend some time reassurring her that you love her, she is secure, etc. At some point well away from any stealing episode, ask her if anything is bothering her because you have noticed she seems worried. 3)Trust is a huge issue to children who steal, so make sure she can trust you, ie, don't tell her you (or DH) will be somewhere or do something and then fail to do it on a regular basis.


Again, I am NOT making any judgements, merely offering one perspective. It may very well be something very simple like she wants some pocket money, and an allowance will solve the problem. I am just offering some suggestions.

 

[Buckalew]

Hunter gets 1/2 of her age--so right now she gets 4.50 a week. She then divides that up into 3 categories: Church, spending and saving. She can spend the $ in the spending pot or she can save it for something bigger. 2 years ago she bought herself a bike with her own money. The $ was saved from her allowances and b-day & Christmas $.

I like to do allowances because she is more careful about spending her own money than she is spending my money.

 

[Spinning]

zurgswife:
The only thing I can figure she does with the money is buy a snack at the pool... We usually get a water ice or something once or twice a week and every once in awhile she pulls out some of her change and wants to use it. Which is fine. Since it was change I figured it was her money. ( she isn't a big shopper, when she does take her money, Christmas/birthday cash she rarely spends it on toys. any way The reason I realized some quaters were gone was because we found one to add to the book and 6 were gone. Then I notice the lid to the change jar was opened. I asked her if she knew anything....she then got very quiet and upset. Then said she took it. We explained and talked about it. She then went to bed with out a story.

mrsv98: There are no big changes in her life. DH and I get along great, no fighting or problems. She isn't in day care. We have had a terrific summer. I don't think there is any "underlying pathology". She loves to buy snacks at the pool and school. This is where this and most of her own money goes. This is a not a daily thing or even weekly/monthly. This may be the 3rd time over year-year and a half.
She knows she is well loved. Even during our talking we made sure she knew we loved her and would always love her. We told her what she did was wrong. Her actions we the problem! We explained about trust. Neither of us yelled at her.
Also we talk every night before bed, about her day, her friends or anything else. So I really don't think she is "worried" about anything. I don't think this was done for "attention"

 

[FOJMO]

Just a thought -- she's not being bullied by someone who is asking her to pay them, is she? Sometimes that happens.

As far as allowance goes, I would not give out an allowance unless it was earned by doing chores or having a responsibility around the house.

 

[Spinning]

As far as I know there is no bully....Thanks for asking. I truly think it revolves around snacks at the pool! Because several days before this she wanted to get a water ice and I said no because we packed snacks. Then she had some change to buy her own.
I think the allowance is needed.
We need to sit down and work out how much we want and if it needs to be earned. Plus a day so I can always remember it is pay day!

 

[zurgswife]

We do allowances....1/2 of each childs age...adds up with 4 kids I don't make it in conjunction with any chores....my kids do tons of stuff because they are part of the family. I don't with hold if the amount they do varies during each week....

 

[disykat]

Although I agree it sounds like your daughter is about ready for allowance, I would approach it differently so she doesn't feel like her "stealing" was rewarded. The first thing I would do is always pack snacks for the pool and make a "no buying" policy for the rest of the summer. Then after all the fallout is over, allowance can be introduced as a seperate issue.

 

[Pooh93]

Maybe other kids have their own money and it is making her feel grown up to have her "own money" to make purchases. An allowance sounds like a great idea.

 

[Eiblis]

OK........first off not sure re the allowance thing.
But.....sorry gonna be a long post
DD now 16.........then aged 5
I was convinced I had a thief, delinquent u name it on my hands.

She started off by hiding stuff under her bed......silly things like deodrant, talcum powder even sanitary towels, toilet paper and some money

The one weekend she went to stay with my parents......when they brought her back on the Sunday she was limping.......my mum said she hadnt been all day.....
I took off her shoes and hidden in her socks was a number of pieces of my mum's jewellery ( I nearly died)
My mother wasnt upset or anything but I was livid......and at a total loss to understand what DD could have been thinking. I arranged to see my health visitor and she suggested a star chart.....for good behaviour ( nothing disappearing and reappearing where it shouldnt b)

After about 3 weeks.........she stopped.....I had tried talking to her.....explaining that if she wanted things she could ask.....
All the stuff that she took she had no use for.....and didnt use them........seemed she just wanted to 'have' them

But the star chart worked.
And she isnt a delinquent now
Hope you do get past all this tho.....I still remember how bad i felt tho....and how I must have done something wrong

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Originally posted by zurgswife
We do allowances....1/2 of each childs age...adds up with 4 kids I don't make it in conjunction with any chores....my kids do tons of stuff because they are part of the family. I don't with hold if the amount they do varies during each week....

Same here! My kids do a ton of stuff all the time. I"ll bet that will solve your issue.
Also putting the stuff up where it is not a temptation & out of her reach would be a good thing to do.