Kids Nursery Problems - Other parents

[scottish mum]

My 4yr old daughter goes to nursery in our local school. She loves it there and is very happy. It is very small, only 5 kids.

The problem is one of the parents have very strong opinions over the things they kids do in nursery. Let me explain,

1) They used to have "nursery ted" who the kids brought home for the weekend and looked after and drew a picture of. The parents then just wrote a brief outline of what the kids did with Ted. This stopped as the parent didn't like it and had no time to do the brief report

2) The kids sometimes got "homework" I say that word loosely as it was not work, for example they would have to colour in something, or think of objects that started with a certain letter or colour. Again this was stopped as the parent didn't agree with this.

Are you seeing a pattern emerging.

I spoke with the nursery teachers as to why it all stopped and was told if one parent complains then no child is allowed to do it so that nobody feels left out.

I have arranged to speak with the nursery suoervisor( she is not based at school and only comes once a week).

Do all you think it is wrong that all the other kids miss out just because of one stroppy parent. It has just got me so annoyed that whatever she says the school must do.

 

[dollarmite]

Wow, that's a really bad policy, to put it mildly.

If one parent doesn't want their child to participate in an activity for whatever reason then the simple answer to that is to simply not participate. The flip side is - if one parent does want to implement something can they do so? I have a feeling the feeling is no?

Before you know it Christmas and Easter activities will be banned too, simply because of the whims of one parent (probably the same parent who instigated the changed in the OP ).

I would definitely be complaining about this. I'm sure there must be other parents who feel the same way you do. Can you band together and insist that this policy be changed?

ETA: If every actiivity is stopped after only one complaint, pretty soon the kids will be sitting around all day doing nothing. Until someone complains that sitting around doing nothing is offensive too...

 

[Gaynor]

It does seem unfair that the majority of children are missing out on activities etc because one parent has complained. You've done the right thing making arrangement to see the supervisor, hopefully you'll get some answers.

 

[Head_in_the_clouds]

I am a drama teacher and was only 19 when I started and I had to put up with some terrible treatment from parents. In my first job my boss was all about keeping the numbers up for money and so I couldn't ask anyone who was abusive (i.e the teenager who attempted to urinate in my handbag) to leave. My current boss is very strict and not quite as money minded - any trouble from children or parents and we just let them know in our opinion, they aren't suited to our particular theatre school and perhaps they should take their child elsewhere. I think this is what needs to be done with this parent. The nursery obviously isn't suitable for them. It isn't right that all the children should have to suffer because of one child's parent. I am also studying to be an educational psychologist and obviously, I am always concerned that no child suffers any emotional impact of being left out etc but to be honest I know from research that the child will know it was because of their parent that they were left out, not because of the teachers. I always had to cancel exams and productions, fancy dress lessons etc in my first year of teaching because some parent complained about something or other.
In the end I decided to go ahead and plan anyway and not deprive the other children of a lovely experience. It is hard trying to explain to a three year old that they can't be in the christmas show because their parent boycotted the production because I asked them to provide a £2 pair of fairy wings or a £1 reindeer headband. Or to a five year old that they are the only one in the class not to take their drama exam because their mum decided that because they charged a £6.95 exam fee, LAMDA (the most recognised drama exam board in the world) are a money making scam (!). As a dancer my costumes frequently came to £500 and my teaching diploma exams cost over £100 each so I wasn't really asking much of them. I can remember sending an eight line poem home for the 5 year olds to learn over six weeks only to have a little one come back the following week to say could I please not send poems home in future because my mummy doesn't have the time to read it to me and it makes her annoyed. I think it is so sad. What kind of life do these kids have at home? Why bother having kids at all?
Given that there are only five children, I think they are putting up with this for money. But if they lose other kids because of this one parent then this is pointless anyway. I think you should at least threaten to take your little girl out because she isn't having as good an experience as she could because this parent is restricting everything the other children can do. It really isn't right - good luck with this situation!

Oh, and just a thought - couldn't the staff give the teddy to the child to look after one day whilst at nursery and then help them to write it up in nursery over a week or so? That way the other kids don't need to lose out. There could have been ways around things.

 

[natalielongstaff]

you have had some very good advice so far, esprcially in the above post, let us know how you get on

 

[scottish mum]

Thanks everyone I am meeting the supervisor next monday so will let you know what happens.

My DD is in her last term before she starts school and really happy so I wouldn't move her but I do want her to get all the experiences that she is meant to be getting at Nursery.

Head_in_the_clouds you could be describing this parent, she too would not provide some items for her older boys for the school nativity last year. Everyone was asked to bring in tinsel etc and she refused.

I just feel sorry for her kids as it is them she is ultimately punishing.

 

[Lizzybear]

I know some nurseries bow to pressure when they're relying on people paying fees but for a school nursery to do so seems ridiculous as they're subsidised anyway I hope your meeting with the supervisor goes well, perhaps one or more of the other parents would join you in this as i'm sure they must be annoyed aswell.. I've been to a lot of nurseries (I do supply) that do the teddy going home thing and the kids love it, shame one person has to ruin things for everyone

 

[Snowy-girls]

I believe you have done the right thing ,it is not fair for others to miss out.Would like to hear of the outcome.

I know it's a different story,but with the same outcome of other children missing out-When Chloe was in Nursery+Infants-the same nursery Emily now attends,i always got a Mother's Day Card,yet Tony never received a Father's Day card-i asked why and was told that 'not all children here have a Father,so it would be unfair to make them',to which i replied,'i know of 2 children here who don't have a Mother,but you still make Mother's Day cards?'.As you can imagine they could'nt answer properly.
I suggested that they make a card for there Grandad for Father's day-like i used to,so other children(and there Dad's)did'nt miss out.They took it on board but nothing came of it .I received a Mother's Day card from Emily this year-i wonder if Tony will get a Father's Day card this year .x.

 

[wideeyes]

I've been to a lot of nurseries (I do supply) that do the teddy going home thing and the kids love it, shame one person has to ruin things for everyone

My DD has brought a teddy home though as she is in year 2 she does the write up her self though she loves doing it.

I don't see why the parents can't make the time to spend with their children to do the write up though.

 

[joolz1910]

I think that for some parents, it's not about not having the time or cash, it's more about wanting their voices heard above everyone else's. The same parents make issues of every little thing they come across because it makes them feel important. After all, who couldn't afford £1 or 15 minutes? They take more time/effort making the complaint!!

 

[irongirlof12]

You have touched on a problem that persists throughout school life i am afraid. Is this a private company run group or a local charity? you could ask some really arkward questions/for info i.e. re their latest ofsted or LA report, their 'statement' policy or ' mission directive' and how this meets the GOV'sv targets for their performance for early learning, thier guidelines for parental involvement etc.

At the end of the day you have to decide if this is the best place for your childs development or if a larger established group would be better. I think the key is the question is your child happy?

 

[thelittlemermaid83]

I believe you have done the right thing ,it is not fair for others to miss out.Would like to hear of the outcome.

I know it's a different story,but with the same outcome of other children missing out-When Chloe was in Nursery+Infants-the same nursery Emily now attends,i always got a Mother's Day Card,yet Tony never received a Father's Day card-i asked why and was told that 'not all children here have a Father,so it would be unfair to make them',to which i replied,'i know of 2 children here who don't have a Mother,but you still make Mother's Day cards?'.As you can imagine they could'nt answer properly.
I suggested that they make a card for there Grandad for Father's day-like i used to,so other children(and there Dad's)did'nt miss out.They took it on board but nothing came of it .I received a Mother's Day card from Emily this year-i wonder if Tony will get a Father's Day card this year .x.

I agree with everything you said, my DD doesnt see her Dad but i wouldnt tell her nursery that no-one can make Father day cards because its not fair on her. I'm hoping instead they get DD to make a card for her Granddad instead for Fathers Day.

 

[scottish mum]

You have touched on a problem that persists throughout school life i am afraid. Is this a private company run group or a local charity? you could ask some really arkward questions/for info i.e. re their latest ofsted or LA report, their 'statement' policy or ' mission directive' and how this meets the GOV'sv targets for their performance for early learning, thier guidelines for parental involvement etc.

At the end of the day you have to decide if this is the best place for your childs development or if a larger established group would be better. I think the key is the question is your child happy?

It is the nursery that feeds in to the primary school where she will go, so no it is not a private nursery. She is very happy there and is oblivious to what she is or isn't doing. It is me that is annoyed as this woman just likes to cause contraversy.

joolz1910- you hit the nail on the head with this woman

 

[mickeyforpresident]

You've been given some good advice here. I'm a primary school Headteacher. If the nursery is attached to the school, go to the head and ask to see the Policy statements on which these decisions are based on. It all seems a little over the top. We have a infant teddy which often goes home to be looked after, often goes on holidays with children who then take pictures in a book and write down what goes on. My school is a deprived one financially so we have to ask parents for things like costumes etc., those who can't we always someone manage to sort things out for the children.
Some parents seem to like causing a fuss for making a fuss' sake - strange but these are often parents who had a sad childhood themselves.

 

[Snowy-girls]

I agree with everything you said, my DD doesnt see her Dad but i wouldnt tell her nursery that no-one can make Father day cards because its not fair on her. I'm hoping instead they get DD to make a card for her Granddad instead for Fathers Day.

I hope she get's to make him a card-i don't see why not.It's good that they do Father's Day cards at her school .
My father died when i was very young,but the same went for me-cards were not made by other children just because of my situation,i always made one for my Grandad-he brought me up,a Mother's day card for my Nan-who also brought me up+a Mother's day card for my Mum .x.

 

[Cyrano]

It is the nursery that feeds in to the primary school where she will go, so no it is not a private nursery. She is very happy there and is oblivious to what she is or isn't doing. It is me that is annoyed as this woman just likes to cause contraversy.

joolz1910- you hit the nail on the head with this woman

It sounds like ultimately it is the Head Teacher of the primary school who has responsibility for ensuring the best environment and preparation before the children enter P1.
I would follow up with the head-teacher Have you a Parent Council that you could ask raise the question about the change in the learning experience and change in past practice

 

[UKDEB]

Oh dear, I feel sorry for this poor woman! She has declined to co-operate with just two things (which effectively revolve around the same thing - that she doesn't agree with tiny, young children bringing work home) and she is being labelled as stroppy and pilloried on a public forum where she has no right of reply. She's perfectly entitled to make that judgement call for her and her child. The fault lies with the overly PC nursery staff who are either over-reacting or allowing themselves to be pushed into a corner.

 

[joolz1910]

Oh dear, I feel sorry for this poor woman! She has declined to co-operate with just two things (which effectively revolve around the same thing - that she doesn't agree with tiny, young children bringing work home) and she is being labelled as stroppy and pilloried on a public forum where she has no right of reply. She's perfectly entitled to make that judgement call for her and her child. The fault lies with the overly PC nursery staff who are either over-reacting or allowing themselves to be pushed into a corner.

She also refused to send tinsel in with her two older children for their Nativity play. Imagine how mortified they must have been! I agree that the staff need to stick to a policy that serves all of the children in their care, but I have met parents who think they can run the school/nursery better than the trained/qualified staff and they often wield a disproportionate amount of power

 

[Trilli-magic]

Let us know how your meeting goes.
I don't agree with the school policy that if one parent complains then none get to do it!!
How does it affect the childen anyway if the little assignments are to do at home?! Those who parents are willing should get to do it and those whose parents are not simply do not do it!!

 

[Dominus]

What a sad story. I don't think the father's day card is a good analogy. All you have to do is write what you and ted did over the weekend. Nothing about that assignment has to do with touchy subjects like, no-dad, religion, money or anything else. You would just write that you and ted ate dinner, watched tv, and enjoyed a nap. The problem is parents expectations. It sounds like this parent is of the mind that the school is for baby-sitting and not education or life skills building. Most parents welsome the extra involvement of their day care providers. In the states we look at it as "bang for your buck". You could send your kids to a place that teaches them nothing...or for a few bucks more, they can learn and experience new things. I'd simply argue that there is no controversy with Ted. And that if someone doesn't want to do it they don't have to. Perhaps no one would notice who hadn't done the wknd with ted. Good Luck