KIDS/COMPETATIVE EXTRACURRICULARS-help me understand

[DisneyPhD]

My kids are rather young but I see it starting with their friends now. DD doesn't do any extra activity other then preschool. I have considered dance for her, but she is only interested in it, not REALLY interested so we are waiting. Anything she does will be for fun, not because we want it for her.

I don't understand the whole schdule your child thing. I think the family that said 1 activity per child is good. Maybe I am not giving my kids the competitive edge and they wil suffer later for it. I don't think so. Maybe they will just be average, however from what I know about them at this young age I don't see them being "average"! DH and I weren't "trained" for anything and somehow we manged to both get graduate degrees and good careers.

I wonder if some of this push for trainig for children has something to do with parents living out dreams through their children.

When I was in HS I did a number of activities. (Dance, Chearleading, gymnastics, theatre, etc...) I liked it. Expect for dance class once a week in elemerty school I never prepared ahead of time for it. I was so busy, I was doing something everyday after school, often until 10:00 at night. I don't know how I did it and I would never want to be that active again. My parents actualy wished I would do less, but it was my choice. I enjoyed it in HS, but glad it was just 4 years. (I had other interests in college.)

 

[MrsKreamer]

I want my children to be well rounded individuals. As a child I always wanted to get involved in extra curiculars, but b/c of my mom being a single parent it wasn't possible until I got to HS. I felt at a disadvantage because I had never had training in anything. I did wind up in 3 choirs by senior year but that still took tons of work on my part to catch up.

My husband was allowed to join a football team and other extras. He wound up being a great football player, but hated tackling the other kids. My MIL never pushed it, and DH was allowed to do his own thing. In HS he participated in more academic clubs, but at least he had the chance to see if he liked something else.

I plan on putting my kids in some type of athletic orgs at 6 or 7 just for the fun and fitness aspects. If they like it, great, if not then we know what other intrests to persue.

If my children take after me and aren't great at sports, but still want to participate, we are lucky to have CYO leagues. Small sports leagues through the church that are more for fun and togetherness than staunch competition.

One thing I will stress is being involved...in something. I found that being involved in HS kept me out of trouble and provided some of my foundest memories.

 

[dani0622]

One thing I will stress is being involved...in something. I found that being involved in HS kept me out of trouble and provided some of my foundest memories.

I couldn't agree with you more on this. I have a 12 year old sister (yes, huge age difference, 17 years!) who does nothing. She has tried several different things but always quits- cheerleading, gymnastics, basketball, brownies, orchestra. She wants to try dancing next but my mother will not allow it until September since she just dumped a ton of money on basketball. I told my mother she has to do something. Right now she's at that age where none of her friends do anything and I am pretty sure they told her basketball was not cool so she quit. This kid loved it last year. She tried school cheerleading but didn't make it, but pop warner was too much money for my parents. Every kid's got a niche, they just have to find it, and it doesn't have to be a sport.

 

[ntburns22]

Oh no, what happened to your DD's face? (If you dont' mind sharing, of course. As mom to a special needs dd, I am indeed empathetic, although it may not sound that way on a message board.) I hope her needed surgery isn't too extensive, and turns out well.

She has Binder's Syndrome her face is concave instead of convex. She has little nasal cartilage and a very bad underbite. Currently she goes to the CLeveland Clinic every year to plot her growth. The surgery will be done in her teens. She looks like a typical kid. At times she notices the difference in her nose to her friends but we get through it. At my ultrasound they first told me she didn't have a nasal bridge at all. So if she wants to cheer we cheer, when she wants to stop we stop, when we can't afford it were done.http://www.wdwinfo.com/photopost/showgallery.php?cat=500&ppuser=86131 Here is a link to her picture. I can't figure out how to post it.

 

[rbuzzotta]

As a cheer mom, I do see some families go into debt to pay for all star cheering.................many just do not pay the fee to the gym and their child has to be sidelined until payment is made. Unfortunately, becasue some parents can't figure out how they will be able to afford this, the child is hurt as is the team!!

I use my frequent flyer miles and book airline flights well in advance to get cheaper fares. As a retired Flight Attendant, I am still afforded travel benefits. I look at what the sport will cost me in advance...........just as I do for anything I may need or want.

My girls enjoy it!! One quit while the other 2 love it. That is all they do. My other daughter is now snowboarding and will play softball. One sport/activity at a time!!

To take out a second mortgage...............no way!! This is a luxury we are able to afford now and I make sure my girls view it as that!! in order to stay in competitve cheering, their grades must be maintained and all homework must be completed before we leave for practice!!

We are now heading into 3 straight weekends of cheerleading competitions.............looking at the joy in my girls faces when they complete their routine is just priceless!!!!

 

[sha_lyn]

what i don't get is the parents/kids who are into the huge financial burdens of the competitive extracurriculars. what i'm thinking of is the cheer stuff, the dance stuff, the martial arts, some of the "elite" sports. i hear of (know some families personaly) that forego retirement planning, college planning, go into debt to finance their kids participation in these activities. i just can't understand the reasoning.

I find it interesting you include martial arts as one of the elite debt causing sports.
DS had participated in many organized sports over the yrs, and Martial arts is by far the least expensive in the long run. I'm also pretty biased, but I feel that Martial Arts offers a lot more than the average sport.

 

[Christine]

I find it interesting you include martial arts as one of the elite debt causing sports.
DS had participated in many organized sports over the yrs, and Martial arts is by far the least expensive in the long run. I'm also pretty biased, but I feel that Martial Arts offers a lot more than the average sport.

Gotta agree on the martial arts. We pay about $80 a month for "unlimited access" to the place. DS can go every night and several times a night if he wants. He's had only one uniform in the whole 18 months he's been in, and the only other costs are belt testing every few months ($40). This has been one of the cheapest activities we've been involved in.

 

[taximomfor4]

She has Binder's Syndrome her face is concave instead of convex. She has little nasal cartilage and a very bad underbite. Currently she goes to the CLeveland Clinic every year to plot her growth. The surgery will be done in her teens. She looks like a typical kid. At times she notices the difference in her nose to her friends but we get through it. At my ultrasound they first told me she didn't have a nasal bridge at all. So if she wants to cheer we cheer, when she wants to stop we stop, when we can't afford it were done.http://www.wdwinfo.com/photopost/showgallery.php?cat=500&ppuser=86131 Here is a link to her picture. I can't figure out how to post it.

Thanks for not taking offense at my question. She's a doll... and you are probably a very wise mom for getting her involved and active as a self-esteem builder. And physical fitness might be a great aid when it comes time to recover from her surgery. I'm glad you replied...I learned something new today!

All of my 7yo dd's specialists are at Cleveland CLinic. Her geneticist there has been very helpful.

 

[Sleepy]

If you are pushing your children into extra-curriculars so that they can make a career out of it, you are doing it for the wrong reason.

Just wanted to say that if you are pushing your children into an activity, that is where the mistake is made. A child should be involved in an activity because THEY want to be...not because mom and dad want it. And also, the level of involvement should be the child's decision. Some kids may only want to take tap class once a week. It doesn't mean they want to grow up and become a member of Lord of the Dance.

 

[Sleepy]

so if a kid is into tap, irish step, clogging...it won't make any real difference on an audition form to say "i was the top regional tap dancer for ages 10-16"it's going to come down to "can they dance/do they look the part" (and many a stronger dancer has lost out because they did'nt look right for a particular show).

Unfortunately, ballet falls under that too. You can be one of the strongest dancers with beautiful musicality, but if you are too short or too tall, all the trophies in the world won't get you that job.

 

[ntburns22]

Thanks for not taking offense at my question. She's a doll... and you are probably a very wise mom for getting her involved and active as a self-esteem builder. And physical fitness might be a great aid when it comes time to recover from her surgery. I'm glad you replied...I learned something new today!

All of my 7yo dd's specialists are at Cleveland CLinic. Her geneticist there has been very helpful.

No problem. We really like the CC too.

 

[tjmw2727]

We have one family at our skating rink that has gone into deep, deep debt for their daughter to skate. They are hopeful she will go to the olympics. She is good and does stand a chance. On the other hand, my daughter is also good but she isn't going to the olympics good. We do limit her coaching and ice time and competitions because it is expensive. Many figure skaters have the opinion that if you don't compete, why bother? My DD does it for the love of the sport and within reason of our budget, and she is perfectly okay with it. Now if I could just get the other parents and kids off our backs....

Very well said and as the mom of two figure skaters ITA!

My dd's figure skate because they love it and no, neither one is going to the olympics! We do limit the coaching time and ice time due to $ and time away from other things. At 11 my oldest has started covering the cost of extra walk on sessions herself. That tells me she is still loving it and if you knew her 4 years ago when she started you would see an amazing change in her self confidence that carries over into every aspect of her life including schoolwork and friendships. My dd's compete in local competitions and my oldest has done a few opens, they are not out to win but to compete. Of course they do their best and have won but they love the comradere and the whole show aspect of the sport. My dd says when she is on the ice with nothing but her music she feels really free and happy - thats enough for her and more than enough for me.

This may be true with other sports as well but I find with figure skaters everyone assumes you have to be going to the olympics or why bother? IMHO there is much to be learned by doing any sport regardless of where it will get you later in life. The things it can teach you now are the things that will get you somewhere later in life. How to loose, how to be a good sport, how to set and work for a goal, discipline and yes how to win -many don't do that well LOL.

ITA with the OP about keeping within your means and I see it with the clothing some kids have, parties and other indulgences as well as the sports.

Interesting subject, thanks for making me think about it.

TJ

 

[DStar4cup]

The reason we have allowed our girls to pursue competition cheerleading is both of them are very talented in this area and my oldest is on scholarship at college for cheerleading. My youngest is better than the oldest so I know she will be able to attend college on scholarship also. This is for a junior college but it is a full ride and I look at the money that I spend each month as investing in their college plus it takes up those hours that they could be getting into trouble.

 

[#1hockeymom]

I figured out what we spend in hockey for a year and it staggered my mind. That wasn't including gas to get to games/practices/tournaments or all the time involved. We don't live near any of our rinks so I do feel like I am always on the road, checking papers rink side during practices.

Why do we spend all of this money and the time? Our son loves it, we know where he is, who he is hanging out with. The parents and other kids are great; it is one of the reasons we switched rinks this year, actually, to switch parent/kid groups.

Could we do other family activities with less money and time? Of course, but we all enjoy this and he's learning not just a sport, but good sportsmanship and how to get along with others, both peers and adults.

Go Ice Mountain Wild!
Debbie

PS Daughter was a cheerleader and band member but at the age of 20 we just pay tuition for her!

 

[disneymom3]

I don't know anyone that puts the family in financial difficulty just so the child can do an activity. .

I DO! No, I don't put my family in financial difficulty but I know people who do this. Quite a few of them as a matter of fact. I know so many people who let hockey take over their lives it is just insane. And a lot of them don't seem to happy about it. It's like they think they are stuck doing this forever. Crazy crazy and sooo expensive.

I don't get it at all. How many of those kids are going to grow up to be hockey stars?

 

[barkley]

i won't even get on the money parents spend on parties-i've been watching bravo channel's "party/party" and the bat mitzvah last night that started with a $200,000.00 budget nearly sent me over the edge

this has been an interesting thread-lots of interesting ideas and opinions.

i've talked to some friends who because they had a love for and having done extracurriculars as a kid have opted to teach or train now. across the board-the cheerleading coach, the music instructors, the baton/drill team coach, the dance teachers are just dealing with a very different mind set with parents and students. they say alot begin asking from day one what "more" they can do with the activity-what else they can enroll in/participate in, when can the child start participating in performances/competitions. while they would prefer to have a child learn and practice the basics alot of the kids and parents are completly focused on "producing". some are looking at getting out of it alltogether-they don't want to push the kids before they are physicaly/technicly ready but thats what the "market" is demanding. some are considering a career change because they feel that with the physicaly demanding activities not enough consideration is given to the long term effects of wear and tear on a young child's developing body.

i have tremendous respect for the teachers/coaches/parents who keep the kid's well being as the top priority.

 

[DisneyPhD]

I know what you mean about the party thing. I wacthed a few sweet sixteen shows and I really wanted to slap every girl on the show, and more so their parents for turning them into the teens they were. It makes your head spin that people can spend so much money on children, but teach them no redeming values or mannors. (not talking about the familes this thread was started about, but the party shows.)

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

It's virtually always foolish to go deep into debt for your child's extra-curriculars. I say virtually because I'm sure someone, somewhere can give a good example; however, I can't think of one. Even a biggie like college, you're much better off as a parent to finance your retirement, rather than college for your child. There are educational options (cheaper school, loans, living at home...), while retirement you're stuck with declining health at the same time you have fixed financial resources.

As far as the people who go nutso over their kids sports--it's fine, if the kids are having a good time and gaining something (fitness, self esteem, etc.) from the sport, and if you can afford the choices you've made. But I would argue even in most sports, there are cheaper options, if money becomes an issue. Of course, nobody likes to be thought of as "poor" or "cheap", but it sure beats bankruptcy!

 

[Lil_Tink]

I do swimming..Its not a burden as its really cheap...50$ per month..4days a week....2hrs a day...So this is quite a time commitment but its good..Also water polo in the summer which is 4 days a week (I dont swim when Im playing polo) and paddling which is sponsered which is 4 days a week in the summer, mornings 9-11.

 

[jim and meesie]

It's virtually always foolish to go deep into debt for your child's extra-curriculars. I say virtually because I'm sure someone, somewhere can give a good example; however, I can't think of one. Even a biggie like college, you're much better off as a parent to finance your retirement, rather than college for your child. There are educational options (cheaper school, loans, living at home...), while retirement you're stuck with declining health at the same time you have fixed financial resources.

Just a slightly different viewpoint, although no one should go into debt over kids sports or extras, according to the book "The Millionaire Next Door : The Surprising Secrets of America's Wealthy" by Thomas J. Stanley & William D. Danko, one of the most important goals should be to "educate the heck out of your kids" (I read this years ago so my paraphrase should be a little rough). Unfortunately you can be rich and in declining health but by educating your kids you are "leaving a legacy".