Kids & Bully's

[Piglet]

My DD is in 1st grade and rides the bus with her cousin who is in K. There is a little girl in my DD's grade that rides the same bus just a few evenings each week. This little girl continues to bother both my DD and DN (nephew) and helps herself to their food that is left over in their lunch box and drinks my DD's drink left over from lunch that day. She is also very bossy and makes anyone move who is sitting with them, so that she can sit down.

My DD or DN doesn't want to make her mad and won't take up for themselves or tell her no. They have told the bus driver and he has told her to stay out of their lunch box's, but she sneaks and continues.

I wanted to write the bus driver a note to keep an eye on them and see what is happening, but my DD didn't want me to, afraid the girl would get mad at her.

What would you do??? I want my DD (and DN) to not let people take advantage of them and , I want them to be able to take up for themselves a little bit. But I really doubt they will try to stop her, would you send the driver a note????

Thanks for any advice.

Melinda

 

[popeyeohoh]

Yes write a note or just be at the bus stop to give the driver a heads up. I am sure this child will be dealt with. Say something now before any escalates. This is not a huge deal don't let it become something else. I speak from a lot of experience on this matter.

 

[HauntedMansionGeek]

Awww I'm sorry your DD and DN are struggling with another child on the bus.

My definition of a bully is very different than yours though, and to me it sounds like this little girl is hungry and lonely......not necessarily a bully.

I'm weird, but if it were me, I'd probably pack an extra little snack and tell my DD that it was a special treat for their little friend on the bus! Does the little girl have any friends? Maybe making people move is her quirky 1st grade way of showing that she's wanting to BE friends with your DD and DN.......

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

I amgoing through a similar situation!

DD4 has a girl in her class who "bothers" my DD. It got so bad, that my DD starting complaining about stomachaches, but only Sun night thru Thurs night. Fri and Sat nights she was fine since there was no school the next day. I was able to find out it was one specific class (although later I found out that it doe shappen in others as well), and I spoke with that teacher. The teacher is keeping an eye on things and separates the girls as necessary.

This weekend, I had to take DD4 into the Drs for something unrelated (her almost 2-yr-old sister hit her in the eye with a plastic whistle and DH though DD4's eye was scratched), so I talked with the Dr. He did a full exam (including urinalysis) and determined nothing was medically wrong with my DD. Bottom line is that her stomachaches were nerves. She did not want to go to school becasue she didn't want to face her tormentor (who is only 4!!), but she LOVES school. So, I have now talked to all of DD's teachers, and they are all aware of the problem. If it doesn't get better, I will ask that DD or her bully be moved to a different section (the school has 5 sections of PreK4).

I also found out that my daughter is not the only victim. The bully is the only child (born out of wedlock) of a young (maybe 22), single mom who is more concerned with Mom's life than her own daughter. I honestly think that the bully is reaching out for any type of attention, and if my daughter weren't her favorite target, I might feel sorry for the girl!

So my advice would be to talk to the bus driver. Your daughter and nephew deserve (and have a right) to be protected.

 

[Piglet]

Thanks for your thoughts and replies.

jwsqrdplus2 - your DD's bully sounds very much like the little girl on the bus. Thanks for sharing you and DD's experience, it really helped.

The little girl is also an only and her parents are both very involved with her, but they continue to get back together and then break up. Has happened many many times since the little girl was born. I really have felt bad for the little girl in the past, she was a very sweet little girl in K4 and K. I had her in Daisy Girl Scouts last year.

DD says that the little girl has been playing with some other girls that have a tendancy to be very "bossy" on the playground. So I do think she is just trying to find a place and test her limits with people.

But it doesn't help that it is my DD and DN that she is making feel bad. I have always taught my DD that you respect other people and their belongings.

We are heading to WDW tomorrow so DD will have a break for a while, and I talked with my DSIL about it, so we will see how it goes when we get back from vacation, then I think I will talk with the bus driver.

Thanks again.

Melinda

 

[iamsorcerermickey]

PLEASE---do something quick.


If you call the school with a complaint, the principal should get together with the bus driver and hopefully put a stop to this. If it happens again, call again and again etc.

I know, I made the mistake of having my kids--just ignore, sit somewhere else, or walk away from bully's.

If she is having stomach aches now, wait til it progresses.

Imagine your child watching a Disney cartoon and all of the sudden start crying hysterically, 20 minutes later when they can finally calm down and talk so that you can understand them you find out is was something that happened at school.

Or when they wake up in the middle of the night crying over something that happened in school. My DS has been putting up with the same kids over and over again.

We have tried talking to the parents and get "boys will be boys", or we'll have a talk with them.

We waited to long to get the school involved, he was in 6th grade. This all started in 1st grade. It got so bad that I homeschooled him last year (after someone attacked him on the way home and pounded his head into the cement for no reason, the kid who attacked him admitted to this) He started a new school this year, problem is he still goes to school with, and rides the bus, the kids that were bothering him in grade school.

Please for your daughters emotional well-being get involved asap.

 

[FOJMO]

While I sympathize with your DD and DN, I would not involve the bus driver. IMHO, the bus driver is the person that gets your children from Point A to Point B and is NOT a psychologist, mediator, etc. They have enough to worry about with just the road, much less who is taking who's leftover lunch food.

I believe that the only time the bus driver needs to intervene is when something that's going on the bus is interfering the safety of the driving of the bus (kids jumping around, not staying in their seat, yelling, screaming, physical fighting).

If it were me, I would meet the bus and speak directly the young girl herself and ask her why she is doing what she's doing? I tend to go right to the source and not involve others when it comes to my children. It's not the bus driver's responsibility -- they have enough to be concerned with...

 

[mrssalvaggio]

A few suggestions from a former 1st grade teacher. Do not depend on the bus driver to solve the situation. Also, as others mentioned, do not wait and hope the problem will go away. Go immediately to the principal. Keep doing this until the problem is solved to your satisifaction. Many people do not want to be seen as complainers, but remember this is your child and the squeaky wheel WILL get oiled. I would not recommend confronting the child, even if you know her. However, would you feel comfortable calling her mom? If so, that might be your first approach. If that didn't work, please contact the principal.

HMG, I think your heart is in the right place. However, I don't think the child would understand the good gesture, but rather it would reinforce her negative behavior and confirm that intimidating others will get her what she wants.

 

[disykat]

I would talk to the principal also - bullying is a serious offense. The bus driver can deal with basic unruliness, but this kind of stuff is more covert and hard to catch when you're busy driving.

You are also doing a great thing by talking with them about how to take care of themselves. I would definately approach it from both angles. My son has endured bullying and I have worked it from both sides - talking to adults to get it stopped as well as teaching my son how not to be seen as a target. The more the bully sees your child standing up for themselves the smaller the target on them will get.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I have to agree with the other posters and go to your principal immediately. Your family should not have to "put up" with this.

Our buses have video cameras, do yours? You can actually see the offense taking place.
Can they place a temporary camera in their?

In fact a mom around here was harassing the school because her son would come home crying because the kids were "bullying" him, making up this wild stories. She demanded to see the tapes. Turns out the kid was lying about it. He made it all up. His parents had recently seperated (and not on good terms). I guess he was trying to get attention.

 

[pammypooh]

JMHO-

I had a bullying concern and went to my principal and this was her best advice. She needed documentation. The bus driver needed documentation.

Write a letter, give a copy to everyone involved and ask for action. This is not nagging, this is being your child's advocate. Ask to meet with them if they need more information. Ask how you can help your dd deal with the situation.

It is not OK just to say the bus driver only drives the bus. Ideally, sure that would be great, but look at how many responses that indicate your situation is not unique. The bus company may even have its own standards for how to manage this.

Of course, when it happened to my DD, I put her on the bus and met the bus each day. I glared, a motherly glare at this boy because I wanted him to know that I knew he was the cause of my daughter's tears and it would not be tolerated. My principal met with him and I know he received a letter to his parents that he had to get them to sign and then he had to return it to school, so they were informed of his behavior. BTW - Never happened again. Sometimes they just need to be held accountable for their actions.

I wish you luck and encourage you to not give up. This is your child.

Best regards,

Pam

 

[peg2001]

Your DD and DN are too young to have to learn to handle a bully. If it were me, honestly, I'd start driving them to school, if possible. I currently drive my DD to school not because of anything that happened to her, but because DH and I remember what happened on buses when WE were kids.

Good luck,
Peggy

 

[FOJMO]

Originally posted by pammypooh
It is not OK just to say the bus driver only drives the bus. Ideally, sure that would be great, but look at how many responses that indicate your situation is not unique. The bus company may even have its own standards for how to manage this.

If my child was on this particular bus, and NOT involved in the situation presented here, I would not be very happy that the bus driver was expected to keep an eye on what's going on with these particular children and whether someone's getting their food taken. Where are his/her eyes when he/she is supposed to be observing this? They are not babysitters, or mothers, or guidance counselors, or anything other than the driver, who is responsible for the safety of the children while driving the bus.

As I said before, unless the action(s) of the children on the bus are disturbing to the driver and his/her safe driving, the bus driver should NOT be expected to get involved.

 

[tmq2766]

Last year my DD8 was the target of a bully....... The day I tried to talk to him, not repremand just talk and from no where his mother appeared and verbally attacked me. Gee I wonder where he learned it from......
I suggest that you continue to go to the principal and if that does not work do what I did and threaten that you will have your attorney look into it.... It is amazing how fast things get settled...... We have not had another problem since, and that was about this time last year.
I still have a Very good relationship with the principal and teachers at her school so it did not have to end up with me being a nightmare parent...... My child is my most prized posession and I will do what ever I have to to protect her!!!!!!!!!
BULLIES SUCK!!!!!!

 

[HauntedMansionGeek]

Originally posted by mrssalvaggio


HMG, I think your heart is in the right place. However, I don't think the child would understand the good gesture, but rather it would reinforce her negative behavior and confirm that intimidating others will get her what she wants.

Actually, I totally agree with you on this.

As an adult, I've found myself being bullied as well, and have ended up talking to an attorney about the situation, which I hope will put a stop to it for me.

As far as the other little girl goes, I do have to wonder what's going on with her at home, but also remember, that 1st grade is a HUGE transition for many children.

While I'd probably talk to the principal or someone else higher up, I'd also keep my own ears open for a clue as to why this child is behaving this way.

There is a difference between being purposefully mean and just not fitting in well...either which deserve to be checked into, of course.

Good luck with this. Bullying is a huge problem and it's getting much worse, or so it seems.

 

[pammypooh]

I would stand by my advice and copy your bus driver on any correspondance that is involved with your principal. This is taking place not on school property but on the bus, therefore the bus company should be informed. As I said before, the bus company may have a system in place for dealing with these situations.

As my children attend a private school, riding the bus is a priviledge and one that in extreme (much more extreme than this situation) circumstance can be revoked.

Its not a fun situation, and I only wish you the best.

Pam

 

[Lachesis00]

Everyone has given excellent advice. I had to go to the principal for my son... come to find out the 2 little monsters had many infractions... by my calling both were suspended for 10 days along with another 20 days inhouse suspension.