Kids' behavior in a Restaurant

[susy]

This was too much yesterday.

I hadn't been feeling well, so I wanted to go out for a nice, quiet lunch. We went to the Islamorada Fish Co. and were seated by a window (DH, Ds, and I). Soon after, another family was seated at a table near us. It was a dad, mom, two other ladies, and a little girl (about 9 or 10). They were all dressed up. For some reason the little girl would not take her seat. OH....she wanted mom's seat. Okay, so mom has two choices-give her the seat or refuse her the seat. Mom decided that she liked her seat (next to her DH) and was not going to give it up. My Ds (7) had to point out that when DH and I want to sit together, he just says, "Okay". What a good boy. The girl refused to sit down. She stood there pouting with her arms crossed. Her father told her to sit down. She directly disobeyed him and just stood there. After about ten minutes, she did sit, but had turned the chair around, so that her back was to the table and she was facing us. She was still pouting. Lovely...just what a teacher on her day off that wants a nice, quiet lunch wants to see. After a while, one of the other ladies changed places with her and she sat in their seat with her head down on the table. She never picked her head up again, even when the waiter brought her food. I felt sorry for her parents. They clearly did not know what to do. At about 9 or 10 years old is the perfect age to sit her down and say, "Sometimes you can have your way and sometimes mommy gets her way." $50 plus later, we left and she was still like that. I felt really bad for her parents and very sorry for her. My DS has never done anything like that yet and I don't remember trying anything like that when I was her age. My mom and dad were not the type to just sit there and let me misbehave.

 

[Marseeya]

This was too much yesterday.

I hadn't been feeling well, so I wanted to go out for a nice, quiet lunch. We went to the Islamorada Fish Co. and were seated by a window (DH, Ds, and I). Soon after, another family was seated at a table near us. It was a dad, mom, two other ladies, and a little girl (about 9 or 10). They were all dressed up. For some reason the little girl would not take her seat. OH....she wanted mom's seat. Okay, so mom has two choices-give her the seat or refuse her the seat. Mom decided that she liked her seat (next to her DH) and was not going to give it up. My Ds (7) had to point out that when DH and I want to sit together, he just says, "Okay". What a good boy. The girl refused to sit down. She stood there pouting with her arms crossed. Her father told her to sit down. She directly disobeyed him and just stood there. After about ten minutes, she did sit, but had turned the chair around, so that her back was to the table and she was facing us. She was still pouting. Lovely...just what a teacher on her day off that wants a nice, quiet lunch wants to see. After a while, one of the other ladies changed places with her and she sat in their seat with her head down on the table. She never picked her head up again, even when the waiter brought her food. I felt sorry for her parents. They clearly did not know what to do. At about 9 or 10 years old is the perfect age to sit her down and say, "Sometimes you can have your way and sometimes mommy gets her way." $50 plus later, we left and she was still like that. I felt really bad for her parents and very sorry for her. My DS has never done anything like that yet and I don't remember trying anything like that when I was her age. My mom and dad were not the type to just sit there and let me misbehave.

At least she wasn't having a tantrum or anything! Sullenness is a lot easier to ignore than the noise.

I don't know if I'm getting grumpy with age, but over the past couple of years I've been noticing a HUGE increase in bad behavior by other people's kids in restaurants. Sometimes it's so bad, even my kids remark on it and they're no angels. But they darn well know how to behave in public.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

At about 9 or 10 years old is the perfect age to sit her down and say, "Sometimes you can have your way and sometimes mommy gets her way."

I think 1 or 2 is the perfect age to do that!!!

Next time asked to be moved. There's no sense in having to be part of some other family's drama when you are trying to have a nice time!

 

[DawnCt1]

At least she wasn't having a tantrum or anything! Sullenness is a lot easier to ignore than the noise.

I don't know if I'm getting grumpy with age, but over the past couple of years I've been noticing a HUGE increase in bad behavior by other people's kids in restaurants. Sometimes it's so bad, even my kids remark on it and they're no angels. But they darn well know how to behave in public.

I agree and if Mom and Dad were dining with just the daughter it would have been easy for them to get up and leave but since the dinner involved others, they were in between a rock and hard place. I can ignore sullenness and it certainly wouldn't have ruined my meal.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Oh for goodness sake, don't feel sorry for the parents. If I had behaved that way, I would have been escorted outside by the arm and come back a different child who wasn't sullen anymore. Hold the kid accountable people!!!!

 

[IceQueen777]

Though I agree that the kid was acting bratty, I don't see how a sullen child affected the OP's meal. I don't think I would have even noticed it.

 

[DawnCt1]

Oh for goodness sake, don't feel sorry for the parents. If I had behaved that way, I would have been escorted outside by the arm and come back a different child who wasn't sullen anymore. Hold the kid accountable people!!!!

How does her behavior ruin anyone's meal except the parents and only thier's if they allow it.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

If this behaviour doesn't bother people, then I think it's a sad sign that we as a society are just accepting increasingly bad behaviour from kids.

I wouldn't say it ruins your dinner when something like this happens, but it detracts from the pleasantness of it. I don't know why parents like the ones described think it's OK to let other diners witness their family dramas like this.

 

[Bob Slydell]

For some reason the little girl would not take her seat. OH....she wanted mom's seat. Okay, so mom has two choices-give her the seat or refuse her the seat. Mom decided that she liked her seat (next to her DH) and was not going to give it up.

Kind of a dumb thing for Mom to fight over in the grand scheme of things. I mean, there's time to teach a lesson that you don't get everything you want and there's times when you say, "Ok, you can sit here, that's fine."

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

Kind of a dumb thing for Mom to fight over in the grand scheme of things. I mean, there's time to teach a lesson that you don't get everything you want and there's times when you say, "Ok, you can sit here, that's fine."

You don't teach the lesson by giving in after you've already said what you want a kid to do. You can decide ahead of time that you aren't going to make something an issue, but once you have, you can't go back.

Choose your battles, but once you've chosen, stick to your guns. Otherwise kids never learn and always know they can get you to cave.

 

[susy]

Actually, we were seated at a table at the end and their table was the only one in our view. If I wanted to ignore her, I would have had to trun my head to the side to look at a wall (kind of weird). When she was sulking she was looking right at us!

 

[Bob Slydell]

You don't teach the lesson by giving in after you've already said what you want a kid to do. You can decide ahead of time that you aren't going to make something an issue, but once you have, you can't go back.

Choose your battles, but once you've chosen, stick to your guns. Otherwise kids never learn and always know they can get you to cave.

Sorry, I guess I meant to say something similar to you as far as choosing battles. Let's face it, this was a strange battle to choose at the time.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

How does her behavior ruin anyone's meal except the parents and only thier's if they allow it.

I didn't say it ruined the OP meal. I'm meaning in general.

 

[DVCLiz]

I hate seeing things like this - it engages me because it's like watching a train wreck. Will the mom give in? Will the kid start to cry? What are the other people at the table thinking? Is another diner going to catch your eye and wink in sympathy?

Agree that some things are just not worth going to the mat for, and also that once you've drawn your line in the sand, you can't scuff it out and redraw it. If this had been my child, we would have been in the parking lot immediately for a little chat.

I know I've made lots of mistakes as a parent, but I will have to say they know how to behave in public. As a matter of fact, they always notice this kind of stuff, and I love to hear them say, "Mom would NEVER let us get away with that!!"

 

[DawnCt1]

If this behaviour doesn't bother people, then I think it's a sad sign that we as a society are just accepting increasingly bad behaviour from kids.

I wouldn't say it ruins your dinner when something like this happens, but it detracts from the pleasantness of it. I don't know why parents like the ones described think it's OK to let other diners witness their family dramas like this.

I have learned a long time ago not to attempt to parent some one elses children. No where did I say that it was acceptable behavior, appropriate behavior or that I would like my child to behave that way, but I am not the one that has to live with the brat. One also doesn't know what other issues this child has in her life. Does she have a disability?, Was the woman actually her mother or her step mother and was the girl asking to sit beside her father? Or was she just a brat who wanted her own way. We aren't privy to that. We also don't know the consequences of her behavior once she got home.

 

[bajanswife]

Though I agree that the kid was acting bratty, I don't see how a sullen child affected the OP's meal. I don't think I would have even noticed it.

Same here. Or if I did notice it, I would have just laughed about it ("sheesh, what a drama queen, ha ha") and got on with my life. I don't think it is really realistic to expect perfect kids around you wherever you go. I hope I don't sound too critical - I know you wanted a nice relaxing time, and instead you got drawn into the drama! Could be that because you are a teacher you are more attuned to other kids. I honestly might not have noticed or even been bothered.

 

[RadioNate]

You can say "sad state" or whatever but I don't really see what was so horrid about the girls behavoir. At least she wasn't screaming her head off etc. I certainly wouldn't allow my ds to stare down other diners but by leaving you give the girl what she wants.

My ds is that way. When he doesn't want to be somewhere he acts up. Leaving the store/restaurant etc just lets him win. Saying if you can't behave we will go is incentive for him to misbehave more so he gets out of doing what ever it is we are doing.

I don't think I'd have a problem with DS putting his head down on the table and being generally sullen because then at least he isn't creating a huge scene.

I do think staring at other diners is inappropraite but it certainly wouldn't ruin my meal. My mom was a teacher and when she'd see kids like that she'd just give them the "teacher look" and they would usually straighten up really fast.

I guess I also stopping letting strangers affect me. It takes too much energy to worry about their issues.

 

[RitaZ.]

I fail to see how the girl's behavior affected other diners or ruined your dinner. She didn't scream or throw a tantrum, so she was pouting.

While it may have appeared to you that mom and dad didn't know what to do, I think they did the right thing by not giving in to the girl's wishes. Kids know that when they are out in public that there is usually an "audience" watching them and they push buttons to see how far they can go. That could have been the case or maybe she was simply a brat; whatever the cause, it wouldn't have bothered me.

Susy, I think you spent too much time analyzing this family and the situation.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

I guess I also stopping letting strangers affect me. It takes too much energy to worry about their issues.

I was thinking about this alot on the trip to WDW that we just returned from.

Kids misbehave, I know, it's just part of life. But it's how the parents react to it that is annoying. If a kid was having a tantrum or whatever and the parent was trying to deal with it, to calm the kid down, removing him, soothing him, whatever according to the age of the child, I didn't have any "issue" at all. Except maybe to feel sympathy for the parent and offer an encouraging smile.

It's the parents that just let it all go on and ignore it, not caring if anyone around them has "issues" with their family dramas that really bug the heck out of me.

 

[Sleepy]

That is when my mother would have escorted me outside to remind me of the part of my body that sits on the chair......no matter how old I was. In my family, the kids did not get to choose where they sat. They took the chairs not taken by adults and said nothing about it. Pouting only got you a walk outside.