Kids at a wedding ?

[buzz for boys]

Morning all,

One of my closest friends is getting married next year and has announced yesterday that her wedding will be child free !! Im really quite insulted at an invite that doesnt include my kids. I told her last night that if the kids arent invited I will not be there!! We dont have anyone to look after the kids all day and night but more to the point I dont want to go without them so i sped all day stressing if they are ok!!

She was quite shocked by my reaction and stated Keira was invited "obviously" as she is her flower girl but that makes it worse in my opinion!! She said its purely a financial decision as kids cost money but Im still insulted by that explanation - thats like sayig ill pay for adults to eat but your offspring will be a waste of my money.
They have no children themselves but even so Im really quite hurt to get a invite from someone who kows us so well but only for half my family !!

What do you think? Have I gone off on 1? Is it perfectly acceptable to say no kids ??

Louise x

 

[gemmybear83]

I know Im not going to popular saying this but our wedding in Florida and subsquent party last weekend was planned child free. We didnt actually tell anyone it was child free, but I did say both our venues would not be catering for children.

This is actually becoming more common. We are a childless couple and I will be honest and say it was our preference although we didnt go as far as it enforce and say children were banned or anything. In the end my DH cousin brought her new born baby as we were very excited to see as we had not met him yet!

Personally I wouldnt say anything, its the couples choice at the end of the day how they host their wedding - whether you like it or not. I am sure a lot of our family didnt like the fact we went off to Florida and got married without them

 

[aaronandterri]

We also had a child free wedding and meal (not evening bit and we had children at the time)...ooppps
Of course our own was there but there was so many kids in the family and troublesome ones At that , that i wanted it not to be spoiled or to run round after my kids all hyped up.

I actually dont mind if we get child free invites, gives us some couple time and i normally have a nice time in adult company with a legitimate excuse to get mum to have my kids and not run round after them all night( which doesnt happen often!)

 

[scottish mum]

I have been invited to a few child free weddings, some I was able to go to as my parents babysat, others I had to miss.
I find your situation odd though as Keira being flower girl I would expect the boys to be invited. Either all the kids go or none would go.
I know that for some creating a guest list is horrible and if it's a wedding with a set budget there maybe a limit to guest numbers and they thought the kids would be easier to leave out.

I think in this case though I would tell them that kiera won't be able to be flower girl as you and dh won't be able to attend as the boys cannot be left home alone.

 

[Rohais]

Personally, I'm not a fan of childless weddings. Especially where there are *some* children who are bridesmaids etc, but others aren't invited. As a child, my family went to a wedding and I wasn't invited and even at 6 I felt extremely left out and upset. I think I cried all day and night because I felt that I wasn't loved. Overreaction, maybe, but when you're a child you don't understand things like finances

I do understand their reason, but - seriously - how much do kids cost? I think its worse to put a +1 on an invitation. Especially if you know the children well, as it sounds like your friend does Louise.

DF has got 5 nieces and 1 nephew and another one of either on the way. All of the girls will be my bridesmaids when we get married, as I know they will be definately going. I only have 1 female (little) cousin and, if they go, I'll ask her to be my bridesmaid too. Yes, its going to be expensive, but I don't want anyone feeling left out.

So, yes, its personal choice but you run a high risk of offending a lot of people...especially if you tell one person they can bring their child (however old) and then others that they can't. I think that, if you're going to ban children, its got to be a blanket ban for exactly the above reason.

Also, you have a higher probability of people saying that they can't - or won't - come because of it i.e. insulted, no babysitter, etc.

I dunno, a lot of the fun and memorable moments can come because of things that children do or say and they so we'll be having a child-inclusive wedding

But, each to their own...everyone is different But I understand where you're coming from Louise

 

[mandymouse]

We also had a child free wedding (as we didn't have any kids at the time), and only one friend was a bit put out about it, but she still came and her daughter came to the evening do

In our early plans I suggested to one friend that we had a girly table (not bringing partners), and she insisted that she wouldn't come if her hubby didn't come, so I invited them both and he went off with another woman at the evening do

I know our other friends weren't put out about leaving their kids at home as they all stayed over night at the hotel and made a real weekend of it

 

[Dimplenose]

I have no problems with a child free wedding. I do have major problems with child free weddings that invite selected children - it should be all or none.

 

[joolz1910]

I have no problems with a child free wedding. I do have major problems with child free weddings that invite selected children - it should be all or none.

I think Libby's hit the nail on the head there. I wouldn't mind if a friend had a child-free wedding but I would not attend if just one of my children was invited and the others excluded.

I had a child-free wedding during the day but children were welcomed in the evening.

 

[Chilly]

Again I think a child free wedding is acceptable but it is wrong to invite Keira and not her brothers.

At the end of the day your wedding day is one of the most special days of your life and so you should be able to do whatever you want within reason.

For my wedding reception I invited kids but all but one couple left them at home because they wanted a night out without their kids.

Weddings can also be very boring for kids, esp if there aren't many others invited.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

After my 3 year old cousin screamed "I don't want to" several times during my wedding, which could be heard very clearly in our wedding video, I can totally understand wanting a child free wedding. In fact, when my sister got married a few years later she had a child care center set up for the smaller children attending, which I thought was smart. My DD stayed in there while I was in the wedding, but she attended the reception. It worked out great for us.

Ultimately, I say it's up to the bride and groom.


OP, I do think that it's wrong to invite your DD to be in the wedding and expect your other children to stay at home. If she is going to have children in the wedding, then no one should be excluded.

 

[Ware Bears]

I have no problems with a child free wedding. I do have major problems with child free weddings that invite selected children - it should be all or none.

I think Libby's hit the nail on the head there. I wouldn't mind if a friend had a child-free wedding but I would not attend if just one of my children was invited and the others excluded.

I agree ~ I don't have any problems with a child free wedding either but if Keira is to be there it's wrong not to invite her brothers too. As your friends don't have children already they probably aren't realising how hurtful this can be. However would your boys actually want to go to the wedding? Over the years I've noticed that little girls LOVE weddings whereas boys tend to hate them and are bored stiff. So although I can understand why you're hurt about Keira being invited and them not, might it actually be what the boys would prefer??

Over the years I've found that weddings where the couple already have children tend to include children in the invites and ones where the couple are childless tend to not. I've never minded if mine weren't invited as at the end of the day it's the couple's big day so their choice. We didn't invite any children to ours and I don't think anyone was offended but thinking back nearly all of our friends were also childless at the time too.

I hope you get something sorted with your friend as it would be a shame if this spoiled your friendship.

 

[T16GEM]

I don't have a problem with child free weddings as long as it's all or nothing, like Libby said. I would be peeved if I wasn't allowed to bring my kids but others had bought theirs.

Louise- I totally understand your thinking and I agree with you that if my kids aren't asked then I won't be going. We are a family and that means we come as a package, I think that all of my friends are aware of this though. We also missed my cousins wedding in Septemeber because of this - the other thing is getting a babysitter who is willing to have them both over night - IMO it's all more hassle than it's actually worth!


On the subject of the kids .... they want these smilies on the post

 

[buzz for boys]

Thanks for the replies guys.

Maybe its just me but even after reading so many of you had child free weddings I am still quite hurt and upset by this. My friend has sat many nights with me at the hospital with Cam and I thought she genuily cared for him but Im left feeling maybe not if its too much hassle & expense to have him at her wedding !!

It is her choice and I remember very well the problems with budgeting and trying to keep people happy. However I never once thought of saying to her sorry I dont know your boyf so is it ok if u leave him at home for the night only its costing me £s to feed and water him!!
I also found out today that her nephew will be there and thats because his mom (grooms sis) is a single mom and wont have anyone to mid him !!

I dot want our friedship to suffer but there is no way ill be going to a weddig wihout the kids We come as a package or none of us are going!!

 

[15isto2]

I fully agree the family should all be there of nobody attends. I have a huge issue with the idea of selectively inviting children

 

[mark&sue]

We too had a child free wedding - It was on a monday during the week. We had a small registry office wedding with our best friends as witnesses during the day and loads of friends back to the pub in the evening. None of my friends had children but looking back it probably put some family members out.

If your friend has been there for you in the past try not to let this hurt you too much as it would be awful if it spoilt your relationship in the future. A wedding is just one day and hopefully your friendship will last a lifetime. Its horrible for you to be put in this position though xx


Susan

 

[les2425]

i only got married 5 months ago and you have got to have the kids there, no ifs or buts.
They made the day special for us.

As it goes for cost,most place bend over backward for you.

les & bev

 

[strawberry blonde]

We were working in Jersey when we got married many years ago. Both our families and friends flew over for either one or two weeks to spend some time with us before we jetted off for our first ever trip to Orlando. It never entered my head not to invite children especially as people were willing to pay a lot of money to come over.

I know your situation is different Louise and your friend has every right to want an adult only wedding but if Keira is invited, I think the boys should be too. They may not want to go but at least they're being asked.

When the boys were younger my niece invited me and DH to her wedding back home ( 250 miles away). Not sure what she thought we were going to do with the boys. Ended up not going which didn't go down well with the family but we come as a package.

Hope you manage to sort something out without falling out over it.

 

[disney_princess_85]

I don't think it means that she doesn't care about your children. If she is a close friend of yours, I highly doubt that is true. It might be the case that there are some troublesome children on her partner's side and it's just easier to have no children there at all.

As for the children who are part of the wedding being there, I actually think that's ok. It's not like she's deliberately leaving the other children out in a malicious way.

It's her wedding and her decision at the end of the day. I don't think it's worth losing a friend over.

 

[Chilly]

I think money is probably only part of her reason. She has probably heard and seen horror stories of children running riot at weddings and wants her wedding to be about her the bride.

I'm sure she cares deeply about you and your children, but that also doesn't mean she wants them at her wedding, they are 2 seperate things. We only had our parents at our wedding, but that doesn't mean we don't love the other members of our family or our friends.

If you don't want to go without the boys that's fine though and she'll have to understand that therefore Keira can't be flowergirl. But would the boys care about not going if you can find someone to babysit as i'm sure Keira would love dressing up in a pretty dress.

 

[irenep]

My goodness, I have never been to a child-free wedding. I think its lovely having children at weddings and makes it a real family affair.
I can understand why some people though might not invite children on the grounds of cost but to invite one child from the family and not the others is bizarre. By saying that Keira is 'obviously invited as she is a flower girl' strikes me as being rather hypocritical of her and makes it sound like she is using your daughter as a prop for the photos.
While the boys might not give two hoots about being there it still must feel like favouritism to them.

While it would be a shame to fall out about it, if it was me and my family, it would be all or none.