kelscross...I'm back...journal

[kelscross]

Well guys I tried to find my old journal but it's buried somewhere so I just thought I'd start another one.

I've struggled through the medical problems that you might remember. They found no bleeding with all the tests I went through. The Doctor feels it was a microscopic bleed in my small intestines and the Nexium helped heal the lesions. Unfortunately during this time I was gaining and gaining weight. I kept asking my doctor about the Nexium whether it was coincidence or not that I was very, very hungry ever since I started taking it. He kept saying it wasn't the medications. When I went to see the GI doctor for the last time I mentioned it to the nurse and she said it was the Nexium. Apparently that is one of the biggest complaints on that medication is that it can cause hunger. So I have only one more month to go on that medication that's why I didn't get it switched.

Consequently, I have gained 25 pounds!! I feel so fat and uncomfortable. I have managed to undo almost everything I have worked for over the past two years.

So, we're going to Disney again this summer and I have to do something or I won't be able to fit into any of my summer clothes. It is very difficult with my lifestyle as I am on the go literally all day with school so fast food became my mainstay. I have went grocery shopping and hopefully I have found some foods that are healthier and more portable. I will also need some suggestions when fast food will be the only option.

So here I go again. I currently weigh 227 pounds and I have to get another tape measure for the measurements as my little monsters have absconded with my old one.

I plan on doing some sort of activity each day. Either my yoga (low impact) or walking on the treadmill. I was thinking about joining curves but I can not afford that right now.

Wish me luck and I'm glad to be joining you all again!

 

[kelscross]

Okay...today I had school so I took my breakfast and snacks. Breakfast was a slimfast meal bar and an orange. Snack was cottage cheese and pineapple. Lunch was slated to be a slimfast meal bar and a spinach salad with mandarin oranges, cheese and vinegar/oil dressing.

YUCK to the salad! I tried to choke down as much as I could but I don't think being on a diet should make you choke down food. Trying new things yes, gagging on them...no.

Sigh...what am I supposed to do? I despise vegetables. I thought I liked spinach salad but when I had it, it had a real sweet dressing on it. What is that dressing? Can I buy it somewhere or do I have to make it?

Any help would be appreciated.

Thanks

 

[DisneyEnthusiastic]

Welcome back Kels!!! We missed you You can do this! Stay focused. I, too, fell off the wagon...but got back on track Jan. 1...and surprise...227!! It creeps up so fast.

How are the girls?

Gail

 

[kelscross]

Gail...

Nice to see you again. The girls are doing fine, thanks for asking. My youngest (Emily) is having some problems still with me being at school alot but we get to spend lots of time together on the weekends since I switched my work schedule so she's a little better.

I asked the girls last night if the kids make fun of mommy cause she's "fat". They said no, they all think I'm a cool mommy. Then Emily said..."Mommy, I don't want you to lose your fat belly" I said why's that? She said "Cause you won't be all puffy to lay on"

Kids just know how to say the darndest things

 

[Princess Michelle]

.

 

[sarahsmom73]

Nice to meet you!

 

[TammyNC]

Welcome back. I have had to get back on track too, as I put on all of my weight that I had lost.

I'm sorry to hear that your med's had that side effect. I feel for you too on the veggie side. Although I do like them (most of them) I just have a hard time getting them into my body.

Keep up the great attitude and you can do this.

 

[lmhall2000]

Kellee....YOU CAN DO THIS!!! We'll get you to Onederland easily before your trip...think water/exercise/and sacrifice....try to give up one thing each month that has been a kink in your eating....I "restarted" one month ago and am down 10 pounds...I have 36 more to go...(my highest was 258 so I know where you are!)....I had to give up french fries and white bread...I haven't had a nibble of either in 4 weeks...and now that I'm in my second month I've given up products with sugar in it (the only exception being semi-sweet chocolate chips..I eat about 10 of those as a prescription around TOM..I treat them just like medicine! ) Just by cutting those three things out of my diet I can feel my body craving veggies (which I am horrible with, potatoes, carrots, corn are my faves and I've cut out all those except for the occasional carrot on my salad)...I hope any of those tips might help...we're here to get you back in those summer clothes and beyond.

My 6 year old daughter often tells me she loves me just the way I am....I tell her it's not about how I look on the outside it's how my heart feels on the inside...and my heart is having to work too hard and I don't want to wear it out before I'm old and gray! Your daughters will LOVE the fit and healthy you when they realize how much more active you are with them...I am 192 now and already have double the energy I had 30 pounds ago. You can do this!!!! Think summer and think smaller sizes and healthier hearts!

Tara

 

[Tasha+Scott]

Welcome back, Kellee! I was just posting in my journal the other day how you were one of the original cyber aunts to my dd-to-be and you were missing...and Gail let me know you were back! So, yay, all of the cyber aunts are accounted for now!

Anyway, don't feel too bad about falling off track. We all have at one point. I of course am not doing anything but gaining weight now that I am pregnant, so I will have to start over again in a few months or so. I think you will do just fine. I agree with Michelle...try Subway. I like a lot of their meal choices. I am not watching my weight a lot right now but am still trying to slip in some healthier choices and Subway is probably one of my fave fast food options for healthier choices. I also like some of the salads at Wendy's. Glad you're back!

 

[kelscross]

I'm so honored to be one of the cyber aunts!! Does this mean we have to have a cyber baby shower???

I'm glad to be back you guys. Tara I got your message and thanks for the words of encouragement. You are right I need to give up one thing at a time and maybe that will be easier than going at it cold turkey. I guess eating is like smoking in a way. I've tried cold turkey and just couldn't do it.

So...as of today I'm swearing off French Fries...going to add one vegetable serving per day, drink one bottled water per day and do some form of exercise daily.

Whew..I don't think that's too hard to do. I hope everyone had a great day.

 

[sarahsmom73]

You can do it! You can do it!

 

[kelscross]

This morning was a nightmare! I had to drive pretty far to go to a clinical site for school, well it was snowing like crazy and the directions from Mapquest were not accurate. I was late and wired from having to drive in the snow. I hate living in Ohio during the winter.

I ate 1 orange, slimfast meal bar (I like those on the run) and 8oz of milk. For lunch...that was a different story. We ate at perkins (we meaning the other nursing students and myself) I didn't choose very healthy...had a classic egg meal but hey...I didn't have french fries!! For dinner I made spaghetti. I only had one serving...which is good for me when it comes to pasta. I was gonna make a salad for my vegetable serving that I said I would do every day but I was full from the spaghetti...does tomato sauce count as the daily veggie?? ha.

I have my lunch packed for tomorrow at work so that I won't be tempted to go to the cafeteria and get something junky like chicken fingers.

Hope everyone had a great day!

I forgot to add: I did exercises with the folks I worked with at the clinical site, so that was my form of exercise for today.

 

[kelscross]

Okay guys..I am really thinking about getting surgery. I wouldn't get the typical bypass, just the banding. Apparently it is adjustable, less complications, can return to work in a week, spend one day in the hospital, and the weight loss is more gradual.

I am thinking about at least getting a consultation to get more details. Do you think I'm crazy?

 

[sarahsmom73]

I really don't know anything about this procedure. Have you talked to your doctor? What did he/she say?

 

[kelscross]

I had a great day today!

I had a good breakfast with lots of protein so when lunch came around I wasn't starving. I had to grab something quick in the school cafe so I kept it light. I didn't snack at all today and dinner included two, count them two vegetables! I did power yoga when I came home from school before I went to get the kids from school.

Yea me! I didn't feel like I was dieting. I think I'm going the route to do everything in moderation and make sure to exercise and drink water. That way I won't feel deprived.

Hope everyone else had a good day!

 

[DisneyEnthusiastic]

Way to go Kellee! I think you should give the food plan a try before surgery. I know you can do this. I always believe it's a mindset. My mom and I have had this talk several times since she works in a dr.s office and one of her co-workers has had the surgery. She said that the lady is miserable. She tells me all the time that at least I have the option to eat something if I really want it. But...I will never knock you or anyone who opts for the surgery. People have different reasons for having the surgery...but I do know I have seen people that have the surgery and not exercise...and they look awful. So, if you do decide to have it..please exercise.(I guess you can with it?)

Personally, I'm not for it...but please research it...and make sure you talk to those that have had the surgery. I'm sure there are some kind of support boards for this surgery. I think it's better to talk to someone who has had the surgery, than the doctors alone.

Take care Kellee!! And did I mention...way to go with the veggies!! Happy March 1st!

Gail

 

[sarahsmom73]

Yay Kellee!!!

 

[DisneyEnthusiastic]

Kellee...I checked at Curves today...the free sign up is the week of March 7th...so that is the 7th through the 12th...if you bring in a bag of non-perishables.....they will waive the sign up fee...you can then join month to month or for a year. It is a nationwide thing too! Let me know if you join!

Gail

 

[Tasha+Scott]

Hi, Kellee! Hope you are having a great weekend so far! Well, I don't know what to tell you about the surgery. I will tell you that my first semester in college I took a speech class and had to do a speech on a topic that I felt strongly about. Well, all of the topics I felt strongly about were already taken so I did mine on why I felt strongly about NOT getting gastric bypass surgery. As with any surgery there are risks. I don't necessarily feel as strongly about it as I pretended. I had heard on the radio about a woman who had died from it, which is what inspired the idea. But I don't really have an opinion one way or the other. All I would recommend is talking to your doctor and seeing if you would be able to have it done or if it would be too risky. But personally, I would give the food plan a try for a while longer before doing any type of surgery. Good luck this weekend!

 

[kelscross]

Sorry guys..I had finals week and I've been MIA. I talked to my doc about the surgery and he said to go for it. The problem is I don't want the routine gastric bypass, I want the lapbanding which has less complications and is actually reversible. Although my insurance said they would cover it with documentation from the doctor, the surgeon that my doctor referred me to said he didn't have any luck getting the lapband covered by any insurance so it would be treated as self pay at $15,000 bucks!

I will not get the regular one so I guess that's out. I could ask another surgeon but this particular one is the only one in this area doing the banding.

I feel like I'm getting too obsessed with my weight. How does this happen? I get on the scale three or four times a day but it's not like I'm on a strict program. I see the numbers on the scale and you would think it would motivate me to do something but it doesn't.

I looked at myself in the mirror today and was completely disgusted with myself. My belly looks like I'm pregnant. It is hard as a rock also not all jiggly. Maybe I should have that capsule study done that I refused. Although my blood count is back to normal except the Iron level, maybe the problem is with my small intestines. If I were bleeding internally to the point that my belly is filled up then I think the lab results would indicate a problem. I guess I have to accept the fact that I'm out of control right now. I look at what I eat and it isn't too terribly bad. No...it's not super healthy all the time, but I've cut out the fast food and snacks and it's just not working.

Sigh...I just don't know what to do guys.