Keeping Political Discussions away from Your Thanksgiving Table

[jdb in AZ]

Some relatives (both sides of the family tree) have political views that are quite different from DH and mine. This year could get dicey. Indigestion is almost guaranteed.

Any tried and true methods to keep conversations civil?

 

[Traveling on cc points]

Are your relatives the types to shove their political views down your throat without provocation or only when it is brought up?

At the first political comment of the day, (even if you agree with the comment) I would just say that you would like your thanksgiving dinner to be free of politics.

 

[ShelbyWagon]

I keep a few neutral responses in my back pocket and try to change the subject. "Hm, that's a different perspective. So Mary, how is your needlepoint going?" Just don't entertain the political talk that's meant to get people riled up. If you have one of those blowhards that like to hear themselves talk for the sake of it, walk away. "Oh look at that, I need a refill on my wine! Excuse me."

 

[NYCgrrl]

Some relatives (both sides of the family tree) have political views that are quite different from DH and mine. This year could get dicey. Indigestion is almost guaranteed.

Any tried and true methods to keep conversations civil?

Tell people before they get to your house no political discussions for the good of the family. The end.

 

[TwoMisfits]

How bout dem Cowboys?

Seriously, there's a lot in life to talk about with family you see infrequently. Work, kids, hobbies, health, vacations, fun activities, the food and recipes, etc, etc, etc. So, I wouldn't stress it. My family has politics around the spectrum - we've never had an issue all coming together to chat - it takes us 2 hours each month just to catch up on each other's family news on Zoom and it's still not enough...

So, ask how someone is - easiest way to change a subject...

 

[princesscinderella]

If what they are saying is most likely a conspiracy theory type discussion sometimes just agreeing to accept the usually doom and gloom fate of whatever they are talking about works. My husband did this one time to my parents when talking about the pandemic and said well I guess I'm going to live with whatever bizarre thing they came up with and it shut the conversation down.

 

[leahgoogle]

We have certain family members that have different political views than ours. At holidays or extended visits, we have made a no politics discussion rule. I would set the ground rules either immediately or after the first political comment.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Some relatives (both sides of the family tree) have political views that are quite different from DH and mine. This year could get dicey. Indigestion is almost guaranteed.

Any tried and true methods to keep conversations civil?

You could always try this.

It works for those violating the 2nd rule of the kitchen too.

You came in here for some wine while I am preparing Rokeg Blood Pie? Smack!!!

 

[longboard55]

You know what subjects to avoid so just avoid them. I have been guilty of starting a fire, we had a recent trip to Chicago so I told my mom what a great time we had and what a great city it was, knowing she would do but all those murders thing she hears on the news. I will keep quiet during thanksgiving, sports weather and grand kids only

 

[ShelbyWagon]

If what they are saying is most likely a conspiracy theory type discussion sometimes just agreeing to accept the usually doom and gloom fate of whatever they are talking about works. My husband did this one time to my parents when talking about the pandemic and said well I guess I'm going to live with whatever bizarre thing they came up with and it shut the conversation down.

No, you have to out-crazy them! "Oh yeah, well did you know that birds aren't real?! The US government is the #1 producer of artificial poultry. Think about it - have you ever seen a baby pigeon?!" Then they'll give you a wide berth for the rest of the holiday

 

[TLSnell1981]

If the discussion gets too hairy? I comment on how fortunate we are to be Americans and have the ability to disagree. Although sometimes I may roll my eyes and grab another glass of wine.

 

[PollyannaMom]

A simple no-politics rule

A jar full of slips of paper with innocent questions on them in case you need alternate conversion starters

 

[Kennywood]

Oh, come on! Is it really Thanksgiving without political and/or religious arguments? Can you truly call a Thanksgiving dinner successful unless there's yelling and crying?

Instigate things! Stoke the fires! Poke the bear!

 

[wenrob]

The best thing I ever did for myself was to stop inviting crap stirrers into my home to ruin my holidays. No matter how many “rules” you make you’re going to have someone who will attend for the sole purpose of riling everyone up. I’m lucky to have learned that lesson fairly early and have the best holidays with just my own crew. I know not everyone feels like they have that option but it’s what works for us.

My stepmother somehow got sucked into the conspiracy “everyone is out to get ya, the world is on fire train” and she’s so deep there’s no hope for her ever coming back. There is zero point in even trying to have a conversation with her so I don’t. When it started I would put the brakes on by saying, “I’m not having this discussion with you.” If she tried again I would repeat myself and add “this isn’t up for negotiation.” The trick is not to even entertain it. I shut her down immediately any time she tries. Probably not a tactic that will work with crazy Uncle Bob who’s been doing for decades but it’s worth a shot.

 

[dclpluto]

How bout dem Cowboys?

Seriously, there's a lot in life to talk about with family you see infrequently. Work, kids, hobbies, health, vacations, fun activities, the food and recipes, etc, etc, etc. So, I wouldn't stress it. My family has politics around the spectrum - we've never had an issue all coming together to chat - it takes us 2 hours each month just to catch up on each other's family news on Zoom and it's still not enough...

So, ask how someone is - easiest way to change a subject...

Second best team in the NFC East. They might win one playoff game.

 

[Smugpugmug]

The best thing I ever did for myself was to stop inviting crap stirrers into my home to ruin my holidays. No matter how many “rules” you make you’re going to have someone who will attend for the sole purpose of riling everyone up. I’m lucky to have learned that lesson fairly early and have the best holidays with just my own crew. I know not everyone feels like they have that option but it’s what works for us.

My stepmother somehow got sucked into the conspiracy “everyone is out to get ya, the world is on fire train” and she’s so deep there’s no hope for her ever coming back. There is zero point in even trying to have a conversation with her so I don’t. When it started I would put the brakes on by saying, “I’m not having this discussion with you.” If she tried again I would repeat myself and add “this isn’t up for negotiation.” The trick is not to even entertain it. I shut her down immediately any time she tries. Probably not a tactic that will work with crazy Uncle Bob who’s been doing for decades but it’s worth a shot.

This is what my family did too. We stopped inviting the pot stirrers to holidays and although our gathering is small (4 people total), it's way more peaceful than it was in the past. I don't even miss their presence that much if I'm being completely honest.

 

[BrianL]

Oh, come on! Is it really Thanksgiving without political and/or religious arguments? Can you truly call a Thanksgiving dinner successful unless there's yelling and crying?

Instigate things! Stoke the fires! Poke the bear!

I'm lucky that my family has never been like this, even when we disagreed. I had members of my family who are pretty strongly religious and when my grandfather went up north and married a Catholic girl, well, it was always a family controversey, but never once was she nor those of us raised on that side of the family made to feel unwelcome or unloved. There was sometimes even debate at the table, but it was always civil, even if there was some intent to preach a bit. Politics was the same way. People did talk, play devil's advocate, etc. but it never got ugly. I always hear about how families fight at Thanksgiving, but luckily I just could never relate.

 

[tony67]

Just change the subject to something else like the Marvels.... Oh wait...

Yeah everything is so political now its next to impossible to avoid.

 

[Kennywood]

This topic reminds me of this song:

 

[_19disnA]

With some of our cousins, we just never had much in common. Growing up we would get together at various family holidays just because everyone was expected to do that. This was before the days of controversial subjects about politics/religion/whatever. As we have grown up over the years, we just drifted apart and rarely see them anymore. We no longer think we HAVE to entertain those we have little in common with just because it is a holiday. Holiday's are a LOT more fun if you invite those you enjoy being around.

Every family gathering probably has someone who is the know-it-all/blowhard who is an expert in every subject. Just like here you can put those people on IGNORE, at a family gathering walk away and let someone else engage with them.