Keeping my 3 year old in his room

[TeacupDemon]

My husband and I are currently in a battle of wills with my three year old, and we need some help! My son loves to get out of bed at night, and has figured out that if he's going to the bathroom we won't punish him.

Now he gets up 20 times a night to use the potty. I spend 45 minutes after bedtime putting him back in bed from his various potty trips. We don't want to discourage him from using the bathroom, but it's getting ridiculous.

How do we establish a boundary for getting out of bed after lights out without undermining his potty training? I really don't want to clean up accidents if he's not "crying wolf". Any ideas?

 

[mom2faith]

Ouch. Tough one.

We have the opposite problem, where DD always says she does not have to "go" and then ends up almost wetting her pants in the car, at the store, etc even though 2 minutes prior I asked her if she had to go.

What I have started doing is placing her on the "potty" and making her sit until she pees (usually less than a minute - I am not a horrible, evil mommy).

Anyway, why not do the same. Sit him on the potty and ensure he pees. After that he is done. No more. You know he has already peed so done.

It is not going to be easy, but good luck to you.

Amy

 

[koolaidmoms]

We let our children get up to go to the potty but it was not time to interact with us. Even now when they get up they do not even look in our room because they know we are not going to talk to them. If he needs your help do it without talking to him. Try saying only "Good night it's bed time" the first time and then nothing to him after that. The less you talk or interact with him the less he may want to get up.

This worked for us. Just a suggestion. Good luck!

 

[Avonlady1001]

I gave my DD stickers each morning after she didn't get out of bed. Originally the plan was that I gave her 3 stickers at bedtime. Each time she got out of bed, she had to give me one of those stickers. But she cried so bad when she had to give up a sticker, I gave up on that...

Someone had suggested passes (like in high school...hall passes) but you'd need a good consequence if he used them all up & still got out of bed. I couldn't come up w/ a good one, so we never tried this.

Is he really going to the bathroom everytime? When my DD lies and says she has to go then doesn't, she gets in trouble.

I agree that there should be no contact when he gets up...let him go potty then put him back in bed w/ minimal eye contact & no conversation.

Good luck!

 

[TeacupDemon]

I gave my DD stickers each morning after she didn't get out of bed. Originally the plan was that I gave her 3 stickers at bedtime. Each time she got out of bed, she had to give me one of those stickers. But she cried so bad when she had to give up a sticker, I gave up on that...

Someone had suggested passes (like in high school...hall passes) but you'd need a good consequence if he used them all up & still got out of bed. I couldn't come up w/ a good one, so we never tried this.

Is he really going to the bathroom everytime? When my DD lies and says she has to go then doesn't, she gets in trouble.

I agree that there should be no contact when he gets up...let him go potty then put him back in bed w/ minimal eye contact & no conversation.

Good luck!

I was thinking about doing something like this. We've done sticker reward charts for other things, so maybe we'll try this again.

Initially, I was hoping that the novelty would wear off, but it's just getting worse. He doesn't actally go to the bathroom every time, most often he just hops on, says "I'm done" and then we put him back in bed. Five minutes later, we're right back where we started!

I appreciate all the suggestions! Sometimes I feel like we just overthink things, and it's good to hear from other folks who aren't as close to the problem!

 

[Avonlady1001]

It's not easy! Just remember, it's just a phase. I say that all the time, to myself & others, when things get rough. LOL But, it's always been true. He'll tire of the whole bed thing eventually (it took months w/ my DD) and then he'll find something else to try your patience!

 

[TeacupDemon]

It's not easy! Just remember, it's just a phase. I say that all the time, to myself & others, when things get rough. LOL But, it's always been true. He'll tire of the whole bed thing eventually (it took months w/ my DD) and then he'll find something else to try your patience!

Words of wisdom

 

[mejkjj97]

I am glad to know that I am not alone. My DD, who is also 3, has been giving us a run for our money lately with the exact same thing as you have described and to make matters worse she undresses herself completely when going to the bathroom. It is crazy. Now that the holidays are over we are going to try a reward system. Everyone tells me its just a phase but it can't be over soon enough

 

[TeacupDemon]

Sadly, we took a step backwards today. After climbing on the potty 4 times after his nap started, my husband told him sternly NOT to come out again. Well, he pooped his pants Exactly what I didn't want to happen.

Moving on, we put him back in bed, went downstairs, and heard a tremendous thump from his room. That would be him falling off a chair he was climbing on

It ended with me sitting on the chair in his room, reading my book until he fell asleep. I may be doing more of that in the future.

Everyone says the twos are "terrible", but I am finding that two was a cakewalk compared to three!

 

[squirrel]

If you limit the amount of water before going to bed and then have him go to the bathroom before bed than you should be able to tell him he gets one trip to the bathroom after lights out.

 

[mejkjj97]

Everyone says the twos are "terrible", but I am finding that two was a cakewalk compared to three!

Could not AGREE more! My DD at 2 was really easy. Now that she is 3 1/2, its crazy. Right now it's 9pm, she has been in bed for an hours and is still signing at the top of her lungs. Trying to do anything to keep herself up.

 

[kpadalik]

Threes are definitely worse than twos! My DD tended to do the same thing when she was 2 or 3 (now she is 6). I just let her get up and go to the potty. I would rarely say anything to her, just a simple "good girl, back to bed". The more frustrated you seem, the more he is going to pick up on it. If he thinks he's getting more attention b/c of it or if he thinks it's kind of like a game, he is going to keep it up. Do your rewarding and praising for going on the potty, during the day - at night, keep it quiet! And remember, it's just a phase. It too shall pass

 

[puffkin]

Oh, please don't tell me 3's are worse.....I have a VERY strong-willed 2 year old!

My DS is potty trained (we still use a pull up at night though). We do not let him out of his room at night. That would be a nightmare.....he would be the kid escaping from our house or doing something horrible in the middle of the night. We keep his door closed and have one of those door knob covers on it so he can't get out.

I make him go bathroom right before bed. I do not let him off the toilet til he goes. Then he is in bed. He gets 1 trip to the potty after that. If he falls asleep quickly, I usually wake him and take him to the bathroom before I go to bed to try and get us through the night. Sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night and calls to go bathroom, but I don't take him unless he actually calls for that. I also don't interact with him at all at night except I say, "Go to sleep, I love you" when I put him back in bed. I don't turn on any lights either.

He has quickly learned that we won't come over to his room unless he tells us what he wants. He will say, I need to go potty, I want a drink, I want my special blanket (or particular stuffed animal) or I am scared. If he makes a reasonable request we will go over but we limit interaction as much as possible. Unless he is sick, he pretty much doesn't wake up anymore except for the occassional potty and he pretty much stays in bed. All bets would be off though if we left his door open.

 

[barnaby1]

My dd (2.75) went through that strategy of delaying going to sleep, although not quite as many times as yours (only 2 - 3 times). Luckily the phase has passed now but as others have said, make it uninteresting. I used to leave the toilet light off (there was enough light from the hall) and ask her to call me when she was finished. The other thing is to not look annoyed or exasperated (which is easier said than done after repeated trips) as the reaction from you becomes fun for them.
Hang in there as it will pass.

 

[philnphyl]

I think that it's a phase -- he's just trying to see how much he can get away with. My DD is 3.5 and will try and work the system as much as she can. As long as we stand our ground, she''ll get over it very quickly. Good luck!

 

[bellebud]

just a thought... if he's really not doing anything during those trips, what if you put a toddler potty in his room and say "this is the nighttime potty, you can use it at night all by yourself". I wouldn't suggest it if you thought it would be full of poop or pee and he might "do" something w/ said poop and pee though.

hope the phase passes quickly! my ds7 still needs pullups at night because he sleeps SOOOO deeply, there's no waking him for trips, let alone him waking himself up. I must admit though, it's easier on me (minus the expense of pullups).

 

[richmond282]

Everyone says the twos are "terrible", but I am finding that two was a cakewalk compared to three!

Wait til you get to 4!! My DD has developed quite an attitude. She has learned how to roll her eyes and is soo sassy. I dread the teeanage years!!