Keeping a house that's too big?

[robsmom]

This thread is really interesting to me. It is great to hear other's thoughts and ideas. We are 47 and 45, so we are starting to talk a bit more about what retirement might look like. We only have one child, so we keep coming back to the fact that our decisions may be guided by his decisions. The thought of moving somewhere warm is really appealing, however we also know that we want to be an active part of any future grandchild's life. We also know that we probably will not need tons of extra room for overnight visitors, but do want to be able to continue to entertain. We see my mother starting to struggle with the stairs and know the value of a first floor master bedroom. All this keeps leading us to thinking that ideally we would want to be snowbirds and have 2 homes or condos if we could afford that. I am not against the idea of renting, depending on the economics at the time. I watched my grandparents and in-laws live in apartments in their later years. There are some great advantages to having someone to do your basic maintenance. In a flat real-estate market, selling the house and renting may not be a bad idea. Lots to think about.

 

[shortbun]

Why do you want to keep a mortgage? If you've got a valuable home right now, wouldn't you be able to lower your # of years to payoff or completely payoff in a couple of years? Oh, and you need a ranch so you don't have to move again-ever. Sounds like you basically have a ranch now. Another question: what's the real estate market like in your part of the country? Around here, nice houses are selling but there's still not much movement regarding value.

 

[Callie]

My aunt and uncle have a 4 bedroom, 2 and a half bath home for the two of them. My cousins have been out of the house for nearly 10 years. They enjoy keeping it because it's home, and when the kids come to visit, they each still have a their own room.

 

[timmac]

Won't your equity continue to grow? (We hope.) Why the rush to downsize? Might you be able to do so at retirement and buy a house for cash? I agree that kids and their kids are less likely to visit if they are sleeping on couches or having to get hotel rooms.

If you look over long term trends, real estate tracks pretty well with inflation... in other words, as an investment, it's flat. If wealth-building is part of the consideration, one will almost certainly do better to sell and invest the six figures of equity elsewhere (or possibly use that equity to own a smaller home outright in a much closer time).

Just my opinion, but I wouldn't be basing my decisions on the one week a year when I'd be having a lot of people over. I can't see paying for twice as much house as I need the other 51 weeks of the year. But, different folks may see different value in that.

 

[eatatmidnight]

A couple of things to consider before downsizing are

-Future Family-If you are a close knit family and your children/grandchildren will come to town and need a place to sleep, then I'd keep the house. If you are more of a "we'd like to see children/grandchildren once or twice a year for a few minutes" kind of family, then you may not need that size of home. My MIL sold her large ranch with finished basement home and bought a very small 3ish bedroom home. When my family of 5 goes to visit, it is not comfortable at all. Hotels in her small town are not much of an option. Also,we have to go out to eat all of our meals because there is not enough room for 6 to eat in breakfast nook/kitchen and we have to hold the plates in our lap etc. So we just don't go.

-Current value of your home- If you live in one of the few markets where home sales are strong, then selling may not be a bad option. If you live in a market that is still sluggish, then waiting may be a good option.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[Gr8t Fan]

I would not be all that concerned about the comfort of house guests or future kids moving home. Maybe if it's cramped they will be more tempted to get out on their own!!

I used to feel the same way until my children were born. Now I tell them that they may stay as long as they want provided they're leading productive lives, i.e., in school or working. I have a feeling your opinion may change once your little one arrives.

 

[Gr8t Fan]

There was a very pertinent article in the Wall Street Journal last month about this exact topic:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204005004578080561639348492.html

Raises some interesting issues.

Very interesting article, thanks for sharing it. I think, ideally, DH and I would love to keep our home and also get a condo someplace warm, probably FL. As it is now, our house is a little small for all 6 of us, but our kids aren't always going to be there, so at some point it will be a little crowded. We always thought that we'd add an addition when we paid off our mortgage, but when the time came we simply traveled more and spent more on experiences that our house, and that suits us just fine at the moment.

 

[eliza61]

I used to feel the same way until my children were born. Now I tell them that they may stay as long as they want provided they're leading productive lives, i.e., in school or working. I have a feeling your opinion may change once your little one arrives.

LOL. Nope. I love my kids but I definitely DONOT want them staying as long as they want.

Sorry, I am loving my empty nest and looking forward to retirement. Like my neighbor says the best think about grandchildren is that you can spoil em and then SEND THEM HOME.

There's a reason why mama birds push their babies out the nest!

I also remember about the 5th year after I graduated from college I was at the kitchen table and my father politely (or not so politely) asked me when the hell I was moving out. Said the point of him spending all that money on college tuition was for me to be independant.

 

[kjpotter]

Wow, your homes are huge!

I grew up in a 3bed/2bath 1200 sq ft house as a family of 5 (3DD)

Once we all moved out, mom and dad combined 2 of the bedrooms to make a master suite with a larger closet. (down to 2 bedroom house). Then they finished the basement and made two small bedrooms (11x11 each). This is for visiting families.

During the holidays, everyone came home and stayed overnight. Everyone is married and there are 5 grandkids, so we ended up with 13 people in the house.

2 queen beds, 1 set of bunk beds, 1 futon, 1 crib, 1 toddler bed, 1 air mattress, 2 couches that fold out into doubles. We had a few extra air mattresses, but we didnt' need them.

 

[carrie1626]

I guess I'd just like some opinions.

My DH and I had both been divorced when we married and had 5 children between us. We bough a new house that would fit everyone. Our home has 6 bedrooms, 4.5 baths, a large eat in kitchen, large family room, library, dining room and an inground pool in the back yard. It's over 3000 sq feet.

Fast forward, several years later. We've kept the house through the recession, and because we bought so long ago, and because we're in a very desirable neighborhood, we're still sitting on over 6 figures in equity. We're refinanced to today's rates (refinanced last December) and in good shape to have the house paid off prior to our retirement.

Now, we've got a big decision to make. We're down to one 16 yo DD left in the house. She's in tenth grade. We need to decide if we want to put the house on the market in the next 1-2 years and significantly downsize. I'd like to make that decision sooner rather than later, because I'd like to do a 15 year mortgage on the new house and again, be paid off well before retirement. I see us going to 3 beds, 2-3 baths and more like 2000 square feet. (I'd be ok with 1800 if the floor plan was good)

Anyway, DH is pushing for staying put. Our home was built new, and it's the way we want it. We could realistically shut off the upstairs and keep the heat/cool turned low as our bedroom is on the first floor. The two of us totally live just on the first floor and never go upstairs unless we need to go to DDs room.

I'm kind of feeling like we should sell. I'd like something smaller, maybe a bit older in an older neighborhood that I could fix up and it would be our final house...But, I can't come up with a real reason (other than I'd like to be more towards the center of town) to go through all the hassle.

WWYD?

First of all, I like to say I wish this were my dilema

Ask yourself: with 5 children between you, how many live close by and do you think they would stay close by. Do all the kids seem like they would want a tradional family life with SO and kids.
If answer is YES or Probable then think of all the wonderful big family gatherings you could host. It might seem clearer as DD16 gets closer to her HS graduation...

I was just thinking of my beloved aunt whose passed 12 yrs ago and it brought so many memories of big family get-togethers. I cherish those memories.

 

[njmom47]

We live in a 2 story townhouse, 4 br, 1 1/2 bath (finished basement has the 4th bedroom, an office, a nice storage closet, room for dh's workbench, and the washer and dryer).
I can't wait to move to a retirement community (there's one right around the corner from where we live), to a 1 story house, 2 br/2 bath, with room for family during the holidays, garage....
I just want to have less STUFF.

 

[DisneyATlast]

If you can afford the taxes I might suggest staying there. My parents were going to downsize, though their house isn't nearly as big as yours, but then my dad questioned why he would take on another mortgage when having that one paid off (about 3 years now) felt so good?!

I think the suggestions about having a place for such a large family to get together are good. And frankly, well we don't want to ever plan for this but the job market is still bad. My cousin had a very small house and when her kids moved out she redid their rooms into a sewing room and a music room for her husband so they would have more space for hobbies. Then the economy tanked less than a year later, her daughter lost her brand-new post-graduation job and there was no place for her to stay long-term at my cousin's house while she tried to get a foothold so she ended up moving in with my cousin's ex. My cousin never forgave herself for that, she felt like she kicked her own daughter out.

I'm not saying you are under any obligation to have an emergency space ready for your kids if the worst happens but I think its something you should think about - decide if you want that option or not because it's much harder to do in a smaller home.

It's odd that your cousin didn't move the sewing stuff out entirely, or rearrange to make room for a bed. Are people that attached to STUFF?

 

[badblackpug]

Depends on where you are moving to. I live in South Jersey and would love to move back to the city. born and raised in NYC. cities for the most part are more expensive (initially) than suburbs.
A 2 bedroom condo in Old city Philly or Rittenhouse square could easily set you back 700K, so if I sold my house for 300K there you go.

Yes I've technically downsized by it doesn't make it cheaper. Now hopefully other things will go down (property taxes, cost of upkeep)

I'm from Philly. A 2 bed/2 bath condo in Rittenhouse Square or Old City will set you back at least a million.

 

[DisneyATlast]

Wow, your homes are huge!

I grew up in a 3bed/2bath 1200 sq ft house as a family of 5 (3DD)

Once we all moved out, mom and dad combined 2 of the bedrooms to make a master suite with a larger closet. (down to 2 bedroom house). Then they finished the basement and made two small bedrooms (11x11 each). This is for visiting families.

During the holidays, everyone came home and stayed overnight. Everyone is married and there are 5 grandkids, so we ended up with 13 people in the house.

2 queen beds, 1 set of bunk beds, 1 futon, 1 crib, 1 toddler bed, 1 air mattress, 2 couches that fold out into doubles. We had a few extra air mattresses, but we didnt' need them.

My thoughts exactly! Me, my husband, and our two children now live in a 1300 sq ft home and it's perfect with space to spare. We have four (small) bedrooms and 1.5 baths. One of the bedrooms is closed up and filled with junk! I've been intending to clear it out and make it a laundry room because I hate having to go to the basement when it's cold. Even with having that room space practically wasted...we have plenty of room. I could have another child or two and still have enough space.

Before moving here, we lived in a 2,000+ sq ft split foyer home and it was way too big for us. We didn't even use the downstairs AT ALL! Our electric bill was outrageous in the winter.

That being said, we're a close family. We spend most of our time in the living room together so it works out. This house was my husband's grandparent's house and his grandfather built it himself. We had talked about moving/upgrading to a "nicer" home, but decided not to. I have no desire to take on a mortgage just so I can have more space to look at and clean. Instead, we're going to put in new carpet and fresh paint. Every family is different though. Some people like "luxury" of big spaces. Some families don't spend a lot of time together and have family rooms where the furniture doesn't even get sat on.

I agree with the other poster who said the lady who is expecting may feel differently when she has her child. I used to say booting me out of the house at 18 was the best thing my parents ever did "to" me, and I was going to make mine get out as well! However, I feel differently now. As long as they are going to school and/or working to save money, I won't mind if they stay home. If I had been allowed to live at home, I could've saved sooo much money that instead went to pay rent and living expenses while my parents had several extra bedrooms. Boo!!

 

[scbelleatheart]

Our "stuff" was overwhelming but we are weeding through it. I didn't downsize, I upsized to 2800 sq ft 2 years ago. it is the perfect house for 2 people and room for guests, grandchildren and hobbies, things I could never do at the house (2400 sq ft) where we raised 4 kids. We did have a huge outdoor set up so it never seemed too crowded.
I really have had a hard time getting used to not having a basement. I plan on living here until I die and no mortgage is nice.

 

[Robbi]

My husband and I talked about downsizing but we've decided that when the kids get married and have kids, we'll enjoy the space.

 

[scbelleatheart]

My husband and I talked about downsizing but we've decided that when the kids get married and have kids, we'll enjoy the space.

Good for you! I agree completely!

 

[bdcp]

DH and I bought our dream home when our oldest DS was in college and youngest was a sr in HS. We now live here alone, but we have plenty of room for guests and we love it. We have 3700 sq ft above grade and another 1100 sq ft finished basement (another 700 unfinished) so about 5500 sq ft total on 2/3 acre. We can easily sleep an additional 8 people in beds and there is room for inflatable mattresses. My family was here for Christmas a year ago and we had 11 additional people here. Two were on inflatable mattresses. Everyone else had a bed (shared). We bought with the idea we wanted plenty of space for our boys and their families to stay. Both boys live within 30 min of us so they rarely stay here. One is single, the other is getting married in the spring. The one getting married may only have children through adoption (that's yet to be decided) as future DIL has some issues with carrying to term. So, at this point, we have the space but no grandchildren in the immediate future. We will stay here til we retire in 10 years or so. We always said this was our "20 year home" and we've been here 9 years.

My parents moved back to the east coast 15 years ago. They bought an 1800 sq foot rambler (no basement). With everyone, there are 16 people (my future DIL and grandchildren ages 14-29) and there just isn't enough room. I have one sister who comes in and her family (3 kids and DH) basically takes over the entire space. Other sister is more flexible and has her DH and two children. My DH doesn't like to be crowded. We always ended up getting a hotel room. I really resent that as no one else ever volunteered to do that. We always were odd man out. It really sucks being the oldest child. I said we would never do that to our kids and that's why we have the house we do.