Just want to share my thoughts

[Luv0fDisney]

I just want to share my thoughts.
I'm 27 years old and still living with my parents. I don't know where I am going in life. What I want to do. I am scared to do anything, that concerns doing things for other people. What happens if I make a mistake? I'm thinking about doing wedding videos (since I have a degree in film). I'm just scared of making a mistake and screwing up their wedding video.

I guess everything comes because I tried transferring videos to DVD from VHS and I accidently erased someone's memories of being on the dating game. I felt so bad. (I still do and this is like 2-3 years ago).

Anyway. I'm petrified of doing anything. I also suffer from pain in which my parents think it's because I'm over weight. It's not because of the weight but of mental. I just feel pressure up there. . I just feel alone in life. I'm 27, no friends, no boyfriend no one. I realize my parents are getting older. I feel like that's all I concentrate on. I don't trust anyone due to certain incidents.

All the things I liked I hate. Nothing holds "Meaning" to anything...not even Disney. . It was something I enjoyed going to with my mom and remember the good memories. . Now I just feel like everything is different. I view people differently. I don't know how to look at people. At the age of 25 I feel like I still looked at my mom and dad as mommy and daddy and had that "attachment."

I just don't know who I am any more. Or what I like. I tried embroidering but that was a complete failure with my machine. . I just can't do anything right.

I just don't know . I just feel like I'm lost and feel in a daze. I don't know how people can do simple things. Like talk to people or live on their own. At one point in my life I did live alone when I was in college, in a dorm. I feel like I'm not "living" any more. I know I "lived" and did stuff on my own in college. But now I feel like all I do is stare at a wall even though I might be driving or shopping.

I can't relate to anything because I don't know how that is supposed to feel.
I don't know how I'm "supposed" to feel or live like a broken toy that isn't working the way its "supposed" too, if you know what I mean. I feel broken but I don't know how to fix me. . My parents think it's about the weight... I don't think it is. I feel no one knows what I'm going through and I feel like I'm not talking english to people at times. .

I never felt my age. I went to my mom's work when I was young as often as I could relate to them then to my own age.

I'm sorry for the long vent. I'm just lost...and confused...

 

[mommasita]

So sorry... I think I have asked this before, have you tried any counseling?
There is NO shame.. I have, and it is on hold right now, due to insurance and costs, but I tell you, I never felt better. At first I had this conception that it wasn't for me, I wouldn't be able to open up, what was the point. THE WHOLE nine yards.. The first few sessions it was that way, and then something just gave, and I went with it....... I was seeing her weekly, and I came out with a whole different train of thought.

I don't know for sure, but I think that almost everybody has gone through or is going through some of the things you are and feel...

But honestly nothing will change if you don't give it a go.. Fresh eyes and fresh minds are wonderful things, and help us see what we can't..

Love and hugs

 

[JandJ]

I have to second the recommendation for counseling. From a complete outsiders perspective, just from what you posted, it sounds like you're depressed and may have panic attacks. Like the PP said there is NO shame in getting help. Mental health is just that - HEALTH. It's no different than if you have diabetes or high blood pressure and see a doctor for treatment. Find a therapist that you can relate to; a female about your age. Don't wait because the sooner you find someone to talk to, the sooner you'll be feeling so much better! Please don't throw away this advice - talking to a trained therapist REALLY can make a world of difference

 

[Gracefulskinny]

I have to second the recommendation for counseling. From a complete outsiders perspective, just from what you posted, it sounds like you're depressed and may have panic attacks. Like the PP said there is NO shame in getting help. Mental health is just that - HEALTH. It's no different than if you have diabetes or high blood pressure and see a doctor for treatment. Find a therapist that you can relate to; a female about your age. Don't wait because the sooner you find someone to talk to, the sooner you'll be feeling so much better! Please don't throw away this advice - talking to a trained therapist REALLY can make a world of difference

Took the words out of my mouth! I am on the same page as this lady.

 

[goofeygirl]

Yes you should seek professional help.

In the meantime it sounds to me like depression. I went through that years ago and it was the worst time in my life. I can recall vividly sitting in a room with curtains closed and outside I heard children playing in the afternoon summer sun. I knew at that moment I should be enjoying those long summer days but I hated them, I hated sunny days because I didn't feel sunny inside...I liked miserable days because it reflected what was going on inside me.
This depression must have lasted several years overall but it did get better...slowly...but I was okay with that because I knew I was getting better...I knew that dark cloud that hung over me was slowly drifting away and over time it faded away.

I did not seek help nor take any drugs...in fact what I did do was something I thought I would never do but always dreamt of doing...I remember I packed my bags and moved to London..London England. I ended up living there for a couple of years before heading back to the USA. I knew sitting around and sinking deeper and deeper into my own dark mind was not a good thing and I knew I needed a drastic change in my life...something that would force me to see and feel differently.

So things will get better over time. You have to work on yourself and know who you are ..take chances and yes you will fail...because without failure there is no success...how could there be? Success is based on failure isn't it? If success was so easy, EVERYONE would be successful at everything! So failure is a part of that...it also teaches you what you don't want to do in the future.

So seek out professional help-talking to someone who is non judgmental , who does not know you will help. Never forget this...its all one day at a time.