Just need to vent...

[weeniecat2442]

You better ask her now if there's an after party after the party that comes after the ceremony. You don't want to think your time as her s̶l̶a̶v̶e̶ Bridesmaid is over when the pictures are done etc.

Is there even a question of there NOT being an after-party!? Tonight is the "setup the venue" party (which I cannot make) tomorrow is the mani/pedi/luncheon (which I also cannot make as I need to be at work) followed by the rehearsal, the rehearsal dinner, all the girls are sleeping at the hotel Friday evening so we can get up & ready for hair & makeup at 8am, followed by a whole slew of activities which the bride has put into an amazingly detailed excel spreadsheet breaking the day into 15 minute increments. I'm nervous as there was no time mentioned for any bathroom breaks! After the wedding we go back to the hotel for the after party. Three of us bridesmaids live about 10 minutes away from the hotel- so we are not staying there. Im not sure if she knows this yet or not. BUT of course I will be back at the hotel Sunday morning in time for the brunch they are hosting!

and after all that is said and done...I will be burning all of my bridesmaids dresses and dyed shoes (you REALLY thought I could wear those again!?!?) as I dance around the fire in celebration of all my friends being married and never having to do this again!

 

[Hikergirl]

Can't seem to just let it go, can you

Oh I was just waiting for you to pop in an admonish me. Thanks for not disappointing.

 

[TAX GUY]

Oh I was just waiting for you to pop in an admonish me. Thanks for not disappointing.

Me? I've been pretty quiet on the boards for the past several months. Partly because of work but mostly in part of trying to not disturb the masses. I'll crawl back into my hole again so as not to upset those who control this playground.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Is there even a question of there NOT being an after-party!? Tonight is the "setup the venue" party (which I cannot make) tomorrow is the mani/pedi/luncheon (which I also cannot make as I need to be at work) followed by the rehearsal, the rehearsal dinner, all the girls are sleeping at the hotel Friday evening so we can get up & ready for hair & makeup at 8am, followed by a whole slew of activities which the bride has put into an amazingly detailed excel spreadsheet breaking the day into 15 minute increments. I'm nervous as there was no time mentioned for any bathroom breaks! After the wedding we go back to the hotel for the after party. Three of us bridesmaids live about 10 minutes away from the hotel- so we are not staying there. Im not sure if she knows this yet or not. BUT of course I will be back at the hotel Sunday morning in time for the brunch they are hosting!

and after all that is said and done...I will be burning all of my bridesmaids dresses and dyed shoes (you REALLY thought I could wear those again!?!?) as I dance around the fire in celebration of all my friends being married and never having to do this again!

Oh. My. Goodness.

Seriously, please promise to post the details after this is all said and done. Either on this thread (if it is still alive. Hey! Maybe it will become a running When Weddings Go Bad thread) or start a new one.

I am so nosey as to what is going to happen, because many things can go wrong when there is an excel spreadsheet with 15 minute increments involved

 

[DopeyDame]

Is there even a question of there NOT being an after-party!? Tonight is the "setup the venue" party (which I cannot make) tomorrow is the mani/pedi/luncheon (which I also cannot make as I need to be at work) followed by the rehearsal, the rehearsal dinner, all the girls are sleeping at the hotel Friday evening so we can get up & ready for hair & makeup at 8am, followed by a whole slew of activities which the bride has put into an amazingly detailed excel spreadsheet breaking the day into 15 minute increments. I'm nervous as there was no time mentioned for any bathroom breaks! After the wedding we go back to the hotel for the after party. Three of us bridesmaids live about 10 minutes away from the hotel- so we are not staying there. Im not sure if she knows this yet or not. BUT of course I will be back at the hotel Sunday morning in time for the brunch they are hosting!

and after all that is said and done...I will be burning all of my bridesmaids dresses and dyed shoes (you REALLY thought I could wear those again!?!?) as I dance around the fire in celebration of all my friends being married and never having to do this again!

Dare I even ask what a "setup the venue" party even is? Is she - literally - having her wedding party set up the venue instead of hiring people to do it? And expecting you to be happy about that? Oh lordy lordy. Yes, PLEASE update us after the wedding.

 

[weeniecat2442]

Oh. My. Goodness.

Seriously, please promise to post the details after this is all said and done. Either on this thread (if it is still alive. Hey! Maybe it will become a running When Weddings Go Bad thread) or start a new one.

I am so nosey as to what is going to happen, because many things can go wrong when there is an excel spreadsheet with 15 minute increments involved

I will be sure to give her a gentle reminder on Saturday to enjoy herself and not stress the small stuff and if her timeline doesn't work out as she planned.
I will report back on how it all goes.

Dare I even ask what a "setup the venue" party even is? Is she - literally - having her wedding party set up the venue instead of hiring people to do it? And expecting you to be happy about that? Oh lordy lordy. Yes, PLEASE update us after the wedding.

I put the "set up the venue party" spin on it myself but yes- she is having friends and family set up the entire venue tonight because she doesn't trust the wedding planner provided through the venue to set it up correctly.
You will love this part too- My car was totaled in accident 2 weeks ago (no one was hurt phew!) so I am car-less for the moment. I live about 30 mins from the venue (venue and hotel are about 25 mins apart). She asked today if I could take an Uber to help set up tonight! You can't make this stuff up!

 

[Chocolate Cake]

My car was totaled in accident 2 weeks ago (no one was hurt phew!) so I am car-less for the moment. I live about 30 mins from the venue (venue and hotel are about 25 mins apart). She asked today if I could take an Uber to help set up tonight! You can't make this stuff up!

I don't even know who this girl is and I can't stand her.

 

[fly girl]

I don't even know who this girl is and I can't stand her.

Amen!

@weeniecat2442, you're a good friend. Or a glutton for punishment.

 

[gotomu212]

Dare I even ask what a "setup the venue" party even is? Is she - literally - having her wedding party set up the venue instead of hiring people to do it? And expecting you to be happy about that? Oh lordy lordy. Yes, PLEASE update us after the wedding.

See this I get too. On one side of my extended family we have some folks that are simpler people- not bridezillas at all, that have what I would term more old fashioned weddings. The mother of the bride makes the dresses, the mothers of bride and groom made all the food, reception in the church all purpose room, uncle DJs....and after the bride and groom leave the reception the wedding party would help clean up and put away all the church folding chairs and tables. Before the rehearsal dinner everyone went to the church and help set up the tables and chairs. Not how my wedding was done but another common thing in some circles.

This is where I get whiplash from theses discussions. On one hand someone is a bridezillas if something is well planned, she's extravagant if she has a wedding planner and pays people for everything, or she's tacky and cheap if her family and friends help provide things for the wedding. People need to be more traditional or people need to get with the times. The one thing you can guarantee doing wedding season is that someone is not going to like your style and someone else will say something snarky about it.

 

[DiannaVM]

I am glad my one friend "eloped", not that I think she would've been a bridezilla anyway. I hope that because we are older, the rest of my friends will remain level-headed when their time comes. What kind of people are you all dealing with?

 

[weeniecat2442]

Amen!

@weeniecat2442, you're a good friend. Or a glutton for punishment.

Well I've known the girl for 25 years, since we were kids. We both have had our good moments and our not-so-good moments. That's life! I know she's stressed and has some regrets about how big this wedding has turned into. We shall move on!
I think someday we all may even look back at this and laugh about it. At her shower myself, the bride and our two other close friends recalled a baseball game we all went to 5-6 years ago. I finally reminded them all how we had gotten into a fight because one of us (the now-bride) picked us all up over an hour late. We had a good laugh at that. It's good to have friends that are willing to take you on your bad days and laugh at everyone's ridiculousness. Weddings have just become too stressful for all involved!

 

[disneymom3]

I will be sure to give her a gentle reminder on Saturday to enjoy herself and not stress the small stuff and if her timeline doesn't work out as she planned.
I will report back on how it all goes.

I had a friend years back with a 15 pg document in 10 min increments for her wedding. Just a head's up...she did not do well when things got off kilter.

One of the funniest parts....they had food in the kitchen of the church, but the wedding party was literally never allowed an unscheduled moment (the MOH got in trouble for not being in place five minutes before her picture was scheduled because she had to use the restroom. Along with being screamed at, she was called a very rude name.) So, regarding the food, none of us were allowed time to eat and THEN, when she saw all the leftover food, she blew a gasket because we had wasted it all. Yeah, we were there for nine hours, not eating was by choice.

Oh, and that followed all of us having to be at the hair salon at 7 a.m. when they didn't open til 9 (because Bridezilla hadn't actually double checked her appointment time )even though only one other girl was getting her hair done. We were also promised brunch, provided by the bride for during the hair appointment (while we all sat around and waited) but she forgot to bring anything. It was quite a day.

She had had a problem with her bachelorette party too. Her sister booked two hotel rooms, and had liquor delivered from room service, rented a limo to take us to a bunch of bars, and I don't even know what all else. After the fact, we were all informed that we needed to chip in over $100 each for all the extra costs. I was pregnant and didn't drink and had said all along that I wasn't staying at the hotel so I refused to give any more money. (We had all been given a cost beforehand.) I am sure I wasn't her favorite person. LOL

Thank you to those who gave condolences on my daughter's friend. It was almost three years ago and is still a pretty tender subject. I rarely even talk about it but I guess I was tired and the alleged bullying put me over the edge. I appreciate your kind words. She was such a sweet girl and had so much going for her.

 

[fly girl]

See this I get too. On one side of my extended family we have some folks that are simpler people- not bridezillas at all, that have what I would term more old fashioned weddings. The mother of the bride makes the dresses, the mothers of bride and groom made all the food, reception in the church all purpose room, uncle DJs....and after the bride and groom leave the reception the wedding party would help clean up and put away all the church folding chairs and tables. Before the rehearsal dinner everyone went to the church and help set up the tables and chairs. Not how my wedding was done but another common thing in some circles.

This is where I get whiplash from theses discussions. On one hand someone is a bridezillas if something is well planned, she's extravagant if she has a wedding planner and pays people for everything, or she's tacky and cheap if her family and friends help provide things for the wedding. People need to be more traditional or people need to get with the times. The one thing you can guarantee doing wedding season is that someone is not going to like your style and someone else will say something snarky about it.

I don't care if you have a cheap or extravagant wedding. My issue lies with how the bride treats the wedding party.

No doubt, if she's planning the event (no matter what cost) she will likely have a meltdown. It's a life altering event and very stressful. Totally get having bad moments -- she's human!

However, consistently treating your friends poorly and having crazy demands is what I don't like. Being a bride should not give you carte blanch to treat your friends like garbage. And it seems like this is happening more frequently.

I think the "set up the venue party" remarks wasn't based just upon what they were doing. It was about the frustrations with this bride in particular. At least for me, it was.

 

[gwynne]

I am glad my one friend "eloped", not that I think she would've been a bridezilla anyway. I hope that because we are older, the rest of my friends will remain level-headed when their time comes. What kind of people are you all dealing with?

I think characteristics like levelheadedness, kindness and empathy are generally personality driven. Sometimes they increase over the years. Sometimes they were there all along.

 

[bethy]

Is there even a question of there NOT being an after-party!? Tonight is the "setup the venue" party (which I cannot make) tomorrow is the mani/pedi/luncheon (which I also cannot make as I need to be at work) followed by the rehearsal, the rehearsal dinner, all the girls are sleeping at the hotel Friday evening so we can get up & ready for hair & makeup at 8am, followed by a whole slew of activities which the bride has put into an amazingly detailed excel spreadsheet breaking the day into 15 minute increments. I'm nervous as there was no time mentioned for any bathroom breaks! After the wedding we go back to the hotel for the after party. Three of us bridesmaids live about 10 minutes away from the hotel- so we are not staying there. Im not sure if she knows this yet or not. BUT of course I will be back at the hotel Sunday morning in time for the brunch they are hosting!

and after all that is said and done...I will be burning all of my bridesmaids dresses and dyed shoes (you REALLY thought I could wear those again!?!?) as I dance around the fire in celebration of all my friends being married and never having to do this again!

I've got to wonder about what kind of withdrawal symptoms these kinds of brides must go through after it's (FINALLY!) all over.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

Me either. I had a very small wedding and really hope that my daughters make the same choice.

Same here! We have told all of our kids that we will give money for whatever they want to do, we will help if they ask but have zero desire to do it all again or to live vicariously through them or anything at all like that! LOL.

 

[cabanafrau]

See this I get too. On one side of my extended family we have some folks that are simpler people- not bridezillas at all, that have what I would term more old fashioned weddings. The mother of the bride makes the dresses, the mothers of bride and groom made all the food, reception in the church all purpose room, uncle DJs....and after the bride and groom leave the reception the wedding party would help clean up and put away all the church folding chairs and tables. Before the rehearsal dinner everyone went to the church and help set up the tables and chairs. Not how my wedding was done but another common thing in some circles.

This is where I get whiplash from theses discussions. On one hand someone is a bridezillas if something is well planned, she's extravagant if she has a wedding planner and pays people for everything, or she's tacky and cheap if her family and friends help provide things for the wedding. People need to be more traditional or people need to get with the times. The one thing you can guarantee doing wedding season is that someone is not going to like your style and someone else will say something snarky about it.

I've helped with several weddings where groups of friends/family helped with the set up the venue details, even the overseeing the venue set up when it was to be handled by banquet hall staff or a wedding coordinator. Not bridezilla situations at all. I've also been privy to brides/MOBs who have assumed the bridal party would handle it as part of their attendant duties without even asking. That's so out of hand IMO.

If you pull those personalities out of wedding mode one type would be the ones you have to insist allow you to bring a pasta salad, a desert or at least some extra ice for a get together, the other type tells you what you're to bring before you've accepted the invitation. I'll share Fourth of July and Thanksgiving with group A, please.

 

[cabanafrau]

Same here! We have told all of our kids that we will give money for whatever they want to do, we will help if they ask but have zero desire to do it all again or to live vicariously through them or anything at all like that! LOL.

Vicariously? I minimized being the bride when I had to do it in order to marry DH, I sure as heck have no desire to experience it through anybody else's experience. A big, splashy affair doesn't seem to suit either one of my daughters' preferences, but we'll see what they decide when their time comes. I'll simply be support staff in the background to help get the details together.

 

[Turn the Page]

I've got to wonder about what kind of withdrawal symptoms these kinds of brides must go through after it's (FINALLY!) all over.

I have heard some women go through periods of full on depression that can last for months. I can't even imagine that. I was not at all sad after my wedding was over. I kind of approached it as the next step in our relationship and after that was over it was time to start thinking about what was next. Building a life together and a home, etc. It didn't occur to me that I should be sad that it was over and try to milk it for all it was worth.

 

[design_mom]

I've got to wonder about what kind of withdrawal symptoms these kinds of brides must go through after it's (FINALLY!) all over.

My SIL apparently had a major freak-out. Her new husband called us the next morning and my DH said "How's your wife?" The husband said "Oh, I wouldn't call her that if I were you!"

Apparently, she woke up the morning after the wedding and said something akin to "I'm someone's wife! I don't want to be anyone's wife!!!!" Even today, she says she was so focused on being the bride that she didn't stop to think about being the wife. (How is that even possible?!) They've been married for 14 years, but separated twice.