Just need to vent

[JessHooper]

From the very beginning: My sister got married last year and my mom was hurt because my sister didnt ask her to help pick out her dress. So, this year I'm getting married, but my dad is terminally ill and my parents went away to Florida for the winter so he would feel better (we live in Very cold climate in winter), which meant that my mom couldnt help pick out my dress with me either. She is supposed to be coming home from FL next week so I made my "dress pick up" date so she could see it on me with my hair done, etc. But when I call to tell her about anything, she won't answer the phone, she doesn't return my calls, and when I do get a hold of her, she is drunk and wants to talk about her drunk neighbors in FL. I ask her for advice about my wedding but she acts like she isn't even interested. I don't get it. I'm tired of dealing with her drinking and I wish I was a little more important than what is going on with her neighbors. I have told her time and time again that her drinking bothers me, but she doesn't care. She denies that she has a problem. I just want my mom back.

 

[Brad&Kryssi]

Oh sweetie {{{hugs}}}.

I know that you are hurt...people don't realize how much their addictions hurt the people that love them. I'm so sorry that your dad is ill.

The only thing I would like to point out is that this might be your mom's way of coping with your dad's illness. It's no excuse but it might help you in realizing that she does love you, she's just in pain.

And you just can't figure out what people find important when they've been drinking (like the neighbors)...who knows why that takes precedent in her mind.

You have a very full plate. Concentrate on you and your day. You can't change anyone else, just how you react to them. And we are ALWAYS here when you need some support.

 

[NJOYURLIFE]

Sorry for what you are going through.

 

[we3disneygo]

 

[littleladykaty]

sweets I am so sorry that all this is going on...I'm very sorry to hear about your dad. Everyone must be really hurting. I'm sure it feels awful when you really need your mom to be present for this time and she is so far away in more ways than one.

We love you!!! vent any time you want!!!

don't forget to lean on your sweetie...that's what he is there for!

good thoughts and hugs

 

[Rustyflwr3]

Im so sorry to hear about all of this!! I know it may seem like you are unimportant to her, but everyone in your family must be going through a hard time right now! You are important to her and I hope that it eventually shows!

Jessica

 

[allisonswonderland]

I agree with Kryssi- I think this may be the way your mom is coping with your dad's illness and unfortuantely, many times when the family needs to come together more than anything, they do not. It seems like your mom talking about the neighbors seems to be her way of taking her mind off of the reality of her life. I know that must be horribly painful for you as you do need your momma so badly right now- there is no excuse in the world for her behavior and I am so sorry that you have had to deal with this.

It sounds like your mom definately has a major problem but people with addictions do not usually admit their problems very easily, maybe you should consider going to an AA meemeting, they offer them for family members as well or look into the Beattie book Codependant no more- I had to read it for a class - I had 4 masters level course in drug and alcohol rehab along with my counseling classes- as a daughter of an alcoholic father at least you are able to admit that your parent has a problem. When my parents divorced mom was attending a divorce support group and someone asked her if my dad was an alcoholic and her response was like mine, no- he drinks a lot but is not an alocholic.....let me know if you need to talk- I would love to help-

 

[JessHooper]

Thank you all so much for your kind words. And most of all, thank you for not judging me because of my mother. I think that is one of the worst things to deal with--I'm so embarrassed about my mother's drinking that I don't like to invite her to many things my fiance and I are doing. His mother used to drink heavily but she has since quit all together. That is actually the main reason for us not having a reception--we are too ashamed of my mom's drinking and her inability to stop at 2 or even 3.

 

[Brad&Kryssi]

Jess, please never be embarrassed to speak of this...you need to let it out and you need to know you're not alone.

This should be the happiest time of your life and you're starting out with so much against you. I am amazed at your strength.

Keep that chin up and never lose that great attitude of yours.

 

[Cinderella2006]

I am sorry to hear that you are going through this in such as important time in your life and I know how you may be feeling. My step dad who I am very close to has cancer and as a result of the stress my mum has stopped eating and become anorexic. I am not making excuses for your mum but sometimes people have different ways of expressing themselves. I feel that you are doing the right thing by trying to keep in contact with your mum; at least she knows when she is ready she has your support. I don’t drink so I can’t really comment on your mum’s addiction but maybe it’s her way of dealing with the pain; not the best way I agree but I hope for your sake she pulls through soon.
My advice would be go out to a spa for the day; alone or with your friends, have a massage, relax and try to forget about things for the day; i know it will be hard but i am sure you would enjoy it.
Aimee x