Just need to vent about wedding planning

[lspst8]

It seems like there is a lot of wedding chatter here, so I thought I'd ask for some help with throwing a casual wedding this August. I've been through so many ideas and plans, and the one I'm stuck with right now I absolutely hate. (I know ... I'm supposed to be excited, but I hate the current plan.) Sorry if this is long!

So, my fiance and I are getting married on August 28 (a Friday evening). Originally we were going to have a sit down dinner for about 50 people at a nice restaurant near us. Then I realized I didn't want to spend that much money on both a reception and honeymoon, and we would rather go on a trip away so we were going to go to Key West and get married there. Then I saw the free dining offer at WDW Well, it is a small fortune to elope at Disney ($4500 bare minimum and they don't even give you a free hotel room for one night!) So we decided to have just our immediate families at the ceremony and a dinner at the same restaurant afterwards.

I hate this idea ..... mainly because my fiance's parents aren't the friendliest people in the whole world and his sister drives me bonkers. He is living with his parents right now, and I have never been inside their home. I've met his mother exactly once at a baseball game and we sat 5 seats apart. My parents did go out to dinner with them once after we got engaged earlier this year, and the report was that his parents are extremely socially akward to the point where it is unpleasant to be aroung them. So yeah, I'm dreading this 10 person dinner after the wedding ceremony because it will be extremely uncomfortable, forced, and no fun. (My fiance knows my feelings about this and agrees that his parents are non-social. They do not have friends, and he can't remember anyone being allowed inside of his parents house ever.)

At this point I just want to run away to Vegas! While I have a good job, we don't have a ton of money to throw a big sit-down reception. No credit card debt here (My parents have been hit hard by the recession and my dad's company basically stopped paying commissions so his earnings are hlaf what he is used to, so they can't really help out with expenses.)

Do you think a picnic wedding reception is a bad idea? I was thinking we could rent a pavilion at a local park and get it catered with picnic foods. That way I'll be able to invite my friends and family, and I won't have to interact with his parents. I think it would be really fun, and just a nice afternoon type event. I'd have plenty of picnic food, beer, pop, and wedding cake and cookies. Is this tacky at all? I figure we can use my sister's Ipod for music, and just have a nice, relaxed party.

Thanks for reading .... I probably sound ridiculous, but I really want to have a nice wedding day I will enjoy.

 

[luvmy3]

I don't think you should have to feel uncomfortable in order to make someone else happy on your wedding day so if the dinner after the ceremony is going to be that way for you, I would do something different. Or, I would have a ton of alcohol at your disposal

 

[disbridemimi]

I think the picnic wedding sounds lovely! It will be casual and fun without all of the pressure! I think you should go with your gut. If what you have planned isnt what you want, change it.

 

[alexandria674]

I think a picnic wedding is a great idea! I mean, not only will you and your guest be relaxed, it won't be so stuffy! Also, the weather should be great and you will have fun. What a great idea.

 

[Disney Doll]

My brother and SIL got married in their backyard and had a lovely picnic style reception that everyone enjoyed immensely. I'm going to guess there were 30-40 people there.

My sister wore a lovely floral sundress, my brother wore nice pants and a sport shirt, they had all kinds of very good food, their guests really enjoyed the,selves, I took lots of pictures and made them a very nice wedding scrapbook...all in all, I have very nice memories of their wedding day, as I am sure they do.

It sounds like having more people around would be good to offset the "oddity" of your in-laws.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I think you should either have the nice picnic wedding (and it really does sound like it would be rather fun, too!!!)


Or.


Or, you can get married at the Swan and Dolphin as it is less expensive as a Disney wedding yet you are right there in the middle of it.

I shall give your words of advice: The wedding is for you and your husband-to-be. There is no right or wrong, there is only the two of you and what YOU want to do. You two are the center and everyone else is just icing on the cake!

 

[Hoodie]

We went to a picnic reception last year and it was WONDERFUL. There is absolutely no need to spend a fortune on a wedding. A bunch of us even made the food and decorated. We had a blast!

 

[onelilspark]

If a picnic wedding & reception makes you happy, then DO it. Don't worry about what everyone thinks, just do what makes you happy (and of course what you can afford )

My Aunt & Uncle got married in her mother's back yard which happened to be next to the VFW. Their reception was next door in that VFW and if I remember correctly, all the food was prepared by friends and family. It was lovely, they were happy. That's what matters.

 

[phisigprincess]

Don't settle for something you hate. If you want a picnic wedding, go for it.

For our rehearsal dinner, all I wanted was pizza at my parents' house. It would be relaxed, inexpensive, and easier on all of us. You would have thought I told our parents I was cancelling the wedding completely by their reactions. We got put through the ringer about this (which is SO silly looking back), but I didn't cave and got my pizza picnic rehearsal dinner.

Guess what? It worked out perfectly. Everyone had a great time and commented how nice it was just to relax instead of going to a formal RD. And when my sister gets married on the 27th, guess what they're doing for their RD?

Stick to your guns and do what you feel will make you happy.

 

[powellrj]

Can I ask you why you haven't made more of an effort? These people will be your children's grandparents. They are your husbands parents.

You have already said they are socially awkward and have no friends, so you need to step up to the plate and make an effort to try to help them instead of writing them off.

My in-laws pretty much disliked me up until the very end, but I still made an effort for the sake of my husband, I had to plan the funeral of a man I couldn't stand and who pretty much felt the same way about me, but I did it for my husband.

A picnic wedding is fine, but for the sake of your husband, you need to go the extra mile and at least make an effort with his parents.

 

[suejai]

the picnic idea sounds lovely and fun. We just got married from my parents backyard, I wore a nice dress and DH wore a normal suit. We had 11 people I think. We just couldn't afford and didn't really want anything bigger. IMO, unless the families have that kind of lifestyle, I think big weddings are a big waste of money, I would rather put the money into the honeymoon, or as a downpayment on a house, or whatever. That's just my take on it though, everyone else sees it their own way.

Also, coming from a socially inept family myself, I can tell you that your in laws would probably feel more comfortable with the picnic idea as well.

 

[Darcy03231]

When DH and I got married (2nd marriage for both of us) we had a small church ceremony with only immediate family. We then had a huge backyard BBQ/pool party reception for all of our friends and family. Everybody dressed casual, we had the pool open and had a great time. People still talk about how much fun it was (12 years ago). I say go with the picnic and have fun! DH and I both enjoyed ourselves as much as our guests and it was very easy on the pocketbook.

 

[JESW]

I think you need to do what YOU and your dh-to-be want to do. I was never one who wanted the big wedding, the expensive dress and all that goes with that - waaaay too stressful for ME. Dh & I were married in his parents yard by a JP and witnessed by our immediate families. (about 15 people). Afterward we all went out for Chinese food. The next weekend we had a cook-out for about 30 of our friends. We will celebrate our 22nd anniversary next weekend.

I hope that you can find something that you both will like and remember.

Jill

 

[C.Ann]

I think the picnic wedding sounds lovely! It will be casual and fun without all of the pressure! I think you should go with your gut. If what you have planned isnt what you want, change it.

My brother and SIL got married in their backyard and had a lovely picnic style reception that everyone enjoyed immensely. I'm going to guess there were 30-40 people there.

My sister wore a lovely floral sundress, my brother wore nice pants and a sport shirt, they had all kinds of very good food, their guests really enjoyed the,selves, I took lots of pictures and made them a very nice wedding scrapbook...all in all, I have very nice memories of their wedding day, as I am sure they do.

It sounds like having more people around would be good to offset the "oddity" of your in-laws.

-----------------------------------
I agree that both of these are great ideas.. My sister did this (her second marriage) and a close friend of my DD's did this as well.. Everyone had a great time and really enjoyed the relaxed atmosphere..

I also think the relaxed atmosphere would make it easier on your future IL's if they are as socially awkward as you have stated..

Good luck - and have fun!!

 

[harleyquinn]

I had sort of a picnic wedding/reception at a local park. We got married next to the building where we had the reception. It faced the lake, and it was really beautiful. The building wasn't a traditional picnic pavilion --it was an enclosed building with bathrooms and a kitchen. Our friends/family made food and it turned into a pot luck dinner, which was actually really nice. It had a very family reunion sort of feeling--which to me is kinda what a wedding is, just with 2 families instead of one.

I'm sooo happy we did it this way. It was perfect for us and our families. We had SOOO many people tell us it was the best wedding they'd ever been to.

We had a DJ (a friend that did it cheap--basically just played a mix CD my DH made). If you can do this or just bring a nice LOUD CD/MP3 player, I would totally do it. Those first dances are really special.

Now I agree with a PP that you might consider making more of an effort with his parents...they have not been mean or hurtful to you--they just aren't social. It sounds like you've never really spoken to either of them. Give them a chance...they probably won't ever be close or call you all the time, but they aren't being mean to you, so I would count that as a blessing!

 

[lspst8]

Thanks everyone -- I emailed a few caterers to see some basic prices. And then I will go from there. (If I can't work an elopement in before August)

Can I ask you why you haven't made more of an effort? These people will be your children's grandparents. They are your husbands parents.

You have already said they are socially awkward and have no friends, so you need to step up to the plate and make an effort to try to help them instead of writing them off.

My in-laws pretty much disliked me up until the very end, but I still made an effort for the sake of my husband, I had to plan the funeral of a man I couldn't stand and who pretty much felt the same way about me, but I did it for my husband.

A picnic wedding is fine, but for the sake of your husband, you need to go the extra mile and at least make an effort with his parents.

The thing is, they don't WANT any friends. They don't want to have anything to do with me. My fiance told me that it isn't me personally, they just really don't socialize with anyone. We've already talked about this issue, because it is so out of the ordinary. If he wasn't living there, he would hardly interact with them too. He used to live across the country and would talk to his father maybe every 3 months on the phone. His parents have jobs and go out to eat and to church, but they do everything basically in a vacuum. My fiance has told me that they "like" me, but that is basically as far as it goes.

It is kind of sad, but apparently they have always been like this. My fiance and his brother and sister never had sleep overs or birthday parties, and, while the 3 of them are fairly close, I don't think his parents have the ability (or the desire) to make friends or open themselves up in any way. I mean, if I were around them, I would always be polite and kind to them, but I truly think they don't want to be around me.

 

[NotUrsula]

The thing is, they don't WANT any friends. They don't want to have anything to do with me. My fiance told me that it isn't me personally, they just really don't socialize with anyone. We've already talked about this issue, because it is so out of the ordinary. If he wasn't living there, he would hardly interact with them too. He used to live across the country and would talk to his father maybe every 3 months on the phone. His parents have jobs and go out to eat and to church, but they do everything basically in a vacuum. My fiance has told me that they "like" me, but that is basically as far as it goes.

It is kind of sad, but apparently they have always been like this. My fiance and his brother and sister never had sleep overs or birthday parties, and, while the 3 of them are fairly close, I don't think his parents have the ability (or the desire) to make friends or open themselves up in any way. I mean, if I were around them, I would always be polite and kind to them, but I truly think they don't want to be around me.

First off, they will get used to you, as you get used to them. Once yiou are family, interacting with you won't count as socializing. Don't expect parties, but they will be nice to you in their way. People like this tend to like letters; write to them when you want to communicate.

My MIL is agoraphobic; she doesn't like leaving her home, and she really is uncomfortable at parties where she is expected to meet new people. (If you really want to make her upset, just invite her to dinner and spring another guest on her that she has never met before. ) She *did* bite the bullet and fly down to our church wedding in order to be present and to meet my wheelchair-bound mother, but she certainly didn't enjoy the experience, and my BIL was on duty to escort her the entire time.

Your future IL's are probably not going to like the idea of traveling to their son's wedding -- do they ever travel as it is? They won't like the picnic idea, either, I can tell you right now -- less formal means more friendly, and that is just the sort of thing that probably makes them most uncomfortable. They will probably skip the reception or duck out of it within 20 minutes or so if you have the picnic.

Here is what I would suggest if you really want to go the extra mile to make them as comfortable as possible and really include them in the wedding. (Not because you should, but if you WANT to.) Have a small formal (not fancy, but plain and dignified) ceremony that they can attend, and a private dinner afterward with just the immediate family. Then do the celebration wedding a day or two later.

We had two ceremonies three days apart, the first one a civil service that was attended by close family only (including DH's VERY elderly grandparents who were too ill to travel), followed by a church wedding in my home city that was attended by a lot of family and friends. The same license was used for both; normally there is a period of a few days before the filing deadline, so if you have two services REALLY close together you can pull it off if you plan carefully. (The civil one has to come first, because to have two that way, the second one is not really legally binding, but religious celebrants tend not to like to do a repeat service unless there is a legal license still in effect.) Or you can not worry about the license issue and just make the second service technically a "vow renewal".

Strange, I know, but it worked for us, and there was no effort involved in the first service beyond contacting a judge and buying a small bouquet.

 

[minniecarousel]

My niece did just this last summer. They got married at Lake Tahoe, Nevada in July, with just their parents and attendants - then had a huge picnic BBQ in August. They rented a private picnic area at the Regional Park and hired a "mobile BBQ" guy. We all had a great time & it didn't cost them a fortune.

I think you'd be smart to do this!

 

[dakcp2001]

I think it sounds awesome! You should totally do it! And thank you so much for posting this!


I am considering this myself!! What type of food will you serve? What is "picnic food" ? I really want to just do a BBQ -hamburgers, hotdogs, ribs, chicken, steaktips etc. I want to have it catered so my parents won't have to do any work on the day of. My DF thinks its too casual and people wont like it. I was thinking of renting tables & chairs from a local taylor rental and just having in my parents backyard, they have a big yard and a beautiful pool. I have visions of lemonade . I think we can make this really affordable, and maybe spring for a landscaper to come plant all kinds of flower bulbs, then they will have a pretty yard to remember it by.

This thread is just what I needed, I am making him read it! I am so gald so many of you like this idea. OP I am with you! The more people I can mix in with the weird ones, the better off we will be!

 

[hoosll]

My DD had her reception at a place called "the Shimmy Shack" - it was catered with BBQ and other picnic foods, they had a DJ, wine and beer to drink, it was great fun eventhough the electricity failed 30 minutes before and there was no air conditioning or lights. So go with the picnic, I bet the IL will be more comfortable, too.