Just need a vacation or something more?

[mommaU4]

I was just wondering how you know when you are depressed? Like truly depressed or when you are just burnt out and need a break?

I have to admit I am glad the holidays are over. I took down my tree the day after Christmas and immediately felt relieved. Not that we didn't have a nice holiday because we did, but I'm just tired. Really tired, all the time.
I feel as though I have been going in fast forward for weeks now, starting with my DD's b-day in mid-November, leading to over 20 relatives at my house for Thanksgiving and a WDW trip the day after. Then of course, as soon as we got back it was non stop getting ready for our Christmas party and then Christmas day, with my son's b-day thrown in there for good measure.

I feel like my to do list was never ending. But all this stuff to do was fun stuff. Vacations, baking, cooking, parties, relatives, holidays, etc. all that was supposed to be fun not stressful right? It's not like my to do list was any bigger than any other persons was this time of year. So why do I feel so exhausted now?

It's like all the energy was sucked out of me. I have no interest in doing anything else. I'm grouchy all the time. I'm yelling all day long at every little thing. I feel like if I have to make another bed, or wash another load of laundry, or pick up any more toys, I will scream. Or run away from home. I hate the way I'm acting but don't know how to change it. My DH tells me to sit down and take a break and all I do is snap at him that if I sit down who is going to wash the dishes? The dish fairy? Nice, I know, but I can't stop myself. The words are out before I can stop them.

I don't know if a vacation is the answer because we just went on one! Maybe a trip alone is what I need. I also feel like I am falling apart. I'm eating all the wrong foods, not getting enough sleep, or drinking enough water, not following up on important doctor appts. I just don't seem to care. Ugh, I'm such a wreck. If I was a horse they would have shot me by now to put me out of my misery.

Oh well, just needed to vent.

 

[Amy]

Momma, I don't have any answers for you, just a big . I feel the same way - I told DH that the best gift he could give me for Christmas was a one-way ticket out of here! Luckily, he took the boys to the hockey game tonight, so I have a quiet evening all to myself. But I need more than one evening to truly get back to being ME. Oh well....I'll take what I can get.

 

[canwegosoon]

I really want to get away too. I also aready have asked to take the tree down. Maybe we have SAD...maybe we are all really tired. I just think a break would be really nice...I wanted to drive to WDW day after Christmas...and sleep in the car... It will get better

 

[Disney Ontario]

Who doesn.t need a break. I am just pooped. I just told DH to get the christmas boxes up. My DD16 bithday was the 26, mine is Jan 2 and then DD16 goes for her license. I need a break. So depressed. Money was tight. No bonus for Dh,he has been there for 18 years and this is the first.I think my house would turn up side down if even I went away for even over night.I JUST DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE. HELP.

 

[mommaU4]

Thanks Amy. At least I know I'm not alone.
I think part of it for me is that I am a SAHM which most of the time I love and am grateful for. DH has worked 2 jobs in the past just so I could stay home with the kids and I know I'm lucky.
But.... when he goes to work and comes home, his job is done for the day and he can leave it behind. I'm always "on call" 24/7. Even on vacation I'm the one who plans, organizes, packs, un-packs, etc. so I'm not sure how much of a vacation it really is. And he gets acknowledgement and praise from his boss and co-workers. I get back talk and dirt laundry. Oh well, I sound very selfish and ungrateful right now and I don't mean to. He helps out alot and the kids are just being kids I guess. I just need to find a way to shake this crappy mood I'm in. Thanks for the ! It helps.

 

[disneynutt1225]

I feel the same way sometimes. In fact, I think I'm going to take a leave of absence from school for a semester this spring because I feel like my brain is nothing more than a fried lump of gray matter. I've been going to school nonstop (rolling semesters) since 2002 - I'm almost done, I have about 40 more credits left before I get my bachelor's...but, I just don't have the energy to do it on top of everything else I have to do over the next few months. We're moving next month, getting married in August, there's tons of planning left to do for that, and I'd REALLY like to work two jobs for a few months again to build up a nest egg and/or pay down debt that has accumulated over the last few months.

I dunno, I guess it was the holidays, baking, studying, working, packing the house....it's just gotten to be too much. I need a break!!!

 

[mbw12]

Mommau4- At the very LEAST....You need to do somethign for yourself....got to a day spa and have a massage, have hubby take the kids out for the night and soak in the tub with a trashy magazine or novel, go get your nails done....anyway just SOMETHING for you and you ONLY!!!!!!
I think we all get that "let down" feeling maybe after the holidays....and for me, it is always a sort of seasonal depression during the months of january and February....could it be that for you also?
Here is lots of hugs for YOU!

 

[Stacerita]

I know I needed a break. But since I just had a vacation at the begining of the month (WDW) I knew I couldn't get any time away from work. So I was gonna be sneeky and showed them. I got the flu and ha....a few days home from work. What could be better than lying in bed with my jammies and the remote a few inches from my hand? Well, aside from the chills, body aches and fevers its all good.

 

[mommaU4]

I think my house would turn up side down if even I went away for even over night.I JUST DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE. HELP.

I hear ya. I bet that whatever responses there are to this thread, they will all be women. Not that men aren't hard workers or not that there isn't some very wonderful husbands out there.

It just seems like women are responsible for so much more. Especially over the holidays. Shopping, mailing out the cards, wrapping, cooking, baking, etc. Add all that to the regular work of taking care of the house and the kids and the cleaning and it's just overwhelming sometimes.

Even when my DH and I will be sitting on the couch together and the kids need something, it's me they go to most of the time. Worse, there will be times when I'm washing dishes or whatever and DH is watching t.v. and the kids will ask me to help them with something that DH could just as easily help them with. Hello! It's okay to ask your dad to help once in awhile.

There are times when it feels good to play "superwoman". As in I can do it all and don't need anyones help. But the truth is, I cannot be everything to everyone all the time. I'm only one person afterall.

 

[WIcruizer]

It just seems like women are responsible for so much more.

I'll be the first DH to jump on. Please be gentle with me. Women definitely don't have a monopoly on stress. For all of you SAHMs, have you ever really thought about the stress WE have? It is our responsibility as the sole wage earner to find a job, keep a job, and make enough money for a nice home, vehicles, WDW, etc. But that's just for starters. How will college be paid for? When can I retire, and how much money will be needed? And so much more.

Often times I feel that's taken for granted. And no, that doesn't stop the minute work ends for the day. In fact, away from work is when our minds start wondering about all those responsibilities. And for many of us, we continue to think about work after hours. Many times we have an all out nhand to hand combat battle at work for 8-10 hours, then come home and need to magically switch it off, and switch happy dad on. Trust me, it takes pure magic many days.

The SAHM suffers more from boredom than stress in my opinion. And I get that, I really do. But think of it this way. Any decision you make won't change your entire financial future. If the laundry is late a day, it doesn't matter. If the kids lunch isn't perfect, oh well. Throughout the 16 hour day, you can dictate your own schedule. You can take an hour break. As the DD, we have almost our entire life scheduled for us by work, DW, and our kids. Just some things to consider.

 

[Texan Mouseketeer]

I agree with your last post momma...

 

[OhMari]

I'll be the first DH to jump on. Please be gentle with me. Women definitely don't have a monopoly on stress. For all of you SAHMs, have you ever really thought about the stress WE have? It is our responsibility as the sole wage earner to find a job, keep a job, and make enough money for a nice home, vehicles, WDW, etc. But that's just for starters. How will college be paid for? When can I retire, and how much money will be needed? And so much more.

Often times I feel that's taken for granted. And no, that doesn't stop the minute work ends for the day. In fact, away from work is when our minds start wondering about all those responsibilities. And for many of us, we continue to think about work after hours. Many times we have an all out nhand to hand combat battle at work for 8-10 hours, then come home and need to magically switch it off, and switch happy dad on. Trust me, it takes pure magic many days.

The SAHM suffers more from boredom than stress in my opinion. And I get that, I really do. But think of it this way. Any decision you make won't change your entire financial future. If the laundry is late a day, it doesn't matter. If the kids lunch isn't perfect, oh well. Throughout the 16 hour day, you can dictate your own schedule. You can take an hour break. As the DD, we have almost our entire life scheduled for us by work, DW, and our kids. Just some things to consider.

I understand your comment, but lets say your wife has passed away. Then, you would have to come home and figure out everything yourself. Your laundry would not be done for you-but then you would probably take it to a laundry facility, who would clean your house, have meals ready for you, make sure your kids have somewhere to go afterschool, make sure all homework is done for the night.

Let your wife take a day off or 2, or set aside an hour a day for herself, and watch your life really unravel.

There has to be a compromise somewhere. I've seen to many marriages end for this reason alone. Both thought they were more important and worked harder than the other one.

 

[WIcruizer]

Let your wife take a day off or 2, or set aside an hour a day for herself, and watch your life really unravel.

I have, and it did...lol.

In no way am I saying it's not just as important. I was simply responding to the comments that SAHMs do everything, and have all the stress. I was trying to point out that men have plenty of stress as well.

Besides, I do most of the laundry and do about half the cooking as it is. Cleaning...that's a different story. Don't you know men can't see dust?

 

[DisneyPhD]

There is a lot you have to take into account. One is your enviorment. Don't under estimate how difficult it is to be in MI during the winter (let alone a small town in northren MI. Winter is tough. Besides the elements, the lack of sunshine can really get you down.

A vacation can help. I have vowed that as long as I live in MI I am going to take a winter vacation to some place warm (often WDW, we joined DVC.) if at all possible. Sometimes more then once a winter if at all possible.

Get a sun lamp. Not the tanning kind. The kind to help with seasonal affective disorder. It helps.

You are a mother of 4. That isn't easy on the best days. Let alone when kids get sick, can't get out of the house and track wet snow all over it.

Planning the vacation always gives us something to look forward to.

MI winters is all I have ever known. I can't imagine trying to "get used" to them after Califoina.

 

[mommaU4]

I'll be the first DH to jump on. Please be gentle with me. Women definitely don't have a monopoly on stress. For all of you SAHMs, have you ever really thought about the stress WE have? It is our responsibility as the sole wage earner to find a job, keep a job, and make enough money for a nice home, vehicles, WDW, etc. But that's just for starters. How will college be paid for? When can I retire, and how much money will be needed? And so much more.

Often times I feel that's taken for granted. And no, that doesn't stop the minute work ends for the day. In fact, away from work is when our minds start wondering about all those responsibilities. And for many of us, we continue to think about work after hours. Many times we have an all out nhand to hand combat battle at work for 8-10 hours, then come home and need to magically switch it off, and switch happy dad on. Trust me, it takes pure magic many days.

The SAHM suffers more from boredom than stress in my opinion. And I get that, I really do. But think of it this way. Any decision you make won't change your entire financial future. If the laundry is late a day, it doesn't matter. If the kids lunch isn't perfect, oh well. Throughout the 16 hour day, you can dictate your own schedule. You can take an hour break. As the DD, we have almost our entire life scheduled for us by work, DW, and our kids. Just some things to consider.

I'll be nice. It's good to hear the other side of it. I know it's not easy being the sole bread winner in the household especially a large one like we have. And I thank my DH all the time for working so hard for us. But I work hard to and I guess it's about the recognition and appreciation. If you bust your butt at work hopefully a colleague or supervisor will notice and you'll get some sort of praise or bonus or something. I can bust my butt at home and no one will notice. I can spend hours making a nice supper and all I get is "Eww, I'm not eating that!"

And no, I cannot dictate my own schedule. My kids do that. I cannot even shower or pee (sorry, but it's true) without someone needing something that apparently only I can provide. I have four kids so I am a little more outnumbered than most I admit.

I'll be the first to admit that some of the stress I put on myself. It may not matter to anyone else if the laundry is done a day late but I still have been known to stay up until midnight to finish it. The work around the house is never ending. So I guess what I'm trying to say is there's no real sense of accomplishment because your never "done". It just gets exhuasting sometimes. I love being home with my kids but it's very tiring and maybe it is, as someone suggested earlier, just because it's right after the holidays and everyone is feeling a little tired.

Anyways, I guess it's hard for the men too just in a different way.

 

[mommaU4]

I have, and it did...lol.

In no way am I saying it's not just as important. I was simply responding to the comments that SAHMs do everything, and have all the stress. I was trying to point out that men have plenty of stress as well.

Besides, I do most of the laundry and do about half the cooking as it is. Cleaning...that's a different story. Don't you know men can't see dust?

I hope you weren't refering to any comments I made. Because the first thing I pointed out was that men are hard workers too and many are wonderful husbands. And no where did I say that SAHMs do everything or have all the stress. More of it? Yes, I believe so. All of it? Nope, never said that.

BTW, maybe you could share the secret to that whole not seeing the dust trick.

 

[mommaU4]

There is a lot you have to take into account. One is your enviorment. Don't under estimate how difficult it is to be in MI during the winter (let alone a small town in northren MI. Winter is tough. Besides the elements, the lack of sunshine can really get you down.

A vacation can help. I have vowed that as long as I live in MI I am going to take a winter vacation to some place warm (often WDW, we joined DVC.) if at all possible. Sometimes more then once a winter if at all possible.

Get a sun lamp. Not the tanning kind. The kind to help with seasonal affective disorder. It helps.

You are a mother of 4. That isn't easy on the best days. Let alone when kids get sick, can't get out of the house and track wet snow all over it.

Planning the vacation always gives us something to look forward to.

MI winters is all I have ever known. I can't imagine trying to "get used" to them after Califoina.

I think I took my vacation too early!! We went to WDW last month and now we still have basically the whole winter to get through! Thanks for the understanding words. Too bad we don't live closer, we could hang out.

 

[WIcruizer]

I can spend hours making a nice supper and all I get is "Eww, I'm not eating that!"

If that's not my DW's #1 pet peeve, it's certainly top 3. I look over at my DS as he's about to say something negative about dinner..I'm thinking "don't say it boy......ohhhh...too late"

I hope you weren't refering to any comments I made.

No, not at all. They were someone else's comments.

[/QUOTE]BTW, maybe you could share the secret to that whole not seeing the dust trick.

Sorry, I can't help you there. It's called testoserone.

 

[DisneyArk]

Even when my DH and I will be sitting on the couch together and the kids need something, it's me they go to most of the time. Worse, there will be times when I'm washing dishes or whatever and DH is watching t.v. and the kids will ask me to help them with something that DH could just as easily help them with. Hello! It's okay to ask your dad to help once in awhile.

This is a HUGE problem at our house!! My DH is great, but for some reason my kids always want me to help them. Why is that?

On Monday I was sick with a stomach virus (after caring for the rest of the family when they had it during the past week). My DH kept telling the boys that he would help them and to please let me sleep. Every few minutes they would run in and ask for something "Mom, where are my shoes?", "Mom can I have something to drink", etc. It makes me so crazy that I just have to laugh to avoid crying!

It does make me feel better knowing that so many of us are in the same boat! I keep telling myself that one day the boys will be grown up and I'll miss having someone need me and want me so much!

 

[DisneyPhD]

I think I took my vacation too early!! We went to WDW last month and now we still have basically the whole winter to get through! Thanks for the understanding words. Too bad we don't live closer, we could hang out.

I am a little concerned about that myself. We go next week and I am a little concerned about "what do I haver to look forward to until mid april or May".

yes, we are close, but not close enough.