Just How Rude Was This? (Wedding Invitation - Related)

[DVCLiz]

Maybe you should let this be known to all your family and friends so they know not to invite you, lest you think their invitation is "tacky".

Honestly. Some people just go out of their way to get their knickers in a wad.

Why do you care about my opinion of wedding invitations, Sarah Jayne? It's not like it matters to you. It's just my opinion that evites and printed labels are too informal for a wedding invitation. It doesn't stop the world from spinning to have an opinion about a wedding invitation.

No wadded knickers here...

PS How do you feel about guests addressing their own thank you cards?

 

[Mickey's Minion]

Yes, we've established that it was rude.

Now where's that beating a dead horse smiley?

You are right. According to your title of your thread and your posts, you are trying to determine the level of rudeness for blowing off a certain type of wedding.

You keep arguing that it is "less rude" to blow off a wedding after you have confirmed you are attending if:

• You don't approve of their method of invites
• They have not spent $0.44 for postage of said invitation
• They don't have a sit down dinner
• The venue didn't cost as much to rent as say, a ranch
• There is no alcohol being served
• It is light appetizers, not even heavy appetizers

In other words, per your arguments in this thread, the less somebody has spent on their wedding, the more ok it is to blow it off.

You keep saying it is not about the money spent on the wedding, yet every argument you pose that it is "less rude" otherwise known as "more ok" to blow off a wedding, involves the amount of money the bridal couple has spent.

As far as I was taught, there are no levels of rudeness. It is either rude to blow off somebody or it is not. It doesn't matter how informal, how much money is spent or whether I agree with the way they did something or not.

But then, we must have been raised differently. Maybe it is because I am an old fuddy-duddy that has been on this planet for over half a century that I was raised that there are never degrees of rudeness. You are either rude or you are not.

 

[DVCLiz]

You are right. According to your title of your thread and your posts, you are trying to determine the level of rudeness for blowing off a certain type of wedding.

You keep arguing that it is "less rude" to blow off a wedding after you have confirmed you are attending if:

• You don't approve of their method of invites
• They have not spent $0.44 for postage of said invitation
• They don't have a sit down dinner
• The venue didn't cost as much to rent as say, a ranch
• There is no alcohol being served
• It is light appetizers, not even heavy appetizers

In other words, per your arguments in this thread, the less somebody has spent on their wedding, the more ok it is to blow it off.

You keep saying it is not about the money spent on the wedding, yet every argument you pose that it is "less rude" otherwise known as "more ok" to blow off a wedding, involves the amount of money the bridal couple has spent.

As far as I was taught, there are no levels of rudeness. It is either rude to blow off somebody or it is not. It doesn't matter how informal, how much money is spent or whether I agree with the way they did something or not.

But then, we must have been raised differently. Maybe it is because I am an old fuddy-duddy that has been on this planet for over half a century that I was raised that there are never degrees of rudeness. You are either rude or you are not.

Thanks for spelling it all out for me, Mickey's Minion. I've only been on the planet for 52 years so I had no idea how to determine whether anyone felt something was more or less rude, which is why I asked the question in the first place. I wondered if people would feel that there was a nuance depending on the casual nature of the invitation. Now I know. Some people think yes and some think no.

I suppose people who tell an untruth are either liars or they are not - period. "Oh, I don't why they said that - Santa Claus is TOO real!" is the same in your book as "I didn't take the TV from the store and I don't know who that guy in the video who looks exactly like me smashing in the window is."

Clearly you have a strong opinion and I am certain I understand what it is so I think we are done.

 

[Jennasis]

It's rude to blow off ANY event you have RSVP'd to, regardless of the formality of said event. A BBQ, a kid's birthday, a night of popcorn and rented movies. If you say you are coming and don't bother to call, email, text or send that Harry Potter owl to say "I'm sorry I can't make it", that makes you a rude person in that instance, or at the very least extremely thoughtless.

 

[DVCLiz]

It's rude to blow off ANY event you have RSVP'd to, regardless of the formality of said event. A BBQ, a kid's birthday, a night of popcorn and rented movies. If you say you are coming and don't bother to call, email, text or send that Harry Potter owl to say "I'm sorry I can't make it", that makes you a rude person in that instance, or at the very least extremely thoughtless.

Jennasis, are we even on the same thread? How can you - after FIVE pages -still not understand that I am not disputing that IT WAS RUDE???????

I know it was rude for my daughter and her boyfriend to "blow off" this wedding - although "blow off" is not how I would describe it. They had time to make the call and DD's boyfriend said he would call. He forgot. They are sorry about that. They know it was rude, I know it was rude, you know it was rude. Rude. It. Was.

By the way, this note that either DD or her boyfriend - or both - are supposed to write as an apology (and I don't dispute that they SHOULD, just in case anybody is wondering) - can they just send an email? After all, tit for tat...

 

[Mickey's Minion]

It's rude to blow off ANY event you have RSVP'd to, regardless of the formality of said event. A BBQ, a kid's birthday, a night of popcorn and rented movies. If you say you are coming and don't bother to call, email, text or send that Harry Potter owl to say "I'm sorry I can't make it", that makes you a rude person in that instance, or at the very least extremely thoughtless.

Nice and succinct

 

[Mickey's Minion]

Jennasis, are we even on the same thread? How can you - after FIVE pages -still not understand that I am not disputing that IT WAS RUDE???????

I know it was rude for my daughter and her boyfriend to "blow off" this wedding - although "blow off" is not how I would describe it. They had time to make the call and DD's boyfriend said he would call. He forgot. They are sorry about that. They know it was rude, I know it was rude, you know it was rude. Rude. It. Was.

By the way, this note that either DD or her boyfriend - or both - are supposed to write as an apology (and I don't dispute that they SHOULD, just in case anybody is wondering) - can they just send an email? After all, tit for tat...

I would think an e-mail in this situation would be perfectly ok. But then, I also think e-mail is a perfectly acceptable mode of communication.

 

[Jennasis]

Jennasis, are we even on the same thread? How can you - after FIVE pages -still not understand that I am not disputing that IT WAS RUDE???????

I know it was rude for my daughter and her boyfriend to "blow off" this wedding - although "blow off" is not how I would describe it. They had time to make the call and DD's boyfriend said he would call. He forgot. They are sorry about that. They know it was rude, I know it was rude, you know it was rude. Rude. It. Was.

By the way, this note that either DD or her boyfriend - or both - are supposed to write as an apology (and I don't dispute that they SHOULD, just in case anybody is wondering) - can they just send an email? After all, tit for tat...

But you seem to be perpetuating this notion that it was "less rude" somehow.

Your OP asks "HOW rude was this?" The answer: VERY. Orrrrrr, as rude as no showing to any event to which you've been invited and RSVP'd.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Not a fan of evite for any formal gathering and I include weddings of any formality to be a formal gathering.

That being said....a couple of thoughts....

Two wrongs do not make a right. So thus, the guests that fail to show for an event they said they would come to---warrants an apology. Period. The guests in question weren't intentionally blowing off the couple. They simply made a mistake.

As far as level of guilt? I'd apologize and not think anything of it. When we had a couple of no shows...I simply put it out of my mind. We received an apology when we returned to work after our honeymoon. I didn't hold judgement over them to determine i'd their reason was good or not.
Stuff happens, people get sick, conflicts come up...

For a formal or informal invite, I would hope the hosts don't retaliate with rudeness and go zilla on me after I have offered up my apology for failing to give them a heads up. Somehow, I imagine the Bride and Groom in this scenario will not mind and forgive easily.

 

[DVCLiz]

Not a fan of evite for any formal gathering and I include weddings of any formality to be a formal gathering.

That being said....a couple of thoughts....

Two wrongs do not make a right. So thus, the guests that fail to show for an event they said they would come to---warrants an apology. Period. The guests in question weren't intentionally blowing off the couple. They simply made a mistake.

As far as level of guilt? I'd apologize and not think anything of it. When we had a couple of no shows...I simply put it out of my mind. We received an apology when we returned to work after our honeymoon. I didn't hold judgement over them to determine i'd their reason was good or not.
Stuff happens, people get sick, conflicts come up...

For a formal or informal invite, I would hope the hosts don't retaliate with rudeness and go zilla on me after I have offered up my apology for failing to give them a heads up. Somehow, I imagine the Bride and Groom in this scenario will not mind and forgive easily.

Now, Lisa, according to convential wisdom on this thread, you should have the names of those no-shows seared into your brain and be able to recall them with perfect clarity many years later.

But thank you for your completely sane and sensible post, which answers all the pertinent questions. I think the bride and groom will be perfectly lovely and enjoy the gift they are going to receive from my daughter and her boyfriend, even though they missed the wedding.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Now, Lisa, according to convential wisdom on this thread, you should have the names of those no-shows seared into your brain and be able to recall them with perfect clarity many years later.

But thank you for your completely sane and sensible post, which answers all the pertinent questions. I think the bride and groom will be perfectly lovely and enjoy the gift they are going to receive from my daughter and her boyfriend, even though they missed the wedding.

it's even my wedding anniversary today. Lol!

You do know that you are now obligated to let us know the outcome?

 

[okeydokey]

lol - the question was not "Is it rude?" I established that it was in the first post.

And my answer remains that Yes, it was just as rude as if they had blown off a big fancy wedding. That was the question wasn't it?

 

[Scurvy]

It's rude to blow off ANY event you have RSVP'd to, regardless of the formality of said event. A BBQ, a kid's birthday, a night of popcorn and rented movies. If you say you are coming and don't bother to call, email, text or send that Harry Potter owl to say "I'm sorry I can't make it", that makes you a rude person in that instance, or at the very least extremely thoughtless.

I agree. I also think it isn't a matter of "less rude" or "more rude". It's equally rude, regardless of whether the event is a catered sit-down affair or a backyard barbeque. If you accept an invitation and then don't show up, without apologetically letting your hosts know there's been an unavoidable change of plans, it's rude. None of the rest of the details change that at all.

Certainly the level of expense involved is likely to change how much your hosts will be out because you didn't show. If you bail on a $200 per plate dinner, it's likely to annoy them more than if you are a no-show for an evening of grilling hot dogs. But as was mentioned earlier in the thread, for some people the hot dogs might stretch their budget even more than the $200 meal does for some other people. So the cost to the hosts shouldn't matter at all, from the guest's perspective.

The level of formality doesn't enter into it at all, whether it's white tie or a backyard barbeque. Each event is equally important, each invitation is equally "binding". The acceptance of the invitation means exactly the same thing no matter what the people involved will be wearing or eating.

As for the possible tackiness of the e-vites, that's a seperate issue entirely. If you think e-vites are rude or inappropriate, then it's perfectly acceptable to decline the invitation. Once you've accepted, though, the mode of invitation no longer matters. The same goes for the offering of light appetizers versus a plated dinner. If you don't think the hospitality being offered is sufficient, then you should decline to attend. But guests can't use the host's supposedly insufficient offerings to justify their own rudeness.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

Thanks for spelling it all out for me, Mickey's Minion. I've only been on the planet for 52 years so I had no idea how to determine whether anyone felt something was more or less rude, which is why I asked the question in the first place. I wondered if people would feel that there was a nuance depending on the casual nature of the invitation. Now I know. Some people think yes and some think no.

I suppose people who tell an untruth are either liars or they are not - period. "Oh, I don't why they said that - Santa Claus is TOO real!" is the same in your book as "I didn't take the TV from the store and I don't know who that guy in the video who looks exactly like me smashing in the window is."

Clearly you have a strong opinion and I am certain I understand what it is so I think we are done.

You're Welcome.

If you want to discuss whether there are degrees of lying rather than degrees of rudeness, you should probably start a new thread. Unless, of course, you are trying to deflect.

Pretty big leap from reading an opinion that it is not more ok to blow off a wedding that you RSVP'd to based on how much the wedding couple has spent on the party to assuming to know what that person believes about lying.

My previous answers still stand to your original question. No, it is never more ok to blow off a wedding based on money spent by the couple, how they issue the invites or how formal it is. It is equally rude for any situation.

As I mentioned several times, mistakes are made, so your daughter should offer a sincere apology and move on. And since the boy friend is the one who put her in this predicament in the first place, she should issue her own apology and not trust him to make it for her. He might "forget" again.

 

[DVCLiz]

Ya'll, this is getting way too intense for something so trivial and I have to give my full attention to Extreme Poodles for the rest of the evening. Carry on if you like...

 

[NHdisneylover]

Although if I wanted to open another can of worms I would give you my opinion about people who list board games on their wedding registry....

I think we DID I know we asked for some legos We were young and truly just starting out and had nothing and we knew we would not have any extra income for dinner out, movies, cable, etc so we figured some of what we "needed" for the house was fun adn free entertainment. We also thought some of our younger friends would get a kick out of that more than plates and towels and would appreciate the lower price. WE have been married 14 years now and it has never occurred to me to wonder if people felt critical of us for this!

Why do you care about my opinion of wedding invitations, Sarah Jayne?

I am guessing she does for the same reasons you care about our opinions on the "degree of rudeness" involved in no showing for the wedding. It is fun and interesting to debate different points of view here

I would think an e-mail in this situation would be perfectly ok. But then, I also think e-mail is a perfectly acceptable mode of communication.

I agree. It is okay just because it is okay (maybe even preferred because it gets the message to them quickly--if they are checking email on their honeymoon)--not as some tit for tat sort of thing as OP says.

The level of formality doesn't enter into it at all, whether it's white tie or a backyard barbeque. Each event is equally important, each invitation is equally "binding". The acceptance of the invitation means exactly the same thing no matter what the people involved will be wearing or eating.

As for the possible tackiness of the e-vites, that's a seperate issue entirely. If you think e-vites are rude or inappropriate, then it's perfectly acceptable to decline the invitation. Once you've accepted, though, the mode of invitation no longer matters. The same goes for the offering of light appetizers versus a plated dinner. If you don't think the hospitality being offered is sufficient, then you should decline to attend. But guests can't use the host's supposedly insufficient offerings to justify their own rudeness.

well put

 

[Rora]

A no show is a no show no matter what, I still think its rude.

This.

 

[DizBelle]

Regardless of the medium used to extend and accept the invitation and regardless of the type of event (backyard BBQ or wedding), not showing up after saying you would is rude. The only exception to this is if there is an emergency or medical/illness that would prevent you from attending. The Hep A situation a PP mentioned is one.

"Because something better came up" is NOT an acceptable reason to not show up to an event to which you accepted an invitation. Also, you do not plan another event on top of an event to which you accepted an invitation. In this case, if I were the BF, I would have told my parents that I already have an event scheduled that day and cannot have a party that day.