Journey back to ME!!- I'm getting bugged!!

[toystoryduo]

, prayers, and coming your way, Julie! I hope your DH is feeling better and that you will have an answer about the cruise soon.

Great deal on those bags!!!

Take good care of you!

 

[traceycooper]

Hi Julie
Great bargain on the bags
Let us know how DH gets on at Dr's, you HAVE to do that cruise you've earnt it lady!!!!

 

[goldcupmom]

First, YES, the cruise in ON!!! In fact, I got our documents in the mail today. Dr. didn't give a yes/no, but DH decided we should anyway. FINALLY!

Last night, I had a MELTDOWN. Tired caught up with me. Tried to go to sleep at 6:00, then had to go to DSil to pick up her car for DH to use today. She had found a baby bird & wanted to go get food to try to feed. About then DS18 calls & needed a ride w/ his drums to church.

Home to get him, DH finally drove him, DD went w/ DSil to get food. Before I could think of sleep I had to potty 4 dogs, feed 4 dogs, finally in bed at 7:30.

Between 7:30 & 8:15 the phone rang 3 times...all creditors for DS22. Then at 8:25 DH walks in & says. Oh, since you're still awake I need.......

Back in bed at 9:00. Less than 10 min later the neighbor kids/teens start having a fireworks party out front. Basically right outside my window. Finally ended at 10. OK, not bad, I could still MAYBE get 5 hours.

10:15, DS22 comes up & out front door (on other side of wall by the daybed where I"m sleeping (well, not really), 10:25 back in, 10:45 DS18 comes in & I blow a gasket.

By this time I'm so exhausted, hot & stressed that my heart is doing it's overtired flip flops, I'm having hot flashes back to back & my BP is likely 7000/5000!!!

So, I march into my bedroom at 11, wake DH & said I was sleeping in there. Pillow & 2 dogs in tow. He yells at me that he tried to do everything to let me sleep. right. Had to move all his stuff off my side of the bed, in bed at 11:30. 12:30 DD gets home from DSil & I was still awake. DH had a WONDERFUL suggestion..."what time do you set your alarm for to get DS18 up" Me - "3:15" "I always set mine for 3:20, that would give you 5 minutes more". UGH!!!!!! My response was...."Don't worry, I'll be dead from exhaustion by 3:15 anyway so it won't matter". Silence. at 12:45 he says "I was just thinking. I drove to work 2 days this week, why don't I drive DS18 tonight????"

Rocket science!!!!!!!!!

So, I got a little sleep. From about 1a.m. til 6:30. But I'm still totally wiped out.

I'll fill in about DH later, but he has another injection on Tuesday.

Hope everyone has a GREAT weekend!!

 

[traceycooper]

I'm glad the cruise is on Julie
glad you managed to get ''some'' sleep too, but you need much more, be carefull sweetie or you will be ill, and you dont want that especially near your cruise!!!

 

[goldcupmom]

Well, Tracey, another change of plans. My ever-so-wise DH decided to STRETCH yesterday while I was gone & as of this moment the cruise is OFF!!

Pain wise, he's back at day one, can't sit, walk, stand, can lay only on his back, upped the pain meds higher than to begin with.

Needless to say, I'm trying REALLY hard to be patient & kind, while wanting to KILL HIM!!!!!!! Said he read online that it helps. DUH!!! How about listening to your Dr, & not believe the internet!!!!!!!!

So, if 1 week from Monday morning he isn't able to fly, I cancel EVERYTHING!!!

All I want to do is sit & cry & eat!!! But, in case we are going, I have to continue packing & preparing which is VERY hard to do at the moment.

And, I'm back to sleeping in the office on the daybed as last night he was moaning, groaning, screaming nearly all night. has a low pain tolerance, huh?

I'll try to update later, but I'm so frustrated & depressed, even this is not easy.

PRAY HARD!!!!!

 

[toystoryduo]

, , and more Julie....Sending lots of prayers and your way today.

 

[Amy&Dan]

OMG Julie, you poor thing. I am so sorry this has happened. I am praying so hard this cruise happens for you. I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed this all works out. Is dh going on the cruise too? If he is, can you and dd go without him? Or do you just not want to leave him? (Sorry I've been gone and I am not totally caught up yet on your journal). I just hope someway, somehow this all works out.

Sending tons of prayers and hugs out to you.

I thought of you when I was briefly on I-40 in Amarillo on Saturday night and saw the signs to Albq.

Keep us posted Wish Sis.

 

[DisDee]

Hang in there Julie, and get some much needed rest. I"ll keep you and hubby in my prayers!!! My DH also has back issues, so I can empathize with you, but the lack of sleep is the pits, it just knocks your whole system out of whack. Keep the faith re: the cruise...you need a vacation!!!!!

 

[goldcupmom]

Thanks Amy, Tracy & Dee! I really do need a vacation. Even more so after last night!

So, Monday night I slept from 10 - 10:40, 1 - 2:30 and 5 - 6:30. Took DH to his injection on Tuesday(was it only yesterday?). Then ran errands, cleaned, etc. DD worked 4 - 10 last night.

I am suffering from exhaustion & very cranky. Went down to TV room & kids had totalled it. Picked up 3 cans of soda w/ a sip out of each which of course belonged to no one. Headed up to dump & tripped/fell over the gate at the top of the stairs & soda went everywhere. Had to shampoo carpets, do walls, floors, etc. So, DD was late leaving for work & hadn't eaten so I ended up driving her. Good thing.

Went to pick her up at 10 & almost missed the place as it was so dark. Didn't register. About 9:30 they had a power surge/lightning, something that made all the computers, machines, lights, go nuts & then out. And at the time DD was making a 'waffle bowl sundae' at the METAL ice cream machine and got shocked! Went weak, dizzy, all hair on arms stood on end & she could feel it travel through her body. So, she's telling me this on the way home & I'm so tired it's not registering. Get inside & I see that her upper torso- head/face/neck/arms/shoulders, etc are TWITCHING randomly! I think OMG, if I can see muscles twitching what is her heart doing. So, off to ER. We were in ER from 10:30 - 3:10. Did blood work, urine, gave her muscle relaxants. All looked OK so far. Said her arms really hurt bad & felt weak, like she had tried to do 1000s of push ups. Pulled in the drive as my alarm was going off to wake DS18 for work. Got in bed at 4:45 am, dogs up at 6, back til 6:30, other dogs up, back til 7 when DS22 came in. Had to air tires as the tire lite came on at 4am when taking DS18. Picked up DS18, back to bed from 9 - 9:30.

How much less sleep can I survive on???????

The bags under my eyes are carrying 4 pc sets of nice italian leather luggage now!

So, today I need to take workmens comp forms to DQ, talk to the owner, go get laundry deterg. I keep forgetting (wonder why?), get DD and RX, etc.

My mom used to say 'no rest for the wicked'. In that case I must be REALLY REALLY BAD!!!!!!

Still no clue on the cruise, my house is totalled, I can't get kids to do a darned thing, & if we go, DD & I leave in like 10 days!!!

I'll update more later. Last I peeked in, DD looked like she was sleeping well & I couldn't see her arms bouncing about. Maybe a good sign, but SCARY!!!!

Keep praying, y'all! I can use any spares you've got!!

 

[pearlieq]

Oh no! I really hope your DD is OK. What an awful thing to have happen. Hopefully DQ will do right by her with the worker's comp and everything.

I'm so sorry you're so exhausted. You have so much swirling around you--please take care of yourself the best you can. I worry about you, and I'm sending lots of prayers your way.

Take care...

 

[toystoryduo]

Oh Julie,

I hope your DD is okay! What a scary thing to have happen. I hope DQ does the right thing.

Sweetie, you need some rest. I am so worried about you. You are doing way too much on way too little rest. Please, please, please make yourself a priority and get some much needed rest. I wish I lived closer so that I could help you.

Take care, Julie. I'm praying for you!

 

[goldcupmom]

Thanks Tracy & Pearlie!

Took DD back to her real Dr's group late yesterday as she has tremendous pain in both her arms. Did another EKG which was fine, checked urine again & w/ the exception of being dehydrated (the kids drinks almost NOTHING, never has), all looked fine.

Dr called a pain Dr who is a neurologist who kept her on the valium and started her on 1000mg of tylenol every 8 hrs. If that isn't enough we add 800 mg of ibuprofen. If that isn't enough we then add oxycodone. Also got another rx for the valium to get us thru til Monday.

Dr said that what happened could have been fatal had she not been grounded. VERY SCARY!!!!! Basically told us that it's like all her muscles contracted the hardest possible all at once & then the continuous 'fasiculations' (my new word.....muscle contractions) have contributed to the soreness. Her arm muscles are very stiff & hard to the touch. Said there's LOTS of toxins in the muscles she needs to flush out...similar to a body builder doing too much.

If she's not 'significantly' better by Monday we need to go back. Said it should just take time.

DQ owner is very nice. What happened was basically the power companies fault. 1+ yrs ago DQ burned to the ground due to electrical problem. This is the 2nd time since reopening in April that the Phase 2 power to the building has surged...1st time was overnight & they lost everything in all coolers. This time, they were open & all power fluctuated a bunch then went out. That's when DD got shocked. Amazing she was the ONLY employee of about 20 who was actually touching any equipment at that exact nanosecond. Lucky her!!!

When we went in yesterday morning, they were rewiring the circuit box again & other stuff.

So, my DH decided that I needed help & sleep. DUH!!! His solution? For HIM to go stay at his sisters so the dogs don't bother him by going over him getting on & off my bed, & so that I can go in to do stuff in my bedroom/bathroom w/o bothering him. Leaving me here alone to do dogs, 3 kids, running, driving, phone calls, etc. Thoughtful, huh???? But he did take several movies with him for them to watch

Last night DD & I watched 'definitely,maybe' & I managed to get 4.5 hrs sleep, then another 1.5. Much better than the 2 hrs on Tuesday night & 3 on Monday night, but I'm still totally exhausted.

Still no decision on the cruise. If we go DD & I leave 1 wk from Monday. At least Amtrak reopened the route from here to Chicago so we wouldn't have to be bussed!

Off to potty dogs, wake DD & then we have haircut appts at 12 & 12:30 as the 3rd visit on the spa thing we bought. I'll then go to my friend's place (she moved WAY across town) sometime next week for my color. She's the only person I trust! IF we're going. If not, I will likely just let the highlights grow out for a while.

Hope everyone has a safe, happy 4th!!

 

[goldcupmom]

Still waiting to see if there is ANY improvement in DD today. I emailed DSil & invited she & DH to come over tonight & I'll grill. Really awesome fireworks are less than 3/4 mile away w/ no obstruction from my back yard. I'll see if they respond.

I won't wake DD as she's sleeping well. I slept from a bit after 10 til 2, then work up w/ very strange, disturbing dreams & was still awake when I had to get DS18 up at 3:15. Back to bed about 5 & dogs up at 6. didn't really sleep that hour as I am WAY overly tired & when I get this way I can't get warm(even w/ hot flashes) & have very restless sleep.

Have a safe, happy 4th all! Sorry for not visiting journals, I'm just not up to it.

On the way to get DS18 this morning at 8 I had to pull over I was crying so hard. Really struggling with all of this. Trying to hang on...I'll leave you with the lyrics to one of my favorite songs....


Am I at the point of no improvement?
What are the deaths I still dwell in?
I try to excel but I feel no movement
Can I be free of this unreleasable sin
oOoOoOoO

CHORUS:
Never underestimate my Jesus
your tellin me that there's no hope
Im tellin you your wrong
Never underestimate my Jesus
when the world around you crumbles
He will be strong he will be strong

I throw up my hands
oh the impossibilities
Frustrated and tired
Where do I go from here?
Now Im searchin' for
The confidence I lost so willingly
Overcoming these obstacles
Is overcoming my fears
oOoOoOoO

CHORUS

I think I can't
I think I can't
but I think you can
I think you can
gather my insufficiencies and
place them in your hands
place them in your hands
place them in your hands.

CHORUS (2x)

You will be strong (3x)

 

[traceycooper]

Hi Julie
good lyrics, you will feel much worse without any sleep - everything magnifies, maybe you should go & see the Dr.
I'm glad your DD is ok - it must have been really scary - for you both!!
Hope you had a good 4th July
Cant you & DD still do Florida without DH??? ...just a thought

 

[goldcupmom]

I'm still hanging on, but constantly close to tears.

Yesterday, I boxed up my new luggage, found receipts, unpacked everything except 1 bag of the misc stuff for on the cruise. I have a HUGE pile of stuff at my front door ready to return 'just in case'.

Also yesterday, I used our last 'reward' ticket to buy DD & I flights on SW at the same time that DH & DS18 would be going...just for the cruise. Those I can cancel at any time should a miracle happen.

However, flying does 2 things. Means DD & I lose our train trip (value about $2k) But more importantly, our 3 days of just 'us'. I really feel that this is about the last chance since she will be a Jr this year, next summer will be full of all the 'Sr' year stuff, then getting ready for college.

And, with the economy and fuel the way it is, I have no idea when we may ever be able to get back to FL to see my DSis & her girls which are basically my only family. There, as here, I'm accepted & loved, despite being me. I can talk w/o being constantly 'shushed' and am not put down for my shortcomings nor my good points. I had hoped to save that last reward ticket as my 'get away' or if there was a family emergency DH or I had to go to. Oh well......

The entire trip is still up in the air. DD seems to be improving and I talked to my DSil (brother in iowa's wife) who is a pediatrician. She said that everything should be slowly returning to normal, but that the pain/weakness could linger a few weeks. Happened Tues night 9:30. Wed morning DD couldn't lift a 20 oz bottle of gatorade to drink. Friday morning she could lift a gallon of milk, saturday she could pour it. Last night she went to DSil (DH sister's) to watch movies & spend the night. haven't seen or heard from her today, so don't know if there is improvement. She stopped the valium on her own Friday after the 8 pm dose & as far as I know the 'twitches' haven't returned.

As for DH, I haven't a clue. He doesn't return to Dr until the 17th (Dr is on vacation). He says that the pain got better initially after the 2nd injection, but the progress has stalled. He's not constantly screaming in pain, but couldn't sit on a plane for 4 hrs & can't walk much. Basically still in bed. I pointed out to him that after 3 weeks in bed, and losing 25 lbs in 3 weeks(I think I've gained what he's lost), that his body is weak & even without the pain, movement would be difficult. But, of course, what do I know??? Supposedly he is going to try to go to work tomorrow in order to keep the 'short term disability' from kicking in. Time will tell.

And then DS18 has a birthday this Friday the 11th. His gift was a BUNCH of gift cards to Armani Exchange in FL...his favorite store! So, since it looks like no trip, I need to find him something else. Plus if he buys online, his cards won't get much compared to the outlet. Sigh...... All this impacts so much!

So, I'm totally lacking motivation to do anything. Depressed...you bet. But, 'this too shall pass'. Gotta get rid of the ticker that says I get to leave in 8 days.

I REALLY don't like NM, and the only thing that keeps me going in my crazy life is 'the next trip'. My chance to escape for a short while. Kind of pathetic, I know! This one has been in the planning for over a year, so having it fall apart now really BITES!

So, I've created my cancellation lists . By the 10th I have to return DS18 wetsuit, new snorkels/fins x 4, and cancel my 1st rental car. by the 14th I have to cancel Sashi's boarding (or be willing to pay regardless...$28/day x 12) By the 17th I have to cancel the 2nd rental car (Was cheaper to rent in 2 parts). By the 20th I have to cancel our excursions & rebook just for my DSis & her DH. By the 20th I have to cancel the hotel in Orlando. DD & I should be getting on Amtrak on the 14th & arriving Orlando on the 17th. DH sees Dr on 17th at 2pm. Our last chance is we all fly out on 7/24, spend 2 nights in Orlando, then do the cruise & fly home right after. Leaving no time to spend w/ DSis's girls/babies. Sigh.....

Here's my Cancellation to do list:
1. Call & cancel cruise
2. Request medical note from Dr
3. Call travel Ins co & get forms to file
4. Return forms & Dr note to Travel Ins via registered mail
5. Call amtrak & cancel
6. Return amtrak tickets via registered mail
7. Email tour co in Cozumel to cancel
8. Rebook Cozumel excursion for DSis & her DH only
9 Email tour co in Roatan to cancel
10, Rebook Roatan excursion for DSis & her DH only
11. Call Carnival gifts & try to get refund for: Drink coupons, Photo coupons, DH birthday cake, $250 On Board Credit
12. Cancel hotel Orlando
13. Cancel hotel Tampa
14. Cancel Hertz
15. Cancel National
16. Cancel SW Air & see if I can pay to reissue the rewards tickets
17. Return suitcases
18. Return wheeled carryon
19. Mail box to DSis that has stuff for her for cruise & for her GKids that are visiting from GA next week.
20. Cancel Sashi boarding
21. Cancel airport shuttle home on 8/4
22. Return clothing for DH to Kohls, Meryns, Sams, Kmart
23. Cancel 'hold mail' at Post Office
24. Return Wet Suit, fins & snorkels
25. Unpack & store stuff

 

[DisDee]

Hang in there Julie...life just has to improve. I know exactly what you mean about your vacation planning helping to get you thru your crazy day to day life. I think all of us who post here are very vacation minded and its not pathetic at all. I will pray for you and your family as you did for me. I also know about being on the verge of tears, and that's ok too. Sometimes we need to have that cleansing cry then move on and be strong. I know that you are!

Better days are coming-they always do.

 

[goldcupmom]

Thanks, Dee! Prayers always appreciated! And sleep helps.

DH & I went round & round last night as I made the comment that I wanted to get to bed early as tonight starts another 5 nights of not much sleep as DS18 works T - Sat at 4 am & I'm the designated driver. It ended with him coming in from the garage saying he's almost able to now ride his motorcycle & should be able to by the end of the week. ????????

What in the world does that have to do with anything? And, if he's well enough to be riding a motorcycle, isn't he well enough to fly, to take a cruise, & for DD & I to leave him home for a week w/DS22, DS19 & his loving sister?????

And don't get me started on DSil. The people at the casino think she & DH are married...& she acts it. And now she's doing everything she can to get DD to stay w/ her every waking moment. I understand she has no family, married 4x, but she needs her own life!!!

Off to call Amtrak & maybe go for a walk. I sure need to do something about my ever increasing weight, but the motivation is sorely lacking....I'd rather sleep!!

And, forgot to add....got a call from DNiece2 in FL last week. She's 29 & just got a call from her dermatologist that she has confirmed Basal Cell Carcinoma on her back & needs to have it removed. She scheduled it for when I would be there as she doesn't want her mom to come. After DSis breast cancer, the C word sends DSis WAY OFF where she doesn't want to go emotionally, & DNiece2 didn't want to put her mom thru that. Dermatologist says all is ok, just needs removed & watched. This girl is covered in moles & freckles!! I'd like to be able to be there for her!

 

[toystoryduo]

Julie,

If there is any chance that you can go on that cruise, please do so. You sound like you need a relaxing vacation. Can just you and your DD go? I have been and will continue to pray for you WISH sis. Prayers being sent for your DNiece as well.

 

[goldcupmom]

Looks like it is an all or nothing situation. DH says that he can't be here alone(w/ DS22 & DSil) as he won't be able to take care of the dogs (DSil & DS22 were to do it while we were gone & the husky boarded) and couldn't drive, couldn't get his ice pack, etc.

I'm SO frustrated!!!! He actually went to work today in order to hold off the short term disability kicking in. Not sure why exactly, but his call. I'm just the puppet in this situation as I just have to basically do as I'm told. I know he's in pain, but I do believe he, in part at least, caused his relapse, or all would be fine, since we are at almost a month since it started.

 

[toystoryduo]

Looks like it is an all or nothing situation. DH says that he can't be here alone(w/ DS22 & DSil) as he won't be able to take care of the dogs (DSil & DS22 were to do it while we were gone & the husky boarded) and couldn't drive, couldn't get his ice pack, etc.

I'm SO frustrated!!!! He actually went to work today in order to hold off the short term disability kicking in. Not sure why exactly, but his call. I'm just the puppet in this situation as I just have to basically do as I'm told. I know he's in pain, but I do believe he, in part at least, caused his relapse, or all would be fine, since we are at almost a month since it started.

I'm so sorry, Julie. Can't your DSIL take care of him and the dogs while you're gone?

I am sending lots of prayers and that it works out for you to go on this cruise. You need a relaxing vacation.