Joke Contest

[Disneylover 2]

This isn't really a joke...

In the future, there will be billions of pencils, but no sharperners!!!

 

[Packfan25]

see if u can read the following text without making a mistake
the average person cant
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is retard cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Now read the Third word from every line

That is funny.

 

[marypops!]

Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he's a fungi!

What's orange and is like a parrot? A Carrot!

What's red and sits in the corner? A Naughty Strawberry!

 

[Pirate Me]

Em.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.

...

 

[Vannah]

Em.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.

...

WE HAVE A WINNER!

 

[Axel]

Pirate joke!

A man walks onto a ship to apply to be a pirate. He has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye patch. When he gets into his interview he is askes several questions. Towards the end, the interview asks "How did you get your pegleg?" and the pirate hopeful responds "I lost it in the war. The interviewer nods and then asks "how did you get a hook for a hand?" and the pirate hopeful responds "I acctidentally cut it off while using a table saw." The interviewer nods again and asks "how did you get the eyepatch?". The pirate smiles and says "one day, I was walking along and I looked up at the sky and a bird crapped in my eye.". The interviewer looks perplexed and asks "and a bird crapping in your eye caused you to need an eyepatch?" and the pirate says "no, it was the day after I got my hook!".


ok. so it wasn't totally funny, but w/e.

 

[Princess victoria]

Pirate joke!

A man walks onto a ship to apply to be a pirate. He has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye patch. When he gets into his interview he is askes several questions. Towards the end, the interview asks "How did you get your pegleg?" and the pirate hopeful responds "I lost it in the war. The interviewer nods and then asks "how did you get a hook for a hand?" and the pirate hopeful responds "I acctidentally cut it off while using a table saw." The interviewer nods again and asks "how did you get the eyepatch?". The pirate smiles and says "one day, I was walking along and I looked up at the sky and a bird crapped in my eye.". The interviewer looks perplexed and asks "and a bird crapping in your eye caused you to need an eyepatch?" and the pirate says "no, it was the day after I got my hook!".


ok. so it wasn't totally funny, but w/e.

 

[RaggedyAnnPrincess]

How many can we post?

 

[RaggedyAnnPrincess]

Okay, I have to post this one.

Where do aliens come from?




























Uranus.

Yup, wasn't that mature?

 

[reminisce]

How many can we post?

as many times as you want. this place needs a good laugh

 

[Disneylover 2]

What is black and white and pink all over? A embarrased Zebra!!

 

[reminisce]

well, nows about the time when everyone should be considering your nominations. youve got a few days left, but its best that you get them in as soon as possible so im not flooded

 

[marcybaby]

i dont get it.


welcome to the boards, by the way

why is the sand wet because the sea weed

get it seaweed

 

[m-and-m]

one day a cop is sitting on the side of the highway with his radar gun. a bright red convertable goes speeding by. the cop pulls the guy over to give him a ticket and looks in the back of the car. he sees a bunch of penguins. the cop say's, "sir you need to take those penguins to the zoo." the guy agrees and drives off.

the next day the cop pulls over the same guy. he looks in the back and sees the penguins wearing sun glasses. he says, "sir i thought i told you to take those penguins to the zoo." the guy replies "you did, and today i'm taking them to the beach,"

 

[CastawayJ]

heaven was getting too filled up, so when 3 men died at the same time, god decided to only let the one with the worst death in

1st man: I thought my wife was cheating on me so I came home from home early one day. I come home to find her naked on the bed. I ran out onto our balcany and notice a man just barly hanging on. I run inside and start banging his fingers with a hammer. he finaly falls off but lands in a bush and lives. I run inside and think of something to throw at him. I chose the refridgerator, but as I throw it over the side, my belt got caught in it and I fell and died.

2nd man: I was a humble window washer. I come from Mexico just to escape from the hard laber of life there, I finely got a job but on my first day my machene fell. I managed to grab onto the ledge of the floor above me before I crashed. But as soon as I did thet this mad guy starts hammering my fingers. and the last thind I remember is getting hit by a refridgerator.

3rd man: I was lying naked in a refrigerator.

 

[Minnie Squeaks]

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

 

[Lilsurfer_Chick]

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bar-tender says,
"Hey, you know we have a drink named after you?!"
The grasshopper says, "Really?? You have drink named Frank!?"

 

[CastawayJ]

my last one was a little bad, but how bad can they be?

 

[LizSwann32]

hey, what do dinosaurs eat?

-NOTHING THEY"RE ALL DEAD!

 

[disneychick2721]

A guy walks into a grocery store, asks for a glass of milk, there like pffff we don't got glasses here....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSVY1ODRrX0
Yeah....