I've snapped - long vent

[drgnfly30]

I need to vent..I posted last week about my mom being admitted to the hospital... last Thursday they released her (to home not a rehab)... I'll try to make a long story short... she's never been the most affectionate person, I can't even remember the last time she hugged me....I've been doing the best I can to help her out despite my own responsibilities but no matter what I do it always comes with a snide remark or she somehow makes me feel like my efforts miss the mark by just "this much"... Example:

DH cleaned her house top to bottom when she was in the hospital - Comment "Now I know why you keep him around, because you arent a very good housekeeper" - Reality is that she doesn't know how good of a housekeeper I am, she's been to my house twice in 5 years

I've ALWAYS bitten my tongue with the mindset that it is better to just play along... Until this morning... an issue that she's been "throwing in my face" for the last 2 years was brought up yet again.. I made the comment that "I can't seem to anything right can I?" She started screeching at the top of her lungs (not at all good for her health) that I'm ungrateful, that I don't care about her, that she must be a horrible mother & that I don't have to ever do anything ever again for her & to just let her die......

I called her back & tried to explain that she may not even realize how she says things comes across & how it's been building up... I even gave her some valid examples but she just started playing martyr again...

I started crying, my boss told me to take the rest of the day off, DH is mad at me (not speaking to me), he blames me for letting it get this bad. He apparently called my Sister in Seattle, who I've had an (unspoken) issue with since Dad was dying of brain cancer, she didn't offer once to come out to help then & hasn't now.. God only knows how that conversation went!

I'm sure I didn't handle this the best of ways but I needed to get it out there... now because I did, all heck is breaking out around me... I just want to crawl under a rock & hide from it all.....

 

[esulerzy]

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

Take a deep breath sweetie. The best thing for you to do is think about something else for awhile. Read my thread about the telemarketer calling me all the time, that'll give you a laugh. Plan out a pretend WDW trip. Take a nap.

For some reason I really identify with the way you are feeling right now and it makes me feel very sad for you. Everyone can take care of themselves for awhile and stew all they like if they want, but you just go take a deep breath and think about something that makes you happy.

People will drive you crazy if you let them. I just sent my friend a post card that I thought was funny. (We are always complaining about our moms on the phone.) It had a lady from the 50s on the phone biting her lip and looking perturbed and it said "Other people ruin everything!!!"
Sometimes they do!!!!!!

 

[L107ANGEL]

No real advice to give but I am sorry she is doing this to you and you do not deserve to feel this way

 

[dolphinrescuegirl]

 

[beckmrk04]

Aw honey, there is only so much a preson can take!!!! I don't think you were out of line- just upset and frustrated, and rightfully so. It will get better.

 

[sajetto]

 

[babytrees]

ditto from me



No advice, but I have been there and I know some good rocks!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

All I can say is {{{HUGS}}} and I hope this is the beginning of ridding yourself of your toxic mother.
Snakes don't suddenly grow fur. I know you keep hoping but the reality is it won't happen.
Acceptance of reality is key to your happiness. Not easy, but it can be done. Lots of us on this board talk about how hard it was to let things go.
Go home, apologize to dh. Tell him you are sorry for putting your family through your mothers toture. Then make a clean break with your mother. Tell her to find some hired help because you are done.

 

[Cthia]

Sounds like you needed to "snap" at your Mom. Sorry that she isn't quite understanding how you are feeling. Hope your DH can understand how you are feeling.

 

[Nancyg56]

I hope that it gets better for you.