I've always wondered, why do they call it "significant other"?

[RickinNYC]

The whole debate on what one calls one's other half has been going around for quite a while in the gay community. I can tell you my own opinion though. I hate "significant other" simply because it has too much of the PC Police ring to it. Lover is just... too slimey sounding. Makes it seem as if your relationship is completely based on sex and nothing more. Boy/girlfriend is fine if you've been together for a short time and you don't live together. Husband just makes me snicker a little bit.

So Joe and I use the term "partner." It did feel wierd saying it at first, because I agree, it sounds kinda clinical. But now it just feels normal to my mind.

oogieboogie, not sure what you meant about the word sounding "gay." I'm going to happily assume you didn't mean it in a derogatory sense because I know quite a few heterosexual couples in NYC that use the term as well.

 

[Carl]

sounds better than "shack up friend"

 

[oogieboogie]

oogieboogie, not sure what you meant about the word sounding "gay." I'm going to happily assume you didn't mean it in a derogatory sense because I know quite a few heterosexual couples in NYC that use the term as well.

Sorry, Rick... didn't mean it gay as in homosexual, just "gay" as in lame. Partner just sounds to me like they're shaking hands every time instead of hugging - too much like a buddy instead of a loved one.

 

[Laurajean1014]

It's better than some of the other words I've heard people say

 

[Laurajean1014]

I've heard: my "main squeeze" eekkkk
or "their my F*** Buddy" huh?
or "my hook-up."

 

[cardaway]

It's more of a heterosexual thing that came about when companies started giving equal benefits to unmarried couples. The marority of HR departments adoped the term in their documents and further use of the term stuck.

 

[froglady]

It also came about when more unmarried, romantically inclined heterosexuals started living together. Boyfriend/girlfriend sounded like you were just dating. Steady sounded way too highschool. Fiance(e) implied a wedding was being planned. (Although my SIL's mother was "engaged" for over 20 years; her "fiance" died recently at age 79, so I guess the engagement's over. ) Husband/wife or spouse implies a legal marriage.

I guess SO is better than "That guy/woman you live with."

 

[bjgrazi]

I'm in the minority I'm sure, but I rather like SO. Boy/Girlfriend sounds so juvenile to me, partner seems so gay.

significant other just sounds nicer than the other terms.

I agree, when you're over a certain age, calling someone your boy/girlfriend sounds juvenile.

 

[NMAmy]

I use it because (IMO) "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" are what you call two highschoolers who are dating, not a couple of thirty-somethings. When I hear someone over the age of 30 talk about their "boy/girlfriend", I think it just sounds funny.

Absolutely--I'm with you on this one, Mal.

I was in my 30's, DH was in his 40's when we were dating. It just seemed weird to call him my boyfriend because he wasn't a boy any more than I was a girl. Manfriend sounds even more bizarre. When referring to him to others, DD used to call him, "Mom's Alex." She switched to stepdad even before we got married because she got tired of explaining him.

 

[laurie31]

But thats just it, why would one want to hide the fact of being heterosexual, married etc.?

Oh, I didn't mean that anyone would want to hide it - for example, at a party, I wouldn't introduce DH as my SO, and most gay people I know use the term "partner," but if I were in the ER admitting a 55 year old male and I ask him if I can call his wife, and he's either gay or living with a woman who isn't his wife, then I could have created an awkward moment. If I ask if he has a signicant other I should notify, then he can tell me whoever he wants, without getting into the nitty gritty details of his personal life.

Laurie

 

[froglady]

Oh, I didn't mean that anyone would want to hide it - for example, at a party, I wouldn't introduce DH as my SO, and most gay people I know use the term "partner," but if I were in the ER admitting a 55 year old male and I ask him if I can call his wife, and he's either gay or living with a woman who isn't his wife, then I could have created an awkward moment. If I ask if he has a signicant other I should notify, then he can tell me whoever he wants, without getting into the nitty gritty details of his personal life.

Laurie

You could say next-of-kin, but for some reason most people equate that with dying. I've also used the "Is there anyone who should be notified?"

 

[Laurajean1014]

'Cause "love slave" was too short!

 

[Jillpie]

This is the reason I use it and I use it in referencing my DH because we aren't "officially" married though we've lived together for 7 years. Can we create a DSO?

Then why wouldn't you call him your boyfriend? Its pretty accepted these days to live together as boy/girl friends, so why refer to him in any other way?

 

[Jillpie]

Oops, I just finished reading all the posts on why you guys don't like the term boy/girl friend over a certain age...understood. That makes sense.

Rick, that was a great explanation. I actually like the term "partner", it clarifies things a bit when you first meet someone.

I can certainly understand using SO in a professional setting. I still don't like it in a personal conversation with other people though. Its just so icey cold to me. But to each is own. Its been a great discussion, thanks everyone.

 

[tone.def]

W've gotten sick of saying boyfriend and girlfriend for so many years and because we've lived together for a couple years now too, it seems silly, so we now say:

~ Partner in Crime
~ My Clyde
~ My Bonnie
~ He who cooks my pancakes
~ She who puts pants on my butt

...and any other endearing term that comes to mind

 

[Judy from Boise]

but if I were in the ER admitting a 55 year old male and I ask him if I can call his wife, and he's either gay or living with a woman who isn't his wife, then I could have created an awkward moment. If I ask if he has a signicant other I should notify, then he can tell me whoever he wants, without getting into the nitty gritty details of his personal life.

Exactly! This term has been around longer than you think, we were taught to use it in Nursing School in the early 80's. The same way we use the term "father of your baby" until we are informed one way or the other if this is a "husband". It is a way to help people identify others that are important supports, without forcing people to divulge info that may or may not be necessary to know.

 

[Jamesbyr]

Wow. I think I get it. With all the other choices out there, "SO" is really a putdown.

 

[Alice's Mom]

I'm glad for the term Significant Other, otherwise my 65 year old grandmother would have a boyfriend, weird...I guess it would be weirder if he were a boytoy.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

I'm glad for the term Significant Other, otherwise my 65 year old grandmother would have a boyfriend, weird...I guess it would be weirder if he were a boytoy.

My grandmother is in her 70's and I call her SO her "boyfriend." It always seems strange to refer to him that way. Especially since they've been living together for 30 years, lol.

 

[kaabost]

Yeah, I agree that the term SO is kinda cold, yet it gets the point across. I never knew what to say in reference to my "SO." Especially at work. "Boyfriend" just sounds so young. I had boyfriends in highschool. We need to invent a new term that appropriately refers to such a relationship and doesn't sound silly. Any suggestions?