It's the thought that counts?

[MichelleVW]

All the couples(ex) I know, split the kids Christmas list. Maybe next year, eh?

Really? I try not to talk to my ex about most things...especially Christmas since it's one of the many things we fought about. (he thought they got too much stuff even though I always kept it in budget). This is the first year that he actually did something decent for them and we've been divorced for 10 years. He got them each a visa gift card with $200 on it. Last year he gave them an ugly boy's t shirt and 20 bucks....

 

[MichelleVW]

It's all just stuff...just things. Is he a good father otherwise? Keep that in perspective. And it does sound to me like he tried.

Are you kidding me?? A coloring book for a 13 year old boy?? That is not trying.

 

[PixieDust32]

I understand that "it's the thought that counts" And I KNOW I'm probably going to get flamed for this & called ungrateful but..... My Ex-H does NOT know his own kids at all & it secretly drives me bonkers!!!

DS13 - He likes video games, music, sports, clothes & puzzle/mind-challenging stuff. He received crayons, a coloring book, a stuffed dog, and size 8 jeans (he has some boys 18 but usually wears a mens 29).

DD8 - She likes reading, arts & crafts, fashion, music. She received pretend kitchen-type food, a baby doll & stroller set. She has never played with a baby doll in her life. (he lived here, he knows that) I don't know why, she's just never been one of those "mommy" types of girls.

I'm glad he took them & spent time with them on Christmas. That's what matters to me. But it's like he just ran thru the store, loading the cart up with random stuff, with no actual thought of the recipient.

If money was an issue, I understand - but he could've given DD the coloring book & DS a rubiks cube or soccer ball. That would've fit their personalities perfect for less than $10.

I've raised them to be polite and thankful - so I have no doubt they did the right thing when they opened the gifts. However, after they got home, I could tell they were a little disappointed.

Thanks for listening tonight. I had to get this off my chest. Please know I would never say any of this around my kids.

I have the same issue with my ex H, he buys the kids things they don't like, clothes they would never wear, he doesn't know anything about them because he never spend any time with them, he doesn't even remember their birthdays nor what grade they go, school, nothing.

 

[cheermom1]

I'm NOT going to flame you at all -- so sorry your kids have to go through that

There is no reason for their dad and step mom to buy things that far off base...goodness we got my step boys what they wanted and clothes that fit! I make sure even make them try them on and if they don't I take them back...I understand all too well that kids just want their parents to know them and to feel like they are part of their lives ... it is not ungrateful it is the fact that dad can't take the time to get to know his own kids and it shows to the kids which is the sad part

edited to add: DH asks for a list from the boys so he makes sure he gets things they want..although a don't here is to NOT ask their mom if she is getting them anything on that list! dh made that mistake one year as her and him got one of the boys the same gift LOL....just make sure to talk to the ex!

 

[wdwtweets]

Are you kidding me?? A coloring book for a 13 year old boy?? That is not trying.

I wasn't trying to be funny. I think things are just things. A parents worth isn't defined by how skilled they are at gift-giving. I can understand that the OP would be disappointed at first but she seems to realize that what was really important was that he spent Christmas with his kids. That's all I was trying to say. I didn't mean to offend anyone.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

I'd be upset too, it really sounds like he didn't think about what he was getting for them at all, and that the gifts he got are for younger ages.

 

[MichelleVW]

I wasn't trying to be funny. I think things are just things. A parents worth isn't defined by how skilled they are at gift-giving. I can understand that the OP would be disappointed at first but she seems to realize that what was really important was that he spent Christmas with his kids. That's all I was trying to say. I didn't mean to offend anyone.

It just screams, "I don't know anything about my children"

 

[kafitty]

my dad has this problem too.

i got pair of pajama pants in my stocking...size small.

...ummm...no.

 

[Bluestars]

That would be disappointing. You would think a father would know that a coloring book would not be an appropriate gift for a 13 yr old boy. He should have asked what size pants he wears and not guessed.

He also could have asked the kids what they liked.

I think you can even log on to Walmer's website, click on toys, and then click on an age and it will bring up appropriate toys for that age group.

I guess it's good that at least he got them something.

 

[JennaTX]

Maybe you could just tell your X to get them gift cards next year?

IMO I think a parent should know what their child wants and likes. But since he doesn't seem to know a gift card might be better. Plus most kids love being able to shop and buy what they want.

 

[pixiewings71]

Well OP, at least your kids got something from their Father...Mine did not, not even a phone call.......

I hope you can exchange some of the gifts he got them for more appropriate items. Maybe instead of giving him a list of things YOU got for them you can just give him one that has stuff you didn't get them but know they would like.

 

[sbell111]

I typed out a long thoughtful post, but then deleted it when I came to the realization that this thread is just the OP wanting to complain about her ex. It has little to do with the children.

 

[wdwtweets]

I changed my mind. Not going to comment again.

 

[lisajl]

That was my in laws a few years ago.
They gave my DD, then I think, 16, an NSYNC blanket. Well..she never liked NSNYC-ever. Her cousins-also girls-near her age laughed and laughed.
Oh well---the last laugh was on us-those girls got the same thing.
None of them liked NSYNC either!

At least he tried to find something for them. Maybe he should just take them shopping and get ideas next year.

Lisa

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

The thought is exactly what counts, and clear demonstration of not thinking says volumes.

It is the purchaser's work to know what to purchase for the gift. If that isn't possible (for any number of perfectly legitimate reasons) then get a gift card, or something of that nature.

Your children will most appreciate that you didn't trash their father though. That's the real gift you are giving them.

They'll love him regardless of the type of gifts, or nearly anything else. He is their father and that won't change.

 

[Starbrite]

I typed out a long thoughtful post, but then deleted it when I came to the realization that this thread is just the OP wanting to complain about her ex. It has little to do with the children.

To be honest, I don't think I really did a whole lot of complaining about my ex I didn't bash him - neither here nor at home. I said that it was important they spend time together. And, I even offered up positive options for each of the kids to do with their gifts.

This has EVERYTHING to do with the children. We, as parents, are the most important people in their lives right now. Picture yourself as a 13 year old boy. To receive these kinds of gifts from someone so important in your life....what does that say to you? That your own father has no idea what you like or even close to what size you are. To see the disappointment in their faces just broke my heart.


Put some thought into what you give people. How about giving a gift from the heart....Something with meaning, something important, something that will bring joy to the recipient.